Actual A/N: Sorry for taking such a long time between updates. I can never find the time to post new fics anymore… "^^ Enjoy. And remember, THIS IS A PARODY.
A/N -ZOMGWTFBBQ!!!IAMSOOOOOOLIKE, SORRY4NOTUPDATINGYAHHHH!!!!
I bet you were all in horrible pain waiting to find out what would happen to Sapphyre (who, by the way, is like SO not a Sue, so shut up!) and I am so so so sorry for leaving you all hanging on that evil, evil cliffie!! So enjoy, because in this chapter Sapphyre goes on a quest in which the fate of the world hangs in the balance! :O So read it and leave lots of yummy reviews saying how much you love me and Sapphyre and want me to write more about her because she's so awesome and so am I!
Recap: During an ordinary game of Capture the Flag, I was suddenly claimed by four different gods. Chiron placed a call to Mount Olympus to find out what was happening, and it was discovered that all the gods were fighting. Over me.
"Well, like, the gods saw you from Olympus and decided that you were, like, special. Or rad. Whatever." Chiron bobbed his head in a very wise way.
"I knew that." I wiped away a perfect tear from the corner of my heavily mascaraed eye.
"Yeah, kiddo. So they decided you were so rad they all wanted you as, like, their own kid. So they were all like, 'Dude, I'm gonna claim that dude so that she can be my dude and not the dude of the other dudes.' And, like, they all happened to decide to claim you at the same time. I mean, can you say total wipeout?" The centaur sighed. "So now I think you've probably started, like, a war. Or something."
My vision started growing fuzzy. I had caused a war? Oh my goodness. I put a delicate hand to my forehead. "I...but...I never meant to cause a war! Oh, why can't everyone just live in harmony?" At that moment, it was as if the weight of the world was upon me. The Fates are such meanies.
"Yeah. Um...well...I'm just gonna go back and smoke some pot. Catch ya later!" Chiron trotted away, his hemp necklaces swinging in the wind.
Instantly, the entire camp surrounded me, exclaiming over how speshul a snowflake I was and how amazing it was that I had been claimed by four different gods. Unfortunately, since I was the most intelligent person at camp and everyone else was a bunch of dunderheads, nobody grasped the deep, tragic pain I was feeling inside at having created a...conflict. The very word made me shudder. I, the great Sapphyre Raven Beaautiful Jackson, had devoted my life to world peace as of...this very minute! Yeah. World peace was a very noble cause, and I was certainly very, very noble.
"Don't you understand, you dunderheads?!" I sobbed. "I CAUSED A WAR! People are f-f-fighting because of ME!"
The Ares cabin gave me high-fives. Everyone else looked confused.
"Well, why don't you go tell them to stop fighting?" some random kid yelled.
"Yes. Yes." I sat straight up, and took a quick glance in the river to check if my makeup was smudged. (It wasn't.) "I just had the most brilliant idea. I'll go tell them to stop fighting!"
The campers looked at me in awe. "You're so smart, Sapphyre," they all chorused in unison.
Now all I needed was some demigods to come with me. I could obviously negotiate an end to this trouble all by myself, but I needed somebody there to stoke my ego and witness my accomplishments.
"Perseus Jackson, Luke Castellan, and Annabeth Chase!" I called out, using my most commanding voice. "You three shall come with me."
The campers I had just chosen looked at each other with wonder. I knew what they were thinking—were they really smart enough to come on a quest with SAPPHYRE RAVEN BEAAUTIFUL JACKSON?
The answer was no. However, they were coming anyway.
"Pack your bags," I ordered humbly. "And pack mine, too."
They nodded, bowed—"No bowing, please; it makes me feel awkward," I told them with a smile—and ran off. The rest of the camp dispersed to whatever normal people do in their free time.
I sighed. However hard I tried, I would never be normal. "Oh, why, oh, why, did I have to be cursed with Mary Sue-ness?!" I cried to the heavens.
There was no answer. I felt so alone.
TT_TT Poor Sapphyre! I feel so so so bad for her. She has such bad luck! It's a good thing that all her talents balance it out.
So review if you want to find out whether she succeeds or not on her BIG IMPORTANT AWESOME SUPER!MISSION TO MOUNT OLYMPUS! (I mean, of course she will because otherwise she wouldn't be a Sue. But you aren't supposed to know that!! :D)
Actual A/N: Once more, let me reiterate that this is a PARODY. In no part of this story am I writing in all seriousness, lines marked with "Actual A/N" aside. Reviews are love. Flames are welcomed as long asthey're about something OTHER than Sapphyre's Sueness. She's supposed to be like that because it's a parody.
Okay, I think that you've hopefully all gotten the point by now! If you still don't know this is a parody, the majority your brain cells have most likely been fried from reading too many crap!fics.
Thanks for reading,