Chapter 12

For Me

My heart stopped at his words. Everything was crashing down around me, and I was drowning. They didn't make sense at first. I could feel it coming and tried to stop him but everything was just not registering in my mind.

There was no me without him.

I didn't exist in a world where he wasn't with me.

"No." The command came from my mouth before I could even register it being uttered.

"Bella, I don't…" He started, but I pulled away from him roughly.

"No," I said again and sat up. I brought my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around my legs. "You don't get to make a decision for me. I'm in this too. I say I'll be here no matter what."

"Bella, this isn't about getting your way, this is about your life. I can't take that lightly," He said as he and sat up across from me. "I think that you and I should just…"

"Stop!" I covered my ears to keep his words from entering my mind. I stood quickly and paced back and forth. "You don't get to decide for me, Ed-ward!" I spoke his name slowly. "I have lost almost everything important to me. But then…" I laughed bitterly, "Then, I meet you and you bring me back. I'm not in the dark anymore hanging on the ledge ready to jump. You hold me to you and I feel okay again. I feel alive! I fucking feel again!" I ranted and watched him as I moved. "If you leave me, I don't know how I can survive that. I can't. There is no me without you. Isabella Swan died in that fire. Bella Swan came to life the day I met you." I threw off my gloves and held up my hands to him. "These scars were caused by a pain so excruciating I was out for days on end. But right now, thinking about you leaving me, hurts 1,000 times worse." I felt the tears on my cheeks, but I didn't care. He needed to see this. He needed to see how much I needed and wanted him.

He watched me as I moved. His face was an unreadable mask that I just wanted to rip away. I wanted to know how he felt and what he wanted. I didn't want the saint. I wanted only the man. I wanted the love of my life to fucking fight for me, fight for us. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. The beautiful hair that I wanted to run my fingers through while we made love. The hands that I wanted to touch me where no one has or ever will.

I went back over to the bed and crawled over to him. My body was telling me what to do and my brain was slow to catch up. Before I knew it, I was in his lap, my knees on either side of him.

"Just love me. That's more than I could ever deserve, but please." I put my hands on the sides of his face and made him look up at me. His eyes were so sad; the normal vibrant green was dulled down to a light color almost unrecognizable. The tears started to fall from his eyes as he blinked.

"I could never not love you, my Bella." He breathed and rested his head on my chest. "You own all of me; body and soul." I small sob erupted from my chest as I held him to me. I realized all at once how close I was to losing him.

"Don't ever… do that… to me again,." I said between my sobs and tears. His arms went around me and held my tightly. I could feel his tears through my shirt as he cried quietly with me.

"I'm sorry, baby." The endearment made my heart swell and skip a beat. I brought my face close to his and kissed his lips fiercely. Both hands cupped his cheeks as he held me tighter to him. We kissed and soon I was beneath him. I parted my legs and he rested between them.

"Never leave," I whispered as his kisses travelled down my jaw.

"Never," He whispered and took a shuddering breath. "I have to stop or I won't be able to if we keep going." He pleaded.

I moaned and shook my head at him, "I don't want to stop." He groaned at my words and his face buried farther into my neck.

"Don't say that unless you mean it," He said and his hot breath fanned across me. I shivered as I wrapped myself tighter around him.

My brain started to go a mile a minute as I thought about what I really wanted. I wanted to be close to him. I wanted to give myself to him completely and for forever. I needed this, we both needed this. In that split second, I decided without a shadow of a doubt that this was what I wanted and not only what we needed.

"Yes," I breathed. He stayed still above me for a few seconds before pulling back to look at my face. He brushed the hair from my face and smiled down and me. Edward nodded his head and gave a small chuckle.

"As you wish," He said in a valiant manner.

I giggled and leaned up to kiss him. He met me halfway and we shared an innocent kiss. I sighed as he pulled away from me. His face turned serious as he stared down at me, and I bit my lip.

"What?" I asked, feeling slightly self-conscious of his piercing gaze.

"I love you." His eyes came to life before me and took the breath out of me. He wasn't the same boy I had seen that first day of school. He wasn't some stranger with a bad reputation. He was Edward. He was mine; just like I was his. The green become a lively emerald and I felt my eyes water.

"I love you too." My eyes filled with tears of sadness and joy. My sadness of how our lives brought us to each other.

The journey was so hurtful and full of longing. Longing for something more than what existed in our realm of us. Joy that it brought us here, in this very place. My joy in finding someone to love that loved me back. My heart was safe with Edward. I could feel everything shift in my soul. I found my missing piece. We united to become this oneness in each other. We were not soul mates, but one soul existing within two separate bodies. They were bruised and hurt but still alive and waiting. Waiting for the moment to really be what we were truly meant to be.

And what we were meant to be was us. We were meant to be together not in only this moment but for the rest of time. Nothing would separate Edward and I. Not even time or death. I would always be his, no matter what.

His hand brushed aside my tears as he kissed my temples where the trails fell. He understood me. He saw me, really saw me, and I was beautiful.

"Do we have much time?" I asked, and ran my hands up and down his back.

"Carlisle went to check my parents home that is still in my name. He also went to get a few more other papers in order for when I graduate from high school and what I'll be getting from my mother. I apparently have a lot to inherit." He shrugged as he played with a piece of my hair.

"So, we can…?" I began to ask and looked away with a blush.

"We have plenty of time, baby. Relax," He whispered. I nodded and relaxed back into the mattress. "He knew that I was having a…" He sighed. "A hard time with all of this. He wanted to leave us alone for a while. He might even meet with some old friends that live here after he's done with business." He smirked down at me.

It was that crooked smile that was sexy and confident, but then you looked into his eyes and saw a softness that balanced it all out. I brushed some hair out of his eyes and he closed his eyes with a sigh.

He leaned into my touch and nuzzled my palm. He pulled back from me and took both hands in mine. He kissed every fingertip on my right hand. Edward kissed my palm and then my wrist. He repeated the action on my left hand with reverence. And just like every other time he never faltered or made a face in disgust. I really was beautiful in his eyes.

"Such small, perfect hands." His whispered voice broke me from the trance of watching his lips pucker as they kissed my skin.

I looked up into his eyes and smiled. I blushed and looked back at his mouth. He licked his bottom lip and I moaned before I realized what I was doing. He chuckled, a low sexy sound, and leaned down over me.

"What do you want Bella?" He asked. His nose brushed the length of mine as he breathed out the words. I arched my back into him and my chest pressed into his. My nipples hardened in response to feeling the friction and the feeling of all that was Edward consuming me.

"I want you," I whispered, and heard his soft moan and the vibrations it caused in his chest. His eyes closed and he breathed slowly through his mouth.

"You have always had me, love." His eyes opened and looked down into mine. I let out a shuddering breath as I tightened my hold a little more on him. His hands curved under my arms and then gripped my shoulders.

"I want you to make me yours," I whispered and felt the fire ignite inside me. It was an unfamiliar feeling. Something that had only been awakened the day I met Edward, but now it was an intense flame burning my insides in the most delicious way.

"How's that, baby?" He asked and buried his face into my neck. He peppered a few kisses all over my skin as he waited for my answer. I knew that he knew what I meant but he wanted to hear the words.

"I…Please…" I said softly. He groaned in response and bit my flesh. I bucked my hips and could feel his arousal press into me. He pulled back and looked down at me. His smile was beautiful and I shivered in pleasure. He was perfect, inside and out.

"You want me to show you how much I love you, right?" He urged with a kind smile. I nodded and bit my bottom lip.

"Yes," I said with a blush. He kissed both my cheeks and pulled back to look at me.

"I love your blush." He kissed my jaw up to my ear. "Can't wait to see your whole body turn that shade of pink for me."

"Oh god," I moaned. This time his laugh was a kind of evil and a low tone. I giggled at him and I could feel him sigh against me.

"I'm asking you this once, Bella. Are you sure?" He kissed back up my jaw and looked into my eyes. I nodded.

"I know this is what I want," I said as I brought my hand up to his cheek.

"Okay then," He chuckled and leaned down towards me. I thought he was going to kiss me, but he stopped about an inch from my lips. "I'll be careful." He promised.

"I know. I trust you." He let out a quiet whimper and then nodded. My arms went around his neck and my legs spread and fell to the mattress. I arched into him as his tongue invaded my mouth.

In my whole life I had never been as calm as I was then. I wasn't afraid of the physical pain or the emotional repercussions. I trusted Edward with everything I was. I was so calm and at peace I wondered if it was even real.

"I'm going to make you feel so good, baby." He hot breath washed over my skin as he kissed down my throat. I moaned loud and long. My skin blushed a deep red in embarrassment. "I love that sound."

"What?" I asked.

"I love hearing what I do to you." His voice was muffled as he kissed between my breasts over my shirt. "Can I take this off?" I nodded and we both set up.

He pulled at the hem and soon it was gone to the floor. He stared at me and smiled. In the time Edward and I were together it got easy to be naked in front of him. I'd never been completely naked but we took it step by step. I knew that he saw the scars but they weren't something he loved me in spite of. He loved me as well as the scars. He knew where my life had been. He knew what odds I'd faced to be here. He also knew that I trusted him enough to even be this exposed in front of him.

"Perfect," He sighed as he leaned over me once again. I laid back down on the mattress with him above me. I reached down for the hem of his black t-shirt and began to pull it upwards. He leaned back on his heels and threw it off. My breath hitched every time his beautiful body was shown to me. To me he was truly perfect.

My hands reached up and touched his stomach. His muscles clenched as my hands passed. I smiled as I use my nails to lightly scratch down his torso. He moaned and arched into me. I sat up and leaned forward to kiss his chest. His hands went to my hair and held me to him. My tongue peeked out, and I licked his skin. He tasted incredible.

"God, you're so good at that." He grunted.

I smiled against his flesh and nipped at his skin. His hand massaged the back of my head and the other on reached down my back. It came to a stop at my bra and like an expert he flicked the clasps. It loosened and fell to the crook of my elbows.

"Lean back baby," He said softly. I gave one last nip at his nipple and he squeaked. I laughed and leaned back on the bed.

"What was that?" I asked through my giggles.

"That was…" He looked around turning a bright red. "Whatever. That was my girlfriend biting my nipple and me making a noise. Shut up.," He chuckled.

"It was cute." I cooed at him and grabbed the back of his neck. I pulled him to me and gave him a soft kiss. He nipped at my bottom lip and I moaned, all teasing forgotten.

"I can't wait to feel you inside me," I said, and he growled into my mouth. He kissed me roughly, possessing me. My hips rose and bucked into his. I could feel him hard against me, and he groaned.

"Why do you tease me?" He said as he pulled back from me. I knew an answer wasn't expected so I just smiled up at him and ran my nails down his back.

He pulled the bra away from me and tossed it to the floor. He leaned down and kissed me softly on the lips before kissing downward. I was a little self-conscious when it came to my chest. Edward seemed to like them. It made me feel like a woman when he touched me like this.

"Perfect for my hands." He mumbled. "So flawless." My breath stuttered as the word tumbled form his lips.

His tongue traced my nipple and it puckered. He bit lightly and I let out a noise of pleasure. He gave the same attention to the other and soon he was kissing down my stomach. His hands ran up and down my sides. I relaxed into the bed as he kissed my scarred flesh. Things had changed so much. I was so thankful that he tore my walls down. He was the only one who could see me like this and make me feel so comfortable.

I only tensed slightly as he undid the button of my jeans. It was instinct, and I relaxed as soon as I remembered where and whom I was with. My hands went into his hair; it was soft and thick. He always smelled so good.

His fingers hooked into my jeans and pulled them down. I wiggled my hips to help him. He took off my socks with a smirk.

"Love when you wear these." He laughed. I blushed and bit my lip. They were just silly knee socks with multi-colored stripes.

I was spread out in front of him in nothing but my simple blue cotton panties. He breathed in deep as he let his eyes roam over my body. I gripped the sheets in a tight fist as his gaze made my desire for him build inside me. My body reacted and soon my panties were soaked.

"Your turn," I said breathlessly.

He raised and eyebrow at me then nodded. He reached down for his belt and undid that removing it quickly. I laughed as he made a show of undressing himself. He made me feel so relaxed, even in something so pressuring.

He snapped his belt and gave me a quick wink. He dropped it to the floor with a loud thud. He unbuttoned his jeans looking me in the eyes the whole time. They fell to the floor and he pushed them aside. He was left in his black boxer briefs. I could see the outline of his hard on clearly. I licked my lips and moaned.

How did he make me feel so many things like never before? I didn't understand some of my body's reaction to him. I wasn't sheltered by any means. I had gotten myself off plenty of times. I had just never had this reaction to another person before.

He brought his hands to run up and down my thighs. I spread them wider and he smiled in response.

"Scoot to the edge for me, love," He said softly and knelt down on the floor by the bed.

He reached over and grabbed a pillow and put it on the floor. I'd guessed it was for his knees. I scooted my body to the edge of the bed and laid back down. He leaned over me again and kissed my belly button. My scarred flesh surrounded it but it came out unscathed. I could tell how much he loved that part of me. He would kiss and lick it. It made me moan every time.

"I'm gonna do something I've never done before. And you said you trust me, right?" He said looking up at me through his thick lashes. I nodded and reached towards one of his hands. I laced our fingers together and squeezed his hand.

His crooked smile lit up his face, and he winked at me. He brought his hands higher and hooked his fingers in my underwear. I bit my lip and looked down at him.

"Trust." He repeated. I nodded and laid back down. I kept my eyes focused on the ceiling and tried to calm my breathing. I had an idea of what he was doing. It made my heart pound to think that maybe he was about to do that to me.

My eyes closed and my head threw back as his mouth descended on my flesh.

"Edward," I sighed.


Hello! I'm so sorry for the wait and I've been stuck on this lemon for forever but I realized it's because I want it in Edward point of view. So, here's what we see of Bella. I hope you like it. No new moonish type separation. They are to go through the hardships together.

I'm thinking about 5 chapters left. They have a few more things to deal with then they can have the Happily Ever After.