Hi yall! Finally got around to finishing this chapter x_X I wanna thank the ppls that reviewed cause I really appreciate it X3 And next chapter will have smut ^_~ Cause I luuuuv smutt _ when it's tasteful -_=. Also the next will be the last chapter i believe. Aaaaand who ever asked before hand their nail polish is purple. So, not only is it strange for the men to be wearing it in the first place, but it's purple as well. Who says yaoi isn't cannon any way? X3
The meeting had been to basically see how well the current partnerships were fairing. Leader suggested that a partner swap would benefit the organization in adaptation, but as soon as Kisame suggested he and Konan become teammates the idea was dropped. Conveniently for Hidan, the meeting was over in time for his nails to dry, and no one seemed to question why it looked like his projection was blowing at his hand every now and then.
"Deidara…" Kakuzu's voice set of an alarm in the back of Hidan's head. "We need to… talk"
Shit! Hidan panicked and did the first thing that came to mind. The rest of the Akatsuki watched as Kakuzu's projection flickered off a second later. "Uh… great meeting! Yeah. See you all later! Oh! And may Jashin-sama have mercy on your…" Hidan's signature dissipated suddenly.
"Hmm… That was interesting." The male with shark features grinned. "A little over anxious there ehh~?"
Lazy dark blue eye's focused on the speaker. "He did seem rather …Desperate."
"Even the stoic Uchia noticed. We figured there was a pervert in there some where…" A light chuckle reverberated from the speaker. "Don't laugh! We lost the bet. It's still not entirely impossible. Maybe they're in denial."
"Tch. Hidan's really a closet case yeah?" bright blue eyes danced with mirth. "It wasn't hard seducing him un."
"Deidara sempi, Seducing is cheating! Tobi's a good boy and… Um," scratching his head Tobi asked sheepishly," what does seducing mean again?"
Deidara huffed. "Just shut up un! I didn't do it to cheat! I needed …a favor…" the blond sucked his teeth at letting that slip. "Something that had nothing to do with the bet!"
"Heh. I believe ya." Kisame chuckled. "It's not like nobody here wants to try him out…" He added, missing the possessive glare his partner gave him.
"Tobi doesn't want to try him out. Tobi just wants to be friends!"
Deidara gave his masked partner a peculiar look before continuing. "I went past my budget this month un, so I asked Hidan to… take care of it."
"That's still considered cheating Deidara…" All the remaining members turned to their leader who was still present. "You should have asked me to put funds aside for Sassori's recovery." The statement raised a few brows.
"It's… Not for the progress of the organization un. I didn't feel like bothering you about it." Deidara's eyes shifted away from the leader. "That would have been my last resort."
Silence stretched for thirty seconds before Kisame spoke up. "So… Was he any good?" Sharingan activated.
Deidara blinked. "Actually…" The artist cupped his chin. "He panicked before I got that far. Like I said, a real closet case un."
Kisame chuckled. "Damn. I bet I could really get him goi…"
"We're finished here." Itachi practically commanded startling the other members.
Kisame frowned at his partner's outburst. "But I wanna know the status of our bet. I got first dibs on that albino's tight little a…" Crimson eyes blazed before two more members were suddenly dismissed.
"Interesting. Now might be a good time to ask Uchia about assisting us in our experiment. He's bound to give us Kisame's balls after that!"Zetsu dismissed himself, an eerie giggle echoed through out the cavern where the meeting took place.
The three that were left exchanged glances before Tobi spoke up. "Why is Zetsu-san so worked up over balls? Tobi would never take some one's balls. Tobi's a good boy."
The other two remaining stared at Tobi for a moment before the leader cleared his throat. "Deidara, your tampering may have caused our wager to turn in your favor, however I am willing to overlook it for sassori's sake. To make sure you don't interfere again I have a mission that will keep you both quite occupied."
Both team members sighed. Tobi pointed an accusing finger at his partner. "This is all your fault Deidara-sempi. If you weren't trying to mate with Hidan-san we would still be on leave!"
The blond gaped at his partner in disbelief. "I thought you didn't know what seduction meant un!"
Tobi waved a finger at his sempi. "From what Kisame-san was saying Tobi was able to put two and two together!" He demonstrated his point by wiggling both index fingers and pressing them together. After a second of thought he added, "And Tobi's been studying Zetsu-san's notes! Um… Deidara-sempi's not going to dissect Hidan-san's balls is he..?"
Deidara clenched his teeth. "I'm going to dissect YOUR balls if you don't stop screwing around with me un!!" Both signatures dissipated leaving an amused yet slightly irritated leader.
"They didn't even hear my mission briefing…"
"Damn it Kakuzu!" Hidan rubbed his sore cheek. "You didn't have to all out punch me!"
"You're right. I should have ripped your arms off …" Picking up the bottle of polish that was thrown at his temple and pocketing it, Kakuzu faced his partner. "If you ever interrupt me like that again, you won't be walking for two weeks." Never mind his arms I'll just rip off his legs…
Hidan gulped. Damn it! He's gonna all out rape me if I piss him off again! Damn it Jashin-sama what do I do??? "Uh, look…" He paused, Grimacing in complete agony. "I'm… s… sor..rry." It was difficult and pretty damn close to a sin, but he managed. "I… I just wanted to get out of there alright? That shark lookin thing was fucking staring at me funny the whole time and it was pissing me off." It wasn't a total lie; Kisame was staring like he wanted to eat him and his pet weasel was staring like he wanted to kill him. If his hands weren't busy he would have flipped them both off.
Kakuzu studied his partner briefly before his shoulders visibly relaxed, temper sedated for the moment. "Let's go. I need to check up on my funds and grab an updated bingo book."
Hidan released the breath he was holding thanking his god that he'd gotten off so easy then promptly got up, walking along side of Kakuzu as they made their way back onto the dirt path.
Walking for miles in silence, the two entered a territory Hidan hadn't seen before, however the excitement of entering a new area was short lived. There wasn't anything of interest besides mountains of rock and what appeared to be a deserted wasteland.
The uneventful surroundings coupled with the long period of silence grated on his nerves, and he tried to suppress the question that nagged at his mind. Another ten minutes. Another ten minutes… He mentally chanted over and over again, until he couldn't take it any longer. Unable to resist his burning desire to speak he asked the dreaded question.
"Are we there yet?"
Kakuzu regarded his partner with a slight turn of the head. "No."
Crestfallen, Hidan's lips pursed. "Dammit Kakuzu. We've been walking for ever! In the forest it was fine but out here it's a Jashin damn rocky desert! Uhn. Why couldn't I have been paired with some body else that wasn't dragging me around like a damn rag doll…"
Kakuzu couldn't resist. "It could have been worse… You could have been paired up with Kisame…"
Hidan looked at the falls nin in horror. "SHUT THE FUCK UP KAKUZU! You sick bitch! I bet you'd really like to see him eat me alive ASSHOLE!"
"FU… Woh…" Hidan looked up at a towering rocky mountain to see a modest looking mansion cradled in its side almost hidden from the world. "You… OWN that thing?"
"Hn." was Kakuzu's only reply as he dashed suddenly forward into a sprint.
Hidan watched his partner run strait up the mountain and huffed." Sick bastard. I hope you trip and break your neck." He muttered under his breath as he ran after Kakuzu, channeling his chakra to his feet and making his way up the mountain side.
When the two reached the top, Hidan took a moment to catch his breath and admire the view of the rocky landscape from their high vantage point. "I guess it doesn't look as bad from up here." turning and strutting past his partner he made his way to the building. It was huge up close, at least four levels maybe a fifth, and was made in an old style Japanese temple like structure. Making his way through the big giant doors Hidan sighed in bliss, happy to be out of the hot sun. Until a barricade of kunai flew at him and lodged themselves in his gut. "THE FUCK!"
Kakuzu chuckled and lazily walked past his partner into the large entry hall. "Hidan. I always tell you to be careful and sure enough you'd barge in an unknown place…"
Hidan glared. "This is YOUR house it's not unknown!! Jashin damn it! You could have warned me you dick!" Plucking the weapons from his chest he dropped them on the floor, except for one which he promptly threw at his partner.
Kakuzu simply dodged, a glint of humor in his eyes. "I guess I should have warned you. However, do you think that you would have listened?" In all honesty, Kakuzu was too absorbed in his own thoughts to notice Hidan's abrupt entry. Getting a new bingo book always made him giddy; That, and the novels Genji said he'd leave along with it. It had been so long since he had time to sit and read in peace.
"Yeah I would have fuckin listened! Tch, whatever. I'm not cleaning up all this blood. Serves you right bastard." Hidan strolled in, wounds bleeding onto the floor. He opened his blood soaked cloak, the fabric slowly sliding off his damp sweaty shoulders, and flung it over an expensive looking piece of furniture. "Hope you got a good maid fucker." He then proceeded to tour the large entry room leaving bloody foot prints in his wake as he admired the fine art pieces that hung on the walls with a grin. "Damn these pictures are gory. Puts all my rituals to shame…"
Kakuzu's eyes narrowed dangerously as he walked past his partner into the dinning hall. On the table were his precious novels and bingo book just as Genji promised. "Hidan there's a washroom down the hall to the left. Get blood any where else in this house and I will tie you to a tree and leave you outside…" An extra coat of venom was added to reinforce the statement.
"Yeah what ever. Up yours Kuzu."
Kakuzu raised a brow as he watched Hidan drag his feet down the hall. Why does he keep calling me that…? With a snort he flipped through the bingo book, taking note of the new faces that appeared and storing them in his memory as well as the notes left in-between pages. Setting the book down, he looked longingly at the novels. With a reluctant sigh, he headed after Hidan. I'll have to close some of those up. He'll have blood every where…
Hidan turned on one of the showers in the wash room he assumed was for servants since there were so many. Yea like he'd have servants here in the middle of no where. It'd be funny to watch them all run up and down that cliff. Hidan snickered then shuddered blissfully as he stood under the shower. The water was cool yet not cold, just how he liked it. Lifting his head up, he stood in place letting the water beat down on his face and chest. Damn this feels so good… He pressed his hands against the cool tile to keep from falling forward as he arched his back slightly, sighing blissfully. He parted his lips letting the cool liquid fill his mouth and flow over his bottom lip. The water ran down his chin and neck meeting with other streams that cascaded over his chest and body.
A noise jarred him from his refreshing haze and he turned, eyes locking with intense green orbs. Oh shit! Hidan panicked and jumped into a defensive stance. "I know what you're thinking you perverted heathen! My body is a sacred temple of Jashin!!"
Kakuzu stood without his cloak and head cover, fists clenched. A low growl sounded from gritted teeth. "Hidan. I am going to KILL YOU!"
Hidan gulped "Ok fine! just… Let me die a virgin ok?" Kakuzu slowly advanced murderous intent in his eyes. Hidan readied himself. "Stay back you heathen sinner! I'm fucking serious Kakuzu!!!"
"And so am I…" Was Kakuzu's only warning before the two ended up in a messy violent brawl.
After about fifteen minutes of punching, kicking, and broken bathroom paraphernalia, Kakuzu ended up straddling and pinning Hidan to the floor. "Get the fuck off damn it! I'm not fucking kidding kazu! You fuckin perverted freak!"
"I swear if you do anything to me my god will SMITE YOU!"
"And when he smites you it's serious! And when he gets serious…"
"HIDAN SHUT UP or I really WILL rape you…" That finally quieted the albino, look of absolute horror etched on his face. Kakuzu sighed at the sheer idiocy then looked up to survey the damage. "I told you not to get blood everywhere you retarded child!"
Hidan blinked and took a look at their surroundings. Besides the damage from their fight, pretty much everything had some sort of blood spatter on it. "Yea I think I livened up your crappy wall paper a bit." Kakuzu gave him a heated glare. "What!? It's not like you jumping me helped it any!"
The falls nin glared at his captive a moment longer before going about closing the chest wounds. "You can't even follow the simplest of instruction. How you survived as a ninja before your immortality astounds me…"
Hidan scowled. "Shut the hell up old man. Your one to fuckin talk. Most ninja don't run around with five hearts either!"
"I didn't always have them…" Kakuzu stated coolly as he finished his work.
Hidan look down at his stitched chest. "If you would have done that before none of this shit would have happened…"
"If you weren't so stupid it wouldn't have happened either, but I guess that would be expecting too much." Kakuzu replied, getting off Hidan and standing up. The other cursed under his breath as he stood up. There was an awkward moment of silence as Hidan still naked fidgeted and Kakuzu mentally tallied up the damages.
The brunet turned to face him. "Hn."
"you're… not REALLY gonna rape me if I keep pissing you off… right?" Hidan laughed nervousness in his voice.
Kakuzu looked at Hidan for a moment, and then a slow, sinister smirk spread across his face. Sending chills down Hidan's spine. "I don't usually go back on my word do I..?"
And cracked his head on the floor making even more of a mess... Thanks for reading and review if you liked it or hated it or wanted a free cookie. X3