Written for the rockin_the_80s challenge at livejournal.
Disclaimer : Neither the song not the Winchesters belong to me.
Summary : Mary watches the remains of her family.
Close your eyes, give me your hand, darling
Do you feel my heart beating, do you understand?
Do you feel the same, am I only dreaming?
Is this burning an eternal flame?
Mary watches the remains of her family. . . John, she can feel his heart breaking, tearing, see him falling apart; little Dean, silently taking care of the baby, so brave, so contained, that's not how her little ray of sunshine should be, his energy, exuberance and permanent state of enthusiasm and excitement vanished, destroyed; baby Sammy, eyes wide, she's tempted to believe she can see confusion in them, to believe he's missing her too.
The boys are asleep now, John sitting watching them as Mary watches them all. She wills John to close his eyes, fall asleep, believing she can draw closer. It's not what she wants, not really, but could they be together then at least? Feel the beat of one another's heart again, the love that burns inside. No one, there has never been anyone like John. Nothing could have prepared her for that before she met him, fell in love with him. To marry him, to have his children, it was more than she could have dreamt of as a child. She'd wanted out . . . out of a life of hunting . . . out of a world filled with evil. She'd thought that she'd done all she could to protect her family, her boys, never dreamt that in allowing herself to be taken she was condemning them to the life she'd fought so hard to escape.
She can feel the love, more than the flame and the pain and the hurt and abandoned hope, the love they shared, her family; her husband and her boys. She'd thought she'd loved her parents and in truth she had but it had paled beside what she felt for John when her boys were born. John had allowed her to feel complete in a way she'd never felt before, treasured, protected . . . whole.
I believe it's meant to be, darling
I watch when you are sleeping, you belong to me
Do you feel the same, am I only dreaming
Or is this burning an eternal flame?
Watching, overseeing, it's all she has left to offer. She can't be there to protect any longer, but her heart, her soul still dreams and believes only in the strength of her family. She watches them sleep, year in and year out, she watches them grow, mature, change. She sees how their love for her holds them together and tears them apart. Her John, brooding, austere, moody; no longer the laughing, easygoing man she married. Her Dean, fiercely protective, stubborn and hanging on to his family with everything he's got, consumed by the same ferocious love she had had for his brother and father. She recognizes herself in him; family is everything and she can see his heart breaking with every time he can't protect them. Little Sammy, grown so fast, so tall and strong and handsome, she looks for the baby that he once was in his eyes. Burning so fast and bright, the anger inside that eats away at his heart, she knows that anger, she'd felt it too, felt it before John had let her escape the hunting, escape her own family.
It's different now though. If Sam escapes, she can see how it will tear his brother apart and if he doesn't, he'll be the one torn.
Say my name, sun shines through the rain
A whole life so lonely, and then you come and ease the pain
I don't want to lose this feeling
An eternal flame – life burning, consuming, love never ending, wife for husband, mother for son, brother for brother – an endless cycle – an eternal flame.