By Lord Raa
Disclaim-me-do: Yes, my puppets... revel in the cheap laughs that Joker talking about boners provides...
It took all the poise and balance the Aoyama sisters could muster to keep from falling onto the ground, thanks to the elaborate pose that Keitaro had put them in.
"Hmmm…" the lecher mused as he circled his students. "There's something missing…"
"Bikinis and mud?" Haruka asked sarcastically as she walked up to the scene.
"You," Keitaro smiled as he faced his cousin, "are a genius, Haruka."
"What?" Motoko demanded, turning her head to face her perverted sensei.
"The pose you're in is only two bikinis and a pool of mud away from being mud wrestling, Motoko-chan," the smoker explained helpfully.
"W-why didn't you say anything Aneue?" the younger sister spluttered as she realised that their bodies were scant millimetres apart.
"Because she's set to dere-dere mode, not tsun-tsun," Keitaro smirked. "Besides, Motoko-chan, not only have we seen each other naked, but we've fucked."
"Why am I not surprised that you did both of them?" Haruka asked rhetorically.
"What can I say? They're a close family," the lecher beamed.
The smoker shook her head. "What are we going to do with you, Keitaro?"
"I was thinking motorboat, but that means I'll have to break that taboo of student and teacher relationship," Keitaro said with a chuckle.
"I see that I must sacrifice myself to ensure that Motoko-han has the best training available." Tsuruko's words were quite convincing, though there was the ghost of a smile on her face.
"Aneue…" Motoko sighed disapprovingly.
"Don't be like that, Motoko-chan," Keitaro said with a reassuring smile. "If I'm breaking the taboo of student/teacher relationships, then I might as well do it properly and motorboat your fine breasts as well. And that's just the start of what we could do together."
The younger sister blushed at the praise. "I…"
"Keitaro, you do realise that Naru is going to kill you when she finds out what you've been up to," Haruka added, hoping that she had sufficiently killed the mood.
"That's a good point," the lecher conceded. "Hmm… do you think I should add Naru into my harem, Haruka? Or do you think I've got enough tsunderes already?"
"I think that you should look a bit further afield for your next conquest, Keitaro," the smoker suggested.
"Haruka-san does have a point, Sensei," Tsuruko opined. "And variety is the spice of life."
"That is true, Tsundereko."
Mitsune Konno was biting her tongue at some of the comments that were being directed her way.
Sure, it had been a while since she'd been in to see her editor and fellow writers, but she was freelance so it wasn't like she had to be there grinding out articles for the magazine for 60 hours a week.
And even though she wasn't on a salary and was often late in paying her rent, it was just the way she liked it.
"So, what brings you here today, Miss Konno?" a middle-aged man with wire-framed spectacles asked with a knowing smirk on his face.
"Information," the ash-blonde answered.
"Do I look like Number 6 to you?"
"Number 6?" Kitsune repeated, looking confused for a moment. Then it dawned on her that her editor was probably making one of his obscure references again. "No, but I need some information about a martial artist, Rokubungi-san."
"Am I going to regret asking why?" Rokubungi asked. "I mean, are you using this to search for a boyfriend or something equally sordid?"
"Not quite, but I'm interesting in finding out about someone who was supposed to be famous a few years back," Kitsune explained.
"Oh, what's the name and what style did he use?"
"Keitaro Urashima, also known as Type K, and his style was… unorthodox mixed martial arts, I guess."
Rokubungi nodded and took his seat behind his desk, typing in the name into his database of articles.
"Damned slow computers," he muttered.
"You shouldn't have so much porn on there," the ash-blonde teased.
"But when else am I going to get the time to look at it?" the older man asked. "Ah, here's something. Keitaro Urashima… he won the Kanto Under-21 martial arts tournament three years on the bounce… wait, winning it at a record age of THIRTEEN?"
"He didn't mention that he'd won it at his first attempt," Kitsune commented. "Is there a photo of him?"
"Hang on a moment," Rokubungi said, clicking the link to bring up the image. "He certainly looks under 21. Do you know him?"
"Yeah, he's my landlord…" Kitsune leaned over Rokubungi's desk. "Wow, it's all true. Even though I saw him beat Tsuruko-san so quickly…"
"She's the older sister of one of the tenants at the inn. She's a skilled fighter, but the way he defeated her was insane," the short-haired girl mused. "Does it say what happened to him?"
"Hang on… no, it doesn't. that's odd, you'd have thought that someone famous enough to win a tournament three times in a row despite being a lot younger than some of his opponents wouldn't be able to drop off the face of the planet like that," the editor said. "So, what's he like? Is he arrogant like some high school punk? Wise like some sort of ancient old man?"
"It's hard to explain," Kitsune sighed. "When I first met him, he was a bumbling idiot who tripped over his own feet every five minutes. Sure, over the time I've known him, he's gotten better, but three days ago, he drops this bombshell on us that he's a martial arts prodigy.
"Someone called 'Toshiro' shows up and Keitaro scares him off before telling us about his first time at that tournament he won. Soon after he's showing us how skilled he is."
Rokubungi looked at the ghost of a smile on the writer's face and concluded that Type K had added another notch on his belt. "I take it he can do more than just beat people up?"
"He might be a lover as well as a fighter," the ash-blonde hinted. "Would you be interested in an exclusive interview with him?"
"You'd need to prove that it'd increase the circulation. Otherwise it's just some interview with a has-been martial artist. Talk to some people who knew him first, see what kind of vibe you get from them and get back to me in a couple of weeks with your decision."
"Will do, chief," Kitsune saluted.
"Aneue, do you have to act so scandalously around Keitaro? It's highly improper."
Tsuruko smiled as she turned to face her sister. "That sounds an awful lot like jealousy, Motoko-han."
"It's not just jealousy," the red-faced sister insisted weakly. "It's, well, you're married, aren't you?"
The married sister took a deep breath. "Yes, you are quite right, Motoko-han. But in my defence, Type K is a skilled lover."
"You can't just throw your marriage vows aside because you've found someone who's better at sex!"
"Again, you are quite right, Motoko-han. Luckily, I'm not getting a divorce; this is all part of our plan," Tsuruko explained with a smile.
"What plan?" Motoko looked at her sister in confusion. "What's going on? What aren't you telling me?"
"Well, the thing is…" the elder sister trailed off when Keitaro appeared. "Ah, Keitaro-san, is there something you wanted?"
"Like Motoko-chan, I want some answers. I don't appreciate being played like a puppet. What is your plan for me?" Keitaro asked with a stern tone.
Tsuruko winced. "Well, it's unfortunate that you've had to find out this way, Keitaro-san, but the Shinmeiryu needs your help."
"I'm still waiting for a proper explanation, Tsundereko. Allow me to put it this way: no answers means no more lessons and no more sex. Not even cheap innuendo and delightful 'accidents'. Is that clear?" the former ronin asked, folding his arms across his chest.
"Very well, but we should talk in private. I think that Haruka-san should be there too."
Haruka was not happy that she had to close her teashop for the meeting, but sat down at a table next to Keitaro. She looked at the contrasting expressions on the sisters sitting opposite her.
Motoko looked somewhat confused by the situation, but remained silent. Tsuruko, however, looked more apologetic.
"So then," the smoker said breaking the silence, "what is it that's so important that I've got to close my business?"
"It involves Keitaro-san," Tsuruko started. "His skills are required to teach us how to defeat a dangerous opponent."
"You're a demon hunting clan. You're supposed to defeat dangerous opponents all the time," Keitaro replied. "Sure, the pair of you found yourselves ass end of an ass kicking, but that's because you underestimated my skills."
"That is true. However, there is a prophecy in the Shinmeiryu about a skilled fighter who returned from years in the wilderness to train the most promising students and heirs to the school to defeat a dangerous opponent," Tsuruko explained.
"It's fortunate that I happened to return from my 'years in the wilderness' when I did," the bespectacled youth said sarcastically.
"Indeed it is," Haruka added. "So what happens now? Keitaro heads out to Kyoto to train your students to the next level?"
"Not quite," the married woman said before taking a deep breath. "There's something you should know about Keitaro-san's limiter."
"Now, you have my undivided attention, Tsuruko-san. Tell me everything you know about it," Keitaro said leaning in.
"Well, it's awkward."
"Not as awkward as me refusing to help you and evicting your sister."
"You can't do that!" Motoko protested.
"Yeah, as the landlord, I have no say in who stays in the dorm. Tell me everything you know about my limiter. You don't want to leave out any details."
Tsuruko nodded. "Every generation, the clan elders scour the martial arts circuits in Japan to look for any people that fit the description of the man in the prophecy. You were this man.
"Once it had been established that you were one we were looking for, the elders made an arrangement with your parents to have a limiter put upon you. They refused."
"That's not a surprise, given how proud Keitaro's parents were of his skills," the smoker said.
"Yes," the elder sister nodded. "It was a setback, but they pressed ahead with their plans. They drugged Keitaro-san and applied the limiter. It is my clan's fault that you became weak, Keitaro-san."
"And that is a good reason to walk away from this table," Keitaro said neutrally, though he remained seated. "And what is it that your clan elders plan to do about compensating me for my trouble? Both the settlement for the unprovoked attack on me and my fee for training you need to be addressed."
Haruka stared at Tsuruko. While she'd long suspected that something was wrong with the way Keitaro had lost his strength, she had no idea that is was part of conspiracy. Especially one that was perpetrated by the family of one of her friends.
"Keitaro has a good point, Tsuruko-san."
"An excellent point, Haruka-san," the married sister corrected. "I apologise for my clan's actions, but we were desperate: this was the only way for us."
"You are assuming that I'm still willing to help you," Keitaro said. "I mean, you only destroyed my life. It's not like I could possibly feel the need for revenge. I need to think about this. This meeting is over."
As Kitsune walked up the hill to the Inn, she noticed that Keitaro was also returning.
"Yo, Keitaro!" she called out. The ash-blonde called out again when her landlord didn't respond.
"What? Oh, hi Kitsune, sorry, I was thinking about something else."
"Oh? Anything interesting?"
"I don't want to talk about it right now," the martial artist replied. "I need to be left alone for a bit."
"That bad, huh?" Kitsune shrugged. "Oh well, I wanted to talk to you about something, but it can wait."
"Thanks, Kitsune, I appreciate it."
The ash-blonde was slightly concerned about the way Keitaro was trudging through the Inn to his room.
"Kitsune, do you know what's up with Sempai?" Shinobu asked, having also seen the expression on their landlord's face.
"I don't know, but he did say that he wants to be left alone for a while."
Five minutes later, Keitaro emerged from his room and made his way to the front door.
"Sempai, is something wrong?" Shinobu asked, noticing the dark look on her crush's face.
"Yes," the bespectacled man answered. "I've had some news that's upset me. I'm going out to get drunk."
"Are you going to be all right?"
"That depends on how my evening goes, Shinobu-chan," Keitaro shrugged before leaving. "Don't wait up for me."
"Sempai…" Shinobu whispered.
"I know you're worried about him, Shinobu-chan," Kitsune said walking up behind the chef, "But we can't help him right now."
"But we have to…"
"Maybe, but it looks like he just needs to work through a couple of things."
Keitaro walked into the nearest bar and sat down with a sigh.
"Is life treating you that badly?" the barman asked. "What can I get you?"
"Whisky," the bespectacled man answered. "And I had some news today that's messed with my head."
"What's up? Has your girlfriend told you she's pregnant?" the barman asked as he poured a glass of whisky.
"No, it's more like..." Keitaro trailed off as a trio dark-suited men barge their way past him. He turned to see who was being rude and was met with a glare.
"You got a problem?"
Keitaro turned his attention back to his drink.
"Hey, I'm talking to you!" the rude man shouted. He stepped towards Keitaro and shoved him. "You got a problem, pal?"
The former ronin placed his drink on the bar and stood up. "I'm going to give you one chance and one chance only. Back off, I've had a bad day."
"And what can someone as feeble as you do?"
Keitaro let out a chuckle before turning to his drink. "That's your one warning. Are you sure you want to do this?"
"Fucker!" the thug growled as he swung for his victim. He was surprised when Keitaro caught the punch with his left hand.
"Slow and predictable," Type K said as he sipped his drink. "Your attack was that of a clumsy child. Now, I warned you that I've had a bad day. Now you have ten seconds to convince me that pulling out your spine won't make it any better."
"T-t-take it outside!" the barman said, hoping to avoid any property damage.
"Can't say fairer than that," Keitaro smirked before draining his glass. "I need to work out some frustration."
Stepping outside, the bespectacled man cracked vertebrae in his neck before falling into an aggressive stance.
"Right then, where were we? Ah yes, I was about to pull out your spine."
The ill-mannered man reached into his jacket and pulled out an eight-inch tanto. "I was just testing you earlier – now I'm really going to cut loose!"
"That's a terrible pun," Keitaro sneered. He charged his opponent, striking him squarely on the jaw with the heel of his right hand.
A split-second later, the thug was flat on his back.
"Is that all you have to say?"
"Your apology is accepted," Keitaro beamed. "Now that I'm feeling much better, I'll leave you to consider your future actions. Have a pleasant evening."
The martial artist stepped over the supine body of his opponent and headed out into the night.
Kitsune walked up to where Haruka was sitting in deep thought.
"So, what happened here? Motoko and her sister are having some super-secret discussion and Keitaro's gone out to get drunk."
"Keitaro had some bad news."
"Yeah, he mentioned that," the ash-blonde nodded. "So, what really happened? You can tell me."
Haruka shook her head. "If Keitaro wanted you to know, then he'd have told you already."
The smoker snorted as a thought popped into her head. "Saying that though, why don't you pump him for the details?"
Kitsune considered that option. "But where is Keitaro right now?"
Haruka shrugged. "I didn't even know he'd gone out until you just told me."
"Why don't we phone him and meet up somewhere?"
"I can't say that I want to see you drunkenly flirt with Keitaro, Kitsune."
Kitsune sat down next to her friend. "I don't suppose that there's any booze you're willing to share with a friend, is there?"
"What is it that you want, Kitsune? Don't lie to me, I'm not in the mood for messing about," Haruka warned as she stubbed out her cigarette.
The short-haired girl nodded before taking a deep breath. "I want to get an exclusive interview with the legendary Type K."
The smoker shrugged, half expecting that answer. "How far are you willing to go for that interview? You willing to sleep with Keitaro?"
'I already have…' Kitsune managed to hide her nervous smile. "Well, maybe, I mean, if he was good in bed, then I might allow myself to be seduced…"
"Ask Motoko and Tsuruko – they've got first-hand experience of Type K."
"What? Both of them at the same time?" the writer asked, momentarily forgetting that Motoko had been there when she'd slept with Keitaro. "I… err, I mean, sisters?"
"Not the first time, would be surprised if it was the last time," Haruka said reaching for another smoke. After lighting up, she took a long drag. "So, do you want to ride the manwhore or what?"
Kitsune didn't want to mention that she'd already fooled around with Keitaro and deflected slightly, under the guise of trying to decide how committed she was. "Would you do him?"
"…" Haruka gave her friend a neutral look.
"I mean, if you weren't related that is…"
The smoker's expression didn't change until she reached for her coffee and took a sip, grimacing at how it had become tepid. "Kitsune, you're treading on thin ice here."
"I'm sorry, Haruka-san, how about I make it up to you by taking you out for some drinks?"
Keitaro was nearly home when he saw Kitsune and Haruka walking towards him.
"Ah, there you are, Keitaro," the ash-blonde smiled as they stopped in the street.
"Here I am indeed. What can I do for you two ladies this evening?" the martial artist asked, a smirk adorning his face.
"Kitsune wanted to ask you a few questions," Haruka answered. "You feel up to giving her an exclusive interview?"
"I certainly feel up to giving her something, but that would not be exclusive," Keitaro replied winking at the short-haired girl.
Kitsune blushed lightly, but brushed the poorly veiled innuendo aside. "How about an interview, Keitaro?"
"What's in it for me?"
"Aside from the obvious, what would it take to convince you, Keitaro?" the writer asked, unsure if she was hoping that Keitaro would return to behaving like a 'normal' person.
"Can't think of anything other than the obvious, Kitsune," the lecher beamed. "I'm just in one of those weird moods where sex is the only thing that's worth a damn to me."
"Really?" Kitsune asked, still unsure about her feelings.
"Yeah, someone's going to get a good fucking from me tonight. The only question is who. And the two tsundere sisters owe me big time," Keitaro said, rubbing his hands together. He cast a glance towards his cousin. "You look unhappy over there, Haruka. What's up? Are you feeling lonesome tonight?"
The elder Urashima decided not to answer that and lit up a cigarette in silence.
"You're not jealous because I'm having a repeat performance with Kitsune, are you?"
"What?" Haruka asked. She turned to glare at her friend, who could only laugh nervously.
"Oh, didn't Kitsune tell you that she spent the other night in my room?" Keitaro asked. "She didn't mention that Motoko was there with us? Or that I made her an offer earlier that involved regular sex?"
"No, she didn't," Haruka replied pointedly.
"What are we going to do with you, Kitsune? It seems that you need to be punished," the martial artist shook his head sadly. "Well, I can see two options, but I'll leave the final decision to Haruka."
"I don't like the sound of this," the ash-blonde said, her eyes flitting nervously between the two Urashimas.
Haruka sighed. "And just what are these options, Keitaro?"
"Well, I was thinking that the easiest option is to not fuck Kitsune. Well, I say 'easiest', but it's hard to shun tits like hers."
The smoker rubbed the bridge of her nose. She looked up to see Keitaro grinning broadly. "You are suggesting what I think you are suggesting, aren't you?"
"What's that?" Kitsune asked.
"Well, part of it may involve chocolate cream…" Keitaro winked.
"No, Keitaro, you are not coming in anyone's ass tonight!"
"Killjoy," the bespectacled Urashima pouted. He turned to Kitsune. "But in case it's not clear, the other option is that you're going to be Haruka's sex-slave."
"Like I said, it's Haruka's choice."
To be continued…
Pre-read by Chi Vayne and previewed on various intertubes.
And yes, that include the lemon content.
Kenta Kobayashi was a name that was chosen at random.
Rokubungi is no relation to Gendo Ikari.