Title: The Darkside of Twilight
Rating: M (which means there are complex plot devices, lemons, decapitations and lots and lots of blood)
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns twilight. She is Bella's creator. I am Bella's Executioner. (and this is the story that I kill her in)
A/N: Darkside is an AU vamp fic that doesn't play by the rules. If you continue to read from here on out you do so at the risk of your own sanity. Please feel free to review, message me, etc if you have any questions.
At this time, Darkside sits incomplete. It has been almost a year since I posted the last chapter and I'm sorry to say I haven't written a single word for the fic since then. I don't love it when stories that I invest my time reading are "abandoned" before they are finished but I can't and I refuse to force this story to an ending if my whole heart and mind are not in it. Darkside is a fic that wrote itself. I don't know how my brain kept up with the twisting plot other than I just jumped in and went with it. Well, I've been out of that whirlwind for so long that it's like soaking my brain in wet cement to try to return. I do have plans to finish this fic, and to write the sequel, eventually. My steam has run out at the moment, though. Maybe if a sudden swarm of readers picks it up and revives my motivation I might get to it sooner but for now it is officially labeled on hiatus. I appreciate every single one of you who read this fic while I was writing it and those of you who are reading this now because you have held on for so long for something new to post. I want to thank all of you for the support, good or bad, that you've shown over these past two years of my ficdom career. Darkside, as it stands now, is full of mistakes and errors but that's just how it is. Maybe one day I'll finally get around to polishing everything up but for now I'm okay with proving that I'm human. Nobody's perfect…except maybe Erebos. So I leave you with, I hope, some hope and much love. I do have several other fics that are completed and in the works. If you are interested in those, please see my profile. As always feel free to contact me if you want to talk about this fic or if you just want to talk. I'm always around…. Sinking into the shadows like the big E and pretending to change fate.
When we make a choice we set things in motion that cannot be undone. We chose to enter a room and must accept the consequences of what awaits us on the other side of the door. If we stopped at the door and turned around would we have lived a different life? Would we still be the person we are today, just with different experiences that led us to become the same person? We don't get the opportunity to unravel our lives and re-spool the string. If we could undo one choice would any of the person we are and the story we live be the same in the end? Is there such a thing as an undying destiny no matter how much of our lives we change?
If Edward killed Bella the moment he met her… would he still be destined to love her and only her?
Would Bella's love for Edward be nothing more than obsession in a fleeting moment, or would she still be possessed by the unfailing truth that she belongs to him in whatever way he wants her…
If we chose to change our past does that really change our future?
Chapter 1—Bella never survived her first introduction to Edward Cullen in the first place or The True Death of Bella Swan.
(the story begins as Bella enters the biology room on her first day of school at Forks High… until this moment the rules of the Twilight world have applied, but in this world Edward makes a different choice…)
How appropriately ironic was the fact that I met Bella Swan in Biology?
My base self was nothing more than primal instinct and a drive to satisfy the needs of my body. This girl was simply an organism constructed out of the one necessity of my survival. She stepped into the heated air blowing from the vent awakening this form out of a near hundred year slumber. My muscles constricted for the attack—my stomach seized. It was Biology 101—survival of the fittest. I was the lion and she was the lamb. And she could not deny me.
I clutched the lab table against the raging thirst that was driving all of the humanity from my mind. There was nothing of Edward Cullen left in this body as she stumbled past me—kicking up a swirl of fresh scent to tantalize my taste buds.
My lids closed in slow anticipation, and my eyes rolled back in pure lust. This was something to live for. A wry smile turned up the corners of my mouth as I thought about Emmett's reaction to my hypocritical confession now. How often I had scolded him and Jasper for their careless escapades of thirst quenching. I was no better than any of them. In fact I was much, much worse—far less disciplined than Jasper on his worst days of war.
My lips pulled back from my teeth in a sharp hiss as venom filled my mouth. For over eighty years I had restrained the animal—satiated the thirst enough to stave off unnecessary bloodshed. My family was joined by our humane-vampire lifestyle. We did not drink human blood.
We were the safest vampires in the world for humans to be around.
But not this human. This girl… this Bella Swan was marked for death-by-vampire from birth. Her blood was imprinted with a call to my senses that destined me to be her executioner.
Another version of my personality, the one that was known as Edward, would be devastated to realize how immediately this course of action overruled my conviction. I was not looking for a way to deny this path. I did not ever consider saving this child from this fate. I was only grasping for the patience to take her life in privacy.
As the girl found her footing, the most devastatingly alluring shade of pink stained her cheeks. The beast was ravenous. I was beyond the point of logic—beyond any aspiration of humanity. I could only hope that my sacrifice till now and my future penance would help ease the dark depression that would undoubtedly follow what I was about to do. She made her way to the front of the class. As she handed the teacher her schedule, the plan fell into place in my head. I would spare the rest of the innocents the murder. My soul was black and was about to fold into hews of darkness that had not yet been identified—was there such a thing as blacker than black? But even I could not live with the weight of so much innocent life on my hands.
Her blood, pure and chaste as it may be, was mine—destined to be drunk by my lips alone. La Tua Cantante as it was sung by the ancients of our kind. A melody existed in the flow of her blood that called to me, and me alone. Their lives, the other children and the young teacher who were able to move about this world ignored by the monster inside of me, were not a price I was willing to pay. Nor one that I had to. I could bide my time long enough to ensure that.
As she took the only empty seat left in the biology room- the perfect spot for the hunter to snap his trap upon the most unsuspecting prey- next to me, I made my move. I could not read her mind. That was a frustrating complication, but hardly one that would disable my motives. She was obviously affected by my presence. She stared at my family and particularly at me with unabashed attraction during lunch. She would be easily swayed to follow the bait of my face… my voice… even my scent in to the darkness.
I was set in the plan—smug in the fact that it would be easy and fast. Some distant compartment in my brain was conscious of the agony that taking such a naïve life would bring. The animal beat that part of my mind into submission.
"Hello…" I purred velvet smooth and dark as sin. She had offered the perfect opening for my invitation when she dropped her pencil on the floor next to my foot. Her big brown eyes flashed to my seductive face with intense fascination and subtle fear. Her plump bottom lip was caught between her teeth. And her body was ensnared by the bait— simple biology. Already her heart was beating faster. Her breath came in small, fast pants that excited the air, intoxicating my mind with her scent.
She sat like the mouse in the gaze of a snake.
"I am going to leave the room…" I whispered for only her ears to hear. Unconsciously her head bobbed lightly at my words like she was the unsuspecting audience member being hypnotized at my carnival sideshow. "Wait two minutes and excuse yourself as well." I narrowed my eyes to emphasize the importance of the process she was to follow. Her eyes widened in response, and her little head nodded again. Her brown eyes were receptive and sat unblinking as I finished the spell. "Find me in the woods just past the parking lot. And don't allow yourself to be noticed as you leave."
She nodded once in a sharp, hard agreement. She finally allowed her eyes to blink when I looked back at the table. She had just negotiated her own demise with no resistance what so ever. If I were not so far gone in the perversion of bloodlust controlling me I would have been dying to know her mind at that moment.
This Isabella Swan was an unfathomable oddity that would probably have kept me entertained for a few years trying to sort out the silence of her thoughts. But unfortunately that was not the fate that she was destined for. She had but one purpose. And in five short minutes she would fulfill it.
I stood and collected my things. I didn't spend too much time making my disappearance suitable for the human world around me. We would be packing up and leaving very shortly. By tomorrow these humans would be struggling to remember the exact shade of my hair. In a few months my height and face would become blurry in their memories and within a year the Cullens would be just a passing thought instead of a solid reality.
I heard Alice's thoughts as she saw my future. She was gathering the others—they would be heading home while I took the girl's life. She sent me an image of the old cottage in Alberta where we would reunite in a few days. I shook my head in agreement. As my decision to join them solidified my future path, I saw the image of my family together in the front room of the small lodge bleed into her vision. We were all there—no one lost to authorities or still running to cover tracks—so I knew that this would go over well for me—no complications.
Only my conscience would leave this day burdened.
I stalked out of the room without a backward glance. The teacher was busy grading papers and I was often allowed to leave early since my understanding of all sciences vastly surpassed that of the young old man behind the desk at the front of the room.
I tossed the keys of my Volvo in midair as I rounded the last corner of the parking lot. Jasper caught them in the same breath without acknowledging me in any other way. He and Alice walked with joined hands and met Rosalie and Emmett at the car. My family's thoughts ranged from disapproval by Alice, acceptance from Emmett and Jasper and smug superiority from Rosalie. I nodded as I pushed into the trees. I could hear the girl collecting her things on the distant lab table in building six. My family would understand why this had to be done.
I would spend the next five lifetimes trying to make up for it. Carlisle and Esme would be the hardest to face. I took solace only in the fact that the deed would be done long before the time that I would have to look them in the eyes. Alice sent me a silent message of Carlisle's loyalty in protecting me. The family would leave immediately—probably be out of town before this Bella creature reached me in the woods. But Carlisle would wait behind. He would find me when the haze of the blood cleared from my mind and the overwhelming desolation crushed me. Alice tried to block me from seeing why this would be, but she slipped as Jasper said my name in the car and I saw. I would not survive the guilt on my own. I saw Bella's spent body lying next to my broken form. Then Carlisle's strangled eyes as he found me and helped clean up my mess.
I nodded again as I crouched down by the heavy brush surrounding the edge of the school. I would pay to receive this offering. I narrowed my eyes as the shiny silver Volvo disappeared from the school grounds in a blur too fast for humans to process as the shape of a car. I could hear the soft footfalls of Bella's steps as she took the stairs at the edge of the school two at a time.
So eager to meet her fate was she.
I caught her luscious scent on the wind as she neared the woods. I removed my jacket and shirt and rolled my eyes back in my head. I unleashed the animal—prepared for the hunt. And as Bella Swan crossed the divide of civilized pavement into untamed forest, I stalked her. I made no motion to chase her as I would have other prey. She would come to me—better to savor the anticipation of her arrival than risk her alerting anyone to our presence. She cleared the small patch of open meadow and stumbled into the brush that concealed my position.
So weak. So vulnerable. So perfect.
She turned to face the exact spot where I hid as a low growl rolled deep in my chest. Her brown eyes were wide and open again. There was still fear dominantly dancing across her features, but there was another emotion—one that held me in the darkness of the bushes for a heartbeat longer than I had meant to stay. There was a…wonder… an almost fleeting ray of hope spreading across her face that was disarming. It would not save her life, and an electric shock hit my chest as I registered the look.
I lunged from the darkness to the vessel of my destiny. Bella landed under my attack with no hope of a struggle. The air escaped her lungs in a gush, and I heard her lower back snap as she hit the forest floor under my weight. Though she should have been terrified—she must have known her life was over in that instant—the look of wonder, and an almost knowing was shining in her eyes.
Her lips parted like a lover's in anticipation of a first kiss. Who was I to deny this most alluring creature her last request? Whether she could ever understand it or not, I was powerless to the influence she had on me. Yes, the most primal of desires was spurring me—I was victim to the necessity to drink her blood, but I was her humble servant because of that gift. I existed for Bella. If she had not been mortal upon this first tragic meeting I know that I would have fallen at her feet to adore her for all eternity. Instead I washed her body in my gratitude. I was thankful that after eighty years of emptiness I would feel a sense of purpose, fleeting though it may be.
My hands seized her face in a lover's caress. I did not know what message my eyes were sending her, but the fear that she should have been drowning in never reached her eyes in return. She closed her lids in eagerness and puckered her full red lips as my cold breath inched closer to her face.
I brushed her lips with mine—soft as a whisper.
On the third pass my lips lingered on hers for a moment longer. She whimpered in her throat like a virgin begging to be debauched. I peeled my lips back over my shining teeth without moving back from our intimate proximity. The fourth touch of her waiting flesh was my teeth biting into her succulent lower lip in a tiny nip.
A drop of blood pooled against the red pouty bud. My body shook with lust for her taste. My tongue darted out to take all of her gift into my system. She moaned, and I groaned as my flesh met hers again. Every inch of my body grew hard and taut at the taste.
She was sweet—she was pure. I would wander the earth for all eternity after this with no hope because my key to life was flowing into my mouth right now and would be spent very soon. Nothing could possibly taste as good as Bella. Every experience of blood from this moment on that touched my lips would pale in comparison. I wanted to savor her flavor forever.
I opened my eyes—my lids hooded with a fog of hunger that was beyond any sensation a human body could understand. Her eyes were growing unfocused. The warmth from the venom was not strong enough to cause pain yet, but was affecting her system already. I could feel an electric current flowing where my hands cupped her face, and my lips caressed her flesh. The air was buzzing with the odd energy that was passing between us.
It pained me that I would have to be quick. She deserved to die fast. The agony was meant for only one of us, and I could not force her to be the one in pain—not with the beautiful sacrifice that she was offering me. I brushed my lips gently across hers once more. She seemed to like it. Her eyes shot back to mine in her last breath of control and focus in this world. "Take it." She breathed.
My eyes grew wide at her words. But I did not get the chance to analyze the meaning as I was a slave to her will. I tore her clothing away from her small form—exposing her perfectly shaped pale breasts. My teeth ripped deep and hard into the flesh above her heart on her chest. Her translucent skin grew scarlet as blood began to flow freely from the bite wound.
I lowered my head reverently to her supple peak. My lips again met her flesh—this time caressing the pale pink tip of her left breast, covered in her delicious life force. As I closed my eyes to the agonizing sweetness of her blood I felt her tiny hand weave into the hair at the back of my neck. My tongue darted out to lap the fluid of pleasure from her skin and her fingers stroked my hair in a matching rhythm.
That electricity was humming all around me and inside of me as I took in long pulls of her blood, and she would arch her chest to aid in my endeavor. She never spoke and her breath was growing more shallow as I continued to revel in the pure euphoria of her essence.
I heard his thoughts long before I heard his steps. And I heard his approach long before I felt his presence beside me. Carlisle was standing behind me as I began to drink with a vigorous desperation.
Bella's hand had stilled on my neck and was now limp on my shoulder. Her soft moan of- pain or pleasure—was now a shallow whimper that never left her chest. And her heart was nearly stopped. The buzzing sensation no longer tingled from her skin, but rather throbbed in my once living veins.
I couldn't stop.
I suckled on Bella's blood covered crest like a starving newborn human. She was life. She was a gift. She was my destiny. The world was singing under my skin and inside my mind. The song of Bella's blood, a lullaby, was awakening every inch of my body. I was more alive than I had ever been in my entire existence.
Carlisle's thoughts were invading my orgasmic state. Disapproval. Disappointment. But also acceptance and compassion. I broke my connection to her skin and drew in deep gasps of air out of habit to calm my raging body. I had allowed the thirst to consume me long enough to consume her but now, as I let Carlisle invade my mind, I would have to fight the animal back into submission.
If I didn't stop now, I would be unleashed upon Forks. My bloodlust was a powerful force that I had had to fight once before… long ago… in another life. It was easier to control myself with Carlisle's thoughts so close. That's why he knew to find me here. That's why he didn't wait for me back at the house. He had learned from his mistakes all those years ago in Chicago. He willed me calm, and my sanity returned to me with a sharp intake of fresh forest air.
But with my sanity came my humanity and with my humanity came my conscience.
My eyes flashed down to the nearly dead girl-child beneath me, and my revolution caused my body to seize in mid air. Every muscle in my body locked at the sight of Bella's depleted state and bloody breast.
A tortured sob tore from my chest, and I threw myself over her little broken body. My hands cupped her tiny face in that same loving caress, but her sparkling brown eyes had a gray haze of near death covering the doorway to her soul. My face contorted at the thought of never seeing that look of wonder in those eyes again.
I pined for something I couldn't name—yearned to find what I didn't know I had lost. I searched the darkness around me and found the shining ray of hope that was Carlisle. The shame was beginning to crush me. Already my limbs were too heavy to support me as I leaped to my feet. My shoulders were turning in. I saw the river of Bella's blood running down my chest and was sickened by the realization that I was lusting to lick every last drop from my skin as I had from hers.
I threw a pleading look at Carlisle and launched myself into the woods as fast as my legs would move. That was faster than my father could hope to run. I pushed my body harder and faster and further away with each tick of the clock. Only a few more seconds and Bella's life would run out. Her light would be extinguished, and Carlisle would make it look as though she had been the victim of a tragic animal attack.
I lost my footing at the thought and slammed into the ground on all fours with a strangled snarl on my lips. I howled at the afternoon sky, and every muscle in my body clenched as if I could somehow purge her blood from my system.
She was the victim of an animal attack. I was the animal. The most damned of all animals—beyond wild and beyond salvation. I gripped my hair with tight fists and swayed on my knees willing my body to release the blood.
If I had the ability to cry I would have wept for my failure. I had failed Carlisle by dismissing his teachings without a second thought. I had failed my family by recklessly committing such a heinous crime. I had failed myself for not being strong enough to just walk away. But most importantly of all… and for reasons I couldn't begin to fathom… I would have wept for failing that poor defenseless girl who offered me all that she was with only the gift of death in return.
I strained to hear the final beat of Bella's heart. I had fled miles away from the woods surrounding the school, but I could still make out the faint shallow beat of her life. The pulse, a sound that had become the most significant sound in my entire world, was slowing. I heard Carlisle's movements surrounding the body. Then with a woosh of air that I was not expecting my ears were met with silence.
I heard the light fall of rain on the tips of the trees high above. I heard the soft rustle of the animals of the forest changing their paths as they caught my scent on the breeze. But I no longer heard the distinct thump of life in Bella's chest. I closed my eyes to the anguish that lay before me.
The sweetness of her blood still throbbed in my body—a disgusting drug that I was both repulsed by and drunk on. I collapsed to the ground in the silent darkness of my mind. I would have to face the unending path of eternity with the unconditional and irrevocable truth that…
I, Edward Cullen, had killed Bella Swan.