IF YOU READ THIS BEFORE CULLEN VZ: ONE NIGHT TWO TEAMS MANY DISASTERS YOU WILL BE LOST!! NOW READ THAT FIRST!! FANKOO

PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU READ MY STORY:

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT! STEPHENIE MEYER CEATED THAT AMAZIONG WORLD!

I DO NOT OWN BATMAN, OR ANY OTHER COMIC BOOK CHARACTER!

I DO NOT OWN ITALY

I DO NOT OWN THE TV SHOW SUPERNANNY!

I DO NOT OWN MANY THINGS I OWN MY IMAGINATION THAT CREATED THIS RANDOM CRAP!

SO IF PEOPLE WANT TO PUT STUPID REVIEW TELLING ME THEIR REPORTING MY STORY AND HOW CRAP IT IS THEN GO RIGHT A HEAD!

I AM BEYOND ANNOYED AT THIS COMMENT FROM The Ninth Layer

THANK U SOOO MUCH FOR PISSING ME OFF.

THIS CHAPTER IS DEDICATED TO: MASENCULLEN

WHO ALWAYS REVIEWS EVERYTHING! YOU MAKE MY DAY! SO THANK YOU SOOOOOOO MUCH!!

&

KELSEY602 WHO REALLY MADE ME SMILE WITH YOUR AMAZING COMMENT! THANK U!!

CULLENZ VZ THE BIG BAD CAMPING TRIP

CHAPTER 1

THE NIGHT BEFORE

RECAP: WHAT HAS HAPPEND TO THE CULLENZ/HALEZ/VOLTURI/TANYA/MIKE&LAUREN/JAKE SINCE WE LEFT THEM:

It's been a few months since the task night and things are pretty much back to normal, well Bella was over ruled by Jane, Alec and Lauren(who is now happily married and vamped but still hold a candle for Jasper) in Volterra, so now Edward, Emmett and Bella are back in Forks. Bella and Emmett both attend AA meetings to get over their problems, this seem to be having NO effect on their drunken lifestyle. Charlie is still a vampire but is taking an extended leave until he gains control over his new thirst, Bella is deeply upset but understands(the GIN helps). Esme and Carlisle have worked things out with many hours of professional help. Jasper, Rose and Alice are relatively unscathed. Aro had a nasty split up with Larry and is now back ruling Volterra. Larry is, actually I don't know what happened to him. Mike Newton died in a freak DIY accident to ALL police reports(of course vamp Charlie fakes these, he wasn't going to charge Bella with murder) and he is sadly missed(PFFT). Jacob returned from Transylvania with no memory, Edward knows he's lying about his memory loss and likes tormenting him about his time with Caius. Jake still remains good (secret)friends with Count Dracula and Van Helsing and they send eachother post cards. Tanya is back in Alaska under the safe eyes of her family, she is plotting revenge but getting nowhere. The town of Forks is untouched by these events. Cullen's still attend school as though nothing has happened, it is thought to be in every ones best interest that NOTHING is brought up.

Now back to the now. Emmett felt the need for a hoilday and suggesting they actually try camping. Carlisle agreed that it could be a good bonding exercise and they are set to leave for 7 days where they shall be one with nature. Oh no.

DAY: THE NIGHT BEFORE

FAMILY MEMBER(S): BELLA/EDWARD/EMMETT

PROBLEM: HUMAN OR ALCOHOL? DAMN HARD CHOICE.

Edward: "Bella love, you need your sleep. What are you doing in the bathroom anyhow?"

Bella: "Nothing. *says quietly to her vodka bottle* I'm going to miss you baby, I promise I SHALL return, nasty Eddie won't hurt you"

Edward: "Who you talking too?"

Bella: "No one, your so paranoid Edward. *again to the vodka bottle*Mr.V run before he see's you and spills to down the drain, RUN I SAY RUN!"

Edward: "BELLA PUT THE BOTTLE DOWN AND GET TO BED"

Bella: "NOO RUN MR.V NOO! NEVER SHALL I PART WITH MY TRUE LOVE!"

Edward: "IM COMING IN"

Bella opens the door and makes a run for it with Mr.V in her arms, Edward shocked at her response is slow on the up take.

Bella: "EMMETT SAVE ME!"

Emmett: "Bella whats going on? MR.V?"

Edward: "This is getting out of hand! Emmett get away from Bella."

Emmett: "IM NOT PROTECTING BELLA! CAN I DRINK HER?"

Bella and Edward look at Emmett.

Emmett: "FINE LET ME RE PHASE. CAN I DRINK HER AND THEN SPONTANEOUSLY SING WITHOUT LOOKING STUPID?"

Edward: "Bella just go to sleep, we have a long week ahead of us. Mr.V will be safe with Emmett."

Emmett: "Yes, saaafe."

Bella: "Okay, goodnight I love you."

Edward: "I love you too."

Bella: "NOT YOU DIPSHIT, MR.V! You don't give me the pleasure he does, stupid moral vampire."

DAY: THE NIGHT BEFORE(10 MINUTES AFTER THE ABOVE ARGUMENT)

FAMILY MEMBER(S): ALICE/JASPER

PROBLEM: BLAME SUPERNANNY

Jasper: "Alice we're going camping all of this really isn't necessary!"

Alice: "Can you see the future Jasper?"

Jasper: "No"

Alice: "THEN DON'T TELL ME WHAT WE NEED FOR THE FUTURE!"

Jasper: "Your evil"

Alice: "What you say?"

Jasper: "You might see the future but your hearing sucks"

Alice: "WHAT? ARE YOU ANSWERING ME BACK?"

Jasper: "No. *mumbles under breath* stupid control freak"

Alice: "THATS IT YOUR GROUNDED! GO TO YOUR ROOM! YOU HAVE A 10 MINUTE TIME-OUT"

Jasper: "I am in our room."

Alice: "DID I SAY OUR ROOM? YOU KNOW WHERE I MEAN!"

Jasper: "Buuut I doon't waaaanna go to the closest!"

Alice: "Well now maybe you'll think before you answer me back"

Jasper: "Yes Mrs. Cullen- Whitlock" *Jasper goes to his time out closet*

DAY: STILL THE NIGHT BEFORE(WELL ACTUALLY THE MORNING NOW) 9 minutes since the above.

FAMILY MEMBER(S) ESME/CARLSILE/ROSE/EDWARD

PROBLEM: WHAT DO GET WHEN 2 VAMPIRES AND HUMAN PLAY HEROES? YOU GET THE HELL AWAY FROM THEM!

Esme: "I think this will be fun. To be one with nature and all"

Alice: "Nature comes any where near me and it will be one with my expensive boots"

Carlisle: "We will leave at 9 sharp, get set up. Remember on your best behaviour. NO VISITORS FROM ITALY THANK YOU"

Edward: "OO YOU SAID THE FORBIDDEN AND NOT TO BE SAID UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES 'I' WORD!"

Carlisle: "Enough Edward, we shan't dwell on past times"

Rose: "Where's Emmett and Jasper?"

Alice: "Jasper's finishing his time out and Emmett keeps changing his mind, so I don't know wha.."

Alice/Edward: "OH NO."

THEY HEAR COMMOTION UPSTAIRS AND ALLOT OF SHOUTING AND SCREAMING AND SINGING....

Emmett: *Singing the Batman theme tune he burst through the wall leaving an Emmett shaped hole* "BEHOLD I AM HE, VAMPIRE-BAT MAN!"

Jasper: "AND I AM BLOODRED ROBIN!"

Bella: "I DON'T WANNA BE BAT GIRL, I LOOK STUPID!"

Emmett: "SURE GIVE YOU LITTLE RED RIDING COSTUME AND YOU ADD FANGS BUT BAT GIRL IS STUPID! AND HEY DO YOU THINGY!"

Bella: "DUUUNA DUUUNA DUUUNA BATMAN!" *Shes shinning a hand held tourch with a black bat sticker on it*

Emmett: "THAT SOUNDED LIKE JAWS! Remember when we watched that during our day of from the 'regin of pain' in Italy"

Carlisle: "DO NOT MENTION ANYTHING FROM THAT NIGHT!"

Emmett: "Italy was fun, man I miss Volterra!"

Carlisle: "EMMETT CULLEN, STOP TALKING NOW"

Emmett: "WHAT? I do the have these amazing onion rings you could get from this cafe just out side of our kingdom. DAMN JANE!"

Rose: "EMMETT YOU DON'T EAT!"

Emmett: "BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE TO EAT DON'T MEAN I DON'T!"

Rose: "WHEN DO YOU EAT? THE MR. I LOBE ONION RINGS"

Emmett: "Those oreo's you found on our bed, NOT BELLA! ME HAHAHAHA!"(A/N: I WAS WATCHING TWILIGHT MOVIE AND EMMETT IS ACTUALLY EATING IN THE CAFETERIA SCENE PMSL!)

Bella: "THEY WERE MINE, YOU STOLE THEM!"

Emmet: "WELL DON'T TEMP ME WITH ALL THEIR MINTY GOODNESS!"

Edward: "EMMETT, WHAT?"

Carlisle: "Right lets leave this at that, before anything else is done/said/killed okay?"

Jasper: "These tighs are riding places! and squashing my manly bits"

Alice: "THAT BECAUSE THEY'RE MINE!"

Emmett: "Carlisle?"

Carlise: "Yes Emmett?"

Emmett: "Do you know any jokes?"

Rose: "YEAH EMMETT, YOU!"

Carlise: "ROSE! Yes Emmett why?"

Emmett: "You want to play a game?"

Carlisle: "Sure, what is it?"

Emmett: "WEAR THIS!" *hands Carlisle a joker outfit from the hit film THE DARK NIGHT"

Edward: "Bella lets get you back to bed before this gets crazy" Edward walks over to Bella who starts screaming*

Bella: "OOOOH NO ITS THE RIDDLER! RUN MY FELLOW SUPERHEROS!"

Edward: "WTF?"

Jasper: "Lets go to the BATMABEAL! Or Emmett's newly painted black jeep to be precise!"

Esme: "I'm not saying a thing...."

WHAT YOU THINK ????

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FANKOO XX

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