A/N: Hey everyone, let me apologise firstly for doing such an awful thing and leaving you all at a cliffy, it was really cruel but I didn't find time after that!

Though this chapter is short, my brain is hurting so bad, it made me really upset because I sort of felt Edward but of course I'm speaking without experience. Tell me if it made you cry a teensy weensy bit or not at all lol!

So here's and EPOV chapter.

5. So close yet so far away


Bella? Was it really her? My Bella? I blinked, afraid again my mind would be playing tricks on me. And how cruel of it, to picture her with another man, but it could not possibly be her could it? I opened my eyes but she had disappeared and the man next to her as well. I reached forward to touch the air, where my mind had pictured her, closing my fists around nothing. Nothing. Because that's what I was, without her. What I had been for an eternity, apart from that year I had known her, had the privilege of loving her, of touching her. Nothing. Cruelty striked upon me, yet that scent lingered in the air, if I could I would have gladfully drained the human, taken each last drop of the blood left, the monster inside uncontrolled by its hunger. But of course, the Edward inside me stopped me, this hunger, this desire, controlling my temptations was the only way to constrict myself. This was my punishment, and had been for the last 150 years.

Edward – go after her, I heard Alice's thought. I spun around, my mind dazed.

"What?" I said, observing that most of the cafeteria was empty.

Go after her Edward, she needs you, she's hurt, explain yourself. My eyes widened at he words.

"Was that- Was that? Impossible. It cannot be, she died it's not true," I said shaking my head back and forth. Had Alice gone crazy? And was she making me crazy with her?

"Edward, your emotions are too strong," Jasper's face looked like he was being tortured. Immediately I tried to control them, and Jasper looked more at ease.

"Thank you," he apologised.

"Dude, go get her, I'm not sure I like that kid she's with," said Emmett scowling.

"So it's true? She's alive? And she's found a…mate." The word felt let poison against my tongue. She hated me that much? I couldn't blame her; I wanted her to be happy.

My Bella, but it was selfish of me to still think that she should be happy with me, in whichever form. But she would never talk to me, considering the way she had just disappeared.

"Edward go," Rose said, pushing me towards the door, presumably where she had gone, the scent leading a tell-tale path for me to follow. I took an unnecessary deep breath, and as quick as possible made my way out of there. My head filled with questions. Would she still talk to me? Would her mate allow me to talk to her? Why would she find a mate? Why did she not come find me? But most importantly, should I have left her? I felt like crying, just on my own, I couldn't face her, not after all of this. Seeing her in front of me with another person, that would be punishment for the rest of eternity, had I not punished myself too much? Was it not time I let myself go. I hit the nearest tree branch, angry with myself, the whole tree uprooted. I wanted to go back to our meadow, well my meadow now. But, for me, those precious moments in the meadow would always remain. If my love was happy, I would let her be happy, as I made my way to the meadow I should have stopped but the scent was getting stronger. Could it be true that she had still thought of the meadow as ours and come here?

Running my way through the trees, I finally got to the clearing, and there she was. My head fell to the side, admiring her at an angle, could it be possible for a creature to be as beautiful as she?

She was sat on her own, that for which I was grateful. Her legs folded beneath her as she sat on them, her hands were clasped around something, her beautiful brown hair, with slight hazel tints in them, each one my eyes caught clearly, each one was artificially dyed, yet each one made her more beautiful. She now had a side fringe to frame her face, giving her an angelic look, her golden eyes looking into space, filled to the brim with tears.

I wished I could be there with her, to comfort her and not let her cry. Her beautiful face was pictured, silently immortal, like it had been for who knew how long? The thought that I may be the reason responsible for her to be in such a fragile condition made me repulsed by my own self. She looked down at what lay between her hands, and then, as if sensing me, her body was alert. Her eyes flew in my direction and she stood up in a flash, beckoning herself backwards, protecting herself from me. Each second, each action, broke me more,

I wondered which pieces of me had still been left. I stepped forward subconsciously, my head told me to stay away, there was no reason to stay, she had a mate, my heart said to embrace her, to tell her how much I loved her before she was taken again. Of course my body reasoned with emotion over intellect and I did what I had to.

"Bella?" I questioned. Her eyes responded to the name, but she did not say anything, she closed her eyes, as if taking the sound in, oh how I why wanted to reach out to her.

"Bella, please don't go," I begged, for she had started to take steps backwards. My voice broke, it was urgent, it was needy. But she stopped moving.

"What do you have left to say?" Her voice sounded teary, but even then it sounded beautiful.

"Bella, I have much to say, but please, give me a chance," I asked hopeful that she may feel mercy and let me share this brief moment with her.

"What is it? Are you planning on breaking my heart, again? Well I've got news for you, it's not recovered yet, it's still broken," each word slit through my dead heart, and each word I felt, if I could have died I would have, the venom was clear. She hated me.

"Bella I didn't break your heart, please, I left for your own good," I reasoned.

"My own good? Look what I turned into," she said, showing me her breathtaking self, "I turned into you, but I would have liked it if you were the one who had turned me, and do you know which day marks the anniversary of me being changed into this," I wanted her to stop, to be my Bella again, "the day," her voice broke this time, sobbing, "the day you left, she came, Victoria, Ed-" she winced and it broke my heart that she couldn't bring herself to say my name, "I needed you, I wanted you there, I changed alone, cried for you, begged fro you, but you never came, I was alone," she cried, and with each word I realised how much more harm than good I did. I was close to her now, but still I inched closer, and before I knew it she was in my arms again, I took a deep breath and shut my eyes, losing myself in the feeling, how long I waited for her to be in my arms again.

"No, no" she said, fighting against me, but her efforts were mild and she dry-sobbed into my chest, my own eyes filling with water.

"I thought I lost you," I cried, my voice hoarse, barely above a whisper, "forever,"

"You did, Ed-" she winced again and again the pain seared through me, "you did. Why though? Why this?" she tried to pull away but I gripped on tighter,

"Don't. Don't fight me," I buried my face in her beautiful hair, it was so soft

"But you don't love me," she claimed, through her sad voice. I pulled away, my face angry,

"That is never true, that can never be true," I said, a small hiss leaving my tongue, how could she think such things, is this what she had been thinking for the last 150 years? She read my expression.

"Yes I did. Because you said it, that's why you left," again she sounded so hurt. I pulled her into me again,

"No Bella, no my love, I loved you, that was why I left you. I needed you so much that it was too bad for me, I had to leave you for your own good, to live a normal human life," and now I heard it I realised what a mistake it was.

"The day you left Edward, nothing good came of that, my dad died soon after, Renee, Phil, I was abandoned in the world, I had no-one," she said, looking at me as if I had committed a crime, and she had every right to, I had made an angel live a life of misery on her own. That was the biggest crime I could ever commit.

"I know Bella, I know love, I made a mistake, one which I should not have done. But I have the price to pay for that now, you have found a mate," time to say goodbye again Edward, and hello to the Volturi. Now that I had met my angel again for the one last time, knowing she would be happy, I had no purpose to live. But Bella looked hurt, she pushed herself away from me,

"How dare you think that I can find anyone other than you? I've lived 150 freaking years mourning for you, and each day I promised myself I would hate you, yet each day my love for you increased. I've never even looked at another vampire, and certainly not as a mate," she said spitting the last word.

"Bella, I saw him with you, you don't have to say anything, I understand," I said, now truly remorseful.

"He's my BROTHER," she yelled, "I can't believe that is how much you could think of me. Really? You think my love for you is so little that I could truly forget you? Is that how low you think I am?" her eyes filling with tears again, "I can't even say your name," she cried. "That's how much pain I've suffered," her tone incredulous. My jaw dropped, this was all too impossible.

"Just leave me," she said, backing away.

"No Bella, don't, please," I pleaded with her; there were things we had to talk about.

"You've had your say, hell you said it 150 years ago," her tone was so cold and bitter.

"Bella please, I made a mistake, don't let me pay for it any more. You've suffered Bella, but so have I," my voice a whisper, "I thought I had lost you, each day I mourned your death," my voice hurt, remembering those times I had thought my angel had disappeared.

"The minute you left me, the minute those words left your mouth I had died," was the last thing I heard coming out of her precious mouth, I had spent 150 years wishing for those lips to be on my mouth again. So close, yet so far away,

She had gone, and she had the right to, I had lived in my own cruel world for so long without her. Determination sparked inside me, at least now I still had a chance to make her mine again. But how could he be her brother? I winced, remembering her words, she said she loved me, but was the feeling still mutual after all this time? I had to talk to someone. Anyone.

"Carlisle," I thought, remembering my father.

A/N: Hey so how did you like the short chap??

Tell me please, I'm bursting to know!

Looking forward to the reviews I'll be getting, oh and look out for a story I'll be writing with a young author, aka my friend Lani aka Bubbles.

It'll be out as soon as she finishes her homework and all her exams!

What time is it? Review time hehe

P.S. I'm hoping the next chapter will be out soon and will be longer if I get at least 20 reviews thank you! Am I evil? Nah I'm just dying to see what you guys think lol. And please tell me whether you thought this chapter was a little too soppy, that's what a friend thought but she's not into romance and stuff lol!