I gasped as I looked around the area Tara had sent us.

"Wow… just wow…" Serenade said as he looked on beside me.

"…" The Robot was beyond repair at this point.

The Castle was essentially a 'goffic' version of Hogwarts.

"If I had to guess, we have just entered Tara's fantasy universe." Serenade said.

Just then, we noticed a war going on near the Lake.

"The Goths Versus Preps… the only two forces in 'My Immortal." Serenade informed me.

"What does this have to do with mocking Twilight?" I demanded.

"We're getting there."

Ignoring the warring Goths and Preps, we walked up to the castle.

"So, what happens when we get there?" I asked.

"It depends."

"On what?"

We opened the front door, and saw the entrance hall.

Tara was crying.


"No- no one cares!" She sobbed. "I've never been kissed… never hugged by a man who cared about me… I've never even been on a real date!" She said piteously.

"Ummm… It's going to be alright?" Serenade said tentatively.

"No! It's not!" She said, still crying her eyes out. "I'm ugly, I'm fat, and-"

"You're goffic and you cut your wrists?" I suggested mildly.

Serenade glared at me.

"Can't you see she's really upset?"

"Well, Who really car-"

"But then." She said, noticeably a calming down. "I read… Twilight." She sighed dramatically.

"Well, this is going to end badly." I commented.

Serenade punched me.

"Continue with your story please." He said politely.

Desperate bastard.

Tara went on.

"Bella was much like me. I felt it. She made my life feel… comparable, for the first time. Then, she met Edward. Who was everything I ever imagined love to be like."

She sighed again.

"Twilight… made me feel… like I could actually find True Love out there somewhere. Someone who could love me, despite the fact I'm…" She cringed. "Ugly."

"Haha." I snickered. "So you wrote My Immortal."

"I was a child!" She snapped.

"Well, Excuuuuuuuuuuse me Princess." I said obnoxiously.

Serenade jumped in.

"Twilight Ninja, stay out of this." He told me. He looked at Tara and smiled. "Love isn't just coming to happen, you know? I know you must have had some kind of depressing childhood, but you need to know this. Twilight's version of love is simply lust. If you really think you've grown since you wrote My Immortal, please listen to me."

Tara, for a second, was about to obey her natural instincts and rip Serenade's head off. But she resisted at the last second. "Alright. Go ahead."

"As you know," Serenade began, "Bella and Edward met and fell in love in about roughly three weeks. Tell me. Why?"

"Well…" Tara stuttered. "I guess… It was meant to be, wasn't it?"

"It's not a rational relationship." Serenade said. "They barely knew each other, and they confessed their undying love to each other in three weeks. What got them together?"

"Well… Bella smelled good."

"That's true. On Edward's side. But why was Bella attracted to Edward?"

"Well… he was really, mysterious and seemed to lik-"

"Wrong. The only reason Bella claimed he was 'mysterious' is the fact that he was sexy. If one of the Emo kids was interested in her, she wouldn't investigate their personal lives."

Incredible. What was he thinking? Countless antis have tried for months to tell this twilight bitches that they were wrong. But Tara was looking at him like… she might actually think he had a point.

This discussion continued for a while, and Tara spoke once more.

"I… think I see your meaning." She said slowly. "Bu-but-"

"Yes?" Serenade asked.

"Does that mean…" She appeared to struggle with the words. "That… I was wrong? About everything. My ideas on Love… I feel that my life is going to twist inside out." She lowered her head. "I related myself to Bella. I believed she was a good person. Does that mean… I'm a bad person too?"

"Aren't Goths teenage rebels?" I said loudly. They both ignored me.

"I don't think you're a bad person Tara." Serenade said with a smile. "You just a weird view on life. I think you related to Bella so much because… well, she didn't often leave her house. You get out, do some stuff. That'll hopefully get you some friends. And hey, that's the first step, isn't it?"

I stiffened.

"Uh oh."

"What is it?" Serenade asked me.

"Outside!" I screamed. I ran out the door. Tara and Serenade followed me out.

There, on the top of the North tower, stood the guy who was obviously the most evil bastard in this fic.

"Damn!" Serenade swore. "It's him!"

The figure's shadow turned to face us. A massive White wing rose from his back…

And he jumped towards us.

Tara grasped as I drew my sword.

After a brief sword fight, the figure jumped away to begin his stupid rant about his evil plan.

'You!" Serenade snarled. "What are you doing here?"

"Here's here… for me." Tara said quietly.

"Wha-" I gasped.

"He wants to give me to Mrs. Meyer. I'm so much like Bella that, if we switched brains, Meyer could become Bella Swan." Tara explained.

"What? A brain transplant? For Meyer's benefit? Then you must be…" I gasped as I realized just who we were dealing with.

"Yes! It is I!" The figure said dramatically as he stepped into the light. However, he forgot he ran an internet site and was therefore very rarely in the sun. "Ouch! It burns!" He cried.

"Seth? Meyer's brother?" I asked.

"Yeah. It's him. Seth, all around asshole and the guy who runs her Website and screens her fan mail."

"With a bio-engineered, bad-ass wing!" Seth exclaimed proudly as he flexed his giant white wing.

"What's a wing do?" I asked.

"It looks cool!"

"Back on track." Serenade said coolly. "We won't let you take Tara!"

"Well, that's good. Then I won't have to feel bad after I take drastic measures!" Seth announced with an evil grin.

"What are you going to do? Imprint on us?" I asked. Serenade snickered.

"No!" Seth snapped. "You are not my destined love! No, I must have to kill you, and take the girl's body back to prepare for surgery!" Then he added as an afterthought, "And then erase any evidence that you ever existed, so Stephenie won't know some complete noobz hate her books!"

"As much as I hate Tara and her idiotic fanfic." I began. "I learned something important through all this crap."

"That you shouldn't let stereotypes rule your judgement of people?" Serenade suggested.

"That I have potential as a writer?" Tara asked hopefully.

"That Cullenism is the best and only religion in the world?" Seth said.

"No, No, and FUCK no. No, what I learned is, 'Anything that helps Meyer fulfill her fantasy dream is evil."


"Enough of this crap!" Seth screamed. His wing erupted out of his back. "Prepare to face… Sethiroth!"

"Are all of Meyers' relations media rip off artists?" I asked, before the battle of all time began.

Of course, I'm going to cliffhanger it here. And no, I won't tell you how it ended. Think about this ending. And make up what happened for yourself.


The Twilight Ninja

Note from Serenade: I do not have a relationship with Tara Gilesbie. If anybody says anything about my odd words of encouragement, and how it seemed romantic to them, you are all morons.