Warnings: Very mild OoC, vaguely inappropriate, crude language, Gai (yes, he deserves a warning), and eyebrow jokes
Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Kishimoto Masashi, Shounen Jump, and whoever the hell else is involved... so, not me. Inspired by the fic Cursed because of Gai's strange claim to climb a tree using only his toes... yeah.
Features: Doomed!Genma, Wily!Gai, Amused!Kakashi, and other jounin
In the Jounin Lounge
The jounin lounge was hidden in such a way that not even the Hokage knew where exactly it was, and that was how the jounin of Konoha wanted to keep it. They changed the location every six to eight months, and had yet to use the same location twice. Once, the location had been the apartment of Namikaze Minato – after he became Hokage and moved into the Hokage manor – and three years ago it had actually been in the relatively-near town of Otafuku Gai for all of three months before they decided an hour of travel just wasn't worth it.
It was part of each jounin's initiation that they would have to locate the jounin lounge. Most of them just stalked some random jounin there, and the only resistance those being stalked put up was boring the stalker for a good few hours before finally arriving at the lounge.
Due to the myriad eccentricities of the jounin and tokubetsu jounin – since they shared the lounge – it was always interesting to enter the room. For example, Anko was currently working on her ceiling-portrait of Tsunade's boobs made out of dango-sticks. Kurenai and Asuma were not cuddling, they just so happened to have sat next to each other on the couch and Kurenai was kind of cold so Asuma was kind enough to warm her up. Raidou was humming a popular song while twirling a kunai on his toe – which was how he had received his scar, not that he would admit it, and he was better now dammit! - while in the next seat over, Kakashi was giggling over an orange book.
The other jounin present knew that he was actually reading a manga about pirates – he was one of few ninja who did not innately loathe them and instead found the buccaneers funny – and so avoided him like the plague. But there was no need to let anyone else know, so they went on letting everyone think he was reading smut. It was funnier that way. (1)
Everyone was doing something, but they all stopped when Genma stood up. It wasn't because he stood up, but rather the way he stood up. The rolling of his shoulders, the removal of a certain always-there senbon from his mouth... he was going to perform. All the jounin paid rapt attention, waiting to see what he would do.
Suddenly, Genma struck what was undeniably Maito Gai's "Good Guy" pose and the snickering began. At this point, Kakashi's eyes drifted back to his manga, but other than that, Genma's audience was captive and captivated.
"Yosh! What a Youthful day it is my Youthful Friends!" His voice was unrealistically guttural, something Gai's was not, but the other jounin laughed anyway. "The Fires of Youth Burn Youthfully in my Youthful Heart! In the Springtime of Youth there is nothing better than to improve one's Youthful Attitude and Physique!"
The lounge was, by this time, roaring with laughter enough that, half a mile away in the Hokage's Tower, Tsunade's hangover got that much worse without any apparent cause. But oh, she knew, and there would be hell to pay.
Kakashi just turned another page of his manga, giggling as the muscle-bound pirate captain tried to dress as a women with his men so they could infiltrate a brothel and rescue a damsel in distress.
The laughter died down just in time for Genma to deliver the big punchline to his joke. "Yosh! If I cannot do One Million jumping jacks by nightfall, I will climb up the Hokage monument using only my eyebrows!" Unfortunately for him, no one laughed at this, and he didn't know why until he realized that a draft was coming from the door, which stood behind him.
He didn't even get to turn before Maito Gai, Konoha's Beautiful Green Beast, belted out in raucous laughter. "Yosh! The Flames of Youth Burn Brightly in you, my Youthful Friend! I wish you luck in your Youthful Quest!"
Genma gulped nervously, glad that Gai hadn't seemed to catch the joke, and bolted for it before anyone actually made him live up to the boast. Everyone quickly followed as usually happened when Gai arrived in the lounge. With the jounin gone, Gai sat calmly beside his silver-haired rival, who was still reading his pirate manga.
"Somehow, I don't think Genma's eyebrows are strong enough to scale the Monument," Kakashi stated after a moment of silence. Both of the friends snickered slightly before going into bouts of full-out laughter.
"You might be right, my hip rival," Gai's grin was good natured and he yawned.
"Being 'the Beast' must be exhausting," Kakashi still hadn't looked up from his manga, but a message passed between the supposed Eternal Rivals. Gai only shrugged and reclined on the sofa. They sat in comfortable silence for a good long while, simply relaxing in the lounge as they were meant to.
"You know," Gai finally stated, "you could try actually reading Jiraiya-sama's books. They aren't that bad."
Kakashi's derisive snort was the only reply.
Author's Note: Yes... I'm weird. Just an idea that popped into my head... and you know that Gai and Kakashi are secretly best friends and that Gai is just screwing with everyone with his Beast thing.
(1) I actually support pirates ('cause my birthday is Pirate Day), but I always want to put things like a ninja-pirate rivalry in Naruto fics.