Hoshi is the owner.
Anemone by Yofune-Nushi
I made Lavi weird I think? XP
History is merciless. That is thought he concludes as truth.
"Watch, always watch. That is our purpose, our strength, our way of life."
Junior watched. Because he was told to, because it was his duty, and because he would get for rewards it.
Watched on as innocent men were murdered, women raped, helpless children stolen by carnal individuals, suicides, and the cycle of war ending from beginning. He has never interfered during any of them; because he was never told to.
As a bookman; Lavi has always not done what he has been told exactly not to do.
Bookman's words were law to him, so if he, as one bookman to another gave his law, Lavi would obey it. For he was bookman Junior, the heir to hidden knowledge, a role only the most "special" can attain. He's special, unlike other human creatures; that's what he's been told, so that is what he believes.
If Bookman told Lavi to create another self, he would. If Bookman told Lavi to erase that another self, he would. He had no reasons to hold on to these "personas" as he called them, because they were too temporary, too human, that's all they were. Lavi had no use for humans. Only knowledge, knowledge was power, he was powerful and "special" from others because he had knowledge no one else was capable of attaining. Humans were weak, of heart, of body, of mind. They could not fight against the force known as history for history would eventually turn dust to dust, ashes to ashes – we all fall down. Humans could not offer anything to make him feel "special", not like the seductive eternity of the knowledge of history could.
….He ignored the lingering warmth from Lenalee's brief touch on his back and the fond laughter and genuine protective care radiating from her and the people around him as he shared in with their smiles while internally wondering how he will fight alongside these people while having to get used to this type of atmosphere.
Lavi does not use ink. Like people, ink is too unreliable, while it's useful for awhile it too will eventually bow down to the superiority of time and fade away into nothingness. Only the lucky will be shown favored upon and be allowed to leave whatever scracthes history wants it to.
Lavi records all he observes to memory, everything. Even if it is insignificant, for he has learned even the most powerful scars engraved into history could be started from a mere prick so small it was easily forgotten.
Lavi even records the moment where he watered plants with Kanda (who had yelled at him to get his bunny butt out of his sight for nearly half time he had spent with him – where bunny came from Lavi still is not sure) out of boredom from waiting for Gramps to come back from one of his errands and give his next reading assignment. He did not even realize then until the data he collected and pieced together later that from that action was what actually had birthed the real beginning of his paradox like relationship with the picky and perpetually grumpy samurai.
Lavi is very good at laughing.
Lavi is also very good at making others laugh.
Doug proved him otherwise.
Doug had also proven to him that a human that he never had even given his heart to can make him cry in severe genuine open grief for the loss that was a tragedy in another's life.
Not that Lavi is supposed to acknowledge that.
Lavi is logical. He always calculates, reasons, and deduces. He needs reasons for acting and always finds logic behind every event he responds to or creates. For time is as precious as it is fleeting and you must take every hand it offers you and spend it the most beneficial way you can. Otherwise it's a waste of time, and that's just stupid.
…He wonders what Allen gets out of pushing himself like he does for his impossible reasons. Or why he can't even begin to think of it as stupid like he used to…
When Lavi exited the room after Cross, Allen, and all the Central Crows vacated before meeting up with Bookman again; Lavi had briefly collapsed in a fit of anxiety from the revelation.
To be, eroded and replaced without any residue left behind. Even history as omnipotent as it was could be slipped by leaving at least traces in its fold; no matter hard or unknown they could remain to the naked eye. To think something more powerful then time could do this. Especially to Allen…the same boy who had risen from the death not once or even twice and proved not even death could overcome him. But time was different; it always had been to Lavi. It had always been a matter of time. A matter of time to create, to destroy, to stay or move on; because time only gave what it calculated as the amount of what mattered. That was and had always had been his way of life; he chose it of his own will.
He just wishes for one period, time hadn't decided the kind of amount Allen deserved was so little.
Lavi composed himself as if nothing had happened and went to the room containing the events of Komui and Leveire with an indifferent business as usual atmosphere radiating from his state of being just like the good bookman he was supposed to be.
It seemed the Time Destroyer could not, ironically conquer time.
It was a mean thought, as he stared down at the sickly snow kissed haired youth as he panted in and out of consciousness with sweat caressing down his all too warm skin. But it was true wasn't it? Even the Time Destroyer was subjected to ways of time.
They were alone, in abandoned ruins of an old town with no communication to the outside world and much too far away from any known human contact. Allen was too delirious to summon the ark in servitude, occasionally mumbling about things such as dogs, clowns, and his Master. Lavi couldn't make out anything. But that did not matter, all that mattered was that Allen was suffering from an infected wound that Lavi could only crudely wrap with his new long orange scarf – he promised he would save it later, somehow - and hope for the best.
Hope against time was not something he was good at.
He wiped away a mass of sweat from the younger row with a gloved hand before placing newly snow drenched rags that had been the cleanest he could find – which really weren't that clean - on the boy's forehead as another try to bring down the growing fever. Timcampy was resting on the bed, leaning between Allen's neck and shoulder while Two-spots was busy roaming around not too far away from his charge looking for any kind of medicine that could help that was left behind before the town had been evacuated so long ago or perhaps a radio of sorts that could still be capable of working condition. It had been two days already like this, and it would be another three before HQ sent out Finders for their location. Which without the Ark could take days; if Allen even could hold out that long, with his fever rising and lack of food to sustain his parasite innocence, already he and the Inspector had given up eating the pathetic amount they already had to force feed Allen's now disagreeable stomach.
Die! For god's sake just die now for good!
Lavi angrily clenched his fists in restraint and holds the thought from becoming vocal through gritted teeth. This is no different from any other time he's held back from vocalizing his death wish to another, he's done it many times as he's watched humanity throughout years of bookman apprenticeship.
Don't fight! Don't fight anymore Allen! Just accept time as your master and let it kill you. It's much less disgusting and more natural then having your self erased by some parasitic memory!
It would be so easy, if he could just to take out the dagger he used to always carry with him and end it now. Let this record be ended by a natural event of one human taking another's instead of erased as if it never existed. That was something time allowed, what the 14th was doing was perverting that by making his own time long after his own should have ended by warping another's to be his own.
One should not try to create or taint a time that was not given to them.
Allen's breathing heaved as he turned his head to the side, exposing more of his soft bare neck.
Lavi yelped and swiped at the golden golem who had suddenly started attacking him with flashing fangs as if it had read his morbid plea against its Master. With shock he realizes the cause for the golem's fierce aggression had been that his hand somehow had moved, as if of its own will to wrap around Allen's neck. When he hears a slight whimper from the youth as he comes to the realization of how much pressure he has been putting into his hand. He loosens his almost frightfully tight grip immediately in shock, but does not let go.
"What was I doing without even realizing!?"
Timcampy furiously began gnawing at his wrist enough to easily pool his dark blood and cause it to lazily slide in a state of thickness down his leather covered skin. With lightning reflexes beyond that of a normal human he caught the golem easily in his free hand pressed its now useless struggling form against the bed careful to avoid his fingers going anywhere near the large set of snapping teeth.
Lavi is human.
Lavi has a heart.
He has come to grips with that. He's still not sure what he completely thinks about this, but for the time being it's not hurting him too badly. Well, it does actually. But it also makes him feel…happy.
Lenalee's cherished smiles and powerful strength balanced with her cuteness and endless devotion for her dear ones that can border on dependence.
Yu's many hilarious and scary overreactions clashing with his stern collected demeanor and unwavering stubbornness and fortitude that are not easily matched by anyone.
Allen's special warmth only he possesses and is capable of extending too many along with his swift bratty remarks to anyone's equally bratty taunts or mischief.
Even Krory's radical behavior changes but overall strong attachment to his dead lover and friends, particularly to both him and Allen.
It's a different sort of happiness. He doesn't think exactly its more important than the satisfaction he receives from collecting information as an observer. But never the less, it's become something special on its own. And he never wants to lose it.
Lavi is a bookman.
Even if the fate of the current world is at stake, thinking about throwing away this life would be difficult. It would perhaps be almost the same as asking him to lift a knife to his throat and abandoning the blood the keeps him alive. It was what first gave him purpose; it was what made him think that he was and is worth something.
Bookman giving him meaning in his pathetic hollow life; being the embodiment of what he will grow up to be, showing him the truths of this world, being a constant. Being the key to opening the door to everything he's strived and worked for since tender childhood.
Knowledge is forever, friends are not. Even Bookman, as much as the thought terrifies him though he jokes of it and knows the natural logic of it, will die someday. Leaving himself behind, or perhaps he will die before Bookman and be the one that time will force to be the abandoner first. Knowledge gives constantly; he never has to worry about what to give back besides his attention. He never even has to worry about knowledge disappearing because it like time is forever. It's an absolute that can't be decayed.
Not like flesh of people or the fragile bonds formed that no matter how strong can be cracked by the tiniest revelation that could mean so much.
"Wonder when Two-spots will be coming back? He's been gone for…ten minutes and sixteen point five seconds already, knowing his type he'll be prompt and make it back in fifty minutes flat, right on time not a second late; how annoying." He idly wonders, and then Lavi realizes just how much of a predicament he's in if he's spending time wasting his thoughts thinking about that pastry obsessed Inspector of all things.
He wants to roll his stiff shoulders to pop his bones from the slightly bending position he is. But he doesn't move, instead he watches with numb fascination as his blood drips down from his clenched hand and staining the sickly pale skin. Sweat and blood mixing together in a warm embrace.
It's been exactly five minutes since the situation he's put himself. Timcampy's form has stilled from his right grip, but still is readily baring its fangs. Which oddly enough brought Lavi comfort; if Tim had assumed a more passive stance then Lavi would be worried. For the golden golem had proven time again it was most dangerous when it was quietly plotting something diabolical in mind. Luckily Timcampy seemed to not have reached that stage yet, just in case he carefully gained better gripping on the ever growing larger biter before turning his attention back to Allen.
One squeeze is all it will…
"What I'm I doing? What this will accomplish, someone tell me…" His murmurs quietly echo across the small dusty room.
No one answered him. Bookman would have, but he's not here right now. Then again that's probably a good thing considering the situation screws with the golden bookman rule.
"I've never been good at these sorts of things. Not like you are" He breathes out with a sigh to his non responsive companion.
He wouldn't admit it out loud, but he does acknowledge how pathetic his own will is, it's not even funny how much he's come to realize just how dependent he is on others for direction. It makes him feel like a little kid that can't decide on anything or feels like he's going to always mess it up if someone doesn't hold his hand through the entire thing.
"It's not that I'm incapable of anything. I have the basic knowledge…I guess I just don't have the maturity, maybe. Cruds what's the matter with me I sound like some spoiled whiny brat." He wants to rub his aching temples, but doesn't dare move either hand from its position.
He feels tired, drained, his whole brain generally just feels pretty broken right now.
"What don't I get..?"
Why would he do this? Why wouldn't he?
Kill him. He's becoming an abomination.
Kill him. He's your friend, save him from a much worse fate.
Don't kill him. You are a bookman; it is your duty to watch till the end without interference.
Don't kill him. He is your friend. Believe in him….He's Allen.
"Shut up…" He shut his eyes, and practiced his breathing exercises while adjusting his thoughts by categorizing them to have better control. Never lose yourself.
His eyes were open, but unfocused his breathing uneven and face flushed pink from heat.
"He's not looking at me; he's seeing Cross Marian instead. A hallucination due to his feverish state perhaps; 18 minutes and 46 seconds…."
Allen is watching him with expectation filling his flushed expression; training has taught him it's best to humor patients in delicate conditions like this, he really just wants to keep quiet.
"Shut up Allen, please just shut up! Don't talk anymore, close your eyes, please."
Dear lord, he looked so tiny! Was it his imagination or could he wrap his hand all the way around the others neck? He didn't like this, like seeing Allen like this.
"Get up and walk like you're supposed to do, you liar!"
Thoughts were conflicting again. Lavi internally breathed…"Category one, two, and three…" One by one he placed them in order and put them aside to in storage to where they would not distract him.
"You're alright, stupid Master…I knew."
Lavi's real self was a child.
It's fact. The child that has yet to grow up is still emotionally the same age as when Bookman and he went on their journey as Master and pupil together. That day is forever frozen in his mind and has only a while ago begun to thaw.
After an awkward pause, one where Lavi did not think of consequences, he parted his parched lips and spoke. "Fool, of course what did you think?" What did he think? Lavi still had no idea what had happened exactly to Cross that one night.
Allen's eyes had watered slightly, though Lavi wasn't sure if it was because he thought he was talking to Cross or because he was experiencing another painful ache from his throbbing wound. "Ah…you are so horrible, Master...never change, right." The words were spoken in a soft whispers and he looked like he was having difficulty even performing that action, but he was smiling, it was an awkward smile but one of genuine happiness he had not seen on the boy in ages.
They talked, or Lavi being Cross talked for awhile. Though he obviously tried to hide it, it took much effort for Allen to speak in full sentences without wincing in pain. Lavi didn't know Cross personally very well, so he just stuck to things like debts, women, and liquor, all the works. They weren't very good topics he supposed in a situation like this, but he didn't want to take chances much and they seemed to make Allen a bit less like dead log than before.
"Thirty-five, no thirty-six minutes and exactly one second now; I think my hand is stuck."
The blood, so graciously denoted from him by Timcampy, had starting caking around the hand still grasping the boy's neck and giving an almost glue like effect when Lavi suddenly tried shifting one of his fingers.
"One squeeze, you've done it before without remorse. This could be you're only chance…"
"…Interfering is out of the question…"
He is scared, because he does want to lose a friend. But if he had to choose he would rather lose Allen any other way then the 14th's way. He wonders if he is being selfish.
Or if he even has ever cared.
Who are you?
"I am Lavi. Lavi is not just an alias anymore but I."
What are you?
Lavi feels sleepy but not tired. His heart feels weird and mind feels over stimulated. His eyesight feels like its losing focus.
"Allen…did you mean what you said the last time, we talked? …About walking…and love?"
It's a simple answer, but Allen gives him such an intense focused look it almost makes Lavi forget of the illness that has been plaguing the boy and remember. This is Allen; he doesn't need to be the prophesied one, a savoir of humanity or akuma, a scary con-artist, or a little devil hiding behind the face of an angel. He's just Allen, a kid who despite it all just wants to keep walking for reasons of his own that don't even have to fit into any normal logic whatsoever. He does it because it's what he feels he wants to do and because it's so important to him.
Lavi comes to a decision. He doesn't think about it, doesn't wonder or worry. He just acts.
"Allen, I trust you. I'm going to try to believe in you as much as I can. So I will watch you. I will watch over you as long as I can. But…if you can't keep your word, I promise I will be the one to kill you."
Something feels released.
He waits for Allen's reaction. Allen's eyes unfocused and he frowns more as if he is processing some misconception or broken spell he has discovered. Lavi holds back a wince as he thinks of how he had just blurted out something that was probably un-Cross like. He doesn't worry for long though, as Allen had – weakly – lifted his one hand and gently placed it on top of his – the one still covering his neck – and closes his eyes while giving a soft smile.
"I will…Definitely" And for the first since his weary state he has fallen into content slumber.
Lavi waits, slowly with a little effort he pulls away his hand and lays it on the boy's chest. He cautiously eyes the stiff golden golem still barely entrapped inside his hand and slowly loosens his grip until the golem is free to move. Quickly he snatches his hand back away from the flying snitch to where he keeps Tessei at his side and brings it up to his face – making it bigger – to show he was also armed. Not that he thought that would stop Tim in the protecting of his new Master. Tim shuffled in his spot like a nesting bird and for a long moment looks up at Lavi with that expressionless face that seems to always be able stare right through you. Tim's face (or lack of?) then breaks out in wicked toothy grin before lightly flapping off to lie in his previous spot. From the golems lack of expected reaction he feels with a cold shiver shooting down his spine that he has forgotten a very important detail, one that will come back to gravely annoy him. But for now, he won't allow this or any other worry to envelope him. He shifts his weight in his uncomfortable chair and leans down to rest.
He doesn't bother to say the time right now. It's not the most important thing. What's important is that both are tired and can be in peace with one another.
Lavi is not familiar with the concept faith with no earth bound logic very well.
He gives in easily to being miserable when bad things happen like the average person he views.
But since coming to the Order and meeting people like Allen, who will walk and learn to be happy again even after his first "world" was destroyed the way it was. All for a desire to have faith and believe they can conquer over the demons that try to steal precious things from them. Lavi does not know how capable he is of this, but considering this is the same boy who had come back from the dead more times then the average person should be allowed and has defied logic and expectations more times then anyone is probably aware of, he thinks he can try with him.
When Link enters the dusty room bringing with him the finds of his search, he his greeted with the sight of bookman junior slumbering away in what looked to be a peaceful sleep; his head resting against his charges. He places his finds on the floor and walking over to checks on Allen's temperature first – which seemed to have gone some, hopefully - before swapping the now warm and dry cloth for a newly wet one to place on his forehead. He also notes that his breathing pattern is a little better than before.
He notices the blood and where it's located and mentally notes it down curiously laced with suspicion, but does no more then that. For now, he's willing to let the two companions have their rare moment of peace together from the troubles that daily dog them in theirs lives.
What are you?
Lavi is many things. Lavi can be many things. He knows this well. What he does not know too well right now is what he is first at the very core. But for now he will answer with what "feels" is the most important thing he is at the moment.
"I'm a friend."
1). Lavi forgot Tim can record things. Can anyone say "Blackmail"? XD
2). Allen's first world was referring to Mana.
3.) Lavi kind of feels mixed up right now, it was intentional how he went from one thing to the other (do you ever do that, I can) but, err not to sure if I expressed that well enough. XP Sorry if Lavi came off as weak, but he's not the strongest of the main four and I wanted to focus on his few weakness's that he really needs to grow out of in canon (they all do, but out of the main four he's kind of behind). Not sure if he would act like this in current canon but hey its fandom, anything (unfortunately) can happen.
4.) In case it's not too obvious Lavi is referencing to the 14th reveal between Allen and Cross when he is talking to Allen.
5.) I wonder how Lavi as a bookman feels about Allen losing his identity. He's thrown away plenty of identities in his life, but the way Allen is losing his may seem pretty terrifying to Lavi especially?
Review if you like, please. Have a good day.
Thanks for the kind reviews eveyone. ^ ^