OOOOKAAAYYY....Edwardzukorocks aka angel~
This is my Twilight Canon Interpretation of Envy. My first real canon fic so PLEASE forgive any errors.
Thanks Starshine for the beta and no introduction is necessary....
Rosalie. These are snippets of her view of Edward meeting Bella and how she handled certain moments in the first three books.
I felt it every moment of the day. It swirled around me in whispers and glances.
Women envied my hair or my face.
They desired my long, slender legs.
They wanted my clothes and my shoes.
They would kill for my confidence or my future.
Men envied my arm snaked possessively around Emmett's waist.
They looked at my hands, my graceful fingers, manicured and sculpted and wanted to feel them caressing their skin or scratching down their back. They craved my breath on their cheek and to have the power of my beauty by their side.
I had felt it too. At one point in my short lived life, but since then I have pushed it deep inside, buried, near my frozen heart, away from my ever active mind.
It was easy to ignore, amongst the teenagers who idolized me for my beauty and grace. I certainly didn't envy any of them. They were a heard of sheep, none standing out above the rest.
Until the day every thing changed for me.
For all of us.
The day Bella Swan moved to Forks.
At first it was nothing. I could hear the children whispering about her, hovering around her, trying to win her favor. I admit I did look, to see what the talk was about. Was she really as interesting as they all seemed to think? In the cafeteria that first day I stole a glance, when no one was looking and what I saw pleased me.
Bella Swan was a normal girl, plain looks, average body, everything about her was unimpressive. I struggled against the smug smile that threatened to grace my lips as I foolishly rejoiced in the fact I was more beautiful than her.
At the time I was so absorbed with my own thoughts I didn't notice the frustrated look on Edward's face. Honestly, Edward was always frustrated, annoyed or bored. I'd stopped paying much attention to him and his moods decades before.
So it was shocking that afternoon when Edward dropped us off at the edge of our property before speeding off in a cloud of dust. Alice made some vague comments about "her" and "Chief Swan" in the car. What did the unremarkable new girl have to do with Edward? I couldn't imagine.
I had spent seven decades living on and off with Edward. I hated him from the moment I awoke from the fiery pits of hell and heard his voice. When I looked up and saw his beautiful, angelic face, a challenge to my own, I fought the urge to scratch and claw the perfect features off his body. I realized, of course, this would have been futile but it didn't stop the desire.
To make matters worse I soon realized I had been picked for his mate and he rejected me immediately. I wouldn't have taken him either but that was not the point. The sting of Royce's rejection was too sharp and I couldn't take Edwards too. My rage grew towards him until Emmett entered my life. Then I had something he didn't and it lessened the bitterness.
When Edward returned from Danali, in a pathetic attempt escape his demons, he finally confessed his sins. As he sat across from us I was smug and secretly thrilled that he needed us a much as we needed him. That he wanted the new girl so badly he almost killed her on sight. I smirked at him across the room as he told us of his weakened state, the resolve he almost broke as he considered slaughtering more than a dozen innocents in the attempt to have this girl.
He was still no stronger than the rest of us. This idea amused me greatly.
Edward, who was heralded as the strongest of us all, had been bewitched by this girl. He was the one of us who constantly challenged his limitations, who pushed our lifestyle to the edge. Edward existed in a world of self-flagellation. He was convinced he was damned. That he had no soul and it was his purpose to live his life repenting for the insatiable monster inside.
His misery was my joy.
Days passed and the family noticed his obsession with the girl was intensifying. We watched as he was focused on her all day at school and humored him as he scanned the minds of the children for tidbits of information on her. At night he would leave and return smelling of her scent, yet everyday she returned to school, unharmed.
I confess his obsession with her intrigued me. The family thought I was angry at the potential for exposure if we had to leave town when Edward succumbed to his desire for her. This may have been true at first but after awhile my feelings turned. My anger quickly changed to jealousy and I found myself consumed.
As much as I hated to admit it Edward and I were more similar than either of us would ever want to acknowledge. We were both tragically beautiful on the outside but damaged on the inside. I thought we would have this in common forever. And I thought I would have one up on him, I had Emmett and he was alone. As long as he was alone and struggling with the monster trapped inside I could be happy.
I sat in the cafeteria at Forks High School and watched the two, oblivious to the outside world, at a table alone.
They were sitting across from one another, leaning desperately across the table towards each other as though they could never get enough. I rolled my eyes as Edward answered question after question about our lifestyle with no regard to the rest of us.
I felt the flare of irritation set off and mentally shouted across the room to him that he was a jerk. His eyes flicked in my direction and I knew the message was received.
Of course these words were a cover up for my true feelings. I knew Bella wouldn't tell. She was bound to Edward in a way I had never seen before. I wanted to believe her feelings were false. That she was a small distraction in his long life but I knew this wasn't true.
She loved him as much as he loved her.
I hid under my anger, easily convincing the others of my concern for the family. The only one who knew my true feelings was Edward himself. I was normally so careful, so guarded with my thoughts. I wouldn't let him use his gift against me. But I slipped when I heard him on the piano.
Edward used to fill this house with his music, inspired by our mother, or nature or perhaps another artist. Now he was inspired by this girl with plain brown hair and chalky white skin.
He had never been inspired by me.
Jealousy boiled in my veins and for one brief moment I wished I was Bella Swan and this song was for me.
He caught me and struggled to keep his laughter inside and the smug grin from his face.
Disgusted with the memory I was brought back to reality of the cafeteria by Alice's chirping voice, going on and on to Jasper about how Bella was going to be her new best friend.
I stiffened at the thought. Not only was I losing Edward to this girl, I was losing Alice as well. Alice and I had always been close but I now realized it wasn't enough for her. She needed more and Bella appeared to be the one to fill this need in her as well.
I looked around myself, at my family. Edward had his new toy. Alice was in line to get a new best friend. Jasper only wanted what Alice wanted. Emmett thought the whole thing was insane yet hilarious.
Standing, I flipped my long blond hair over my shoulder and stormed away from the table. Apparently all the Cullen's had needed for the last eighty years was Bella Swan to make us complete.
I was sulking.
Everyone knew it and I knew it and it made me feel childish. Why was I allowing this girl to come in and displace me out of my home?
Rosalie Hale didn't compromise for anyone.
Emmett was waiting on the porch. He knew better than to come find me once I left the house. It was our way. If we disagreed he gave me time to sort it out on my own. But he was always waiting for me, ready to accept me back for who I was.
Emmett was the love of my life.
I never could have asked for anything better, which is what made this whole situation so ridiculous. I never wanted Edward. I only wanted him to want me.
My father was a banker. I grew up in a home where terms like collateral and leverage were thrown around with ease. I knew at a young age my collateral was beauty. It came with the curse of vanity for sure but it was all I had and I learned to use it well.
When Edward rejected me all those years ago it stung and it left a welt that would never fade. Just when I thought I had the upper hand, that he was entrenched in his self hatred enough for me to let it all go, he found the one thing to make it all go away.
And again, Edward forced me to realize nothing in this half-life would ever be good enough for me. Everyone always had it better.
Edward had brought her to our home, to meet the entire family. You would have thought it was the second coming. The idea of her sitting on our couch or climbing our stairs made my hollow stomach recoil. Sickened by their excitement over the visit I chose to leave the house.
I walked the back steps and Emmett welcomed me, unconditionally as always, with open arms. I never deserved it but I took it anyway.
"Let's go inside," I told him with a quick kiss on the lips.
He smiled, thinking I had moved on and grasped my hand. He led me up the back steps towards our bedroom. At the landing I was literally pushed back into Emmett by a wave of emotions.
Jasper and Alice were at the end of the hall, outside Edward's closed door. He had Alice lifted up, pressed against the wall. Her legs wrapped around his waist and I could see his lips moving, whispering, as they trailed up her neck. Alice's eyes were closed in ecstasy and I eyed her hips pushing into his body.
"Dude, you know the rules…out," Emmett said but I felt his hand on the small of my back, rubbing tiny circles.
With so many couples with sensitive senses in the house we had special arrangements for private time. First, and foremost, it was to remain private. That meant no activities in public places like the hallway when others were home.
They looked over at us and straightened up, Jasper gracefully placing Alice back on the ground. Alice rolled her eyes at Emmett briefly before wrapping her arms around Jasper's hips.
Jasper looked towards Edward's closed door and apologized, "Sorry. It's just Edward. And Bella. It's overload."
I sneered at their names, ignoring the ache traveling though my body. Emmett was pushing his hips into mine fueling my frustration. "Knock it off." I said to Jasper, "Turn it around. I don't care what you do but I don't want to feel what they are feeling."
Emmett now had two hands on my body. One traveling up and the other down.
"Rosalie, I would if I could. But Edward alone is emitting one hundred year old, unadulterated, virgin lust and it is incredibly powerful." He said, shrugging, while Alice stood below him tugging at his belt, "And that doesn't even include Bella."
He and Emmett shared a smirk and before I could respond he and Alice were gone, their feet flying down the stairs and we could hear the slam of the back door.
Emmett placed his hands on my shoulders and turned me around, kissing me hard on the lips.
I pushed him off and stalked to our room. He followed me of course and I turned to him and said angrily, "No way. Forget it. I am not using their lust as my foreplay."
I felt the bitterness rise in my throat and watched as Emmett struggled with his desire and my wishes. Making a choice he reached for me and began placing gentle kisses on my cheeks and forehead.
He gently cradled my face in his oversized hands and looked me in the eye. "Rose. This isn't about Edward and Bella. It is about me and you. But if you must, think of it this way. Take me in that room, and fuck me six ways to Sunday, doing exactly what Edward wants to do but never can."
We stared at one another for a moment. His eyes steady against my resolve. His fingers were on my sides, running up and down, taunting me to take his offer. I reached out, hooking my fingers through the loops in his pants and forced him to me.
Emmett's lips captured mine, his tongue entering my mouth with ease. His hands began moving and with a visible shudder I let Emmett wipe the bitterness away.
Alice was on the phone, furious with me. I had no idea why she was so angry at me. I had been doing her a favor. I made the call no one else had the nerve to make.
"Why?" Alice gasped. "Why would you do that, Rosalie?"
Why? Why? Fine. I admit it. This was about me and not him. I did it because I was tired of Edward moping around for the last six months. I was over his self-absorbed, emotional breakdown over the ever perfect Bella Swan. Why? Because our family was in ruins over Edward and his doomed relationship with a human, and as usual, his needs were above anyone else's. Why? Because she was dead. Like we all knew she would be one day and he needed to know so he could finally move on.
I didn't say it. Instead I listening to Alice tell me through the phone that I was wrong. Or she had been wrong. Apparently, Bella wasn't dead. And Edward was likely to do something drastic.
Alice, Edwards' other mother, was livid and I guess I didn't blame her. I attempted to apologize but she wouldn't have it. She saw my sympathy as false, which hurt.
"It's a bit late for that Rose. Save your remorse for someone who believes it." She growled and the phone went dead.
I put my phone down on the table and walked over to the window seat under the enormous window facing the mountains. I'd only wanted my family back, the way it was before. Bella had thrown off my balance when she was in our lives but it was impossibly worse the minute she left.
I thought about my actions and how once again thinking of my needs before those of others had only caused us more pain. After some time Emmett sat behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, pressing his body into my own.
I turned and buried my face in his chest. If I was able to sob I would have. For Edward. For myself. I looked up into Emmett's soulful eyes and whispered, "What have I done?"
I sat in the living room in the dark. Light wasn't an issue when you were a vampire and sometimes I forgot to turn one on when the sun went down. The house was quiet. Alice had already left to meet Jasper in the forest, a tradition of sorts when they've been separated. Bella was asleep, he rhythmic breaths and even heartbeat pulsing though the house. She had been exhausted when she came home from the reservation. She parked that thing, her pathetic motorcycle in the garage, took a shower and went to bed.
Part of me was impressed that she so blatantly rebelled against Edward. That she went to the wolf over and over against his wishes. Another part was annoyed that she hurt him when I knew he was only looking out for her best interest. Bella thought she was ready to make decisions about the rest of her life but she had no idea what forever really meant and how the sacrifices she was so willing to make now would haunt her for eternity.
She had the opportunity now to live the life I'd always wanted. She had silly high school boys chasing her and huge shape shifting wolves ready to kill for her and she was throwing it away to be damned. I was jealous of the choices she had. No one ever gave me a choice. Not my parents, certainly not Royce, and even Carlisle. He took my death and gave me this eternal half life.
I'd gone to her the night before, while the boys were off hunting. I told her my history, of the life I had before Carlisle changed me. I gave her the sordid details of my death hoping to scare her and show her the violence of our beginnings. I could tell she had a romanticized ideal of becoming a vampire. She believed that Edward would change her and they would live happily ever after.
This was never the case.
So now I sat in the dark, waiting for the men to return. Edward would be first. He was almost frantic anytime he and Bella were apart. I knew he would rush home on foot and I wanted him to see me first. I wanted him to hear it from me before he saw her. He needed to know of her betrayal and of my confessions.
I heard him coming, swiftly though the brush. His feet never touched the steps, leaping from the ground to the top of the porch. I picked up my book as he entered, pretending to read, yet giving him a full view of my mind. I showed him memories of Bella, the way her face looked as she gaped at me as I told my tale. I pointed out her dark hair matted and wet from when she returned from the wolf covered in mud.
The door opened and closed smoothly and he never stopped, only giving me a slight glance before taking the stairs at full speed.
I smirked to myself, knowing his reunion would be spoiled. I waited a moment and then climbed up the steps, dragging my hand up the banister, confident that if Bella woke the two would have an interesting night. I quietly walked down the hall towards my room to wait for Emmett but stopped suddenly at the muffled sounds coming from Edward's room.
Bella wasn't asleep.
And they weren't arguing.
I listened for a minute and heard them or rather her. Bella's heart was hammering in my ears. Her breathing was jagged and tight.
Edward was whispering to her, laughing with her. Their bodies were moving on the bed, I could hear the crinkle of the sheets as their bodies shifted and turned.
In that moment something in me cracked.
I spun on my foot, running back down the stairs, out the door and into the night. The air was cool and I took in a deep breath, filling my senses with the fresh Washington air. I headed to the north, away from the spot I knew Alice and Jasper would be occupying, putting distance between me and those who knew me. Travelling as fast as my feet would take me I felt the branches and limbs as they whipped my arms and legs, snapping under my force.
I just wanted to be free.
I leapt across a stream, gaining speed, running towards the edge of a sharp canyon and as I approached I flung my self forward.
Soaring through the air, I felt it. The edge of freedom. It was in the sky above me, pitch black, spotted with stars. It was in the wind that tore though my hair. I could taste it dancing on my tongue.
I wanted away from that Rosalie, the one entrenched in jealousy and rage. I wanted, after countless years, to leave that little girl, the one dying in the gutter, behind. To forsake the envy and covetous desires of a debutante who had the world at her feet. I had to let it go. I had to move forward, drop these desperate feelings and accept who I was and who I wasn't.
As my feet hit the bottom of the gully my thoughts became clear. I realized that Edward and Bella had something I would never understand. That Edward deserved happiness and Bella wanted to give it to him. She loved him and was willing to sacrifice everything to be with him.
I thought about myself and how I carried Emmett hundreds of miles though the mountains to save him. I knew the minute I saw him that he was the one for me. I could see this tenacity in Bella's eyes. She may even be braver than the rest of us, making this choice out of love where the rest of us had it foisted upon us.
As I came to this conclusion I determined that my years of manipulation and deceit were eating away at whatever piece of my soul remained. That envy had taken control of my actions and I had attempted to bring them all down with me. Each and every one of them.
All because he dared to reject me on sight. As usual he was right and I was the one who was wrong. After all this time I knew it was time to let him go.
I couldn't take another century feeding on the pain and suffering of others. I'd never tasted blood but I spent my life draining those around me of their spirits and souls and it was killing me inside. I'd let my jealousies fester, grow and become infected. Now was the time to stop.
Rosalie Hale was no longer going to be a puppet to the trivial sins of the devil
poor Rose. I felt a little bad there, but meh...she kinda had it coming.
Up next and sure to amaze us all-Lipsmacked!