A/N: This is just stupidity, right here. XD;; Seriously. Just some silly crack I wrote to get my writing juices a-flowing. And because I love making fun of Jamie. XD I didn't plan on posting this at first, but then I thought, oh, why not? Anyways, hope you enjoy!~
I blame the poncho.
Hell yeah, I blame the damn poncho. And you would too if you were me.
Don't give me that look. It's just so prismatic and hynotic. Such a splendidly spectral design. ...It was freakin' colorful, in other words, and Goddess be damned if that didn't just make everything worse.
And that was only the design! We're not even on the fabric, the way it fell on Jamie's body-- it was like a mask, almost. It was frumpy yet pretty. I didn't appreciate it. But, unfortunately, we've gotten past the point in our "relationship" where it wouldn't be awkward to ask.
Okay, asking what gender someone is will forever be awkward, but my point is still valid. I mean, Jamie only calls me idiot sometimes now. Which, when compared to the rest of the population, is a big step.
And dammit, I know Jamie's about as sweet as a black widow spider. And I know that it's unbearably stupid and, dare I say, teeny-bopper-like to like someone like that. But I am a ditz susceptible to reverse-psychology, and dammit I'm proud.
It's not like we're going out or anything. I think this stupid question is what's keeping me from any more advances than necessary. I mean, if it's a boy, than there's a huge blow to his masculinity right there, and I'll probably be cold-shouldered forever more, just after we got civil after saving the Goddess. If it's a girl, probably be a tad more mellow on the mistaken gender side-- a tad-- but then there's the "OHHHHHHH GODDDDESSSSS MY LITTLE GIRL'S A LESBO" from mother.
Probably weird for the rest of Flowerbud, but eh. Shit happens. I've always been bi, they just never noticed.
At least, if Jamie IS a girl, I'm pretty sure she'll swing my way, because she'll be pretty butch. Yet if Jamie's a boy, he'll be on the girl-ish side of the spectrum. If I was in any other position, I would probably laugh my ass off at the irony. Being androgynous is funny, am I right?
But I'm not laughing. I'm in a damn crappy position. So if anyone laughs, they're getting a boot to the head.
"Maybe I could ask the Goddess...?" I muse while I wander about aimlessly, finished up with farmwork. Oh yeah, because that's sooooo much better. Ask the deity of corn and turnips and whatnot the gender of her favorite farmer. That won't offend her at all. Maybe if I bring an offering, she'll be a little more inclined to share...
And just like that, the lovely androgynous voice of the lovely androgynous Jamie. I freeze, having not realized I'd wandered onto his or her farm. Ugh, I was in pronoun HELL around Jamie. I always have to watch my words, and...that is not something I'm skilled at.
"Oh hiiiiii, Jamie," I say, jogging up to him or her. Jamie's farm animals peeked over at me, mooing and baaing and clucking and whatnot. "How's it going?"
"...I want to talk to you for a second." Jamie gets that look, and I started to panic a little. You know the one, where someone has something life-changing to say, where we will never look at each other quite the same way again after we discuss this, where... Okay, I will never understand why people always need THREE examples of something. I don't have any more for you people, so beat it.
"O-Okay," I stutter, because I am a smooth operator.
Jamie is quiet for a little bit, looking at the ground instead of my face. Apparently, finding courage in the grass, he or she looks up at me again. "Look, I'm only going to say this once, so listen up, all right, idiot?"
Hmm. I don't see boobs on Jamie. But that's the poncho's fault, like everything else. Either the poncho's hiding them, or they really don't exist.
"You're annoying, you're stubborn, you're stupid...but..."
The hat was kind of unisexual, so no go there. Jamie was a unisexual name, too. Jamie's face was pretty, but not particularly one gender or the other, and I couldn't judge his or her pants because the crotch area was covered by the poncho. Spawn of evil, it was.
"You're also really determined, hard-working, and make everyone around you happy. Jeez, I hate saying stupid stuff like this...look, I'll just say it..."
It's killing me not to know...
"...I think I've fallen in love with you--"
"Are you a girl or a boy--?"
We both stop, since we were both talking simultaneously. "Oh, were you saying something?" I ask with an oh-so winning grin. Jamie's face is red as a tomato with rage.
"What did you just ask me??!"
I blink, then gasp. Crap. I didn't think I said that out loud. "No, no, no, Jamie!! I, uh, I've fallen in love with you t--"
"I cannot believe you are actually so stupid!! You don't even know the difference between a girl and a boy!!" Jamie screams. Jamie storms back into his or her house, slamming the door shut.
I slap my forehead, sighing. Man. All that yelling and I didn't even get an answer.
"Oh, well... HEY JAMIE!!" I call into his or her window. I wink, poking my head in while Jamie glares at me. "It can be a surprise on our wedding night, huh?"
He or she closes the window on my fingers, and I howl in pain. When I eventually go home, I'm still without an answer, and now my fingers hurt. I hate that poncho.
A/N: Feedback always appreciated!