Disclaimer: Not mine.


Rules of Being a Delicious Mafia Boss

Rule 1: Despite what many many porno videos say, sex is not actual acceptable payment/excuse/favor/gift for a Mafia Boss. Yes, Mukuro, you cannot get out of jail time even if you go down on the Tenth. Even with that tongue piercing. Mafioso XXX is not an acceptable documentary of the glorious history of the Mafia.

Rule 2: Nor is it an acceptable form of revenge. Mafia Bosses are not smexed up by vengeful rivals/allies/subordinates. Do you hear this, you horde of perverts on the prowl?

Rule 3: In fact, Mafia Bosses should not get smexed up by whoever, whenever. It is the Mafia Boss who does the smexing, thanks very much.

Rule 4: Mafia Bosses are never virgins. Never ever. We mean it, Tsuna.

Rule 5: Mafia Bosses never blush either.

Rule 6: In fact, Mafia Bosses are never surprised or shocked by any carnal knowledge/act. Because, they have participated in all of them. Yes, Tsuna, that includes bondage.

Rule 7: It does not mean, however, that the Mafia Boss is tied down. As we said, it is the Boss who does all the tying here.

Rule 8: No physical evidence is allowed of any love-play that the Boss has participated in. Evidence is another word for blackmail. So, Viper, get rid of all those pictures you're selling. Even if you're making a fortune. No, we don't care that you're using it to fund Varia activities.

Rule 9: That includes all those videos, dammit.

Rule 10: Mafia Bosses do not look good in drag. Although, Tsunayoshi, we think that there really is no hope for you. We wonder if surgery will work on you, then we remember the various loyal, foaming-at-the-mouth crowd of yours and then think—no.

Rule 11: Mafia Bosses like rough sex. It is a given. No, Tsuna, you cannot have soft and sweet, gentle sex. It will ruin your image. Even if it is your first time. We recommend Xanxus since it is also very likely that he will try to kill you…while having sex with you.

Rule 12: The fact of the matter is…all the lovers of Mafia Bosses often try to assassinate them while in bed. Therefore, Xanxus is a good choice for your first as this will help practice you in the art of VIGILANCE. Of course, if you get killed…then Xanxus is the new heir.

Rule 13: Mafia Bosses always wear suits. And a Mafia Boss is never without a necktie. Even naked. Especially when naked.