First of all, for those of you who have been waiting,
I'M SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG. I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY.
Please forgive me. I love you.
Oh, and I'm also sorry about this ridiculous author's note. There was a lot to say. If you haven't read any of my other Lauren stories you could probably just skip all this, although you may find it enriching. However, no matter what you chose, I do solemnly swear that that story is down there somewhere. Just keep scrolling.
A/N FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVE READ MY STORY, LAUREN'S POV: All right, so I don't want anyone to be confused. This is how it works: If you would like to think of them as a pair, this story goes with the original Lauren's POV, not the extended version where Edward flips out. You can consider the extended version fanfic of fanfic almost…not in any way something I would call canon. In this story, Lauren is unaware that Edward can read minds.
A/N [FOR EVERYONE]: I truly hope that I did not severely disappoint anyone with the way this story turned out. You'll see that it's more fluff than bitchiness (did you know that this is an actual word? Microsoft Word says so). Before you flip out, just listen to me. Next to Edward, Lauren is the most difficult POV I've written, because I have to constantly try to inject some bitterness into her every thought. I'm done with her now—I've had enough. I hope that the unfamiliar, milder Lauren you experience now will be a form of closure to the harsher Lauren stories I've written. I want it to be clear that I completely understand if some of you feel that this isn't canon. Lauren is such an undeveloped character…Stephenie didn't let us know much beyond that she didn't care for Bella. So I have to infer nearly everything—even something that seems absolute, like her having a crush on Edward, could be wrong. I'm only assuming that…I can't know for sure the type of person she is. But to me, Lauren is insecure and unfulfilled. It's not that doesn't think Bella is pretty, it's that she doesn't think she herself, is pretty. That overlying confidence is just an act. Lauren doesn't necessarily crave Edward himself, but more particularly Edward's love. Everyone wants to be loved—Lauren is no exception. And Bella and Edward are very intense about each other. I'd think that it would be difficult to watch that (it's hard to read sometimes). The reason she becomes almost panicky during the wedding before her realization is because she feels like she's losing her only hope of having what Bella has, and she wants that desperately. But if this is not how you perceive Lauren to be, or to have reacted at the wedding, I don't intend to lessen your view of her character in any way. But people have to be bad for a reason. In my view,the wedding was Lauren's pivotal moment, when she had her epiphany. Not just about Edward and Bella, but about herself.
ALSO ALSO [FOR EVERYONE]: I can't say for fact that Lauren was actually ever present at the wedding. I was rereading last night, and at no point does Bella mention interacting or glancing at Lauren. After the ceremony, Mike, Jessica, Angela, and Angela's parents come up to Edward and Bella to congratulate them. But there is no speak of Lauren (or Tyler, for that matter). So I'm not sure if this is canon, truly. All I can say is that supposedly the wedding had a pretty extensive guest list...I mean, if Charlie's friend and his wife from the station came, it seems strange that Lauren wouldn't have been invited. (Although her and Bella weren't exactly the best of friends.) Unless, of course, she chose not to go. I guess we'd have to ask Stephenie. Which I am in no position to do, so take it upon yourselves. In addition to this, I don't recall any mentioning of Edward's best man…am I wrong? Tell me if you know. I didn't pick through my book obsessively to get ever detail right, I just focused on what Lauren was thinking. Hopefully I didn't mess up anything important.
This story takes place during pages…um…Well, I don't know where my book is, and I'm trusting that all of you are obsessed enough to know that the wedding look place in Breaking Dawn. This story is an exact parallel of that, and is written from Lauren's perspective.
Disclaimer: I do not own Bella, Edward, or Twilight. If anything, they own me.
I ran my fingers gently along the smooth tops of the seats as we walked down the row of draped satin. I felt a little dizzy—lightheaded—and I knew that it was just part of the surreal feeling. Part of being here, when I had imagined chaos and destruction so many times…and everything was perfect, the air untouched…
If Angela was averse to sitting next to me, she didn't show it, and neither did I. Not that Jessica was a fabulously better alternative, but I was hoping this thing would be short and sweet. Emphasis on short. I was sitting closer to the aisle than I anticipated, and suddenly had a colorful visual of Bella plummeting towards the floor, her veil wrapping around me and strangling me. I could see the headlines now: Young girl at a teen wedding: Killed by gauze!
The decorations were giving me a headache. I tried to close my eyes, but I didn't want anyone thinking I had fallen asleep. When I opened them again, my vision was nearly obliterated by the tangles of white flowers that were hanging everywhere. It seemed like there were more than there had been a moment ago, but I knew that couldn't be possible. The floral aroma, strong and yet mild, blew into my face like wind as someone rushed by, and I felt like I was choking on all the amour.
I imagined him leaving her at the alter again, and I felt so much better.
But I knew that that wasn't going to happen. Because Edward was here, standing a few aisles in front of me. I couldn't look at him for too long, worried about my eyesight failing. But I could see him speaking with his parents, not bothering to glance up as the guests filed in. I watched, their eyes popping as they took in the expansive white room, luxurious winding staircase, the extensive decor.
Perhaps there was still time…maybe some more of the ruder quests would be arriving late…
I was still waiting, hoping to eavesdrop on the conversation of a few dubious guests, smiling at Edward's blissful glow like it was cute, mocking the apparent seriousness of the event.
But that wasn't happening. Any intensity buzzed around the room, respectful eyes falling upon Edward, rather than bemused ones.
I glanced up in time to see a strange gathering of people glide past us as they went towards empty seats. Their snowy white skin and perfect movement…the almost chilled flow of air that brushed against me as they passed…it was very odd. But then I realized why I felt so familiar to it. Maybe they were distant relatives of the Cullens.
Suddenly, amazingly, and frighteningly, it was time. Weddings are always like that. You'd think that people would want some time to prepare, to chill, to enjoy their last moments as single people…but it never works out that way. You watch as something unfold slowly right before your eyes, and then—Wham! The rug is whipped out from under you, and the ceremony has begun.
Edward and Angela's dad took their places as the guests settled down. Edward's sister—the blonde—played the piano. I couldn't look at her perfection, feeling myself getting smaller and smaller…shrinking. This was happening, and there was nothing I could do, I had no control, for once in my life—no control….
The music flowed uninterrupted as Alice descended the aisle, a breathtaking glow, her skin the usual and yet faintly unnatural-looking milky white. She was so gorgeous. There wasn't a chance Bella could possibly look like that. I raised my shoulders slightly, my confidence slowly returning. Bella was like a different breed from these people. Mixing her and Edward was like…I don't even know. Bella, with her plain brown hair and plain brown eyes and plain, plain everything. A girl who was closer to us than she would ever be to him.
The march began and Bella and her father slowly came into view.
"Geez," Mike breathed.
I figured Jessica would pinch him or something. Does your boyfriend deserve punishment if he thinks his former crush looks hot on her wedding day? I glanced at Jess, smiling as I imagined their squabble breaking up the perfect harmony of the ceremony, but she was distracted, staring wide-eyed at Bella. For some reason, I felt some type of surreal déjà vu. Is it just me, or are people always staring at her behind my shoulder when I'm trying to get their attention?
I turned to look also, not excited to see her, but determined to find out what all the fuss was about. Bella was blushing a deep red, her regular color, as standard for her as snowy white was for Alice. Her hair was piled onto her head in a hairdo, the braids wrapped up into an intricate design. Her dress billowed softly out from her hips, and I figured she must have spent about six hours getting made up that morning. She was a different person, but the same—exactly the same. Stumbling slightly—another normality, she held desperately onto her father's support.
I watched as her eyes raked over the crowd, searching, and of course landing upon Edward. Of course. They were getting married for god's sake; I really should stop being surprised by that. Her eyes have been searching and falling on him for practically her entire life here—it wasn't something that should still be making my stomach twinge. Something changed in her face, and she no longer stumbled, not as dependent on her father's grasp. Her large brown eyes widened, as if it was the very first time she had ever seen him.
How clique is that? It's true though. I hate it when that happens. People will tell you for your entire life that one day you'll get that feeling like you're holding the world in the palm of your hand, and you'll never believe them. At least I don't. But even though I don't believe them, I say I don't, I tell myself I don't, I figure it will probably happen eventually.
Edward's face broke out into a smile that could only be described as victorious. I watched his face, rather than hers, and his eyes smoldered as he looked at her, and I felt like I was intruding on their moment…such a strange and private connection. And I realized what had so stubbornly alluded me for so long. I realized that I didn't have to understand it, because the proof was right there on Edward's face, shining like it was blinding me—like it was trying to blind me, and seeing such desperate adoration and knowing that I could never receive it was incredibly painful. He was something else, something I couldn't understand and something that no other seventeen year old boy could try to recreate. In his eyes—clearer than anything, for the entire world to see—he said, I love you, and you and me is the only thing that matters ever, and I don't care at all if I'm grinning like an idiot or if the crowd is ogling me, because in a moment, in one incredibly long moment, you'll be mine forever and forever and what else matters? Nothing.
Such raw and honest emotion was bouncing around in the air, radiating from Bella as well, and I drowned in the suffocating jubilance. How could I ever achieve what she was about to have forever? How could I ever be to someone what she was to him?
I wanted so badly to hate her. I wanted so badly to be her. But I couldn't have either, and I knew that now. Her fingers twitched, reaching for him, and the crowd breathed silently, watching the unrestrained exultation on Edward's face, and wondering how such a miracle could have come about in Forks, Washington.