…Costs a fortune
There was a cool wind blowing around my hair as I curled up on the bus stop bench. This was stupid; I couldn't run away from home, plus I felt terrible for having ditched Hailey and left her with Bob. Regardless of how much I seemed to despise my father, and once-idol, I knew that I needed to go back to him. At least he did care about me…I suppose.
But could he really blame me for all the confusion that was in my head at the moment? Every thought I had would be contradicted by another! And when it came down to it, one thought kept repeating and winning every contradictory battle: I'm useless, alone and selfish.
"Hello, you've reached the Way residence. Please leave a message and we'll try to return your call as soon as possible." Lindsey and Gerard's cheery voices on the machine chimed through the payphone receiver into my ear.
"Dad, I'm sorry. But will you please pick up? If you don't…if you don't help me, I'm afraid I might do something stupid. I-I-" I hung up the phone, and left the booth – it smelt like a urinal anyway. I needed to get away – now!
I re-entered the booth, and tried calling Frank in Jersey, but then remembered he was away and hung up again. I left messages on Bob and Mikey's machines as well. I finally got Ray to answer, but when he did, I couldn't speak.
I continued roaming around LA at night, receiving catcalls, and forcing myself not to do anything stupid. I ended up downtown, where the hookers and dealers roamed. With me I had $250; enough for a fix or a cheap gun. Could I get up the guts? Would I really do this, even after everything my dad had been through?
Forget it, Jadis! You need to learn your own lessons…and get away from this present.
Yes, just one fix won't hurt…and if I'm lucky I'll get booked and everyone will- Oh God, I'm becoming an attention whore.
Oh, who gives a fuck? I need to get away! I can't deal with this!
My head is going to split!
You're better than this, Jay.
No, I'm not!
Shut-up! You're not my father.
"Hey, you look like you need some relief." The sleazy dealer said.
"You're telling me? What have you got?" I replied.
We were standing in an alley way, just out of the view from the main street. Police sirens were constant here, but I'd managed to block them out now.
"Coke, weed, heroin, the usual mixes,"
"I just want to get a high; gimme the coke. One ounce,"
We swapped our goods and departed from one another.
I found another little spot, hidden, out of the way, and I took the drugs. I'd never been high before, and it was so strange. My memory from the time is fragmented. What I mostly remember is being very alert to every part of my body, and feeling powerful.
So powerful, in fact, that I decided to jump in front of a police car…and take the two (huge) cops on. I threw fairly good punches at them too! I broke both their noses and gave one a black eye. But, of course, they quickly overpowered me, and I was getting cuffed and shoved into the back of their car.
After an hour of them trying to get my personal details, down at the station, I passed out, my body not being used to the drugs.
When I woke up, dad was sitting opposite me, bars in between. He looked like a total mess.
"Dad?" I tried to sit up, but my head spun. "Fuck," I muttered to myself, lying down again.
"Jadis?" Dad leapt to his feet.
A cop, upon hearing dad say my name, came to dad's side. He opened my cell door for him, and stood by as dad came over to me.
"Jadis, why did you do this?" Dad almost cried, as he hugged me ridiculously tight.
"Because I wanted to escape- didn't you get my message? I told you I needed you to stop me from doing something stupid! But when I decided to trust you and ask you to help me and I called out to you – you weren't there."
"Jadis, I'm sorry, we were at the hospital – Lindsey wasn't feeling great, and I got nervous."
"Of course, I'm second string again."
"Jadis, this is no way to get my attention!"
"Why did you come?" I sat up then, ignoring how the room spun this time.
"Because I love you, Jadis,"
I slapped him across the face. "That's bull! Nobody loves me!"
He retaliated by pinning my shoulders against the wall. "Don't you dare hit me, young lady!" He yelled at me, spitting in my face. "I'm sick of you thinking you can get away with everything! You're not the only person in my life, Jadis. You're not the only thing I have to worry about. I have another child coming, another record to write, another comic to write, meetings to attend. Don't you dare think for one minute that I'm trying to ignore your, but life is hectic. I have work. I have a wife. I have friends and family. So do you, Jadis, but I'm not 15 anymore. I can't just blow everything off!"
"Why do you even bother with me?"
"I don't even know sometimes. But then I remind myself – I wouldn't be alive today if everyone had given up on me. So I'm not going to give up on you, Jadis. Never!"
"Can I get that in writing?"
Dad shook me, hurting my back as it jolted against the wall.
"I'm sorry! Ok? Can we get out of here now?"
Dad sighed. "Ok," He looked toward the cop at the cell gate.
"She owes $100 for the possession of illicit substances; $50 for assaulting an officer; $25 for jaywalking."
Dad growled, but followed the officer to pay my bail and sign me out – being a minor had it's benefits sometimes.
"Good job, Jadis! Good job! Just when everyone's on edge with you, send them over." I punched the wall – bad idea; a spasm of pain went up to my elbow. "Ah! You're a genius too!"
Dad came back, cop in tow, in about ten minutes.
"Can I go yet?" I asked, rather rudely.
"You can, but you'll back here pretty soon if you keep that attitude up." Officer Smartass replied.
"Don't worry, she'll learn her lesson at home," Dad told him, not taking his off me. He was shooting daggers into me; no-one needs their parent to look at them like that.
The drive home was…painful. I'd never had such an awkward silence with my dad. We usually at least had something pleasant to chat about on the drive. Dad broke the ice when we were still 20 minutes from home.
"Jadis, why did you do that?"
"What's the problem?"
"Jadis, I don't want you making stupid mistakes and killing yourself!"
"I'm not gonna die, dad, it was only a bit of coke."
Dad pulled the car over then, fuming. "Jadis Lee Way! 'A bit of coke,' nearly killed me! I'm not going to-"
"Dad, I'm not you! I'm not stupid,"
"If you're so smart, then why did I just have to bail you out of jail? Jadis, this isn't how you were raised! What would your mother say?"
"My mother's dead! Besides, you hardly cared about me when you knocked her up. It's only because you wanted more attention from the press! You're such an attention whore!"
"Jadis, what's happened to you? I know I've asked you before, but…I just don't understand why you've changed so much; how you've changed so much."
"You don't get it, do you? The only person who ever really cared about me – the only person who honestly loved and understood me – is dead! Sure, she had her faults – especially about you and the way you screwed her around – but she actually understood me and cared for me and I could talk to her! I can't talk to you; you don't know me! No-one knows me!" I started to cry. I'd never really even told myself this. It was just pouring out, and I couldn't stop it.
"Jadis, I'm…sorry…I didn't know…" Dad was at a loss of words – I didn't blame him either, I'd just confessed all my troubles to him – troubles I didn't even know I had! What was the poor guy supposed to do?
"Jadis, talk to me; I'll listen. I promise you, from now on, you can tell me anything. I want to know you, Jay; you just have to let me in." He took my face in his hands and wiped away my tears.
"Daddy, I'm so sorry! I just- it- everything was – is – squashing me. I wanted to get away – I need to get away." I took a deep, shuddering breath, as I always do after I cry.
"It's ok, Jay. Everything will be fine from now on," He brought me into his chest, and hugged me tightly.
"Do you promise, dad?"
"Definitely, Jay. You need to always remember, no matter how busy I am, even when there's another kid for me to love, that you're my favourite girl, Jay. You're my best girl, right from the start."
"I love you, dad,"
"I love you, too, Jay,"
That's all folks.
That's the end to the Jadis Lee Way series. I hope you liked it…
Yes, I know this is quite an open ending, and quite an abrupt one too.
Sorry it took so long to get up.
Thanks to everyone who enjoyed this series/story and supported me!
So long, and goodnight ;)