"Let go of my arm."
"I just want to talk to you … come on, over here—"
"I said let go! Unless you actually want me to Transfigure you into a pig? I really don't appreciate being dragged around."
"I'm sorry. Hermione, wait!"
"Are you sure about this?"
"When have you known me do something without being sure? And misadventures with you don't count. I mean my own decisions, not tagging along with you to keep you from getting killed."
"Ouch! I think Snape's sharp tongue is rubbing off on you."
"Seriously, Hermione. I'm asking as your friend. As … I think of you as a sister. You're family to me, even if it didn't work out with Ron. What makes you so sure that Snape is the one?"
'For the love of … why should I have to justify what I have with Severus?'
"Don't look at me like that. Humour me. Please."
"What's your problem? I'd have thought that you'd approve. You practically worship Severus these days, after all."
"He's the bravest man I've ever met. But … you have to admit that he's not good with relationships."
"He was a teenager, you prat. Did you have a terribly good record at that age? Does anyone?"
"Well, maybe … But aren't you worried about his Patronus still being the same? That he's still in love with my mum?"
"I will always love Lily. But … the same goes for you. I do love you, Hermione. Never doubt it."
"It's enough that he has room in his heart for me too." 'Unlike Ron, who only had room for Quidditch in the end. Prat.' "Besides, his Patronus isn't a doe anymore, actually."
"Yes …" 'Obviously!'
"What's it now? An otter?"
"It's a misconception that falling in love is the only thing that changes the form of a Patronus. I think being brought back from the dead is responsible. It's certainly the same creature as his saviour."
"It's a phoenix? Wow. He must love it."
"Love it? Harry, Dumbledore had a phoenix Patronus. Severus does not appreciate having a reminder of the manipulative old bastard around. And … well, I think he'd have liked to have a Patronus form that wasn't a carbon copy of someone else's."
"Oh. Okay … anyway. Snape. What is it about him?"
'Damn. So much for sidetracking the Boy Wonder …'
"I can talk to him about anything and everything."
"Are you ready to turn the page?"
"Not yet. I don't quite understand this. Perhaps you could … explain it to me?"
"Hermione, we'll never finish the Magical Kama Sutra if we stop to try out every single variation. But if you insist …"
"He listens to me, too. Unlike some people …"
"Yesss, ohhh yesss … Harder, harder, harder … more …"
" …mione? Are you still in there?"
"Hmm? What? Oh. Sorry."
"So he talks, he listens. What else? I don't see—"
"He makes a mean cup of tea. He can cook, too. God, the man can cook! You should try his quiche one of these days."
"Hermione, everything you've said so far … he sounds more like your perfect friend than boyfriend."
"I love him. And any more details … they're really none of your business, Harry. Anyway, do you really want to know all the gory details of my love life?"
"He shags like a demon. Happy?"
'Such a fetching shade of green, Harry. No more than you deserve, though!'
"Leaving so soon, Harry? I thought you wanted to be sure that my heart was in safe hands or something …"
"Uh, I'm convinced. Bye, got to go. It's … er … it's James's bedtime."
"Too bad. Send my love to Ginny and the kids."
AN: Thanks to Kribu and Septentrion for looking over this for me.
Written for Camillo to the prompt: Hermione boasting about all the things that Snape is *ahem* good at.