A/N: Well, guys . . . sigh. What an A/N to write. The very last for the story of Hands on Me. It's been exactly a year since this story started, and no, I haven't kept you all waiting for that purpose. I just made it my goal to post by then because life has been so ridiculously busy.
I'm sorry for the wait, but real life interfered. Those of you - almost literally all of you - who understood and were kind and patient, thank you endlessly. You are the people I write this story for - the people that make me work towards the deadline. The people that I look forward to making smile, or laugh, or even cry.
Most of you have been with me a long time, and I always remember those who remembered me. I love you all. You made my year amazing, you gave me such confidence in my writing and hope for the future. I don't know how many people know this, but the first chapter of Hands on Me was written after more than a year without writing.
You all made me believe I could really spend my life doing this. I pray not to lose any of you as I continue with Undeniable and all my other projects. I consider you friends.
To the people who were not patient, or understanding, and downright rude - this chapter is not for you. By sending those messages/reviews, you proved I was never writing this story for you.
For the rest of you - thank you again. I love you.
Now, onto the subject of the chapter. The very last chapter. I know a lot of people wouldn't exactly be happy with where I ended it, but I am. The last line has been planned since before they went back home, and it was so weird to finally write it. I love the ending.
Now, that said, I have an announcement to make. There will be a Hands on Me sequel! It won't be as epically long by miles, actually very short in comparison. Around twelve chapters. It will follow Nessie and Jacob through the pregnancy until just after the birth. There will be a chapter for each month of the pregnancy from each of their point of views.
I will go ahead and warn you not to expect it any time soon though - it will be posted after I have completed it, and after Undeniable has finished. (On the subject of Undeniable, I ask you to hold on with me a little longer while I get my life in order.)
I'm really excited about writing it though, and I hope you'll like reading them settling into married life and preparing for parenthood. I hoped to have a title for you by this point, but life is insane, so alas, I don't.
But just to confirm for the people who skim, and to be very clear - there will be a sequel!
I don't want to lose any of you after this - and if you don't want to lose me, you can join my twitter or my blog, the links to both of which are in my profile.
I don't know what else to say. I'm very happy with how it all turned out, and it's really crazy that this will post on the one year anniversary of Hands on Me's publication. I swear I wasn't waiting it out intentionally - that goal just kicked my butt into gear.
It's been a great year, a wild ride, and I love you all.
Endless love. xx.
Disclaimer: Did I ever own any of it? :)
Dedication: I owe a lot of people for the mass success (in my mind) that HoM has become, and there's no way I can mention them all. So please don't be offended if your name isn't here - it wasn't intentional, I love you too.
First and foremost, this goes out to Katie. You changed my life just as much as you claim I changed yours. Thank you.
And now for the rest of you! I usually bold all usernames, but that would be confusing - so I'm only going to bold every other one. No significance in that other than looking pretty. :)
So, Gina.N.B, ChampionShoes, edwardisaputz, Flying stars, Cymbeliness, , Charlotte Webber, JustEmmettPlease, mediate89, Tinkerbella C, twi-nighter, ShadowInTheNight1, YourOasis, leydan22, ajoxley, Clegs22, ..town, Yos-yo, LawrenRed, suzmac33, LilAnnie123, TooToo, Gryffindor Gurl2, Ashdella, Miss Wheazy, Angel-danger, Angel of the Night Watchers, KayaRayne, BookRead, DefectCriminal, Kats Flower Girls, Tashay789, AZIdolFan, NoMonstersNoMagic, Nyasha17, mindlessmuse, RenesmeeAlice, ThexWall, Adirondackmommi, Distracted procrastination, my-heart-is-just-as-silent, Hedwigsfeathers, Akicks, JannieG, sammieleelee, klarsen117, twihardcaligurl, imreallycool, liljenrocks, MidnightMarshmallow, emmie elizabeth, wordslinger, halfdozenroses, reader-giggles, lovewritesitself, smelsies, gizll, Moonstruck Manda, .ng, ceci9293, Deany-Bob101, yay4shanghai, angelicmethod, lavender sunset, WendyJH, Buffy0604, and artbeatsandlife . . . this chapter is for you.
Not just you, all of you. Everyone who stuck with me. I owe you a major.
Now, for the very last time in history of Hands on Me, go read - and then review! :)
In Which it Comes Full Circle
the sun has come
the mists have gone
we see in the distance our long way home
i was yours to have
and you were always mine
we have loved each other
in and out
in and out
in and out of time
- maya angelou, in and out of time
My heart leapt into my throat as my body and heart and mind came to grips with Jacob's words. I had let myself fall too deep into him without going all the way, and my gift had slipped. Without me noticing even. Jacob heard my thoughts.
This was it. It was time.
"Jacob," I breathed, with no idea what would come after it. Still, Jacob's eyes studied mine.
Lips parted, brow furrowed, Jacob shook his head almost absently.
I reached up and touched Jacob's cheek, making sure my gift was firmly closed. The rest would come from me, my words. My heart was beating so fast.
"Jake . . . " What did I say? How did I do this? Change his life forever? "I . . . I'm . . . "
He didn't say anything. He just watched me. His face so perfect and unlined, so young looking. Just waiting for what I had to say. I could see the emotion, hiding just behind his open face.
I took a deep, steadying breath. Felt my chest, my stomach, pressing against Jacob's. I let it calm me.
"I'm . . . I'm pregnant."
Jacob's heart thudded, the only outward reaction. My entire body felt like it was in knots. His brow furrowed, the smallest bit, and then his lips fell a little further apart.
There was no way on earth he hadn't heard me. It was impossible. But it looked like I would have to say it again for it to sink in. I prayed for a favorable reaction.
I licked my lips to wet them, nervously.
"I'm . . . "
"Are are - are you sure?" He asked, his face very serious, and I nodded. "How do you - w-when? How . . ."
I strained up to press my lips lightly to Jacob's, but he didn't kiss back. It wasn't a rebuff, just shock. Oh, my poor Jacob. I should have been better prepared.
"The day you left," I said quietly, sliding my hand down Jacob's hot chest soothingly. With a jolt, Jacob lifted himself higher onto his arms, so our bodies weren't touching. "In the bathroom . . . do you remember?"
"So . . . so you've been . . ." Jacob suddenly launched himself off of me, back onto his knees. I was frozen for two heartbeats before I pushed myself up too, following him. "You have . . . you're . . . pregnant?"
"I am," I said, fighting back the tears wanting to well up in my eyes. This wasn't how I planned for it to go at all. I reached for his hand, resting on his thigh, and he flipped it over to let me take it, but that was all. "And I'm so - Jacob, God, I'm just so sorry for not telling you sooner . . . but I thought - I thought it would make you feel so bad about having me help you and it would affect your healing."
Jacob brought his head up, to meet my face, but he still seemed shocked. Not angry, though, which was good.
"My . . . healing?" I nodded fervently, walking on my knees. "How long have you . . . known?"
Oh, this question. I'd ran over how I would answer this question a thousand times in my head, but now I had no words. I tried fruitlessly to swallow the lump in my throat.
"Since . . . since before you got back," I answered quietly, completely truthful. "I got . . sick, and . . . and Emily helped me figure it out . . . "
"You were sick?" He asked, his face horror-stricken.
"Just - just a cold," I assured quickly, imploring. "The flu . . . Emily, she said - she said that happens sometimes."
"Yes," I said, blinking rapidly to try and prevent tears from forming. I brought my body even closer and brought my hands up to Jacob's shoulders. "She - she's the one who figured it out - but I didn't tell anyone else. I didn't want anyone to know before you, Jacob, that was so important to me."
He still didn't say anything, his gaze on my shoulder, so I reached up and cupped his face in my hands, making him face me.
"Jacob," I whispered, almost pleading. "I'm so sorry for lying to you, my love, you know I would never . . . I just wanted to tell you at a happy time. When you were healed. I wanted you to be happy . . . I thought . . . I thought you wanted a baby."
"A baby," he said slowly, his eyes searching my face. He brought his hand up to cup my cheek, and I let my hands slide down to his shoulders. His thumb brushed my cheekbone, soft. "You're . . . having a baby."
I just nodded, the best I could with my face in Jacob's hands. "Y-yes."
Jacob's brow furrowed again, but not in anger or frustration or confusion. Just pure intensity, as he brought his face slowly down to mine. His hands held my face still, and when his lips met mine, it was magic.
Slow, tender, beautiful magic. Love in physical form. Light and intimate and enough to make my body shake.
Jacob's arm steadied me, wrapping gently around my waist. The other stayed, holding my cheek.
"My baby," he said, almost unbelieving. He kissed me again, that same magic kiss. "Our baby . . . "
"Yes," I murmured, my heart lifting. The prickling behind my eyes got worse, but they were tears of joy. "Yes, my Jacob."
He brought his lips back to mine, kissing tenderly. I threaded my fingers into his hair and leaned back, against his arm, so he would know I wanted to lay down. He took my lead and I felt him spread and brace his knees, the hand on my face sliding to support the back of my head. Like I was the baby, and not the woman with the baby inside of her.
He laid me down more carefully and more gently than he ever had, lying down beside me instead. He leaned his torso over mine, and one of his thighs reached around to rest between mine, but his weight stayed firmly off.
I nipped his lip lightly, just barely a scrape of the teeth, and pressed my bottom one between his for him to do the same. He didn't though, he only closed his lips around it, kissing lightly before letting go.
His left hand ran down my body carefully, over the swell of my breasts and my ribcage. Brushing, barely touching.
Then lower, further down my stomach. But instead of dipping between my thighs, he stopped. Just above the low-rise of my panties, just under my belly button. Over our baby.
Jacob pulled his lips back from mine, and studied my eyes. Leaned in and kissed my cheeks.
"There?" He asked, looking so beautiful and so young. I wanted his kiss again.
Instead, I slid my hand down from around his neck, down between our bodies. Down his forearm until my hand rested on top of his huge one.
"There," I confirmed.
His mouth came back down on mine for a gentle kiss. Then it moved lower, to just under my jaw. A line of soft, chaste kisses down my neck and collar bone. When he reached my breasts, pushed up high and pressed together by the style of the bra, he nuzzled his face there.
Soft and easy, his cheek against my skin, and then his lips, ghosting over the swell of each one.
I sighed his name and arched my body up into his touch, but he was already moving down. Down over my ribcage, sliding down the bed. An open-mouthed kiss over my navel.
Then he settled down onto his stomach, bracing himself with one elbow. The other arm draped loosely over my hips, the hand of it resting on the place just beside my navel.
"Here," he said, looking up at me, but it wasn't a question. I nodded anyway.
Then, just like all my dreams these past weeks, he lowered his head down to the lowest part of my stomach. He brushed his lips across the flatness there, and his eyes widened.
And he sucked in a breath, a gasp. The first gasp I'd ever heard come from Jacob's mouth without my hands on his body.
"I . . . " He leaned in closer to my stomach, and turned his head sideways, pressing his ear there. He sucked in another breath. "It was . . . the whole time . . . "
"What?" I asked confusedly, reaching down and running my fingers through his hair, trying to coax him to look at me. "What is it, honey?"
"The . . . heartbeat," he breathed, in complete awe. My own heart skipped a beat. "I hear . . . his heart. I've . . . been hearing it . . . since I woke up."
The . . . heartbeat? He had been hearing our baby's heartbeat? Since . . .
"This morning?" I questioned, already half sure that wasn't it.
Jacob slowly shook his head, his eyes wide.
"Since I woke up . . . after the war," he corrected, and my eyes widened to match his. "It's . . . been this thrumming, in my ears, ever since I woke up. It fades . . . sometimes - when, when you're . . . when you weren't close, I realize now."
I soothed my hand over his hair, down his smooth cheek.
"I thought I was going crazy . . . I tried not to think about it around Edward . . . and then . . . "
"Then?" I prodded gently.
"Then that time, after . . . after we made love for the first time," he said, one of his hands sliding up, his thumb pressing into the sensitive skin under my arm and his fingers resting on my shoulder. "And you . . . you laid on top of me . . . everything was so quiet. It got so clear."
My mind went back to that day, that beautiful day, when I collapsed tired and sweaty onto Jacob's body. How he held me, how there was no sound in the world besides our heartbeats.
And then how he asked me if I heard anything.
"And I asked you, and you said you didn't hear anything . . ."
"I didn't," I swore, cupping his jaw more urgently. "I swear I never did, Jacob . . . I never knew you could hear . . . "
"It's okay," he soothed, shaking his head like he could shake off my worried words. "I - I know what it is now. I can hear it."
I strained my ears, but still heard nothing besides our breathing and Jacob's deep, steady heart.
Jacob let his eyes fall closed and pressed his cheek and ear back to my stomach. He let out a soft, beautiful breath.
"What . . . " I ran my fingers over his hair, and sighed when Jacob turned his face to lay a soft, tender kiss on my stomach. "What does it sound like?"
"It sounds like your heart," he murmured, nuzzling his nose there, and then kissing again. "But quieter, a little slower . . . it almost vibrates. It's like music."
I was happy, overjoyed, but a little jealousy tinged through. That I couldn't hear what Jacob so clearly could. I would just have to make do with his descriptions.
"It sounds . . . very beautiful," I whispered, soaking in the wonderfulness of this moment. "Our baby's heart."
"I can't believe all this time . . . ." Jacob murmured to himself. Another kiss on the skin of my stomach, the muscle quivering under Jake's mouth. "I never knew . . . I never figured it out . . . you should have told me."
"I'm sorry I didn't, Jake," I swore, threading my fingers through his hair more deeply. "I just - "
"I know . . . honey, I know," he comforted, finally coming back up my body and laying himself down like before. Legs at my side, torso half-over me. His huge hand cupped my cheek and he lowered his face over mine, close. "I just . . . I would have been so much more careful . . . if you told me. I wouldn't have . . . I . . . "
Then the soft strokes of Jacob's nose across my cheekbones stopped. I watched his eyes go wide and felt his body stiffen.
"Oh, fuck, Nessie," he said darkly, letting his head fall into my neck. I reached up and cradled his head. "Yesterday . . . "
My heart sank. I had hoped the happiness of my news would make yesterday flutter straight out of his head - I knew this would happen. The guilt.
"Jacob - "
"God, Nessie, I . . . why didn't you tell me?" He questioned, pulling back to examine my face. His was horrified. "Why did you let me . . . ?"
"Because I felt bad!" I exclaimed, carefully but quietly, reaching up to touch his throat. "About keeping it from you - lying to you . . . you don't know how hard that was . . . and it made me feel better."
"But . . . but you're . . . oh, God." The pain in his voice hurt me, worse than anything he was fearing he'd done to me had. "Nessie . . . what if I . . . what if I hu - "
"No, Jacob," I said firmly, taking his face in my hands and staring straight into his eyes, not letting him avoid my gaze. "You did not hurt me, and you did not hurt . . . the baby. We . . . we're fine."
"How do you know?"
"I just know, Jacob," I said quietly, trying to be tender. "How do . . . I know I'm pregnant without ever taking a test? How do I know I love you?"
I pulled his face down to mine for a kiss, but his lips were unresponsive. I released my grip and let him draw back, fear still clear on his face. I don't remember ever seeing Jacob afraid.
"Nessie, you've been doing . . . so much lately, I didn't even - I didn't even want you doing normally, let alone . . . pregnant." He sat back and slid his hands down to my waist, his thumbs soothing gently into my stomach. "We have to go see Carlisle - now. We - I have to make sure you're all right. I'll kill myself if I - "
"Jacob!" I said sharply, sitting up and reaching up to hold his face in my hands again. "Don't you ever say that to me. It makes me crazy just to think about it - and - and - "
Tears rose up in my eyes - now I knew why Jacob had gone so crazy when I'd said that very same thing, only much more seriously, in the car that day he told me about the war. Hearing it - it was horrible.
Jacob's hands jumped up to brush the tears out of my eyes.
"No, no, baby, don't cry," he said urgently, moving on his knees so we were a little closer than before. "Don't get upset - please. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I said that, honey, you know I didn't mean it like that. . ."
I shook my head the best I could, held carefully in Jacob's strong hands. I slid my hands down his chest.
"We are not going to Grandpa Carlisle," I said, allowing him to pull me a little closer. I think he wanted me to lean into his chest, but I wanted to face him. "I have waited weeks to be able to - to share this with you, Jake . . . "
"But we need to make sure you're safe," Jacob pressed, and I shook my head again.
"I am safe," I murmured, straining my body up so our faces were closer. Jacob dipped his head down when he saw what I wanted. "Nothing will change by tomorrow morning - then we can . . . tell everyone. Tonight, Jacob . . . I just want to share this with you. I just want you to be happy."
I watched as Jacob's brow smoothed and his bottom lip fell away from his top, the smallest bit. His beautiful, dark eyes widened.
"Is - that what you think, Ness?" He asked softly. "You think I'm not happy?"
That wasn't what I meant. I opened my mouth, but before I could speak, Jacob's mouth met mine. An open-mouthed, but soft and tender kiss. I left my lips parted for more, but Jacob closed the kiss, pulling away until my bottom lip slipped from between his.
I watched Jacob lick his lips, and wished I could do it for him. His thumb brushed over my cheekbone and I felt my face flush.
"Do you know . . . I can't even explain to you what I'm feeling inside of me right now," he said lowly, shaking his head in disbelief. "You don't even know how hard it is - how hard I'm trying . . . to be gentle."
He kneeled down and brushed his nose over mine, and then his lips. I closed my eyes so he could brush across my eyelids. Then across my temple, and down to my ear. His hot lips closed gently over the lobe of it, and I exhaled softly in pleasure.
"I just . . . I want to hold you so tight, and kiss you so hard . . . " He released my ear and breathed softly into it. I shivered. "I've never . . . it's so hard when I'm so happy it wants to explode out of me . . . and I know I have to be soft."
"I won't break," I promised, quiet but earnest. My entire body yearned towards him and one of his hands slid down to my waist to hold me. Again, gently. "We've . . . been together more than a dozen times since you've been home . . . you don't have to be afraid."
"I am though," he said quietly, pulling back to face me. The honesty in his eyes shocked me - I'd never heard Jacob admit to being afraid either. This was a new level. "I'm so scared I'll hurt you . . . and now all I can think about is the past week and everything I did that could have . . . "
"Shh," I murmured, reaching up to hold his face again. I liked how it felt there in my hands. "Your love won't break me, Jacob . . . just be happy."
Jacob shook his head a little, as if in disbelief, and the corners of his mouth tugged down as if against a smile.
"I want to be able to tell you just how happy I am," he said quietly, dipping down to kiss my neck. I strained up, trying to get closer to him, and he tugged me a little closer.
"You don't have to - " I started, but Jacob's lips cut me off.
"I want to," he pressed, as his lips pressed back between mine. "I want to try and tell you, Ness . . . "
I nodded into Jacob's mouth, and then the arm around my waist pulled gently, making my body bow against his. My thigh lifted, almost of his own accord, to rest over Jacob's hip. His other hand came up to hold it there.
Then slowly, gently, carefully, Jacob laid us back down over the bed. On his side again, half over me. His lips were gentle but firm against mine, and I could tell that his body, as strong and hard as it was, was trying to be soft.
Jacob's specialty was hard, wild passion, but he did soft amazingly well too.
"You know how much I love you," he said into my mouth, making a small sound in his throat when I reached my tongue out to taste his bottom lip. His hand moved up to rest on my breast, not squeezing or massaging, just resting. "And you know . . . I know how bad you . . . it killed me to tell you no, and - and use a condom every time when you didn't want it . . . "
I arched my body up into him, lust tightening in my stomach at the same time my heart swelled at his words.
"I wanted to give you a baby, Nessie, so bad." I moaned a little as his lips began to trail down my neck. "But . . . I couldn't . . . I couldn't leave you with a baby if I wasn't there . . ."
I could hear the forced tone of his voice, how the words were giving him trouble. I realized Jacob's insistence on condoms hadn't been about the Volturi's desperate need to acquire me at all. It really only made me love him more.
"Oh," I whispered. "Jacob."
"I thought about it all the time, but . . . now that it's here . . . " Jacob's lips slid down to my collarbone, and he ran his parted lips over it. "You are so amazing."
Jacob's free hand, the one not holding his weight, slid up and down my body. Down over my stomach and across my hips, up my side.
"You have . . . you're growing . . . " Jacob's kisses stopped and he paused for a moment, resting his forehead on the curve of my breast. "A - a baby."
"Your baby," I reminded him, reaching down to cradle his head again. "You made it with me, Jacob."
Jacob let out an almost shaky breath, and came back up to catch my mouth in another kiss. Definitely stronger than the gentle kisses he'd been trying to give me, but nowhere close to the strength of the passion I was used to with him.
"My baby," he said reverently, pulling back to stare deep into my eyes. "Our baby."
"Yes," I whispered, nodding and feeling my eyes start to get wet again. "Yes, Jake . . . "
"I love you so much," he said suddenly, strongly, and kissed me. I tried to disentangle our lips to speak, but Jacob wouldn't let me. "You . . . you're so beautiful and amazing and strong. You took care of me, and - and fed . . . bathed me. You dressed me and helped me walk and - and all this shit that you shouldn't have had to do."
I tried to interrupt him but he just shushed me.
"And now you're having . . . our baby," he said, in that same reverent tone. I strained up and Jacob saw the movement, dipping down so our lips could brush. Not a kiss, just contact. "I want . . . I want to do something for you, Nessie."
"You do enough," I breathed, straining my lips up towards his, for more contact. I wished he would just lay over me like he always did before. I missed his weight. "More than enough - always . . . "
"What do you want me to do for you, honey?" He asked, almost pleading, still teasing my lips torturously with his own, but never kissing me. "What do you need?"
I looked up at him, beautiful and strong and finally healed. My husband, who I was having a baby with. Everything finally coming together. Beautifully perfect. I loved my husband and he loved me - we both knew that. Nothing was after us - and we were . . . starting a family. Having a baby.
I didn't want for anything. And there was only one last thing I needed.
I lifted my head up, finally capturing Jacob's lips, and this time he didn't elude me. He gave in to my kisses, letting me take his lip between mine and taste it, then taste the inside of his mouth. Jacob's kisses were always deep emotionally, but physically these were shallow. He was still afraid of hurting me.
I slipped my tongue passed his lips, exploring his mouth tentatively until I found his tongue. I slid mine under it and flicked lightly, trying to draw it out of his mouth, into mine. He got the hint and brought his tongue out to tease along the part of my lips.
I reached my hand around his back, right between his shoulder blades, trying to pull him closer to me. Jacob's hand reached down and slid up the thigh I had lifted around his hip. He turned his head, the changed angle of his mouth letting him kiss more deeply and I whimpered into his mouth.
"Tell me, baby," he murmured, his voice rough. "Anything."
Wasn't it clear?
"This is all I want, Jake," I panted, arching my body up into his. "Make love to me."
Above me, Jacob's body stilled. Softened.
"Nessie," he said quietly, kissing me once and then pulling back just enough to face me. "Are you . . . sure we can? With . . . "
"We have been," I reminded him, my hips yearning forward again, in search of his. I was only able to barely brush him in this position. "It's okay, Jacob . . . "
"Are you sure?" He asked, dipping his head to kiss the lobe of my ear and then my cheek. "What if . . . "
"I asked Emily," I admitted breathlessly, blushing but past caring. "When I first . . . suspected. She said it was fine. It's fine, Jake."
"Yeah?" He asked, like he wanted confirmation, looking very young. I nodded and kissed him.
"Sam would never hurt Emily," I pointed out, opening my mouth to the kiss, shaking my head faintly.
"No . . . " Jacob agreed, moving his head and his lips with mine.
I knew I had won. I only had to drive it home. I only had to ask one more time.
"Take me, Jacob," I breathed, and I felt Jacob give in. In to me.
He groaned, deep in his throat, and shifted, moving his body back over mine. I moaned in pleasure and brought my hands up to his face, kissing him warmly, trying to show my gratitude.
Jacob braced himself on his arms and settled between my legs, so his hot, delicious heat was finally over me again. I made another noise of pleasure, and felt Jacob check himself, but I fixed that by arching my body hard into him. I felt him give again.
"I love you, Nessie," he murmured, breaking from my mouth to move down my neck. I tilted back my head and arched my throat out, making it easier for him. "God, I love you so much."
His mouth laid a hot trail from my neck, across my throat, down my collarbone. Then over the swells of my breasts - I arched my body up, into his touch, his welcoming kisses. Jacob's hands took advantage, sliding down to my waist, under the arch of it, and then back up to the band of my bra.
I arched harder, trying to give him more room to work with, but he didn't need it. I felt the tension disappear as my bra unhooked, and Jacob sat back on his haunches to pull it away.
Jacob growled, low in his throat, and then brought his hands back to rest on the bed so he was on his hands and knees over me. It was an exercise in control to try and keep my body still as he slowly brought his head down to my breasts.
A small whimper passed my lips as his brushed over my nipple. Then he nuzzled me with his nose, teasing.
"Jacob . . ."
"So beautiful," he murmured, closing his lips around my nipple and then pulling back so it slipped from between them. "So fucking beautiful."
He came back, capturing me in his mouth more securely, allowing me to feel the edges of his teeth. I only moaned in response, my back coming off the bed when I felt the heat of his tongue as it swirled around me.
"Jake . . ."
Jacob let me slip from his mouth again, but brought his hand up to cup my breast, holding himself with only one arm. Using only his thumb against the underside of my breast and the rest of his fingers held straight, he managed to cover more than half the circumference of it. His hands were huge. Hot and strong and perfect.
Still holding my breast to attention like that, he leaned in and lapped at my nipple with his tongue. He didn't draw me into his mouth, but brought his tongue out of his, and the sensation for some reason was different.
I whined, and reached up to thread my fingers though Jacob's hair, making him chuckle.
"Jacob," I said breathlessly, in half a whine. "Oh."
"Be patient, mama," he said quietly, lapping his tongue over me again. "We have . . . all night. It's not even dark."
He moved then to the other breast, lavishing on it the same attention. The lust in my stomach only grew more and more, and Jacob's body kneeling between my legs deprived me even the action of pressing my thighs together to alleviate tension. His mouth was hot and wet and attentive. Jacob had my hips rising off the bed in search of him, but due to his position, I found nothing.
This only brought out more whimpers, which Jacob seemed to like.
When he released my other breast, he crawled down a foot further, his mouth moving to my ribcage. The pleasure was less intense, but I was glad of the progress. I knew Jacob wanted to lavish me with attention, but my body was impatient.
Finally, Jacob was at my navel, one of his huge hands gripping just above my hip, his fingers pressing into the flesh there. It was like my body was on a string, and that string was tied to his mouth. When his tongue circled my navel, it rose up, following him. And when it dipped inside . . . well.
"You like that?" I could only moan and writhe under him. He did it again, much more slowly and deliberately. "Mmm. I've been thinking about doing that for days."
"Jacob, please," I panted, trying to keep the whine out of my tone, my hips still lifting up towards his body. "Don't tease."
"I'm not trying to tease you, honey," he said earnestly, his mouth moving further, down to the lower part of my stomach. He kissed there. "I just want to show you . . . how happy - how grateful - how proud . . . "
He kissed along the lower part of my stomach with each adjective, and I thought about the life resting just below his lips.
"But you're just so impatient," he smirked, pushing himself back up to sit on his heels. His fingers hooked themselves into my panties. "I guess I'll have to do that later."
"You can - " I paused to catch my breath and lift my hips so Jacob could pull my panties past my hips. "Show in me . . . other ways. Less . . . tortuous ways."
"Mm," Jacob said, his eyes sliding down to the center of my hips, what my panties had just uncovered. My stomach tightened harder under his gaze. "I've got other ways . . . "
He slid back further on the bed, pulling my panties down my legs with him. I lifted my feet so he could free them from my ankles. I was both shocked and . . . aroused when I watched him lift the panties up to his face and inhale deeply before tossing them to the ground. He just grinned at me wolfishly, unapologetic.
"It's your fault for smelling so damn good," he blamed, crawling back up my side instead of lying back over me.
I just laid, my body in knots, as he slid the back of one hot hand from my collarbone all the way down to the center of my hips. Over the top of my upper thigh. I let them fall open, the smallest bit, seeing if Jacob would take the invitation, but he did not.
His hand made its way back up to my waist, his first finger circling my navel lazily.
"Turn over for me, mama," he requested quietly, and while my body rocked with lust at his words, my mind was confused.
Would Jacob want our first time with him healed - our second reunion, of sorts - to be like this? I enjoyed it that way too, but this time . . . I think I would much rather have him facing me. Between my legs, chest over my breasts, lips over mine.
But I decided to trust my husband, my Jacob, and turned over.
My hair blocked my vision, but I soon felt Jacob's same hand trailing down my back. It soothed over my backside, and my hips raised up into his touch. His fingers brushed across the underside, where my thighs began to end, the place that remained the most tender after yesterday.
"Just checking," Jacob explained, and my heart melted. His fingers soothed across that place one more time. "You sure you're okay, honey?"
"So okay, Jake," I mumbled, my thighs falling apart a little. Jacob's fingers slipped between them, the smallest bit, and I gasped.
"Then you can turn back over."
I did, rolling into his front as he laid down on his side, propping his head up with his arm. I smiled at him, slow and soft, and he smiled back the same. Then he shifted his weight, bracing his other hand on my opposite side, and lifted his weight onto me once more.
My hands immediately went to the waistband of Jacob's sweatpants, sliding my fingertips inside, feeling the place where Jacob's back started to swell out. Delicious.
Jacob's eyes answered the question mine asked, and I slipped the material down over his hips, as far as I could. When I could reach no more, I brought my legs up to finish the job, grabbing the material with my toes and tugging them down his legs best I could. Jacob lifted his weight off of me for a fraction of a second to kick his pants away.
Then he leaned back in, and I felt his heat, solid and hot, against my thigh. I gasped, and Jacob's lips filled the space mine made.
Jacob shifted his weight, like he was preparing to free one arm to reach down and position himself, but I stopped him. I reached down between our bodies to stroke Jacob's lower stomach, and felt, against my thigh, his body react to my touches.
"Let me," I breathed, watching his beautiful eyes darken. He licked his lips and nodded.
So I reached down lower, my eyes on Jacob's the entire time, and wrapped my fingers the best I could around his hardness. I mimicked what Jacob had always done before, sliding him up and down my wetness, and watched my husband's face react. It was beautiful. I had to fight to keep my own eyes from rolling back.
"Who's teasing now?" He rasped.
"No more teasing," I promised, since I wasn't sure my body could take it either. I dragged him one more time, slowly, over my favorite place, before I brought him down to my entrance. "I'm here, Jake."
"Okay?" He asked, and I nodded.
He pressed in, stretching, just the very tip of him. I gasped and let go, brInging my hands up to wrap around his back. I felt the muscles in Jacob's arms flex as he braced them more securely on either side of me. Then he gave me another inch.
We both hissed in satisfaction. Jacob bit his lips, and then leaned forward and kissed me. As his lips found a place between mine, his slid forward fully. I let out a choked whimper into our kiss and Jacob groaned.
"God, I missed you, baby," he bit out roughly, pressing until his hips were flush against mine. "Oh. Oh, God."
I shifted my own hips, fighting to keep my eyes open against the feeling of such fullness, and the movement made my favorite place press directly against Jacob's hot skin.
"Me too, Jacob," I murmured, turning my head to the side to kiss his forearm, and then straining up to kiss his neck, his cheeks, the corners of his lips. "I missed having you like this . . . "
"I love you," he whispered, dipping his head to lay a hot kiss on my neck.
"I love you," I whispered back, as Jacob's hips started to withdraw. "So much . . . so h-hard."
My voice broke on the last word as Jacob slid back in, brushing across the place that made my toes curl on the bed sheets.
"Hard?" His voice asked, rough and suggestive, in my ear. He withdrew and came back, forcing out another sigh. I felt him grit his teeth against the pleasure.
"So hard," I whimpered back, my leg lifting off the bed almost in reflex, still bent, to rub over Jacob's side. "Jake . . . "
"Ness," he said back, directly in my ear, and then there was the heat of his tongue, flicking. "Baby."
If I hadn't been so delirious with pleasure, I would have smiled at the word.
Jacob made love to me slowly, his body moving in and out of mine languidly, his lips slowly traveling from my own to my neck and down to the tops of my breasts. Neither of us wanted to rush - I had been impatient before, but now that I had him here, I wasn't ready for our connection to end yet.
I'd waited what felt like years and yet was only weeks to have Jacob above me again, and there was nothing like it. His body, huge and hot and strong, covering mine. His weight, deliciously perfect. And his love . . . it topped everything else.
I felt a half-smile against my neck, Jacob's reaction to my body arching hard against him as he stroked passed that place inside of me. Sometimes it just felt better than others. His lips slowly traveled their way back to my ear as his body retreated and then slid back into mine once more. My body gripped him and he let out a sharp breath.
"Too slow, mama?" He asked in my ear, the name making me shiver. It seemed to be becoming a favorite. "Do you need more?"
"Just a little," I panted, lifting my head to take a small trail of sweat from Jacob's neck with my tongue. "Just a little faster, Jake."
Jacob's body obeyed, bracing his arms and knees more firmly, and then beginning a new, slightly faster pace. I wrapped my arms around his back, from under his arms, and spread my legs wider, my body rushing to accommodate the new pace.
"I can't wait - " Jacob panted as our bodies came together again, and again. "I can't wait to take care of you - of this - baby . . . I love you, Nessie. Both of you."
Just like in my dream, my fantasy that kept my hopes alive the entire time Jacob was gone.
I brought my hands to his face and pulled it down to mine, kissing him fervently. His words were too beautiful - his body and his love, they all were too beautiful.
How could I love a person so much? Two people? One the man above me and another not even fully formed? How could my heart possess this much emotion? I felt like it was going to burst out of me, and then nothing would be left.
Jacob's body took its cues from my kisses, finding a new rhythm. He slid lower on the bed, bracing his legs differently, and so the tempo of his thrusts changed. Slow, deep, and grinding. His body against mine, every inch of it.
My body was frayed and tattered in the best possible way. I was dancing on the edge of oblivion. And now it was all up to Jacob. I could feel his body slowly tensing - I think it was easier for him to hold out when I was on top. I didn't care though - he didn't have to wait for me like he thought he did. I knew he would always make sure I was satisfied.
In every way.
"Don't ever think - I'm not happy, Ness," he panted, prying away from my lips to suck at my neck. "I'm so - so happy."
He thrust into me, deep and intense and I cried out softly. The more intimate position allowed Jacob to reach down, only supporting himself with one hand, and bring it down between our bodies. He pressed his thumb into my favorite place, just above where our bodies were joining, and left his other fingers to stretch up and rest on the lowest part of my stomach.
Touching both of us, at the same time.
His swirled his thumb around me and my hips bucked up to meet his. He did it again, swirling In the opposite direction, and I was done. My body was finished. It could hold on no longer.
My body tightened, hard, around Jacob as my muscles went rigid. His fingers and hips kept up their work, thrusting and swirling in a rhythm with each other. I gasped and buried my face in Jacob's shoulder to muffle my noises, but he rolled it back, not allowing me to.
My mouth was covered with his, and he swallowed my cries, kissing me in time with the rest of his body. Groaning loudly into my mouth, Jacob helped me ride my pleasure out, and it was only when my body went lax under his did he remove his hand from my body.
With one last caress to my stomach, he brought his arm back up to brace against the bed. He broke away from my lips, burying his face in my neck, and began the work towards his own release.
My exhausted body registered the pleasure, but the lightening, electric feeling was gone. It was better this way - I could focus on Jacob's pleasure now. I reached up and brought my fingers through Jacob's beautiful hair and raised my legs to wrap around his hips.
"Yes, Jacob," I murmured, turning my head so I could brush my lips over his ear. He always did this for me, and how I loved it, yet I never did it for him. "Your turn now, love - yes, my Jacob - let go. Ah."
"Fuck!" His words were muffled into my neck, but clear. His lips parted on my skin and I gasped as I felt his teeth take a gentle bite. He thrust harder. "Yeah . . . oh, God, Ness . . . "
Then there was the heat, the liquid heat, filling my body. Jacob's gasps filled my ears and my body gripped him of its own accord, helping him along like he always helped me. I reveled in the pleasure, the knowledge that this very thing was what gave me the reason I was so happy.
Jacob, the very essence of him. Inside me, closer than close. The very thing that meant so much to me became the creation of our child.
And now, it was Jacob's pleasure - his happiness and his love. I would always love this part of being with him.
Jacob's thrusts became broken, and he pressed himself fully inside of me. I cradled his head in my hands and buried my fingers in his hair as he moaned out his pleasure.
Tears of happiness welled up and slipped from my eyes as Jacob's body softened above mine. He did his best to hold his weight off of me, but his body still collapsed the smallest bit onto mine.
I turned my head to kiss Jacob's hot, sweat-damp neck. Our gasping breaths slowly died down, our hearts thrumming together back into a slower pace. I knew Jacob heard one more than I did.
With one more hot kiss to my neck, Jacob lifted his head tiredly to face me. The moment was one of the most intimate we had shared. His mouth came down on mine for one of those kisses, those open-mouthed, sweaty, tensionless kisses. The kind we only had after he had just been together.
My lips came back for another, but Jacob's had already moved down to my neck. Only one kiss here before he moved down further, sliding his body down the bed enough for him to reach. He placed an open-mouthed kiss between my breasts as he slipped from between my thighs.
He continued, laying five hot kisses down my stomach, the last over my navel, sliding down my body as needed to do it. I melted into his kisses. Did he want to go again - already?
I realized that wasn't the case when he laid his last kiss, on the lowest part of my belly, the most tender of all. He let his head collapse against my thigh, and brought his eyes up to mine.
I reached down and threaded my fingers through his hair once more. Jacob turned his head on my leg, just enough to press his lips to my inner thigh. Not lustful, just love.
"I love you, Nessie," he said simply. No inflection, just like that. The words and the meaning behind them.
"I love you too, Jacob."
I had never meant it more.
Then slowly, Jacob brought himself back up onto his hands and knees, and crawled back up my body. He laid himself beside me, on his side, and I rolled over to go to him at the same time he pulled me.
I made a sound of contented pleasure as our skin came together again. Jacob's hand slid down to cover my stomach again, and his lips dropped down to kiss mine.
"And I love this baby," he promised, the emotion clear in his voice. I strained up and kissed him again. "Already."
"I'm so glad you know how, Jacob." I lifted my head to rest on Jacob's arm and he pulled me closer. So close, not one secret between us now.
"Me too," he smiled. "I . . . can't wait to do this with you."
I reached my arms up, to wrap around Jacob's neck, and wet my lips with my tongue as I thought. Now . . . I - all my fantasies could come true. All those conversations I had dreamed of having, I could now have them.
"Do you . . . " I fought a smile and tears at the same time. I settled for pressing my lips to Jacob's shoulder and bringing my eyes up to him. Jacob rolled his shoulder back again, smiling at my smile. "Do you think you want . . . a - a boy or a girl?"
To say such a thing out loud, one of the thoughts that had rolled itself around my mind for weeks now - not only out loud, but to my husband - was so liberating. And I honestly wondered at his answer.
Jacob's smile was thoughtful, his eyes dancing, and he held me a little closer.
"I really . . . haven't had time to think about it," he said, quietly, but I could tell he was now. I bit my lip as I waited for his answer. "I think . . . I mean, I would still be so happy either way . . . "
"But?" I prodded.
"But," he continued, that smiled still tugging on the corners of his lips. "I think I might want a - a little girl . . . to look and act just like you."
I couldn't help but smile.
"She wouldn't though," I heard my voice say, the pronoun 'she' making it all so real. "Be just like me. She would . . . take from you too. Your skin and . . . and your hair."
I fingered a lock of it as I spoke. Jacob's eyes roved my face and he smirked.
"Would you still want it if it looked like me?" He asked me, teasing.
I felt my jaw drop. Even as a joke, the idea was impossible. I scooted up higher in his arms.
"Especially if it looks like you," I corrected, tilting my face up and accepting a tender kiss. "Can you imagine? A little boy with long black hair. Running all over the place, getting into everything . . . "
Jacob's smile only grew as I spoke, his arm around me holding me tighter.
"God, Nessie," he said, shaking his head and nuzzling his nose with mine. "We're . . . we're gonna have a baby."
"Yeah, we are," I said, smiling at his amazement, going when he bowed my body further against him and kissed me. "I wonder . . . what everybody's going to say?"
"We'll go to the big house in the morning," Jacob decided. "You need to get checked out, make sure you're . . . both okay. And I know they're gonna be happy, don't worry, honey."
"I'm not," I said, honestly. "You're the only one I was worried about - I was so . . . scared you would be angry with me . . . for keeping it from you."
"I'm sorry you had to worry, baby," he soothed, nuzzling my nose until I lifted my lips high enough for him to kiss. "Thank you for doing that for me . . . I love you so much."
I didn't even say anything back, just gripped his hair tighter and deepened the kiss. Jacob pulled away a few seconds later, breathing slightly labored, and I saw every bit of love he had for me in his eyes.
This was amazing. This was all I ever wanted. There were no more obstacles - no horrible ones at least. Only the one, exciting, kind of scary but doubly welcome, new obstacle ahead of us now.
Jacob kissed me again.
"You've been keeping all of this to yourself for so long," he said shifting one of his legs between mine. "I'm so proud of you."
I smiled to myself, pressing a kiss to his shoulder.
"You don't have to anymore though, honey," he promised. "You can tell me anything. I don't want you to hide anything from me, even for my own good."
Anything. That was the true sign we had weathered the worst of the storm. We had complete openness now.
Jacob pressed his hot lips to my forehead.
"Which do you want?" He asked me softly, his voice sounding strained, yet calm. "A boy or a girl?"
"You know . . . I hadn't even really thought about it until I asked you," I confessed, wriggling my body closer to his, letting the thrum of our hearts sooth me. As the baby grew stronger, would I hear its as well? "But . . . like you said, I'd be so happy either way . . . but a little boy would be nice. Just like you."
"If he's like me, he'll be bad," Jacob warned, playfully, but with warm undertones.
"I think I can deal with it," I decided, smiling and imagining it. Our future. "With your help."
"Always." The emotion in Jacob's eyes were . . . very strong. I thought his eyes might be wet, but when I looked again, it was gone. "You'll always have my help, baby."
"That's all I need."
Jacob smiled and pulled back - I scooted back to give him room, seeing that he was tugging down the blankets. He pulled them down and got inside, then looked at me. He touched the place beside him.
"You don't need to get cold," he explained, with that same absent smile. Already so protective.
I crawled towards him and burrowed myself under the covers like he wanted, and into his side.
"Like I can be cold with you here," I teased, hooking one of my legs over his, letting it rest between them. He wrapped his arms around me and I was cocooned in heat. "My hot husband."
Jacob didn't even make a crack at my innuendo. He just shifted a little, helping my body mold itself into him better. Jacob nuzzled my temple and then kissed there.
"I wanna hear some of the things you've been thinking about," he whispered into my ear, making me shiver with pleasure and love.
I nodded and floated my eyes over his face as I thought of what to say first. How did you choose from three weeks of thoughts and worries and fantasies and ideas? What would Jacob most like to hear?
I thought about it for a few long moments before I said, "Names?"
A smile played on Jacob's lips - it seemed like he couldn't get rid of it today. That alone made me ecstatic.
"You already picked out names?" He asked, his eyes bright.
For some reason, this made me blush. I shook my head.
"No . . . just - just ideas," I corrected. I was nervous to tell them to Jacob. "You - of course you would have a say, I'd want you to - "
Jacob's lips cut off my ramblings. His kiss was quick, but persistent.
"Just tell me," he breathed. I nodded.
"O-okay." I took a deep breath - I wasn't sure on Jacob's reaction, whether he would consider it a compliment or an insult. "I was thinking of . . . Sarah, for a girl. And of - of William for a boy."
I watched Jacob's eyes widen, and waited for his reaction. I liked the idea of naming our child after Jacob's parents - I just hoped he did too.
I got my answer when I found myself on my back. Jacob's body covered mine again, his hand holding my face as he kissed me passionately. His tongue found mine and I pressed my hands to his back, opening my connection to him to show him every bit of my love and my joy.
He pulled back, breathlessly, minutes later. I stared deep into his dark, beautiful eyes. I saw my future there. Children and a family and our friends and the rest of forever. I saw forever.
We had come full circle.
"Whatever you want, Nessie," Jacob promised, and his words weren't surprising. He kissed me again, the first kiss of the beginning of forever. "Whatever you want."