Hey guys! This is quite a sad story, sorta angsty. I'm not sure whether this is any good, really actually honestly i'm worried it's not good enough. But here it is anyway. I hope you like it!

Disclaimer: I own nothing :-(

Hidden Heartbreak

Chapter 1

It was the 23rd, the 23rd of February. Always a bad day. The pain in her heart was always worse on this awful day of the year. Part of her had died this day, years ago.

The chest she had buried in her heart, it resurfaced on this day, the past made a re-appearance, the past she had tried so hard to forget. Something she didn't ever want to remember that she wished would disappear.

A different lifetime. A different country. A different her. She wished with all her heart that this day, all those years ago had never happened. She wished none of it had ever happened. That way she could have avoided the heartbreak. The pain that pierced her every time she breathed on this day. The pain that crippled her every time she thought about what she had tried so desperately to forget.

She, Ziva David was sat at her desk. It took today, to make her look back. Look at what she used to be like, how much she has changed since then. And she cursed this place, NCIS for making her alive again.

She used to have compassion, to be open hearted, to love, to hold, to feel.

Then this day passed, a lifetime ago. It made her change.

It made her cold, unfeeling, closed off, a killer.

And NCIS and the people in it were making her soft again. They were opening up old wounds, excruciatingly painful ones – and they didn't even realize it. Making her think and more importantly making her feel again.

Reminding her of what it felt like to be loved, to have a family, to love in return.

All these people here were a reminder of what she once had.

And Tony. She loved him so much, but what could she do?

Her past haunted her, she couldn't let it go, and it wouldn't let her go.

She was tied to it.

How could she get him involved in this, it would be unfair. Eventually it would take its toll.

She often wondered what her life would have been like, it that day hadn't happened. If she had gone on like before. What would she have been like?

She would be completely different.

She would be happy, alive, bright. Normal.

She would give this all up in a heartbeat to be with one person again.

She would give anything.

She took a picture out her drawer and stared at it for a minute, tears filling her eyes raw emotion filling her, consuming her.

Then the voice of the man she loved brought her back to reality, to the present.

"What are you looking at Ziva?"

"Nothing Tony, it is nothing."

There was an intense fire burning in her eyes, and it was enough to stop him from making another comment. He thought it was today, she was always subdued, sad, detracted from the real world on the 23rd. It was worse in February and August. She thought he didn't notice these things but she's his partner, he notices everything. Like the hurt in her eyes when she looked at that photo.

"Do you think we'll get a case, it has been like a week?" He asked, trying to lighten things up, if he could just make her smile everything would be alright again.

"Yes we will." She said, surprisingly firmly like she knew it would happen. "Something bad always happens today." She mumbled.

"What was that?"

"What was what?"

"You said something."

"No I did not, you must be imagining things Tony."

He took the hint and dropped it. Meanwhile McGee was watching the strange interaction between the partners. Tony had stopped, why had he stopped? She had said something and he hadn't pushed it. Something seriously weird was going on.

"Gear up we've got a case."

"What on boss?" McGee asked.

"I dunno, but apparently it's top priority."

"Ziva was right."

"She normally is Dinozzo."

"She said we'd get a case."

"It was a lucky guess Tony." She replied.

They arrived at the crime scene, and walked into the house.

Everyone froze.

It was a man dead – gunshot wound to the head, but what had stopped them was the baby that was three feet away from him dead on the floor.

Memories came flooding back, smells, sounds, hurt. She couldn't bear it, everything was the same. Ziva dropped everything and ran from the room.

She wasn't sure what was happening, or how long she ran for. People were staring at her but she didn't care.

She just had to keep going.

If she didn't stop maybe everything would go away.

The further she ran from the people who cared, the less she would care herself.

If she didn't stop maybe the pain would go away.

Pace – breath – pace – breath.

Over and over. Not slowing until she was sure she was far enough away.

When she finally stopped running, she found herself on a deserted street. She had no idea where she was. But she couldn't take it anymore. So she sat down and cried.

Her cell started ringing. She glanced at it, it was Tony. And ignored it.

Salty tears fell down the smooth skin of her cheeks, never ceasing tears which she had locked away for so long.

She was crying, she never cried.

But for this she did, she was.

God, it hurt her so much. So much she couldn't breathe.

It felt like she was drowning, in a sea of hopelessness, despair.

People told her it got better with time. It didn't, it just gave her time to try to forget.

When she walked into that crime scene, she saw them there.

Her daughter and the father of her daughter.

Stone cold and dead on the floor.

Her cell started ringing again, Tony again and it started to rain. She just sat there, rain beating down on her upturned face.

Rain mixed with tears.

Tears for her beautiful daughter, from over a lifetime ago in Tel Aviv.

What do you think? Please review because it would be helpful to get feeback on this one cos i'm a bit unsure. But don't be too mean!

Please review.

Thanks for reading (and hopefully reviewing)

Emily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

p.s thanks OutCold for your encouragment on this one :-)