Disclaimer: Twilight characters owned by Stephenie Meyer. Lucie owned by Lily Swan. This one shot is based on Lily Swans Eternal Desire Chapter 8. It does not follow the same story line from here on wards.
A/N: Alice is having trouble with her visions since Lucie came so she can't see Bella or Lucie at all. Alice goes shopping to take her mind of her visions and to spend time with Jasper. The rest of the Cullens are on a hunting trip. Lucie has been in Forks for a few months. The events of New Moon and Eclipse did happen but Edward and Bella are not engaged.
I heard my name being called, I turned around to see Bella Swan. I was cautious of her purpose for talking to me because for all I knew she hated me.
I was so lost in my thoughts that I forgot to speak. I recovered as quickly as possible.
"Please, Lucie can I talk to you?"
She looked at me with her big brown eyes, I could tell she was upset her eyes lashes look moist as if she had been crying. However, what still had me why was she wanting to talk to me ?
I had no idea what to do. What if something had happened to Edward or maybe Alice, I rushed to Bella's side and pulled her into an abandoned corridor.
"Bella, what's wrong!" I asked as soon as we were alone.
Bella brought her eyes up to meet mine and said simply. "It's you Lucie, it's what you're doing"
I was so confused, first she comes up to me wanting to talk and now she is telling me that I am her problem. "What do you mean Bella?" I asked carefully.
Bella gave a slight almost hysterical laugh. "Do you really not know?" she questioned me, her voice still wasn't very strong.
I looked at her and answered her honestly "No"
"It's about Edward, Lucie you must know that" she attempted to spit but because she was whispering it did not come out venomously as she had intended.
I now understood, she had come to question me about my time with spent with Edward. What was I supposed to say to her?
Bella interrupted my thoughts with another question.
"Why have you been spending so much time with Edward Lucie?"
I answered immediately "Bella, Edward and I are taking nearly all the same classes, how could I not spend time with him?" I knew that was the right answer because Bella's face-hardened for a moment before said anything else to me. Nevertheless, it did not take long for her to recover for next she said.
"I don't mean just in class Lucie, I've seen you walking along with him before and after school and you've been at his house" Bella's voice had definitely gotten stronger now because she had nearly yelled the last part at me.
I took a deep breath and replied, "The only reason I've been at Edward's house Bella, is because Alice has been helping me with my homework and Alice and I are actually friends. I have every reason to go to my friend's house whenever I want. And I don't think I should have to justify myself to you!"
I was the one yelling now. But it wasn't my fault I mean Bella just made me angry I mean what would she do if I told her that I knew all about her feeling for Jacob Black how would she react to that.
I could she Bella's shoulder rise as she took a deep breath. I thought she had given up with the questions, so what she asked me next surprised me the most.
Her voice went back to being quiet as she asked me.
"Lucie, do you, do you have feelings for Edward ?"
I looked at her processing what she was asking me. Bella, Bella Swan as in Edward's girlfriend was asking me I liked him. I didn't know what to say to her I mean did I like Edward ? Did I really really like him? Was I possibly even falling in love with him? I didn't know or at least I didn't think I knew. I didn't know how to answer her, what was I supposed to say Bella I might be in lobe with your boyfriend but I don't really know. I'm sure Bella would love to hear that.
"Please, Lucie I just need to know the truth please don't try to spare my feelings" came Bella voice over my very loud and confusing thoughts. I decided to tell her exactly what I thought I mean what the worse that could happen?
I took a small; breath and looked at Bella's pale tear stained face her eyes were closed but her face still was creased with an emotion that I couldn't quite grasp. I answered as quietly as I could "Honestly, I don't know Bella truly I don't know how I feel right now I might be falling for Edward but right I can't tell you how I fell and anyway what does it matter"
It felt so wrong telling Bella of my deepest feelings, yet I still felt compelled to tell her the truth.
She did answer my question but cryptically, "It matters to me, that's all"
I did know what to do, we were just standing there in the empty corridor Bella opened her eyes "That's all I needed thanks for being honest with me Lucie, I probably don't deserve it after the way I talked to you" her voice now sounded bare and emotionless and she walked away leaving me alone and completely lost.
Lucie had told her exactly what I needed to know. Even if she had only told me she might be falling in love with Edward it was enough.
I didn't really have to ask her, it was obvious by the way she was acting that she was falling in love with him. She didn't act like all the other girls at our school who drooled over Edward, she actually talked to him and could get him to talk back. She could hold his attention for more than a minute. She could do everything that I could. My heart was beating so fast I could barely breathe, I took a quick look at my timetable to check which class I had next, and it was biology with Edward.
I decided I would act as if everything was normal. For the time being, I guess every thing was normal for every one except me. I sat in my usual seat waiting for Edward, he walked in two minutes after me. He smiled my favourite \simile and sat next to me. I was still irrevocably in love with him, that had not changed and I doubt it ever would. However, I knew that if he no longer loved me no matter my feelings I would let him go. Unlike the first time, I would not fall apart. But I was still hoping to god that my thoughts were just caused because of jealously or some other random human emotion. I didn't want Edward to leave, I didn't want to loose Alice or any of the other Cullens. For now I had to clear my thoughts and focus.
The lesson went on, I couldn't help looking at Edward every so often to check if he was looking at me. He never was, I told myself that I was paranoid but I could not shake the feeling that something was not right. Maybe it was nothing but I had to know. As Edward and I walked out of biology I decided to get him onto the topic of Lucie. "I think I want to be Lucie's friend, she seems really nice and she's so funny!" we sat down at our usual table, Alice was not there because she had gone shopping of course.
Edward smiled at me and said, "That's good Bella, I believe you to will be great friends. And your right she is sweet, funny and very pretty" I don't think Edward had noticed what he had just said but I definitely did not miss hear. I looked up at him a caught him looking Lucie's way. I was momentarily disorientated.
I smiled at Edward as best I could. My drama lessons must have helped because he did not notice my effort to make the smile genuine. "I'm going to go do some studying, I have a test after lunch and I seriously need to cram, I'll see you later Edward." He smiled, kissed my cheek and said to me sweetly " alright, love I'll meet you at the end of the day" I responded quickly "actually Angela wants my help with something so I'll go home with her." I was surprised how easily I could lie to him. He nodded as I got up and left.
I got to the library and sat in a corner. My heart felt like it was going to burst. I was thinking about what I had just seen. It wasn't what Edward had said that bothered me the most, it was the way he looked at her. While I was sitting beside him he was looking at her with love in his eyes.
The school day ended, I had asked Angela to drop me home she did so without question, which I really appreciated. Charlie had been staying with Sue for this week so I didn't need to cook for him. As soon as Angela's car was gone I got into my truck and drove to La Push. I did not intend to go to see Jacob, just to getting inside the Quilute border to first beach.
I knew what I had to do. It was at this moment I was grateful that Alice had been having incorrect visions because if she had seen what I was thinking about she would have told Edward. I sat in my truck thinking about everything, Edward, the Cullens, Charlie and how much my life had changed since Lucie had come to Forks. I think it was at this point I came to my final discission.
I would leave Edward.
No matter how much I loved and needed him, I could not burden him with my feelings, when I could see his love for another beginning to form. But what would I say to him? How could I tell Edward I wanted him to be happy with someone other than me? I could feel the tears falling down my face. I hadn't realized I was crying until now. I started my trucks engine and drove home. I don't really know why I had come to first beach, maybe it symbolized the time when I learnt what Edward was so therefore I was compelled to come back here to symbolize the end of things.
When I arrived home I went straight to my bedroom. I packed everything I could think of and needed. I did not intend to return here. I only had to do a few more things, the first was ringing my mum, Renee the second was to leave a letter for Charlie. I rang Renee and told her that I would love to come see her for the weekend and how I had a ticket from my 18th birthday still to use. Of course and to my relief Renee didn't question me once, for all she knew Charlie had been the one to suggest my trip. Now I came to the harder task, I thought I would be easier not to tell him the truth just yet. I sat down at the old desk and wrote.
I've gone to see Renee.
Sorry I didn't tell you please don't worry about me. If Edward rings please tell him I'm in Phoenix.
I love to so much dad. I hope you know I really appreciate everything you've done for me.
Hope to see you soon,
Lots of love Bella
When I had finished my letter, I packed all my bags into my truck. I knew I could not leave without telling Edward everything I had been thinking and feeling over the past few weeks. I climbed into my truck and headed down the all too familiar route to the Cullens home.
I was slightly comforted to know that only Edward would be there, at least I wouldn't have to say goodbye to the others as well. As I pulled up Edward came to the door. He had a pleasantly surprised look in his face. He greeted me as usual. A kiss on the cheek and a beautiful hello. "What are you doing here love" Edward asked sweetly. I could not lie to him and say that I just wanted to see him, I had to get right to the point.
"Edward, I need to talk to you about something," I told him. He led me to his bedroom and I sat on his couch. "What's worrying you love?" he asked in his velvety voice. I could not look at him, my voice became a whisper "I have to leave Edward." I could not manage to say anything else. Edward look at me confused, he did not understand what I was saying "What are you talking about, Bella?" he sounded slightly agitated.
"I have to leave because I want you to be happy Edward, I do not want to make myself into your burden. I want you to spend your forever with someone who can truly make you happy. I feel like I can no longer that person." I was fighting back the tears, I did not want to cry not now. Edward looked at me and whispered carefully "What makes you think I don't want to spend forever with you? Is this why you have been so quiet? Why you aren't as happy anymore ? Why you do not respond to my kisses the same way? Bella please tell me, are you doing this because there is someone else ?"
I knew Edward was referring to Jacob and the events that happened last year, but Jacob had nothing to do with my decision. I looked at Edward, "No, Edward there isn't anyone else not for me anyway." Edward did not miss m meaning. He retorted quickly "What are you talking about Bella, you know that you are the only one for me, how could you think such a thing?" his voice sounded hurt but I could not let that stop what I had to do.
"How could I not think that Edward. Have you even seen the way you act around Lucie?" I could no longer fight the tears, I let them roll freely down my cheeks. Edward looked stunned as if he was thinking of the past, so I went on.
"If you could see yourself Edward you probably would not be questioning me right now. The reason I'm leaving is that I don't want to get my heart broken!" I took a breath and continued "Don't you understand, even if you and Lucie won't admit it I can see you falling in love with each other and every day I see the to of you talking together or looking at each other it breaks my heart. I've already let you break my heart once Edward and I forgave you. But I will not just stay here and watch you fall in love with her. I can't."
I was breathing heavily now, my voice was horse and broken. Edward was looking at the floor, but he brought his eyes back to mine once I finished talking. He whispered, "I'm so sorry Bella I never realized just what I was feeling. I don't recognize human feeling very well, I guess I didn't realize that my feelings for you had changed. I still love please do not doubt that I love you. I guess that the love just isn't as strong.
I nodded weakly, and began again "I don't blame you Edward I just need you to understand I can't stay here with you, no matter how much I love you. But I don't want you to feel guilty I want you to be happy and move on maybe even with Lucie. Just do whatever you need to, to ensure you are happy" I let the last of my tears fall. I got up and hugged Edward on last time. "Thank you" said Edward "For seeing the things I was to blind to see, I will miss you no matter what you think I will"
He walked me to my truck and gave me I final kiss goodbye, I knew I probably would never see him again yet I still had a tiny hope that I would "We will meet again Bella" Edward told me.
And with that I drove away leaving my heart, my everything behind.
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