Summary: Jenny and Eric plan for the zombie apocalypse. This is serious stuff. Oneshot.
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, though I did see Max Brooks speak last week and it was brilliant.
A/N: I briefly mentioned this conversation in Dirty Pretty Things. I loved the idea of it so much that I had to write it. Then Roz got involved and we all know how that usually ends up… Feedback please?
They have had this conversation several times over the course of their friendship. Today the combination of the July heat, the buzz of the holiday, and the awkward tensions of the people inside her apartment are making it seem that much more important.
"We can't go somewhere tropical!" he proclaims. "Neither of us knows how to drive a boat and we would constantly be under siege!"
Jenny rolls her eyes and takes a sip of her soda. "Yeah, and the far Canadian north is so much better. Are you really prepared to wear sixteen layers and real furs every day of the year?"
"It's better than dying of dehydration because your bumbling boyfriend broke the water filter!" Eric argues. "Sea water isn't safe until it's been thoroughly cleaned, Jen."
"Will the Yukon really offer a better supply?" she wonders. He furrows his brow and the two of them think about it for a moment. She sighs and nods after a while. "Maybe you're right. We can clean fresh snow easier than we can clean years-old sea water."
"Exactly," he agrees. "Plus, the cold will make human contact that much more appealing."
"How is that helpful?"
"Well, sex will be an option. If we were in the tropics it would be too hot to even think about sleeping with someone, let alone actually exerting the amount of energy it takes to do it," he explains. "You hate the humidity here and how it makes you sweat. Imagine the humidity on some lonely island."
She smiles a little sinfully and shrugs. "If it were the right guy I probably wouldn't mind. Why are you so worried about it anyway? Jonathan won't be at our camp."
"No, but you're sure to invite Nate," Eric says with a smirk. "What if the trauma of a zombie attack makes him want to switch teams?"
Jenny throws an umbrella at him and he laughs loudly. "I'm only kidding. Nate's not my type."
"Damn right," she asserts. "Even if he was, you'd have to settle for a threesome."
They look at each other and grimace simultaneously. "Ew. You're like my sister."
"Maybe we should talk about something else," she says slowly.
"Who are we bringing with us, anyway?" he wonders, slurping a smoothie through a yellow bendy straw. She tilts her head to the side and runs her hand through her hair to spike it out. "You, me, Nate…"
"I would say we should bring our families, but I think that would turn out badly," she replies. "Could you imagine Serena trying to use a machete?"
"She might do alright, actually. You've never seen her chop vegetables." Eric looks back into the loft and shudders dramatically. Jenny laughs and watches his sister in the kitchen with her mom. Both of them seem perfectly collected as they prepare the salad meant to go with dinner.
"You're full of shit. If she's capable of wielding a machete like a pro then my brother is a sharp shooter," she tells him.
"Chuck might be of use," he muses. She stares at him incredulously and he holds up his hands in surrender. "What?! We could use his connections to secure some land and contractors. The less work we have to do to build multiple back-up forts, the better."
"Okay," she agrees. "Chuck can be involved in the initial stages. He isn't bunking with us, though."
"Weren't we just talking about sexual favors? Chuck probably has some skills…"
"He's your step-brother!"
"Not for me! For someone else!"
"I am not sleeping with Chuck! I don't care how many civilians have been lost, if I'm repopulating Canada, I'm doing it with someone I'm attracted to."
"Have you told Nate about your plan to have several children?"
"I hate you. You're no longer welcome in my apocalyptic survival group."
"You would never leave me. You need my mad machete skills."
"Anyway." She glares at him playfully and he grins, reaching over to steal her sunglasses. He slips them on and makes a face, pursing his lips. "The blue really works with your hair color," she teases.
"Thanks. I'm trying for a more welcoming look."
"Your eyes are definitely more 'come hither' behind those frames."
"Lovely. Are we inviting Rufus?"
"Yes. My dad does know how to wield a pistol, no matter how much he denies it. Will Lily be joining us?"
"She would just worry. She can hang out with Serena and Dan and Chuck at another location."
"We're terrible people."
"But we'll survive, and that's all that matters. Where are we going to build a back-up fort?" he asks. Jenny thinks about it for a while and then grins.
"The back-up fort could definitely be in the tropics," she says. Eric groans and drops his head back. She snatches her glasses back from him and steals a sip of his smoothie while she's at it.
"Fine," he concedes. "The back-up fort can be in the tropics. Do you want to start mapping or should I?"
"Whatever. I'll call Nate in the morning and see if he's interested in pirating a Yacht."
"You're so spoiled."
"I'm easing myself into depravity. I need a little comfort on my way into isolation."
"We'll be walking to the fort in Canada," he tells her. "You know that, right?"
"You can give me a piggy-back ride. My flats won't hold up to the conditions."
"I don't know why I'm letting you be in my survival group. You're going to be a terrible companion."
"You'd go crazy without me." He looks at her and she smiles brilliantly. She knows she's right because she feels the same way about him.
"We'll plan the specifics later," he says, ignoring her suggestion completely. Jenny grins and scoots her chair closer, leaning her head against his shoulder.
"Right after the fireworks."
"Sounds like a plan."