I swallow my third glass of pinot grigio discreetly, hoping that Grey won't notice I've finished off this glass.
Three glasses was apparently all it took for me to get fuzzy and buzzed. If it had been hard liquor, like scotch or tequila, I wouldn't even be feeling the effects yet. But wine… yeah wine was a different beast.
Sitting back, letting my muscles relax against the couch, I smile darkly. Yeah, this is the second reason I shouldn't spend time with Grey. Grey feeds me wine, which is so NOT my drink of choice.
Reason one for not spending time with Grey, was that I'm currently suffering from an overwhelming yen for Grey's ex: Dr. Derek Shepherd.
Why I want Shepherd, I can't say. But the fact that I do want him makes me kind of nervous and edgy; it made me nervous and edgy even before I began spending time - girl's nights out - with Grey, little Grey and Yang.
Tonight's 'girl's night out' was actually a 'girl's night in'... at Meredith's place... With wine. Yippee!
It was also a night that seemed to revolve around 'love' and 'boys'. Neither of which I had at the moment. Extra yippee!
Even Yang, in an odd turn of behavior, was mooning, verbally and publically, over Owen. While Little Grey was quietly, oh so sickeningly sweetly, murmuring about the greatness that was Sloan... (been there, done that). And then, there was me and Grey, the only two 'unattached' women at the gathering. Bonding time. Fuck!
Bonding in Meredith's mind meant comparing love war stories. Sharing the length and width and taste of life with Derek Shepherd, et al. Which, okay yeah, I admit, I'm fucked up curious about, but, how weird is it to be getting this information from the source… the horse's mouth as it were?
Yeah, it's kinda big time fucked up.
"Bed head!" Meredith yelled out as she stood up and retrieved another (fucking) bottle of wine from the cabinet.
Yang groaned. "Dude, this is so unfair, how the fuck am I suppose to have a bed head story!? Burke and then Owen? Not much hair to muss or fuss about!" She held out her half full glass to Meredith, "Hit me baby one more time!"
Meredith grinned and topped off Yang's glass, watching to make certain that Yang took the sip required by the stupid rules of the stupid drinking game we were playing.
Mini Grey smiled and hugged her empty glass to her small frame. "Sloan has mussy hair; it gets all cute and flat on one side when he's been sleeping for a while. He's so cute."
Okay, this was seriously the 20th time that Mini Grey had mentioned how fucking cute Sloan was. And, no, I'm not petty enough to even think of denying how cute – okay fucking hot – Sloan is, but seriously!
She sounded like one of those actresses from the oldie flicks that came on on Sunday mornings. 'Isn't he just dreamy?'
I've been holding back from gagging for the past hour and a half.
Suddenly, I realize Big Grey (really a misnomer, both she and her sister could fit in one of my skirts with room to spare) has refilled my glass, and is looking at me for my input on the all important topic of bed head. With a sigh I offer: "Sloan, Sadie, and George, all bad bed head."
"What about, um Erica?"
"We never, I mean I didn't…, we never fucked."
"Everyone thought -"
"Yeah, well, they thought wrong." I drink my wine even though I don't have to. "But," I add with a murky smile, "I did sleep with Sadie, so rumors of my playing for both teams haven't been exaggerated."
Yang snorted with laughter and offered up a new topic: "Boxers!"
"Hey, hey, wait, Meredith hasn't shared her bed head!" As soon as I said it, I could have smacked myself… I needed to spend less time with Meredith. And less time with her stupid wine. And -
"Oh, please! Derek looked just like a child whenever he woke up. Hair plastered to his head, sleepy eyes, and half of the time, completely unaware of what was going on around him."
And damn me if I don't find that description cute and sexy and a fucking turn on. Fuck! I threw back the last of my wine, ignoring the fact that my empty glass was just a beacon of 'fill me upedness' to Grey.
How the hell had I even gotten myself into this situation; this: lustiness for pretty boy, bore, McDreamy situation?
I wasn't certain, but I think it happened right around the time that Derek learned that Mark was dating Lexie.
It had been a bright and sunny day (yeah, I know, cliché… but, it's true) and I was in an excellent mood; an excellent mood that is, until I rounded a corner on the third floor and saw Dream and Steam talking to one another at a nurse's station.
Of course, 'talking' may be an overly optimistic description for what they were doing. Growling might be more appropriate. Or snarling. They were definitely doing something that boys (animals) did when they were trying to lay claim to territory that belonged to them.
In this case, the territory they were pissing all over was the Grey girls. Somehow (I take no responsibility for Derek's finding a note in his locker suggesting that Mark and Little Grey were boinking …) Derek had found out that Slexie existed. And now Derek was in Mark's face pointing out to him the idiocy that was Sloan/Grey. I, from my spot behind a potted plant, overheard their little discussion.
"Look Shepherd, I appreciate you, as a friend," sarcasm dripped out of Sloan, coating each of his words, "being worried that I'm ruining my life, or hurting myself, by sexing up Grey. But believe me, you don't have to worry, pal. I've got it under control."
Derek stepped in to Mark's space. "Yeah, I'm sure you've got in under control… You couldn't control your dick if your life depended on it." He took a deep breath, "Look Mark, the Grey women don't like being deceived or handled – I speak from knowledge – and deception is your middle name. Not to mention, what the hell do you see in Lexie? I mean, she's nice, but… she's… she's not a woman! I mean, Meredith is a woman, she's complex and, and…, Callie! Yeah, now, Callie is a woman. How can you go from Callie to Lexie and not miss the womanness? That's like going 60-0 in a car… it's crashing."
"Lex is a woman."
Derek stared at Mark, his arms crossed over his chest, his head tilted to the side, a look of complete disbelief on his face.
"What? She may not be as much of a woman as Callie or Mer, but she's… female. And cute. And innocent."
"Not for long," Derek mumbled. "Look, even though Meredith and I aren't together anymore, if you hurt a hair on Lexie's head, I'll be forced to kick your oversized ass."
Sloan shrugged in surprise then looked over his shoulder toward the floor. "My ass is not oversized."
Derek shook his head and backed away from Sloan. As he picked up his clipboard and left the station, I swear I heard Derek mutter, "How could he pick someone like Lexie over someone like Callie?"
So yeah, I think that's when it all started. The day that Derek found out about Lexie and Sloan. The day that Shepherd compared me to Lexie Grey and rated me HIGHER.
I've never been rated higher than anyone before in my life. And apparently, I'm a slut for being 'ranked' high. Cuz, every time I saw Derek after that, I noticed something new and amazing about him.
Like eyes. He has eyes.
Fucking dreamy eyes…. Probably where he got the label McDreamy from, huh?
And then there's his smile. The guy has a smile that fucking makes my knees weak. Two months ago that damn smile wouldn't have affected me at all, but now? I've literally had to hold on to a wall to prevent myself from falling over in the presence of his smile.
How fucking twisted and sick is that?
I know, it's super sick.
But I can't seem to stop it.
You wanna know what else I've noticed about Derek Shepherd? He makes me nervous; sweaty palms, shallow breathing, palpitating heart nervous. ME! I mean, I get nervous about shit. I'm human. But guys? Well, okay, yeah. I get nervous about guys too. But never… never this… 'he's in the same room as me, 20 feet away, and all I can hear is my heart beating and all I can do is watch him' kind of nervousness.
So, to recap, my basic sucky situation is:
-I'm obsessed about a man who barely knows I'm alive and is soooo out of my league, he's playing a whole other sport. -I can't breathe, stand, perspire, or circulate blood appropriately when he's within 20 feet of me (and yeah, I've actually measured the distance/effect ratio) -I've become friends with Meredith Grey! How the fuck did that happen? It's like a wolf befriending a rabbit. Fucked up…! And to make things worse, it's like a Wolf befriending a rabbit who has a cute bunny ex-hunny who the wolf has a yen for. It's the stuff fairytales have NEVER been made of.
"You know who we should set Torres up with?" Yang's voice, only slightly slurred, rang out across the living room, pulling me out of my reverie.
"Whooooooo?" Lexie, wide eyed and alcohol glazed asked as she leaned across the coffee table.
"Hey no. No setting up Torres with anyone!" I interrupted quickly from my spot in front of the couch. "I'm off of men. And women. I'm off of humans! If you know a nice Rottweiler…."
Lexie choked on her wine.
I glanced at her, "I'm kidding. I don't do furry or four-legged."
Meredith dragged the conversation back on track, "Who? Who should we set her up with? I want to be a matchmaker. And I want to see a happy ending." She paused, "a non-hand job kind of happy ending."
Lexie giggled, I harrumphed, and Yang glanced at me and I suddenly knew I was in trouble. More in trouble.
Oh no the hell she did not! Fuck.
"Funny Yang." I offered as lightly (for Lexie and Meredith's sake) and as seethingly (for Yang's sake) as I could.
Yang smiled one of her open, hard-edged smiles in my direction before turning to Meredith. "I mean, you're totally done with him this time, right? It's been half a year?
But who's counting?
"Right, and while the two of you are no longer a 'two of you', you're still friends and you still think McDreamy is dreamy."
"I occasionally have nightmares about him, but yeah, all and all, Derek's… Derek's a good man."
"Good enough for Callie?"
I'm going to kill her. Just put me in a small room, one on one, and I swear, I'm going to kill her. I do my best not to broadcast this thought as Meredith scrutinizes me, measuring and weighing my worth for 'her' Derek.
With a tilt of her head in my direction, Meredith responded, "He's good enough; I don't know if he's strong enough though." .
Did she just make a crack about my weight?! I pulled my top closer over my waist – casually.
"Derek doesn't handle strong women well. Me… Addison… The emotional stress is … tough on him. He tends to shut down. Which meant I spent a lot of time talking to a Derek shaped brick wall."
I don't point out to Meredith that sometimes, emotionally, she's like a mosquito who stab stab stabs, suck suck sucks, revel revel revels… then flies back, seeking a new piece of Derek flavored flesh to stab stab… well, you get the idea.
Yup. I refrain from calling her a bloodsucker because she's actually nice. And we're friends now.
"I don't know if he could handle someone like Callie."
"Someone like me?" I try not to sound offended. I think I fail.
"Well, I mean, you're great. I think you're great. We all think you're great, but Derek. He's skittish."
"But, you know what?" A gleam lit Meredith's eyes. "I think it would be kind of fun to see how he handles someone as straightforward and raw as you are."
Straightforward and raw?! What the fuck is she talking about?!
"She's straightforward," Yang agreed, "but not raw. I'm the raw one. And, I'm happy to say, my man likes me that way." She swallows the last of her wine.
"So, are we really going to do this?" Meredith's excitement has to be liquor induced.
"It could be interesting."
"Ignore her." Yang waved her hand in my direction.
"No. No ignoring. And no setting up of Torres. Me, I mean. With Derek. Shepherd." I'm starting to stutter. Crap.
Yang pushed forward. "So Torres, do you think McDreamy is dreamy?"
"No. I mean yes. I mean, he's cute. That's kind of obvious. But, no. No! He's not my type."
"And how HAS your type been working out for you?"
I flip my middle finger up at Yang but remained silent.
"That good huh?"
Meredith, still looking at me, slowly begins to nod. "You know, this might work. They might actually… click."
"Look, guys, there will be no 'clicking'," I get up from the floor and straighten my jeans. "There will be no 'working'. We're not pursuing this train of thought. Let's set up Meredith instead." The silence in the room makes me nervous. "Ladies?"
"Nuh uh," Meredith laid her head against her sister's shoulder. "I don't want to be the recipient of the matchmaking. I want to be the matchmaker."
I head to the coat rack and grab my leather jacket. "Well, then, our little club will just have to find some other guinea pig for our matchmaking schemes."
"Yang, I swear to God, I'm going to put itching powder in your sheets if you don't knock it off."
Yang raised her hands in a sign of submission.
I smile my goodbyes and head out into the night, leaving Grey, Grey, and Yang to finish up the wine.
When I think back on that night, Yang's easy capitulation really should have put me on my guard. I guess I'll just have to blame the fucking wine on my failure to 'always be prepared'. That, and the fact that I'm not a boy scout.