"VOOOOOI----!" was the first thing I heard as I approached the castle grounds. It was the only thing I EVER heard outside the castle. For certain I knew our noisy commander was awake. But that was not my concern.

Ever since I joined as a member of the Varia, there were countless rules and regulations I had to follow, most of which were non-existent until I came in. What a coincidence.

Strangely enough, our boss Xanxus did not seem to have known about these rules or I would have been expelled faster than I could have said 'stupid froggy hat', considering how many of these rules I've already broken. It's really not my fault, since I only got to know of the rules AFTER I broke them. So how did I come to know about the rules in the first place? It was Bel-senpai, or the fake prince, as I like to call him, who so kindly enlightened me of the existence of these rules.

During the first dinner of my arrival, I requested to be excused from the table to take a trip to the washroom. Next thing I knew, a knife whizzed past me, narrowly missing my neck.

"Ushishishi... Little froggy needs to go to the little froggy room. Looks like you're not aware of rule number 1. You can't go to the froggy room until you're done with your food."

And the next rule I broke was rule number 2: Never take the froggy hat off. Shortly after, I broke rule number 3: Don't even think about touching the froggy hat. I suppose it must have been another coincidence that I broke every rule in numerical order.

Getting back to the point, my main concern was that dictator of a fake prince. Being caught loitering (as he would put it) outside the castle would result in several of those odd-shaped knives being wedged in my back. I certainly wouldn't want that to happen; I'd probably die of embarrassment, if not of blood loss.

Anyway, the only reason I left the castle despite the consequences of getting caught outside it was because I had seen a suspicious individual on the lawn. Not that it was that good a reason enough to risk getting stabbed to oblivion. I guess I momentarily got my priorities mixed up. So sue me. Anyone could have easily made the same mistake of choosing curiosity over his own life. I imagine it's a pretty common mistake.

I finally arrived back at the doorstep of the castle and reached for the doorknob, all the while hoping that the fake prince was asleep, or at the very least occupied with work (the former being a more likely occurrence than the latter, yet both seeming to be equally impossible scenarios. Then again, he might have been sleeping at the dinner table, which would be breaking rule number 167, for all anyone could tell. No one can ever see his eyes. So who knows). But it was just as I expected. I couldn't even open the door without being interrupted. By him.

"Shishishi... Naughty little froggy... What mischief are you up to, froggy?"

A knife on my shoulder.

"Shishishi... Little froggy's breaking rule..."

"...Number 1,957."

A knife on my arm.

"Froggy boy wants to be a know-it-all, does he now~? But he can't be one because he's not a genius like this prince is~ "

A knife on my wrist.

"I'd thank you to stop throwing your knives at me. I hardly think it suits my appearance at all. If anything, it's making me lose more appeal than the froggy hat you made me wear--"

Interrupted again.

"Ushishishi... Froggy doesn't like his head? Then perhaps I should do him a favor by slicing it off~ Shishishi..."

In one swift move, he moved so close to me that I could literally feel him breathing down my neck. I felt a slight tinge at my neck which, I was certain, was the result of having a knife pressed against my throat. I suspected that my neck was now bleeding profusely, and my suspicions were confirmed by the soft, deranged laughter and mutterings escaping my deranged senpai's lips.

"Shishishi... Ushishishi...... blood... flowing... not stopping... shishishi..."

Next thing I knew, I was forcefully pinned to the ground, and the slight tinge I felt around my neck was replaced by a hot, prickling sensation along with a wet, ticklish feel. He was licking the blood off my neck. I just lay still, slightly taken aback by his sudden and unexpected gesture. Really. What else was I supposed to do when there was a knife to my throat and a deranged senpai licking at it? Push him off and risk getting my throat torn to shreds? As much as my facial expressions never seem to show it, those knives actually do hurt when they're stabbed into me. I'm just inept at showing expression on my face.

So here I was, not being able to do anything but allow my fake prince senpai to taste the blood running down my neck. I tried to struggle slightly, but I felt the knife digging deeper into my neck. I gave up trying to move, and decided to tell him to stop instead, figuring it would make more progress than if I were to just keep squirming; plus it would leave me with fewer gashes.

"Could you please get off now, fake prince? I'd like to be able to feel my hands again--"

A knife on my lips.

It gave me one more large gash than if I had just shut up.

So I was wrong.

"Shishishi... I suggest you know what position you're in and remain silent~ And it's just prince to you, annoying, uncute kohai."

Well, the positive thing that came out of that attempt was that senpai stopped trying to get every drop of blood off my neck. I silently let out a sigh of relief... that was short-lived.

I couldn't see his eyes, but I could feel them staring down... at my lips. Subconsciously I licked them. And there was blood. A whole lot of it. And though I was mentally prepared for what came next, I could not prevent it in any way.

He kissed me.

My first kiss was gone. To a stupid fake prince.

Oh the humiliation.

Sure it wasn't really a kiss, but it sure ended up resembling one.

Oh god. That was so gross.

I realized the big mistake I made seconds before: I licked the blood from my lips into my mouth. This meant that there was hardly any blood left for senpai to taste on my lips. He had to pry open my lips to get to the blood. And that's exactly what he did.

Using his tongue. His disgustingly bloodied tongue.

So there I was, for five whole tormenting, disgusting minutes, being subjected to sexual harassment of sorts. How manly.

After our stupid fake prince decided he had run out of air, he finally pulled away. Finally. Thank goodness for the need to breathe.

My vision was blurred somewhat by the involuntary tears I was shedding from all the humiliation welling up inside me. Even then I could clearly make out the stupid, toothy grin that my bloody senpai (and I mean it in a literal sense as well in the way one uses it to sum up all the most insulting descriptions in the world to describe an individual) had plastered to his face.

"Shishishishi~ Little froggy's blushing. How uncute~"

I remember thinking to myself...

Why would I do a sissy thing like that?

How was I to know that after looking in my bathroom mirror I'd be thinking...

Why was I doing a sissy thing like that?!

My cheeks were practically glowing red, and the fact that my skin tone was naturally fairer than normal people didn't help to mask the colour much. If anything, it just made the shades of red stand out as much as me wearing the froggy hat and walking around any place other than the Varia base and the zoo.

One humiliating event after another. I almost wanted to believe that the mirror was playing tricks on me, but even my partially blind senpai (considering how thick his hair is, one could actually assume that he's completely blind) could see me blushing in the dark.

I washed off all the blood from my arm and neck, or at least whatever was left of it. I must admit, that idiot of a senpai actually licked up the wounds on my neck so well, they were almost healed.

As for the wound on my lips... it was barely visible.

At least one good thing came out of that 'kiss'.

Just one though.

Just that one good thing compared to all the thousands of lousy stuff that happened subsequently.

Everytime I walk past Bel-senpai in the presence of some other Varia member, he gives me the same sick smile he gave that night. It scares me enough to give me nightmares. But that's nothing compared to what he does when he knows there's only the two of us.

He starts teasing me about that night until I feel myself flush red. Then he teases me about my reddened face. Then he drags me closer to himself by the collar and starts prying my mouth open using his tongue again. The first time he attempted something so very retarded, it caught me by surprise and he easily slid his tongue into my mouth, probably enjoying the bloody taste of the raw pig's liver I had just that morning.

Exasperated, I wanted to ask him if he had gone insane until I remembered he already was. I remember him commenting that the blood in mouth didn't taste as addictive as it did that night before leaving me to my thoughts... which were in an utter mess (for obvious reasons).

The next time he grabbed my collar, I was prepared for it. So I tightened my lips shut. But he was prepared as well.

As I was clamping my lips shut, he grabbed his knife and stashed it hastily, yet skillfully, into whatever gap remained between my lips, which wasn't much bigger than the thickness of the knife. The blade of the knife (which is as sharp as a scapel, mind you) brushed across my lips, leaving a tear from which blood spilt out. I subconsciously licked my lips. Again.

I bet you thought I'd have learned my lesson. I thought so too. But apparently, I was wrong.

Sexually assaulted. Again. I definitely feel so manly right now.

But I guess doing it for the third time does make it seem less of a suffering. Afterall, when you've already humiliated the frog out of yourself, it will eventually come to a point where you feel like you could dance around in the nude screaming that you're gay with pride.

In fact, I got over the humiliation so much so that I decided to use my own tongue to play around with my assaulter's tongue. I mean, why should he have all the fun? It's like they say, if you can't beat them, join them.

I felt a sense of pride and accomplishment when I felt a slight twitch from the fake prince. This would make up for all the times he stunned, scared and immobilised me with his retarded actions. Serves him right.

I used my tongue to slowly move his tongue away from my mouth and back into his, at the same time allowing my tongue to enter his mouth (for once). My hands automatically reached behind his neck to pull him closer so that I could gain access to deeper parts of him.

I half expected him to pull away and throw some condescending remarks at me. And what do you know. I was right. He really did.

He backed away from me by a few inches before regaining his usual sick little smile and his love for all-out insult fests.

"Shishishi~ Who's a little perverted froggy? Desperate for some of this royalty? Shishishi..."

"Look who's talking. The pot really shouldn't be calling the kettle black."

"Little froggy thinks he knows his idioms well, does he now~ How about 'a frog under the knife is worth two in the pond?' "

"I hope you won't keep modifying perfectly good idioms like that. It's supposed to be 'a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush', so I'd appreciate it if you could kindly stick to the original, better-sounding idiom."

"You can't tell the prince what to do and what not to, you uncute kohai. Shall I rip you apart as punishment? Or would you rather I use the term 'dissect', little froggy?"

Just then, I heard voices in the corridor. Commander and Mr Levi. I decided to take the opportunity to return to my room. But first, a retort. I couldn't resist.

"You and your morbid fascinations disgust me, fake prince, and so does your perverted mind. So if you don't mind, I'll just excuse myself and retire into my room tonight."

And so the night of my third 'kiss' went undisturbed. For half a night, at least. Okay, maybe a quarter.

I took a nice, long, uninterrupted shower, and sat infront of my computer screen, having a nice, long, uninterrupted time of surfing the net.

When I decided that I had seen one too many amateur 'pranks to pull on a senior' (out of which the most interesting prank turned out to be an explosive whoopee cushion which didn't even deal fatal damage to its victim, how boring), I shut down my computer and hopped into bed... and sat on something sharp.

It was one of that blasted senpai's knives.

Before I joined the Varia I told myself that I had to be different from the rest and had to maintain composure. So I had to bite my tongue to prevent myself from cursing that stupid senpai out loud with every insult in my vocabulary. And I mean literally bite my tongue. Anything less would have been insufficient to hold back the inexhaustible list of forbidden words that were threatening to burst out from my mouth like a diahoerrhea that has been held back for months. The sheer volume of the string of curses I wanted to release would have woken the whole castle up, if not the whole darn kingdom.

While mentally cursing that stupid senpai to kingdom come, I pulled the knife out of my behind and walked towards the window with every intention of throwing it out. I pulled open the curtains and to my greatest horror, it was him.

"Shishishi~ So it was little froggy boy who stole my missing knife... Froggy's been a naughty boy the whole of today... shishishi..."

My mental diahoerrhea ceased momentarily at the sight of that grin inches from my face. The last person I wanted to see and he was staring right me... okay, so I couldn't tell if he was really staring, but he was doing something along those lines. I think.

I quickly recovered from the shock and ensured that I had regained my composure before speaking in a calm, monotonous manner.

"I must insist that you leave my room. You're invading my privacy."

"Shishishi... A kohai should be more respectful of his senpai... or the helpless little kohai might find himself a christmas ornament with cute little knives stuck everywhere around him~ Ushishishi..."

"I'm not a helpless little kohai, fake prince. And if you have nothing better to do than to boss me around, I suggest you spend your time in a wiser manner by bossing around your mink instead. I assure you, you'll get better results."

I pulled the curtains over him and started walking back towards my bed. But I didn't manage to take more than two steps before I was forcefully rammed into the wall against my back. There goes my beauty sleep.

"Not helpless? Shishishi... What can you do to get out of this situation? What could you do to prevent me from cutting you up the other night? Nothing. Once frogs are under the knife, they cannot escape. They can only wait to be dissected. Ushishishi~ Same goes for you, helpless little froggy kohai."

I wanted so badly to retort, but there was a knife at my throat again, and I remembered what happened the last time I spoke while he was pointing a knife at me. So I said nothing and allowed him to go on.

"That's a good kohai. Shishishi~ Helpless little kohai... What can this prince do for his poor kohai? Want to continue where we left off? Shishishi~ You can't resist this royalty, can you froggy?"

And with that, he wrenched my hands above my head and pinned them down with his own against the wall. Then he bent down and attached his lips to mine. And my lips answered his last question for me by parting and allowing his tongue to enter... As much as I refused to admit it, there was this part of me that somehow couldn't resist his... impulsiveness.

I could feel his tongue circling my own... then it went deeper... and deeper...

...and it withdrew.

I must have looked at him with a look of confusion because he then proceeded to explain his abrupt withdrawal. Figures. No blood, no interest.

The blood that was smeared across my lips earlier was licked up and swallowed, and the cut on my lip had somewhat healed and turned into a dry piece of scab. No blood. No kiss.

"Too bad all that addictive blood of yours got dried up... Shishishi~" And with that, he turned to walk towards the door... and I stopped him.

I'd like to say it was an evil twin who had taken over my body and done what I did next; but delusion never got anyone anywhere. It appalls me nonetheless that I actually did something so stupid.

I bit my own lip. Hard. Really hard.

It hurt like crazy thanks to the previous wound that had not yet fully recovered. Yet, desperation drove me to do it despite the agony I was going through.

And he grinned.

That sick, twisted grin.

Just like the first time.

He pinned me against the wall and started licking up the blood, his tongue starting from my chin and moving towards my swollen lips. When his tongue reached my lower lip, his cold, wet lips nibbled on it until I let out a slight moan, partially because it hurt to be nibbled on, and partially because I... sort of... enjoyed it.

The metallic flavour of blood became weaker and weaker until it could barely be tasted. That's when he withdrew for a second time.

I noticed my arms behind his neck, halfway under his striped jumper. When it got there and how it managed to move without my noticing are still a mystery.

All I can say is that I didn't want to let go.

But he wanted to.

And he did.

I could only watch him give one last wicked grin and walk away.

That deranged senpai. Why did he have this effect on me when no one else did?

Only he could make me do what I did.

Only he could make me feel like I did.

Only him.

That deranged senpai of mine.