Yeah, this is charlie. i liked him. and he likes it when you like him.
I did this for the seven sinners series that is goin on here. .net/~sevensinners
and um. yea.
I sat in my cruiser outside Forks High School every morning with my radar gun, idly sipping on my coffee, waiting for some fucking idiot to take that curve a little bit quicker than needed. The speed limit is only thirty around the damn thing, and then it drops down to twenty-five for the school zone.
Children believe that they can outthink me.
Well, I guess it wasn't their fault. I tried it, and well I fucking succeeded when I was their age. Hell, that's part of the reason that I became a damn cop in the first place.
I knew those little bitches thought that they knew everything, were invincible and could outrun a fucking wolf, but damn, you're not that cool.
It was 6:30a.m. when I saw that idiot, Tyler Crowley, round the curve. I brought up my radar gun and pressed the button.
I put the gun down, turned on the camera, and made my way out of the brush that I was hidden in. My favorite part about pulling people over was the look on their face; the fear-induced eye bulge, and the mouth gaping open, and the voice box won't make any sound.
I flipped the lights on, beeped the siren once, and then I saw the brake lights flash and watched him pull over to the side of the road.
After he stopped, I sat in my car and sipped on my coffee a bit more. It makes them more antsy. While I waited for the system to pull up Crowley's record, I took a deep breath and revel in my first ticket of the day.
Oh. Three tickets. All for speeding. By me. Hah.
I placed the spotlight on his side mirror, knowing that it pissed people off. My reasoning was that "it's still early morning and the light isn't fully out."
Yeah, most cops will say that the light is to make sure that no one pulls a gun or weapon on us. That's bullshit. We just want to be assholes, because we like it.
Being hated is more of an ego boost for me. I know that I'm doing my job if people hate me.
Plus, they are the idiots that think that I won't catch them. I mean, use some common sense. I'm here every morning between the hours of 6:30a.m. and 8:30a.m. If you believe that you can get by me in the morning, you should be committed.
I wonder what the douche cookie's excuse will be this morning.
"Oh, I wanted to get to school early to work on a project."
"I was speeding? Really?"
"I wasn't looking at the dash, I was watching the road."
Although I appreciated his tenacity in coming up with new excuses to get out of a ticket, I simply smiled and told him that a requirement of driving a vehicle is to be able to multi-task- something that he should have learned when he had his learner's permit- and if he can't do that, then maybe he should have another year on the permit. And I can make that happen.
I finished my coffee and decided to give Tyler a horrible day. I stepped out of my cruiser, or "the boss" as I liked to call it, and hoisted my belt back up to my waist. It wants to be by my boys. I wouldn't hold that against it, they are pretty cool dudes.
I tipped my hat down at an attempt to cover my smirk, but I couldn't fucking help it. He's too easy.
That's what she said. I laughed in my head. That crazy dude in The Office is so fucking funny.
I made my way over to his vehicle and waited for him to roll down his window.
"Do you know why I pulled you over, son?" I said in my best no-nonsense tone.
"Y-Yes sir. I was speeding." He mumbled and hung his head low.
"Can I see your license and registration, Tyler."
I watched as he looked around in his car for the documents. I didn't need them, I already knew that his vehicle was registered on June 6th of last year and his insurance was with State Farm. It's all about the intimidation factor.
"Here ya go, sir." He said as his voice cracked. I grunted in response and turned back to the Boss.
I sat back down in the cruiser and piddled around on the computer, looking at basketball stats that I missed last night. I clicked on the window with the police system up and checked to make sure everything was copacetic, and then grabbed my clipboard with the blank tickets and made my way back to Tyler's van.
"Tyler, this is your fourth discretion since July of last year. Tyler, if you get too many points on your license, it gets revoked. This is the last time that I'm gonna tell you boy." I stated as I handed him the ticket for $116.
"Y-y-y-yes, sir." He squeaked again. That's twice that I was able to make him squeak. That might call for a celebratory piece of pie tonight. Or I might just call up Sue, maybe she will cook me that fish that she did the other night.
Oh man, can that woman cook. And by cook, I mean that she's a freaking certified chef. If she's not, she should be.
Three nights ago, I went over there and she had this fish that was the best food that I had had since Renee ran off with Bella. The tilapia was crispy, but not fried, with a little bit of a zing to it. She said that it was lemon, but whenever I used lemon, it tasted like shit.
She also served mashed potatoes, and corn and asparagus with some kind of bacon flavoring to it. My god, her cooking is great. Almost as great as her dessert.
Nothing, and I repeat, nothing is better than Sue Clearwater belly-up on the kitchen table panting your name while you drilled her harder than a wood screw.
I've been able to mess around with Sue for years. When Harry was around she didn't like to have sex, but she did everything else. And she did it well. Very well.
Woman could suck softballs through a coffee stirrer.
Over the years, I've been able to have a few trysts to get me through the " dry times", but no one could compare to Sue Clearwater. She's always been a fox, and when we were in high school, we were the 'it' couple. She had legs that went on forever, and this luscious dark brown hair that hung to her mid back, and these vibrant blue eyes that could make any guy grovel at her feet. Her tits were the best in the entire Forks area. Hers were naturally perky, even after two kids, and her ass you could still bounce a quarter off of. She was still like that today, except now, she cooks in the nude, and likes to dirty talk while we're having sex.
All the dudes chased her. She was the hottest thing since the internet. But me, I was different. I didn't chase the poon. The chicks chased the peen.
I was so nonchalant about everything, and when you paired that with my jeans, and leather jacket and sunglasses, I was unstoppable. I never did any sports, but I was one of the most popular kids because of my attitude and a car to match.
A vintage 1969 Chevy Camaro ZL1. There were only a few made, so the novelty of getting nailed in that car was one that needed to happen for most of the girls at Forks High. It was like a rite-of-passage for them.
That car saw more pussy than a gynecologist and had made more jaws drop than a Ron Jeremy porno.
It was black with red leather interior. The Flowmaster system that I had installed in it made the engine purr. Literally. I could feel that shit when I was idle at a red light. It was like a massager for my ass and balls. Could do 0-60 in 5.3 seconds and had 450 torque at 5200 rpm's.
This was my wet dream when I was a kid.
Until that drunk bastard hit me, totaled my car, and left me for dead. Asshole. But then again, I sorta have to thank him. He was the reason that I became a cop in the first place.
So, Drunk Asshat Ballsucker, thank you.
I pulled up to the station and organized my copies of the tickets and cleaned out the remnants of my breakfast.
I trashed the Styrofoam cup and napkin and went into my sanctuary. I am God here. I'm the chief. Bitches bow and dudes cower.
"Hey Pete." I waved to the newbie. Gotta treat 'em right while they are in training. Otherwise they'll just go cry back to their mommy.
I made my way through all the cubicles and desks and tacked my ticket slips up on the board to show off. We were three hundred tickets short of our quota for this month. I guess I'll have to mention that in our briefing in fifteen minutes.
I waved and smiled at a few of the boys and made plans to go out for a few beers after this shift with Bill, Kevin and Ed. They were my closest three lieutenants.
When I finally got back to my office, I took my gun out of its holster and placed my keys on the side of the desk. I leaned back in my chair and propped my feet up on the opposite side of the desk. Thinking about my life and where it's been. And where I wanted to go.
I picked up the phone and dialed the line that I knew by heart.
"Hey sugar. How are you today?" I said with a smile on my face.
"I'm good, just got the kids off to school. You?"
"Oh, I'm good. I got that Crowley kid again. Listen, what are you doing tonight?" I leaned forward and waited for her answer.
"Um, I don't think anything out of the norm. Cooking, cleaning, and heading to bed." She offered.
"Whatcha cooking?" I asked. Mmm, good visual. Maybe she'll wear the apron.
"Probably just steak and rice with gravy and green beans. Want some?" I wonder if she'd do Steak and a BJ day twice this year.
"Um, yeah maybe. I'm supposed to go out with the boys after work, but I just wanna spend some time with you, especially if you're cooking."
"Mmmm. Okay. Well then, be here at seven. Bye, Chief." I shuddered in expectation and anticipation. Sue was the only one ever able to do that to me just by talking. I was sporting a half-chub already. Damn woman. She could make an impotent man turn hard like ply-wood.
I sighed, propped my feet back up on the desk and laid my hands behind my head.
Yeah, it's good to be chief.
I agree. it is good. here ya go. this is him. Review if you like.