Title: Ian and Gido are Broken Without Each Other

Song: Broken

Artist: Seether and Evanescence

'I'm coming, Gido. Hold on a little longer, please…' The thought makes me more anxious to see her but I maintain my calm, paced walk down the long, stone stairs. I don't want anyone to hear my soft, padding footsteps descending and echoing on the dungeon footholds, especially not one of the Zodiac Knights. I don't want to have to talk and explain myself to anyone right now, not even Loco-chan because I'm going to visit her again, the first I'll see of her after completing my two months of intense training in the Gate of Training. It's become my daily ritual to come to her after all my mandatory orders are over with and I can get away from everyone and everything; it's always an overwhelming feeling of being torn between anger, agony and bitter sweetness that's refreshed every time I see her, but I have to try to hide those maddening emotions right now. I have to be strong and tell her about my accomplishment, our promise we made together back then that'd just made real; she'd be happy for me, I know. Another five steps and I've reached the metal door lit by a few, small blue-flamed torches on either side and pulled the big handle open, hearing it's announcing clang and white light pours into the pitch-dark cell, illuminating her.

"Gido." The name passes my lips sorrowfully as I look down at my loved, despite my attempt to keep my mood out of the good news; she stares back up at me in response to her title, her mouth agape and moving to make exhaling words that fail everytime. She's on the ground as always, supporting her upper body by her bare, bruised forearms and hands digging into the rough, merciless stone.

Her short-paled orange and yellow spiky hair stays unruly and unwashed, the row of bangs covering her forehead just above her thin eyebrows and the locks beside her cheeks that hide her ears are split-ended and greasy-looking that once was bright, soft, and sunny. Her big, matching-coloured eyes are clouded, bland with blank terror and fake intelligence concealed behind those soulless-looking orbs that unintentionally bore into me; which I would lose myself in those vibrant, blank eyes. Her pretty smile is now an open, unspeakable mouth of inflicted fear, surprise and pain that used to laugh and talk like beautiful music to my ears. She lays unprotected and naked from waist up, curvy and scratched from the everyday suffering she endures to reluctantly drag her useless heap of grotesque tentacles across the floor that replaced her full hips, enticing legs that I would lift up into my arms with her lovely feet dangling in the air, lovely creamy skin and simple, fitting style of clothes that I'd caress the feel of that angelic-like body and admire the basic embroidery and how great it looked on her. I sighed into my mask, 'Comparing her to my memories makes me feel even worse, because I still love her the same, but…'

I wanted you to know that
I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away...
I keep your photograph and
I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

I took a few steps forward further into the prison, blocking her from the blinding light so she wouldn't have to and crouched down to her level, her eues on me the whole time. I pulled my hands out of the safety of my sleeves and reached them down to her if she wanted to grasp something real and meant for only her. My tongue couldn't seem to untie itself fast enough so I could speak. I swallowed a slowly rising lump caught in my throat behind my wall and after a few moments, found the words to blurt out my slowly fading enthusiasm despite the hollow, introverted ringing every mask forces.

"I did it, Gido! I became a Knight, just like I promised!"

Her lips formed an attempt to speak, "A--… A--… A--…"

"As I promised, I made my way up to a Knight!" I repeated slower, with softer inflection for her benefit to comprehend as she continues to spout nonsensible gasps to respond.

I distant, cherished memory of us together flows into my head; the day I was promoted to Rook class. It warms my cold soul a little as it replays in my mind for the hundredth time...

"Defined orange eyes, vibrant orange and pale yellow spiky locks softly flow in the breeze near that heart-shaped pure face, exposing normally hidden earlobes, a small nose and a petite smile placed at level with square cheekbones adorns the pretty expression connected to a slim neck and exposed collarbone that presents a bright tangerine tank top decorated at the V-neck, down the middle and stopping just at bare shoulders slightly raised, leading to femienely white-sleeved, skinny biceps down to the knuckles and careful fingers clasped out in front of four, split and hitched pieces around brown khaniki panted hips, the colour extended down to her mid shins, one shifted behind a striaght one for an innocent pose that contrasts nicely with the moving, green grassy hills around us. My beloved Gido.

"Congradulations, Ian. I heard that you were promoted to Rook class," She brings my accomplishment into full frutiation with that one, my pride bursting in my smile.

"And now you get a piercing." She says, her eyes shifting to indicating the earring asserting my power level that also acted as a communicater hanging from my right ear and I feel pretty damn good about it, yeah. Her beautiful eyes come back to my face and I can feel my face blush slightly.

"You're one rank higher then me now, so you've become my superior." She said that one a little too softly and stately, like she's a bit dissapointed and I can't help but let my eyebrows droop and my mouth form a pout at the thought.

"You're really amazing, Ian," Then her generous, affectionate praises fill the air again, making me forget the fleeting feeling instantly and I'm back on top of the world.

"I'll catch up to you!" She announces happily, a slight edge of determaination in that tone and I smile wider at the good-natured spirit in her.

"One day we'll both become Knights." Her voice is dreamy since she's always the one to motoivate and support me since the beginning and I won't forget it soon.

"When Phantom revives, let's also become the key roles in purifying this world!" That wonderous voice is so promising there's no way I would ever think of denying her such an ideal goal to accomplish and lead together.

"I love you, Ian," Gido looks even more serene and angelic at this moment, those handful of words spoken so whole-heartedly, her loking so lovely, that I know I've got the all I ever need in the form of this nuturing girl's loving soul. I'm even more elated at this that nothing could mess up my jaw-aching grin on my face 'cuz I'm the happiest man alive. I'm frick'in lucky, that's for sure!..."

Her delicate, smooth hand lifts up, trembling as it brushes against the swinging piercing of rank dangling from my right ear, fondling my earlobe slightly, flowing and brushing over my cheek. Her eyes widen and glimmering faintly in acknowledgement, like a curious child would, as the strangled, pitiful try for words to convey continues to come from her disabled throat. The smallest touch is the most solace of I've felt in a long time that it feels too comforting for reality. I'm choked up at such a little action, it'd be horrible if any Knights were here, but I've resolved to ignore them for the time; this is my special time with what's left of my precious person and nothing will ruin it. So why am I too emotional that I can't stop the threatening tears from rolling down my concealed face? She is my one ray of light shining through this life. Gido's my only sanity, pride and joy I'll ever have. The one thing I couldn't completely shield with myself from the anguish, the one constant presence in my life I can hardly bear to live without or watch suffer at my own damn mistake. She's my true smile, my rejuvenating strength, my world's being, my one love, all my happiness; my core's everything. That's why. Why I can't hold back the river from overflowing the dam and it breaks in an instant, drowning my barrier to stay hopeful for her sake; so she wouldn't have to be put through even more pain and be pulled in deeper in the depths of an ocean's worth of despair like me even if it fails for the both of us.

Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
You've gone away, you don't feel me here, anymore




' Me? 'Cause… me?'

'N-no! D-Don't—Don't! N-No--more! N-No sad--ness… for you, Ian! Please!'

'It—hurts! Too much—everywhere! 'Specially here—heart, the most—see you like this bad…please, stop--Ian…'

Love. You need--more love, Ian. I'll show you. Maybe make--you feel bit better? It's hard. To show…feel happiness when--we like this, but I try. Please under—stand, Ian. I love you, al-ways; no mater what. You make—every-thing, every-day easier—and better for me. Thank-you… thank-you, Ian. Really.

The worst is over now
And we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There's so much left to learn
And no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

Hot tears blur everything out of focus, even Gido's beautiful and mute face; they fog up the lenses of my mask so it feels hard to get enough air. I'm crying pity and sadness on the outside but I'm really screaming agony's hell on the inside. Filling my own ears and heart with the greatest pain, grief and hatred I've ever felt to, for and because of four people who've impacted my life the most; Ginta, Halloween, Gido's prosecutor and Gido herself. All my humiliation, weakness, hatred, strength and love are because of these people who're tearing apart my life and yet, barely keeping it together by the threads. Then, unexpectedly, the most familiar yet foreign hands grasping my gi in two feeble fists yank me out of myself, making me bend down a little more on my crouch and shift my balance at the sudden addition of weight. My eyes can just make out a large spot of orange and yellow hair clinging to my chest through the mask's unclear, blue-greyed eye lenses.

"I—a—n…" She stresses the words as best as she can with that dry, raspy and speech-impaired voice she's been forced to live with and if I concentrate, I can still hear the gentle, grateful way she'd say every syllable of my name that lifted heart back then, only about three months ago, I guess. The tears continue down my face at the memory…

Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away


The initial surprise fades away, her reasoning sinking in as she holds as strong as she can to me, which doesn't seem for much longer the more she slips downwards because of her deformed lump of freakish legs. My arms come out from leaning against the floor, instinctively wrapping around her back and hugging her head closer to me. I lower my head, inhaling that lingering sweet, flowery and vanilla scent buried under all the dust, dirt and vinegary odour in her hair and burying my face into that soft, spiky mess of her adorable porcupine-like styled hair. I hear her sigh lightly in my clothes, sounding relived. Then she moves, letting go of my jacket and bringing her arms out slowly, closing around the high collar of surrounding my neck. I secure her grip around my neck, making sure she won't fall anytime soon.

Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away...

"I'm sorry… I couldn't protect you…but it's going to be different from now on, I'll get you out of this soon, I promise, Gido-chan… I love you, always," I mutter fiercely into her, meaning every word.

"T-Th-h-an-nk-y-you…" She musters the words I know are from the bottom of her imprisoned heart. Both of us share the tragedy raging in our connected hearts.

Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone...
You gone away, you don't feel me here anymore

"Please endure this a bit longer, Gido…I swear I'll make everything right, I'll kill Ginta and the Knight who did this to you, even if it costs my life, I'll do it for you, for me, for us. I love you, I'll never let you be torn away from me again, no matter what…' We stay in this way for what feels like hours, forgetting the uncomforting surroundings, only memorizing every detail; every feeling, every thought and every single wave of sorrow, pain and the strongest, love that engulf us.