This is my first fan fic so please let me know how I am doing!!Rated M for future lemons.

Chasing the Pain.

Chapter 1.


The sky was, as always, a foggy overlay blocking out the sun, with a light mist hanging in the air surrounding Forks. I sighed and wrapped my arm tightly around my chest trying to keep the hole from aching. Today was a day that hewould be out enjoying if he were still here. I sighed again and pulled myself out of bed. I only did it for Charlie's sake. I could personally care less how I appeared or what I did at this point. I grabbed a fresh pair of under ware, and a bra along with some old, tattered jeans and a baggy t shirt and went to the bathroom.

The hole ached slightly as I remembered that this is what he would refer to as my human moment. The hot water did not nothing to sooth my nerves or the aching pain I still felt. It just felt like sharp pellets repeatedly hitting me, reminding me that I was not worthy of any good feelings. There was no relaxation or comfort. That was all gone. It went away when he left, along with my happiness. I had fun with Jacob though, although it would never compare to him. As I turned off the water, I slipped and fell back against the porcelain shower wall. Reminding myself that I wanted to hear his voice again. No, I needed to hear it. Jacob had promised to take me cliff diving, but I wanted the adrenalin that I knew would grant me his voice, and Jacob would not have me jumping from the highest cliff. So, then it was decided. I would go tonight because I knew Jacob and the rest of the pack was out running patrols all the way to Canada following a scent of a nomad killing hikers in the woods. They would not return until late tomorrow evening, but just in case Charlie or him showed up...

I guess I should leave a note. I quickly scrawled out a short note and let it on the kitchen counter.

Charlie or Jacob,

Sorry I left, but I need to get out and just do something.

I want to feel alive. I went to the LaPush cliffs to go cliff

diving where Jacob's friends go.

I love you dad. See you later Jacob.

Love, Bella

I grabbed my truck keys not caring that they'd be angry if they read what I want. I needed this. I wasn't going to give up the last piece of him that I could hold on to.