Forenotes: "talking" thinking \remembering/ emphasizing

* is a time lapse   ~ is meanwhile or immediately following the scene before


The last thing I remembered when I awoke was a Gundam with a giant beam scythe and someone shooting me from behind. I sat up slowly. My head was spinning. I slammed my palm to my forehead. I felt cloth, someone had bandaged it. The spinning lessened slightly. I stood and opened the door. There was no one in sight. I started down the hall but stopped when I heard voices.

"So how are the repairs to her Gundam coming Heero?"

"Not very good, the controls are all backwards."

"It's good to see you're awake." I turned around. A boy with blond hair and blue eyes stood before me.

"I…um…I…" I took a step back and tripped over the door. I stumbled into the room backwards and fell into a sitting position.

"Are you all right?" The blonde asked as he and another boy pulled me up. I looked at the two boys I had been eavesdropping on. One had dark brown hair which had been combed over one of his green eyes. The other had shabby dark brown hair and hard Prussian blue eyes.

"My controls are not backwards," I said with more confidence than I had.

"Nani?" Said the boy with shabby brown hair.

"I specifically designed that suit's controls to fit my combat skills and keep people like you from being able to steal it, they're not backwards," I turned to the door but the green-eyed boy stepped in front of me.

"You built that Gundam?"

"Gundam? It's just a new mobile suit."

"Don't be afraid, we're not your enemies."

"Yeah right Blondie, like you know who my enemies are." The green-eyed boy took a small step forward.

"We're Gundam pilots too."


"If she is our enemy she won't get far but I think she's an ally."

"Can I see my suit now, I'd like to survey the damage?"

"Of course," said the blond and led me to an underground hanger.

"Thanks Mr…"

"Just call me Quatre."

"Thanks Quatre."

"You're welcome," he said and left.

"Aw man! This could take forever to fix!"

"Not as long as it must have taken to build Onna," said a boy jumping from the cockpit.

"Chang," I growled. We bowed to each other before beginning hand to hand combat. After a few minutes we stopped and bowed to each other once more. I hugged him. "I never thought I'd see you again."

"I never thought you would complete your Gundam." I let go of him.

"I'm kinda insulted by that Chang," I said sternly.

"Figures Wu-man would get the pretty girl with the Gundam! Oh well, guess I'll just stick to the Shinigami fans."


"Onna this is Duo, Duo this is Onna." I elbowed his ribs.

"Hi Duo, my name's Kaser," I held out my hand, he shook it energetically.


"So Wu-man, how'd you meet a hot chick like Kaser?" Duo asked at breakfast the next day. I blushed slightly and noticed Heero giving me a death glare.

"We grew up together on the L5 Colony," I said before Wufei could speak.

"So you built that Gundam on your own?" Trowa asked.

"Mostly. I had help from mobile suit technicians but most of my controls are different so they didn't do much."

"So wait, Wu-man hung out with a girl?"

"Onna's father worked on Nataku and she always came to watch."

"Excuse me," I whispered standing up. I went to the hanger. Wufei followed.


"Onna?!" There was no answer. He climbed onto my Gundam and opened the door to the cockpit. I was sitting inside looking at a picture of a group of people in front of Wufei's Gundam. "Weak Onna." I knew he had meant it to make me smile but instead I punched him and locked myself in. A few minutes later my screen beeped and Wufei appeared.

"Get lost Chang, I don't want to talk."

"There's no sense hiding in your Gundam."

"Now I wish I hadn't fixed Ryuuza's comm. Systems."

"Come out."

"I'd rather not."

"You can't just sit there crying about it."

"I don't intend to cry."

"I always knew you were weak Onna."

"Damnit Chang, go to hell!" His image disappeared from my screen. "Shit!" I opened my Gundam and jumped out. "Chang?!" I got no answer.


"What do you think that's all about?" Duo asked watching Wufei head after Kaser.

"Baka," Heero said then left.

"I hope she's all right," Quatre sighed.

"I'm sure she's fine." Quatre smiled.

"You're right Trowa." They ate in silence for a while before Wufei walked by quickly.

"Hey Wu-man, what happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it." He hurried up the stairs.

"Guess she dumped him."

"Was Wufei in here?" I asked as I walked into the kitchen.

"What happened?"



"Where'd he go?"

"He went upstairs Kaser, why?" asked Quatre sweetly.

"I told him to go to hell," I said as I darted up the stairs.

"Yep, she dumped him!" Quatre and Trowa glared at him.


"Chang?" I said knocking on his door. He didn't answer. "Fair warning, I'm coming in!" Still nothing. "This goes against my standards but oh well." I pushed the door open. He was practicing martial arts. "When we were kids you did that to relieve stress, what's up?" He shot me a death glare. "It's not like I've never said it before." He made a kick and broke one of the legs of the bed. I stepped closer, forcing him to stop or hit me. He stopped.

"The door was closed."

"I know but I need to talk to you."

"I'm busy."

"Yeah, breaking Quatre's furniture is hard work I'm sure." He gave me another death glare. "Fine, don't talk to me." I started to leave. He broke the opposite bed leg. "Well Chang, do you want to talk or not?" He didn't answer. "I give up." I started to leave once more.

"Sit," he said sternly. I sat down on the bed.

"Well Chang why are you so upset?" He sat down with his back to me.

"Did you mean it?"

"Would I be here if I did?"

"That's not an answer." I moved closer and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. He tensed up.

"I didn't mean it. I was just upset. Forgive me?"

"Only the weak forgive." He stood and left. I smiled.


It was nearly 1 a.m. and I lay awake staring at the ceiling. I remember quite clearly why I had started waking up at midnight.

\I awoke late one night in the technicians' barracks on L5 Colony. Wufei stood above me, his hand outstretched as though he couldn't decide whether or not to place it on my cheek."

"Chang?{" I hand mumbled. He took a few steps back then turned and left. I confronted him the next day. "Why were you in my room last night, what were you doing?"

"Nothing Onna, it's not important."

"What d'you mean it's not important?! You were in my room?"

"Nataku is finished, I'm leaving soon."

"So, that's not an answer."

"I wanted to give you something without you knowing it."

"Give me something? What was it?"

"This." He pulled me closer and our lips met. I shoved him away.

"Go to hell Chang!" And then I ran./ Has it only been a year? And I always hoped you would come back to me but…even when we're only 10 feet apart you don't. I suppose you met someone on earth? I got up and went into the hall. His door was closed. If only it would open. I watched it for a while but nothing happened. "No more sleep tonight Onna." I went downstairs and outside to sit on the back porch.


Trowa watched Kaser from his window. "Apparently I'm not the only one awake tonight." He had been watching her before too, standing lonely in front of Wufei's door. He went downstairs.



"Hi Trowa."

"Mind if I sit down?"

"Sit where you want, it's not my house."

"So why are you out here?"

"I couldn't sleep. I usually face reality and go back to bed but for some reason tonight's different." I looked up at the stars.

"The colonies are beautiful tonight."

"I hate them. I spent my entire life in them and there's nothing for me up there and now, here on earth, I have less!"

"What happened up there?"

"Too much."

"Is that why you came to earth?"

"No…and…yes I suppose. I was looking for something, that's why I came to earth. I should go home when I complete my repairs to Ryuuza, I'll never find it."

"Weren't you looking for Wufei?"

"No, that was easy. If all I wanted was to find Wufei I never would have built my Gundam."

"What are you looking for?"

"Excuse me, my time would be better spent with Ryuuza." I started to leave but Trowa stopped me and hugged me.


Wufei watched the pair from his bedroom window. He had broken the other 2 legs on his bed. The first had gone when he finally opened the door to find she was no longer there, the second had gone when Trowa sat next to her. When she stood he prepared to meet her but she didn't come. He turned to the window. Trowa was holding her in his arms. A loud crack was heard throughout the upstairs rooms.

"Wufei what happened?" Quatre said as he opened the door. Wufei walked past him.


"Where's Chang this morning?" I asked at breakfast.

"We don't know, he left early this morning."

"He was very upset," Heero said looking at me coldly.

"I'm sure he'll be back," said Trowa.

"Do either of you want him back?" Heero left.

"Heero!" I ran after him. "Heero do you know why he left?"

"Why don't you try looking in his room." He stepped into his and shut the door.

"His room? I don't understand." I ran to Wufei's room. "The hell? This bed is…is broken in half. "I walked around it to inspect things closer. I glanced out the window. Trowa was standing on the back porch talking to Quatre. "Damnit!!" I screamed and thrust my fist through the window. I walked down to the backyard. "I'm sorry Quatre, I think I broke the window." My arm was bleeding from my knuckles to my elbow.

"Kaser your arm."

"I don't think I got any blood on the carpet but I did break the window. I'll leave at once." I started to leave but Trowa grabbed my clean arm. I looked at him.


"Thank you for talking to me…last night but I…I don't have the heart to stay."

"At least let me bandage your arm?"

"Thank you Quatre but I…"

"Hey Wu-man, where ya been?!" Duo shouted from inside.

"I should go…"

"Wufei, good morning." He looked at my arm where Trowa held it and started to leave. I pulled free of Trowa.

"Chang wait!" He stopped and said something I barely heard, 'Go to hell Onna'. I fell to the ground. Trowa reached out to me but Quatre stopped him.

"Trowa." Trowa nodded and they both left.

"Please Chang…" His cold midnight eyes stabbed me like daggers. I gathered my wits and stood up. "Y…you can use Ryuuza for spare parts or sc…scrap him if you want. I was just leaving. Good luck on your mission." I left.

"Aren't you going after her?"

"She isn't worth it Yuy." Heero punched him.

"Heero!" Duo said springing out the door. Heero turned and went inside. "That guy. You all right Wu-man?"

"Heero's right Wufei. You should go after her."

"You go after her Barton," he went back inside.

"Why would you go after her Trowa?"

"Last night I kissed her." Quatre seemed somewhat surprised and went in, Duo followed.


"I thought you left Onna."

"Chang!" I said dropping the 2 pictures in my hand. "I…I left something in Ryuuza." He knelt to pick up the pictures I reached for them too, hoping he would give them to me without looking at them.

"You came back to get pictures?"

"Y…yeah, can I have them back please?"

"This is a picture of me Onna?"

"Um…yeah, it is."

"You came back for this?"

"C…can I have it back…both of them, I mean."

"Who's the other one?"

"My father, in front of Nataku. Please?" He handed me the picture of my father, I stared at it. "Thank you…I promise I won't bother you anymore."

"Bother me?"

"Yes, bother you."

"You don't bother me."

"And why should I , I'm not…not worth enough. Not enough to bother you."

"You heard me?"

"It doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is that you don't care and I'm not going to stay where I'm not wanted."

"What about Barton?"

"I won't deny kissing him…I didn't mean to but I won't deny my actions."

"You don't kiss people by accident Onna."

"No, that's not what I meant. I was thinking of someone else in Trowa's place. I think he knows that I wasn't intending to kiss him."

"Who were you thinking about?"

"Someone I lost long ago."

"Maybe not." He reached out to put his hand on my shoulder. I took a few steps back.

"I'm sure."

"Why did you push me away back on L5?"

"No more questions, I'm going home."

"Do you regret it Onna?"

"I regret the necessity of my actions but not completing them."

"You never wanted to kiss me."

"You don't know anything past your Gundam Chang, goodbye." I started to leave this time but I found my wrist tightly grasped in his hand.


"I didn't want you to break my heart Chang. I didn't think I could hate you, I didn't want to try. I pushed you away, denied myself the one thing that would make me happiest…" There was a long pause. "You must think I'm so stupid, pouring my heart out and you couldn't care less." I tried to pull away but his fingers only tightened on my wrist. "Why?"

"Don't leave Onna."

"And…if I leave?"


"I can't."

"I won't let go."

"Don't make me hurt you."


"Promise me you won't fail. Promise that you won't let me affect your missions. You can't fail the colonies. Promise?"

"Even if you leave I'll follow you."

"Good, follow me if you truly care. I want you to but I don't believe you will." I did a roundhouse kick to his arm. He was caught off guard and let go of my wrist. I ran away not forgetting to take the picture in his other hand.



"What can I get you miss?" asked a bartender as I sat down.

"Got anything non-alcoholic and cheap?"


"Great, how many glasses till I'm drunk?"

"That's a good one kid, what's eatin' ya?"

"Like you care."

"I'm a bartender, it's my job to care."

"I've got this guy that I grew up with see. He cares about me…I think…but I'll be amazed if he comes looking for me."

"Well for a little bit extra cash I'll spike that for ya."

"How much?"

"A buck."

"Deal." I slid a dollar across the bar and he poured a little beer into my drink. "I gotta tell Duo about this place if I ever see him again."

"Duo? He drink?"

"If he can get his hands on alcohol."

"Don't drink that too fast." I finished off the glass.

"Too late, got anymore?"

"You're gonna get drunk." He poured me another glass.

"I have an unbelievable tolerance for this stuff."

"All right."

"No regard for the law huh?"

"Romafeller can kiss my ass."

"I'll drink to that." I swallowed the entire contents of the glass. "Thanks pal, I gotta go now before I get carried away."

"I passed him some cash. "Keep the change." I left. Chang?! I guess I didn't go as far as I thought.


Shimatta! At least he hasn't seen me…yet.


Yeah right Chang, you want me to come back you gotta work. I ducked into the ally beside the bar. Wufei went in and shortly after came back out.

"Kaser!" I tripped over a trashcan.

He…he's never said my name before?! He stepped into the ally.

"Onna, I found you."

"You don't make any sense Chang, why are you here?"

"For you."

"But you said it yourself, I'm not worth it."

"I was wrong."

"Sure you want to admit that? Why change your mind anyway? Is it the picture? I found your picture worth coming back for and suddenly I'm worth fighting for?! Well I came back for more than that Chang, I wasn't about to leave the only thing I have left of my father behind! Well Chang, what is it?!"

"Why are you mad?"

"Why do you care?!"


"I don't want a picture to increase my value! Yes, I have it! Yes, it's of you! No, I don't want to lose it! But if the only reason you care is because of it I'd rather tear it to shreds!"

"If you hate me why do you keep that picture?"

"I don't hate you. I keep the picture because you're the only friend I've got and I don't want to forget you…I guess you'd rather forget me though. Then again who needs a stupid onna like me when you've got 4 other guys who can pilot Gundams?"

"You pilot one too and you're not stupid."

"Yeah, right. I would never pilot Ryuzza if…I am stupid."


"Nothing, it's stupid."


"I don't have time for this, I need to get back to L5," I growled.

"Why won't you talk to me?" He said sternly.

"Because Chang, everything I do is based on your actions! You called me weak so I trained! You called me stupid so I studied! You still called me weak and took off in that piece of shit mobile suit so I built my own! Everything I've ever done was to make you see me as an equal and the only time you said my fuckin name was so you wouldn't have to look for me! Now get the hell outta my way!" He took a step back. His expression softened and he smiled slightly.

"Kaser I love you." I walked to him. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed me. "Let's go home."

As always complements and flames appreciated.