Ianto wandered absently around his apartment, Nermal slung over one shoulder and the washing over the other. He shook his head as he stooped to pick up the pile of socks at the end of the couch, Jack liked to kick them off while watching tv. Hauling Nermal higher up his shoulder, he fished down behind the cushions. His tie was down there somewhere, possibly two if the other hadn't been found after Jack's latest enthusiastic attack. Three ties came out with Ianto's hand, he raised his eyebrow and continued on through the house. Nermal purred happily into his ear and Ianto looped a tie around his neck with a smile, Nermal bumped his nose into Ianto's cheek and amped up his purring.
'Wait here,' Ianto told Nermal, placing him up on the shelf as he loaded the washer. Nermal watched intently, tail swishing as the clothes were placed in. Ianto was about to close the lid when Nermal looked up sharply, head turned towards the door.
'Hello, Jack,' Ianto turned around, Jack caught in the middle of sneaking up behind him.
'How did you know?' Jack stripped off his coat and shirt, throwing his shirt into the machine.
'Watch Kitty,' Ianto pointed at Nermal with a smirk. 'And I heard you come in,' he admitted, 'quiet is not one of the things you do well.'
Jack grinned and scooped Nermal off the shelf, 'I thought you were coming home later, got a surprise when I saw your car.'
'Had to tell your toy boy to come back another day?' Ianto gave both Nermal and Jack a kiss as he walked past.
'Nah, I've found The One,' Jack rubbed noses with Nermal, 'One furry, dribbling, four legged man for me.'
'Captain Jack: The Domesticated Version.'
Jack scratched between Nermal's ears, 'Why exactly is Nerm wearing a,' he held him out for inspection, 'tie?'
'A better question would be what was it doing down the back of the couch?' Ianto called from the bedroom.
Jack looked at the tie and grinned, 'It's your blue one. I like that one.'
'I noticed,' Ianto replied dryly. 'Do you like my red striped one too?'
Jack frowned and wandered into the bedroom, Nermal now resting over his shoulder, 'I don't remember it, why?'
'Because,' Ianto pulled his head out from under the bed, 'I can't find it, and that usually means it's been flung somewhere.'
'It wasn't the one that got eaten by the weevil?'
'Nope. How was tonight's hunt?'
Jack nudged Ianto's leg with his toe as he bent under Jack's side of the bed, 'You beat my score,' he pouted, 'and you got home first. Three weevils.'
Ianto just held up four fingers and wiggled them.
'Four?' Jack raised his eyebrows, 'You got four tonight?'
'I'll be doing autographs later.'
'I hope you told Owen this.'
'You can tell him later yourself, thought I'd leave the gloating for you. What time is everyone coming?' Ianto emerged empty handed and flopped backwards on the bed.
'7:30,' Jack set Nermal down and settled beside Ianto.
'Jack,' clear blue eyes tilted up to meet his, Ianto reached over his head and pointed wordlessly at the photograph on Jack's bedside table. Jack didn't reply immediately, bending down to gently kiss Ianto.
'Your Mam gave it to me, Rhiannon took it.'
'Mam gave it to you?' Ianto asked incredulously, turning onto his stomach to look openly at the photo.
Jack rested his hand on Ianto's back, 'Rhiannon took it when they came over for dinner, your Mam gave it to me when I was ill.'
Ianto contemplated it with a smile, looking up to transfer his smile to Jack, 'You look gorgeous when you're sleeping.' They both quietly looked at the photograph, Jack's head nestled under Ianto's chin with a hand lightly curled around his shoulder. Ianto's cheek rested against brown hair and his arm was tucked around Jack's shoulder.
'I'm going to have a shower,' Ianto finally moved and pressed a quick kiss to Jack's forehead, 'try and find my tie for me.'
'I need a shower too,' Jack said hopefully.
Ianto looked at him then rolled his eyes, a smirk playing over his lips. 'I still want my tie found,' he warned as Jack steered him towards the bathroom.
'Pass me my bowl?' Ianto stretched out his hand as Gwen walked past. 'Ta,' he said gratefully, settling back into the couch to make room for Gwen.
'Four weevils,' Jack leant over Gwen towards Owen, eyebrows raised significantly. Ianto, Tosh and Gwen talked loudly beside him and Owen looked disbelieving.
'You caught two. I saw you.'
'I caught two, Ianto caught four,' Jack drew back smugly, wordlessly mouthing four again. He grinned at Owen's expression.
'You're on my hand,' Gwen hit Owen's arm until he moved, Jack obligingly shuffled onto Ianto's lap.
'Heavy,' Ianto said flatly.
'And yet you love it,' Jack wriggled comfortably back into Ianto. There was a pause, broken only by the sounds of the movie and creak of the couch springs as Tosh shifted beside Owen.
'Hey,' Tosh offered Ianto a shy smile, leaning against the bench as she watched Ianto pull out the wine glasses. 'Need a hand?'
'Nearly done,' Ianto smiled.
Tosh glanced over her shoulder, the other three were squabbling loudly over the next dvd, turning back to Ianto with a grin. 'So?' She hinted.
Ianto grinned, 'It's good,' he admitted.
'You're officially-?' She tilted her head with a grin.
'Official? Jack?' Ianto handed Tosh a glass, gazing around her at Jack, 'I have no idea what we are,' he looked back at his friend, 'but I like whatever it is.'
'I was surprised that you would want to live with Jack,' she confessed.
'So am I,' Ianto raised his eyebrows as he poured out the other glasses. 'Didn't really have a choice to start with,' he was silent, 'but-' he looked up with a grin, 'he can be quite winning.'
'You've been coming to work with Ianto,' Owen stated.
'Making sense seen as I live with him.'
Gwen started in surprise, 'Officially?'
Jack shrugged awkwardly, 'I don't know, I suppose?'
'You're not messing with him are you?' Owen demanded bluntly.
'No,' Jack said softly. Owen settled back, satisfied, and switched the dvd player on.
'Are you two...together?' Gwen asked quietly, glancing towards the kitchen.
'Ah!' Jack stood up hurriedly, taking a glass from Ianto, 'drinks!'
'To Jack,' Ianto raised his glass simply, everyone mirrored quietly. Jack smiled, glancing around before placing a soft kiss on Ianto's cheek. Owen broke the silence with a loud whistle.
'Shhhh,' Gwen held an exaggerated finger to her lips, tiptoeing across the hall before staggering sideways into the wall. 'It's out there,' she stabbed her finger towards the door. A soup ladle against the door carefully pushed it open, five heads peering cautiously behind it.
'Shoreline is unobstructed,' Ianto withdrew the ladle and saluted. Owen slumped sideways with a ladle to the head.
'Man down,' Tosh seized Owen's ankle and hauled him sideways.
'Silence!' Gwen roared. Everyone flinched and Gwen dissolved into hysterical giggles, 'Bellybutton,' she pointed at Ianto, sliding weakly down the wall with a hand pressed to her mouth. Everyone watched in silence as she erupted into a helpless snort.
'I have one too?' Jack offered eventually, unbuttoning his shirt to stare quizzically at it. Ianto dropped the ladle to slide an arm under Jack's shirt, kissing him seriously on the neck before drawing back, 'We have work to do,' he reached sideways and seized Tosh around the neck, pressing a kiss to her cheek while maintaining unblinking eye contact with Jack.
'Limestone,' Jack said understandingly.
'I have it cornered,' Gwen called from outside. Owen tugged imploringly at Tosh's skirt, holding up his hands.
'Torchwood is ready,' Jack said promptly, stealing Tosh's pot and jamming it on his head.
'There,' Gwen gestured with a roll of duct tape towards the fence as everyone piled out on the dark lawn. 'It hides, it waits. We'll take it unaware.' Taking off a shoe she lobbed it fiercely at the fence, the fence rattled and her shoe landed with a loud clatter. 'Shh.'
Ianto chuckled inanely, staring up at the ceiling. Unsteady feet pattered across the floor towards the bed, a weight landing with an awkward thump next to Ianto. 'Hi,' Ianto said serenely, turning his head to smile at Jack.
'Hey,' Jack responded warmly, gazing tenderly at Ianto.
'So glad you're better,' Ianto tried to kiss Jack, hitting his throat instead. 'All three of you.'
'Please don't grow old,' Jack asked quietly, he gently brushed a strand of hair off Ianto's forehead, 'please.' Soft lips regretfully kissed his and Jack suddenly cried into Ianto's shoulder. Ianto felt more sober than he had the whole night as he felt Jack cry weakly against his skin, arms locking around his back. 'Don't go, please don't,' tears coursed down Jack's cheeks, trickling over Ianto's chest. Ianto waited, in a few minutes a muffled snore sounded.
'Mr Jones!' An insistent knocking came from the door.
The door flung open, 'Yo,' Owen said flatly. Mrs Fisher stared. 'What you looking at?' Owen snapped irritably, 'Whadjawant? It's bloody early.'
'Yeah well Jack got there first, take a ticket, Grandma,' Owen tried to slam the door. A moccasin slipper barred the way. Owen sighed and rubbed his head, 'Ianto!' He bellowed down the hallway, 'The mad bint from next door wants you!'
'I'm here,' Jack sashayed into view, boxer clad hips swinging, 'Hey,' he said flirtatiously, leaning against the doorframe. 'Mrs Fisher,' he purred.
The woman drew her dressing-gown around tighter, 'You've been at my bins.'
Jack winked and leaned forward, 'We'll keep it our little secret.'
'They're duct taped to the fence.'
'Oo,' Jack pursed his lips, 'you tease. I guess we'll just have to,' he raised an eyebrow, 'untape them.'
'I want to speak to Mr Jones.'
'My boyfriend's busy, anything I can do for you?'
'Mr Jones, but I make exceptions for gorgeous women such as yourself.'
'Jack,' Ianto called warningly, hurried footsteps came down the steps and Ianto appeared next to Jack.
'Hey gorgeous,' Jack looped a possessive hand around Ianto's hip, 'Mrs Fisher has a complaint about her bins she wishes to share.'
'I did wonder why she decided to duct tape them to her fence,' Ianto said seriously, 'but I thought it might not be polite to ask.'
'I know your mother,' Mrs Fisher pointed a finger at him.
'And suddenly it all makes sense,' Jack muttered.
'I'll be telling her about this young man and your liaisons.'
'Ianto,' Jack tilted his head thoughtfully, 'I feel the sudden need to liaison,' he seized Ianto around the waist and pressed him into the door. Mrs Fisher fled.
'You have interesting neighbours,' Jack stepped back with a disbelieving shake of his head. 'Fun though,' he admitted.
Ianto tapped his fingers thoughtfully on Jack's chest, 'I think I'd like to make a call.'
'Mam?...It's me, I was just wondering if you knew someone called Mrs Fisher?'
'Hey,' Jack twitched the curtains back, motioning for Ianto, 'isn't that your Mam's car?' Ianto looked across with a small huff of surprise. They watched in silence as a figure in a grey coat slammed the car door, striding purposefully up to Mrs Fisher's frontdoor. 'Bathroom window?'
'Bathroom window,' Ianto agreed, seizing Jack's hand as they turned and bolted through the house.
Ianto grunted as Jack slammed into his back, smacking his face against the glass.
'Sorry,' Jack rested his hands on Ianto's hips and peered over his shoulder. 'See anything?' Ianto didn't reply, they both listened as a shrill voice slowly climbed higher.
'Mrs Fisher,' they said in unison. Jack chuckled and shuffled closer to the window.
'You mind?' Ianto voice was muffled into the glass. Jack obligingly opened the window wider. Drawing a deeper breath, Ianto bent forward over the ledge then froze. 'You bastard.' He felt Jack shake with suppressed laughter and reached behind him to deliver a slap to Jack's thigh.
'Sh,' Jack tried unsuccessfully not to laugh, 'look,' he pointed at the two figures walking in Mrs Fisher's garden.
'That's the last time you get behind me,' Ianto muttered, craning to watch his Mam walk towards the bins.
'You could move away?' Jack suggested through a wide grin, his comment being pointedly ignored. 'Your Mam's being shown the bins,' Jack commented, 'Mrs Fisher's saying something...your Mam doesn't look all that amused-'
'I have eyes, Jack.'
'-and she's slapping Mrs Fisher.'
Ianto scrabbled at the window ledge and stuck his head through, a weight landing on his back as Jack followed. Mam strode angrily away from Mrs Fisher, Ianto withdrew his head, ignoring the pained yelp from Jack as something struck the window corner. Down stairs the doorbell rang. Reaching blindly behind him, Ianto gripped the first part of Jack he found and tugged him towards the door by his belt.
'Mam,' Ianto said breathlessly as he flung the door open. Jack blinked with wide-eyed innocence beside him. Mam's eyes dropped to Ianto's hand at his belt, Ianto quickly released it and placed his hand behind his back.
'I just want you to know,' two spots of angry colour stood out on Mam's cheeks, 'that Mrs Fisher will no longer be of any bother to you. And if she dares insult you tell her I know what she did with the cake at last year's annual fete.' Mam gripped Ianto by the cheek and placed a fierce kiss on his stunned face, 'I love you. I'm proud of you.'
Her son watched in stunned silence as she marched back to the car, throwing her scarf daintily over her shoulder before flipping a finger to the twitching curtains.
'Your Mam has got class,' Jack said admiringly.
'And most of Cardiff lives in fear of her.'
7 Months Later
'You could wipe that grin off your face,' Ianto said irritably, throwing a pillow at Jack's legs as Jack walked by the couch.
'I am upset. I am worried,' Jack perched beside him and pushed back his hair gently.
'Hm,' Ianto pressed his face into Jack's leg, slightly mollified.
'I don't suppose you want me to help you have a bath?'
Ianto bit Jack's thigh and rolled away with his back to him, his sprained ankle raised on a pile of cushions.
'I could carry you somewhere?' Jack still sounded thrilled.
My baby is finished now! Thank you to Lovely Reviewers and Readers, fully deserving of capitals :) I'm happy to answer any question about gaping plot holes or a general lack of plot^^
Note: Don't think you can sling a cat over your shoulder? Trust me, it can be done, as long as your cat doesn't have an obsession with dribbling because then it just gets plain unpleasant.