Director's Forward: Two friends and I first began writing this fanfiction almost exactly five years ago. After graduating high school, we unfortunately put this hilarious spoof of the trend of Ranma 1/2 fanfics on hold. Of course, then I went through a few computers and the files were sequestered away until very recently. Because I found them again and realized how awesomely hilarious it was, I decided I would repost it here and continue it. Enjoy.

The Super-Ultra-Mega Ranma 1/2 Crossover
Director's Cut

By: Jay Howington, Michael Brew, and Houston Fryer

Disclaimer: All characters, ideas, and storylines are property of their respective owners. We assume ownership of only this fanfiction in itself, and not any of the included characters, as these characters are not created by us, but rather by the creators of each character. They created the characters in this crossover, not us. And the ideas. They created a lot of the ideas in this fanfiction. well, maybe not all of them. We created some of them, perhaps a few of the romance match-ups, but nothing else. We are not responsible for the character or ideas contained within the fanfiction that we wrote and that you are reading right now. Nor are we responsible for any of the characters in any other fanfiction, if you think we implied otherwise by that last sentence. So says MO---JO-Jojo!

For information on any Japanese words or phrases, checkout .

Prologue:

"Baka! Why won't you fight me?"

The dojo walls shook as Akane Tendo, heir to the Tendo school of Anything Goes Martial Arts, kicked twice at her fiancée Ranma's apparently unguarded head, only to see him jump out of the way, nonchalantly.

Ranma rolled his eyes as he contorted his body in ways that it probably shouldn't have been contorted, so he could dodge her next attack. "Well, you know I can't hit girls, Akane." Especially you... not after what almost happened.

"What do you mean, you can't hit girls? What about Shampoo? You're married by Joketsuzoku law now because of that!" Akane protested. "Shimatta! And after I saved you twice from Saffron's flames..." she growled angrily and lashed out at her fiancé.

"Whoa, Akane!" Ranma laughed. "Don't get so worked up or you'll give yourself a herni...ah?"

Suddenly, Akane became somewhat lethargic, and her movements became slow(er than usual, Ranma thought).

"What's the matter, Akane? What's wrong?

"Sh-shut up and fight m-me b-ba...ka..." choked Akane as she fell on her now pale face.

"Akane? Akane~e!" Ranma darted to her side.

Suddenly, Soun burst through the door.

"Otacon! I mean, Ranma! I heard you yell. What is... Akane! What did you do to her?" The waterworks began as he glared menacingly at Ranma.

"Now's not the time! She needs help!" Ranma stood up, cradling Akane in his arms. "Call Tofu-sensei!"

- - -

"Well, there doesn't appear to be anything physically wrong with her." Dr. Ono Tofu began, kneeling over Akane as she lay in her bed. Ranma, Soun, Genma, and the other Tendo girls stood over him in the somewhat crowded room.

"However, her ki is exceptionally weakened, and it's getting worse. I've applied a treatment that will slow the process, but... she's dying. There's nothing I can do."

"NOOOO! My little Akane!" Soun once again flooded the room.

"Oh..." Kasumi and Nabiki stood mostly in silence.

"How sad. It can't be helped, though... but there are still the other two girls..." Genma began, only to be silenced by piercing glares from the Tendo family. However, their glares were only met by a large panda lying on its back, playing with a beach ball, and holding up a sign saying, "I'm just a cute panda."

"No... NO! There's gotta be some way! I don't care what you say! I saved her once, I can do it again!" Ranma yelled as he turned and ran from the room.

"Ranma!" Genma shouted after his son as Ranma departed from the Tendo household and ran down the street.

- - -

It had been two days since Ranma left the dojo. He sat on a bench in eastern Tokyo, piecing through several newspapers for something, anything that could show him how to help Akane. Then, a small brochure slipped out and landed in his lap. He looked down at it with melancholy eyes, to see a large tree, surrounded by a pond with a path of stones leading to it.

Ranma's eyes lit up. He snatched the brochure and jumped high into the air, screaming "That's it!" He then ran down the road laughing maniacally, causing some on the nearby sidewalk to whisper something about belonging in a madhouse.

"Sweeto! Wotta haul!" A short, perverted gnome of a martial artist declared triumphantly as he bounced across Nerima's rooftops. Fortunately for the women of the world, Ranma's hectic path crossed with Happosai's... his face, in particular. The resulting melee involving the old fart and roughly thirty seven enraged women caused him to be punted into the position commonly referred to as LEO, or Low Earth Orbit.

Several minutes after landing in what had appeared to be an ordinary library, Happosai didn't find himself too concerned with why he was suddenly located in what appeared to be China, or why there were seven powerful warriors gathered in one place. He was more concerned with getting under that hot miko's kimono.

- - -

The next day, Ranma arrived at his destination. He bolted up the steps, bounding over a young, blonde, clueless looking woman along the way. He got to the top to be greeted by a young man with a broom.

"Welcome to the-" The man began, only to be interrupted by Ranma.

"Where's the tree?" He almost shouted, out of breath from sprinting all the way there from Tokyo.

"Um, well, there are plenty of trees around. Do you want one in particular?" The young man asked, rubbing the back of his neck.

Ranma looked at the guy with an exasperated stare, then shoved the wrinkled brochure he had been carrying with him in his face.

"Huh? Oh, that tree. Yeah, it's this way." The young man regained his composure and motioned for him to follow. Ranma jogged in place behind him, muttering several unmentionable remarks about his guide's leisurely pace.

Finally, they arrived at the imposing tree. Ranma shoved past the young man and ran up to the tree, arms outstretched.

"Oh mighty tree! I command you now! Come forth and make my wish come true!" He demanded of the tree. They both stood there for a minute, Ranma still in his dramatic pose.

"Erm, maybe you were misinformed?" The young man stared at this strange person that he had led onto his property. He made a mental note to call the local asylum later on.

"What? But the brochure... it was supposed to... what's wrong with..." He turned to the young man. "What's going on? This brochure said that this tree grants wishes!"

"Er, well, the thing is..."

- - -

Ranma sat on the couch in the young man's house. He wasn't listening to the young man's explanation of what happened, but rather, stewing in the implications of this incident. This was my last chance. Akane's last chance...

"So, you see, the tourism industry likes to take advantage of anything they can get their hands on." He finished.

"Yeah, I know what you mean." The pigtailed martial artist intoned glumly. He did, too. The Nerima Tourism Association had been quick to incorporate the strange happenings in their district's vicinity, "Come see the incredible gender-swapping martial artists, beautiful nymphomaniac Amazons, and mysterious sign-wielding pandas!" into their campaigns.

"By the way, I never did introduce myself. I'm Masaki Tenchi."

"Saotome Ranma desu. Hajimemashite." The young man sighed and looked in the direction of the tree with a wistful look on his face.

"Nice to meet you. So what did you need our 'wishing tree' for?" Tenchi asked, quickly realizing his mistake.

Ranma scowled perturbedly. "Well, it's my fiancée. She's really sick, and... well, modern medicine can't cure her."

"Ahahahahahaha!" A piercing chortle emanated from behind the two boys. "Modern 'Earthling' medicine may not be able to, but it should be child's play for the Greatest Scientific Genius in the Universe!"

"Wa-Washu chan!" Tenchi cried. "I-I don't know if you should..."

"Chotto!" Ranma exclaimed as he grasped the diminutive, pink-haired scientist's hands in his own. "Do you mean to tell me that you...?"

"That's right." An elderly man in the robes of a priest confirmed. "We are aliens."

Ranma stared at the old man with uncertainty. "Um... actually, I was just gonna say ask if she was one o' those... y'know, metapsycho healers, or somethin'."

"'Metapsycho' is right." Tenchi muttered under his breath.

"You know, Tenchi sama," Washu said. "With my new Backbitron 2000, I can see right through your breaths..."

"Hmm." The old man commented as he shrugged. "I guess it was--how do you young people say it?--my bad."

Tenchi and Ranma were floored.

"Anyway, why don't we pay a visit to this fiancée of yours and we can help her out, no?" Washu chimed in.

Ranma again took her hands. "You mean you'll come with me? I don't know what to say!"

"Say 'Oh, thank you, thank you, Washu chan! You are the greatest and most benevolent genius in all the universe!'. That wouldn't be too bad, for starters."

"Er, sure, maybe later? We really have to go." Ranma said, pulling her towards the door.

"Now, now, there are better ways to travel." Washu exclaimed as she began to type in the air. Ranma stared with wide eyes as a flash of light emanated from the kitchen door. As it faded, a purple rectangle of light became visible.

"There now. I have transformed the kitchen door into a portal to another dimension, from which we shall go to your place." She said. A small puppet, similar to her, appeared on her shoulder and praised her as Ranma stared in disbelief.

Oh well, weirder things have happened, he thought to himself as he followed her through the shining portal, accompanied by the old man. He heard a ditzy-sounding voice behind him as the portal closed.

"Oh, wow, I'm hungry. I hope Sasami won't mind if I fix myself a sna-aaaaaack!"

"Did someone mention my name?" As Sasami walked into the kitchen, she noticed that the door had somehow materialized around her, trapping her in the doorway.

"Ohh, would someone please help me out of here? I mean I was just about to get a snack and I'm really hungry and this happened and I just don't know what to do!" Mihoshi said, tears streaming down her cheeks.

- - -

"Now, Ranma, was it? Where do you live?" Washu said, boggling Ranma's mind again by typing on air.

"Um, uh, the Tendo Dojo in the Nerima district." He finally spat it out. He was still reeling from his current position, being in the middle of a huge scientific facility. He gazed around at all the machines and lab equipment.

"Oh, and don't touch anything." Washu said, causing Ranma to quickly withdraw his hand from the Continuum Transfunctioner.

"Here we go, the Tendo Dojo. Please keep your hands and feet inside the destabilization matrix."

"What do you mea-AAAIIIEEE!" Ranma screamed like his repressed female half as a strange bubble-like form enveloped the three and carried them to the left for about ten feet, then disappeared, leaving them in the living room of the Tendo household.

Kasumi, who was sitting on the couch at the time, stared at them, quickly got up, smiled her Kasumi-smile, and said in a sweet voice, "Ranma, you didn't tell me you were bringing guests! I'll get some tea." She then hurried off into the kitchen.

to be continued...

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Yes, I think it shall go well. This won't be just any old crossover, oh NO! It's the SUPER ULTRA MEGA RANMA !? CROSSOVER. Please excuse any and all pointless punctuation. A crossover between Ranma 1/2, Tenchi Muyo, Yuu Yuu Hakusho, Dragonball Z, Inuyasha, Rurouni Kenshin, Akira, Lupin the 3rd, Trigun, FLCL, and some others, maybe (definitely). E-mail for comments.