Me: ok, I have 11 YES and 3 NO to Szayel being pregnant. He will be pregnant! ^^ it's just so fun to make guys suffer the way a woman does. But hey, Nnoitra may freak out but at least he could kill anyone that tries to hurt Szayel. Makes him happy. Anyway, enjoy the new chapter and sorry it took so long! ^^

I'm also going to put locations down whenever I change scenes so no one gets confused about where people are. Okay? No one said anything about it, but it just makes sense to me.

And in case anyone gets curious about something later on in this chapter, I just wanna make things clear. Hollows are souls that have lost their hearts, right? (Kind of like a Nobody! Or a Heartless seeing as Hollows feed off of other Hollows and such (was playing Kingdom hearts earlier)). So if Hollow have lost their hearts due to Hollowfication (I think they did, trying to remember here), then Arrancars don't have hearts either. Right? Don't Hollows lose their hearts? I thought they do. O well, in this story, they do! XP

Disclaimer: no, don't own Bleach. I own Ulqui's twins and Szayel's baby, no one else.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

With a nearly silent yawn, Ulquiorra woke and blinked his eyes a couple times to clear out his vision. He noticed Grimmjow was right behind him with the Sexta's arms around his pale waist. Ichigo was laying in front of him with one arm under his head and his nose buried into Ulquiorra's black hair.

Normally, he wouldn't squirm, but he did need to get up and get some food. He was starving! So he did squirm just this once to get out of Grimmjow's arms and from between his two mates. As soon as he was free from them, he slipped on his white trench coat (glad to see that his pants were still on because one never really knows with Grimmjow) and headed out the door with one last smirk towards the other two still sleeping soundly on the bed.

The halls were deserted and quite, then again, not many Arrancar entered the Espada's area. They were the Elite while the others were just trash. The Espada area was its own large building with one floor for each Espada and their Fraccion or mates or whoever was with them. They even had their own kitchen every two floors so everyone else wouldn't have to travel far and if a fight broke out, there was always another place to eat and avoid.

The closest kitchen was actually on the floor he was currently occupying. It was also the most popular because it was always clean and always stocked. There was a kitchen on Stark's floor, but that was because he was too lazy to climb a few stairs. Another was on Harribel's, the floor that looked like it belongs to Egyptian princesses, which is normally why Harribel and her Fraccion are the only ones that go to that kitchen. Another was on the Fifth floor, Nnoitra's. Since it was mostly just Nnoitra and Tesla, occasionally Szayel on that floor, their kitchen was kept normal and had small amounts of food. Seventh floor had one, but it was always barren. And Aaroniero's kitchen on the ninth floor always reminded them of his zanpakuto and his abilities, making him the only one that eats there.

The last kitchen was on the eleventh floor, which was the floor that was recently built and proclaimed Ichigo's. Since Grimmjow and Ulquiorra became his mates, they spent a lot of time on the eleventh floor. Grimmjow made sure things were stocked enough since they always ate like a small army while Ulquiorra kept it clean. Ichigo tended to cook every now and again, which was another reason why the Eleventh Floor Kitchen was popular. Ichigo was an excellent cook despite his younger sister always cooking for him and his family.

So it was no surprise to him when he entered the kitchen on that floor and saw Szayel there with a cup of steaming liquid. The pink-haired Espada looked his way with a small smirk. "Hope you don't mind if I'm here for a while," he said.

"We've never minded before," Ulquiorra pointed out as he searched through the cabinets.

"If you're looking for the cinnamon, I put what little was left in my tea," he heard Szayel say. "Sorry."

Ulquiorra pouted slightly, something that made the Octava Espada raise an eyebrow. "I was wanting to get some ice cream and put cinnamon on it," he stated, still pouting then perking up and going through the cabinet again. "Wonder if there's any Dried Mince Onion."

"You're cravings are strange," Szayel commented, sipping at his tea.

"And putting cinnamon in your tea isn't strange?" Ulquiorra shot back with a glare.

The other froze for a moment then placed his cup back down. "I suppose it is," he agreed with a sigh, shrugging his shoulder gently.

Ulquiorra looked at him. "How long?" he asked.

"Not long, a week maybe," Szayel replied. "I haven't told Nnoitra yet. I was going to last night, but we got a little preoccupied."

"You mean you two got a little too deep into sex since you bought that leather outfit," Ulquiorra chuckled, almost laughing out loud at Szayel's bright red face.

"Shut up!" Szayel whined. "It's not my fault! You picked out the outfit!"

Ulquiorra shrugged. "You didn't have to get it," he argued playfully as he grabbed a container full of dried minced onions and then headed to the freezer. He opened it up and almost squealed happily when he saw the chocolate ice cream.

"But I thought it would make his reaction less…"

"Unexpected?" the Cuatro supplied as he took the half-filled tub of ice cream and sprinkled some minced onion on it. "Hm…needs something else…"

"I don't know how he would react to being a father," Szayel sighed, grabbing a thin straw before stirring his tea with it. "He ain't the most responsible Espada, after all."

"Neither is Grimmjow, but he reacted well to the idea of a child," Ulquiorra pointed out, going through the cabinets once again. "Ah-ha!" he declared, pulling out a jar. "Guacamole!"

Szayel shivered slightly. He was starting to worry about his own future cravings. Then again, maybe Ulquiorra's were a little stranger because he was carrying two children to tell him what they wanted him to eat while he only had one to worry about. Maybe his own food cravings wouldn't be as bad as Ulquiorra's were starting to get. "Well Grimmjow probably reacted well because he probably thought neither of the twins are his," the pink-haired Espada stated.

"He thought there was only one at that time," Ulquiorra commented, stuffing a spoon full of dried onion-sprinkled chocolate ice cream with a dab of guacamole on it.

"My comment remains the same." He looked down at his cup of tea before looking back up at Ulquiorra. "Is there any hot sauce in the cabinet?"

"Grimmjow adds hot sauce to practically everything he eats," Ulquiorra scoffed with a roll of his eyes. "We got a separate cabinet full of different types." To prove his point, he walked to the other side of the room and lazily opened one of the cabinet doors to reveal two shelves full of hot sauce. Szayel could almost feel his mouth watering.

Almost half an hour later, Grimmjow and Ichigo came into the kitchen, not really surprised to see Szayel. But they almost lost their appetite when they saw what the two Espada were eating. Szayel had a bowl of cereal filled with hot sauce with bits of hot mustard floating at the top of cereal bits. Ulquiorra looked like he was finishing off his third tub of ice cream (if the two empties ones by his chair were anything to go by). One would think it was harmless, but it had guacamole and minced onions and even bits of sushi mixed in it.

"What is going on here?" Ichigo unsurely asked, not wanting to anger the two. Sure he was stronger, but one was his mate and the other had a very violent and overprotective mate.

"Szayel's pregnant," Ulquiorra said through his stuffed mouth.

"Great," Grimmjow groaned, running a hand through his blue hair. "Just what we need. A Mini Nnoitra."

"Why do I suddenly feel insulted?" Szayel muttered under his breath.

Ulquiorra shook his head a couple times. "Because Grimmjow's that mean," he replied, waving his spoon between Szayel and Grimmjow.

Grimmjow just looked at him in confusion before shrugging and pulling out whatever he could find for breakfast. Ichigo elbowed him in the ribs, moving him over, then pulled out a box that the other three Espada recognized as the dried mixture he always used to make waffles. Didn't matter who was eating what, everyone wanted Ichigo's waffles, even if they were on different floors.

"So how far as you, Szayel?" Ichigo asked as he poured a couple cups of the dry mixture into a large glass bowl.

"Maybe a week," Szayel replied with a shrug. "I'm not sure."

"Told Nnoitra yet?" Ichigo asked.

"Was gonna," the pink-haired Espada replied. "Got distracted."

"With sex," Ulquiorra added, almost giggling at Szayel's bright red face that almost matched his hair.

"I hate you," Szayel growled at his superior.

"Hey!" they heard Nnoitra's voice yell from the hallway before he walked through the doorway. "Any of ya guys seen-Oh! Szayel, what the fuck, man? Disappearing like that!"

"I was hungry," Szayel said with a pout. "Why are you mad at me?"

Grimmjow and Ichigo both turned away from the nearly crumbling Quinta Espada, trying to hold in their snickers. Trust Szayel to make Nnoitra crumble like a dry cookie. There was no denying Szayel was the only one who could do it. Even Tesla couldn't get Nnoitra to crumble.

"Because I fucking wake up and you're fucking gone!" the one-eyed Espada exclaimed.

"You fuck when you wake up and are you accusing me of fucking when I'm gone from your bed?" Szayel snarled with a glare.

"Not what I meant and you know it!" Nnoitra growled. "Quit putting words into my mouth!"

"But it's such a big mouth!" Ulquiorra finally cracked up laughing, bent over the table. Grimmjow soon started laughing hysterically after him, unable to hold it in when he saw Nnoitra's shocked face. Ichigo just sighed and shook his head, looking towards his two laughing mates then to his one stunned friend and his stunned friend's giggling mate.

He sometimes spent times wondering why his life couldn't be normal. Why couldn't he just be a normal teenager with friends and a family with no special abilities? Then he spent time with his mates and Arrancar friends and realized something. This was his home. This was his life, despite not being normal in the eyes of most. This was his life and it was as normal as it was going to get.

Of course, if his Shinigami and Vaizard friends ever saw these kitchen scenes, they would probably wonder what was wrong with the world. After all, the Arrancar they faced before were vicious and bloodthirsty. There was no doubt that they were, but they only showed their sense of humor in Las Noches amongst friends. Among those they considered family.

"I demand you take that back right now!" Nnoitra yelled.

"You're Fifth and I'm Fourth!" Ulquiorra pointed out, sticking his tongue out at the Quinta. "I don't have to listen to you!"

Even if they got into very strange arguments.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-Urahara Shouten-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

"Why should we wait only three days?!" Rukia suddenly yelled while the others were talking about battle strategies in case Aizen sent any Arrancar their way.

"What are you talking about, Rukia?" Renji asked.

"The So-taichou said we should wait three days until we bring Ichigo back," she replied. "Why three days? Why can't we go now?! For all we know, Aizen has him and is trying to poison his mind to fight against us!"

"Kurosaki isn't like that," Hitsugaya pointed out. "You have known him longer than we have. You should realize that he won't listen to anyone. He defies orders all the time. He won't listen to Aizen."

"Almost everyone of high rank are Ichigo's friends, Rukia," Matsumoto placated the smaller Shinigami. "He has so many people he cares for in Seireitei, and he has his family and even more friends here in the World of the Living. I bet right now, the taichous and fukutaichous in Seireitei are trying to figure out what they can do to bring him back as soon as they possibly can."

"It's only been one day so far, Rukia," Renji stated with a wave of his hand. "Just a couple more days. If he isn't back by then, we'll go to Hueco Mundo and drag his ass back here."

"It won't be that easy," Urahara sighed, tilting his favorite hat down slightly. "You guys said two of Aizen's Espada are Ichigo's mates. If we do managed to drag Ichigo back here, his mates won't be very happy about it. And you don't want to make an Arrancar mate angry. They tend to get very violent."

"But still, why wait for three days?" the young Kuchiki asked with pleading eyes.

"So-taichou's orders," Ikkaku said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Look, if Ichigo is still our friend, he would probably be back before then. He'll also tell us what the hell is going on. Probably."

"Ikkaku's right," Yumichika sighed with a shrug of his shoulders. "Ichigo will come back, Rukia. There's no denying it. He isn't one to leave everybody in the dark."

Rukia exhaled gently. "I suppose so," she said. "But it doesn't feel right."

"Not many things do," Urahara stated. "But the most we can do is wait for him and plan for any possible attacks."

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-Las Noches Espada Tower: Eleventh Floor Kitchen-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

"You're what?" Nnoitra asked with raised eyebrows and a wide eye.

"Pregnant," Szayel repeated slowly, speaking as if his mate was an incompetent child before speaking quicker with more annoyance each sentence. "Bun in the oven? Carrying a baby? With child? You know! Pregnant!"

"I thought mood swings and weird cravings didn't start until a few more months down the road," Ichigo commented.

Ulquiorra smacked him on the back of his head. "Shut up," he warned.

Grimmjow leaned over to him and whispered, "I think those show up in Arrancar pregnancies earlier than humans."

"Obviously," Ichigo growled lightly at him.

"Don't fucking talk to me like I'm stupid!" Nnoitra yelled at his mate. "I know what 'pregnant' means!"

"Well if you know what it means, maybe you shouldn't stare into space like a dumbass inferior being!" Szayel shouted back. "Oh, wait! You are a dumbass inferior being with no sense of responsibility and with a fucking death wish!"

"Wonder if Szayel knows kids can hear everything when they're in the womb," Ichigo commented.

"Probably does but doesn't care," Grimmjow replied as Ulquiorra nodded with the spoon in his mouth.

"You calling me a dumbass?" Nnoitra snarled at Szayel. "You say I have no fucking responsibility and that I'm just an inferior being?! Well new flash, bitch! You are the fucking mate of an inferior being so what does that make you? Huh?"

"An idiot," Szayel growled. "There! I admitted it! I'm an idiot that thought maybe, just maybe, I could have a decent mate! Looks like I was fucking wrong! But hey, everyone makes mistakes. Mine's just one I can't deal with!"

"You can't deal with me, huh? Fine then! Fuck you, bitch!"

"You already did and that's why I'm like this!"

"I don't fucking care!"

"Exactly! You don't care if I'm pregnant or not! All you want is fucking sex!"

"Never hear you complain, whore," Nnoitra said lowly before Szayel slapped his face.

"How dare you call me a whore!" the pink-haired Espada hissed before pushing past Nnoitra and heading out the door. "I fucking hate you!"

"Fine! Fucking leave!" Nnoitra yelled at him.

"I lost count of how many times they said 'fuck'," Grimmjow stated as he looked at Ichigo, who just shrugged. (In case anyone is curious…they said it about ten times.)

"You know he's probably going to do something completely irrational, right?" Ulquiorra pointed out. "Or you just made him cry. Way to go, dumbass."

"You stay out of this!" Nnoitra hissed, pointing a finger towards his pregnant superior.

"Nnoitra, you just fucked up big time," Ichigo commented, getting to his feet so he could wash his now empty plate. "He's a bit more fragile now that's he's pregnant. I suggest getting him and calming him down before he hurts himself or aborts your kid."

"Aborts?" Nnoitra repeated.

"He basically kills it while it's still in early development or he removes it from his womb by force before it's ready, which does kill the baby," Ulquiorra said.

"He wouldn't do that," Nnoitra scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Know for a fact or you think?" Ichigo asked him.

Nnoitra looked at the ceiling for a second before groaning, "Shit!" He sonido'ed after his upset mate to stop him from doing something he would consider a real mistake.

Grimmjow pursed his lips slightly before popping them. "Well, I think someone is sleeping on the couch for a week," he stated.

Ulquiorra shook his head. "A month," he corrected.

"How would you know?" the Sexta asked.

"Because if either of you two said something like that to me, I would make you both sleep on the couch for a month," he replied with narrowed eyes. "And if either of you try to get back in the bed, I would just kick you both out after kneeing you both in the balls."

Ichigo and Grimmjow paled drastically. They knew it was a threat their small mate would keep. "We better watch what we say around him," Ichigo whispered to the Sexta. "If Szayel got that pissed that quick, who knows what could set Ulquiorra off!"

"Ulqui's calmer than Szayel," Grimmjow argued in a whisper.

"But Ulqui's pregnant with twins! Szayel just got one!"

"Good point."

"I can hear you two," Ulquiorra sighed with a roll of his eyes.

"No you can't," Grimmjow quickly said.

"Are you calling me deaf now?" Ulquiorra asked with narrowed eye.

"No," Ichigo replied, covering Grimmjow's mouth. "Grimm's just being stupid." He could see the Sexta glaring at him from the corner of his eyes.

Ulquiorra gave a low hum before getting to his feet and leaving the kitchen. As soon as he was in the hallway, he smirked. This might actually be fun, if it weren't for the cravings, mood swings, and getting fat. With that thought now back in his mind, his smirk fell into a pout. He didn't want to get fat…

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-Szayel's Lab-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

"Szayel-sama!" his two bouncy Fraccion cried out when he entered the room. He grabbed one by the head and threw him over his shoulder. He really didn't feel like dealing with those idiots. He often thought to himself why he made his medicine a living creature, but passed it off as one of his mad scientist moments.

"Stupid Nnoitra," Szayel grumbled as he dropped into a chair at the table where his latest experiment was. "Why does he have to be such an ass about it?!"

"Szayel-sama?" the twin of the Fraccion he threw spoke uneasily.

"Leave me alone," Szayel growled at him before all his Fraccion in the room left without hesitation. He sighed heavily, placing a hand on his stomach. "Hopefully you, little one, won't turn out to be an ass like your father."

"I take offense to that!" he heard his mate shout, making Szayel jump in surprise.

He growled lowly in his throat. If he still had his heart, he would have heart attacks regularly because of Nnoitra's habit of popping up out of nowhere! "What do you want?" he snarled at his much taller and stronger mate, though not turning around to face him.

Nnoitra brushed it off. He knew Szayel wouldn't hurt him. Not only was Szayel weaker than him, but they were also mates. Arrancars that have mates can't hurt their mate, no matter what their mate was. It was the Golden Rule to Arrancars. Strange though since Hollows had a tendency to eat their own mates. "I wanted to apologize," he grumbled, kicking the floor. Apologizing wasn't his thing.

He fought through everything. That was his way.

He had to fight for the spot of the Quinta Espada. He couldn't beat Ulquiorra, it was a lost cause trying to beat him. He hated being under a female like Halibel, but if he couldn't beat Ulquiorra, he couldn't beat Halibel. Didn't mean he didn't try, though.

Another thing he had to fight for was Szayel. He was nearly impossible to get. Szayel was picky about his lovers. They had to prove themselves to him. Many would think that Szayel and his mind were a put-off, but Nnoitra really did love the sadistic things Szayel tended to think of and do. It took him two months to prove to Szayel he was enough to be his lover before they became mates.

Now here he was, trying to fight to get his mate to forgive him by the only way he could think of: apologizing. He didn't know what he would try next if Szayel rejected. He could always try and do what Ichigo does to get Ulquiorra to forgive him after they fight. Though chocolate was always a passion for the Fourth, it wasn't for the Eighth. He preferred new test subjects he couldn't get his hands on easily.

Szayel let out a low hum, placing his finger on his chin. He probably overreacted back in the kitchen. He did kind of just 'drop the bomb' (as human say) on his mate. He wanted to tell Nnoitra in a different way other than Ulquiorra asking him what he was going to name the baby if it was a boy. He wanted to tell him in some way other than Nnoitra looking at him strangely and ask what their superior was talking about then just say "I'm pregnant". Not how he wanted to tell his mate.

"If you actually say it, I'll accept it," he stated with a smirk. He just wanted to annoy his mate for a little while longer. If there was one thing Nnoitra was, he was prideful. He rarely wanted to apologize and actually say 'I'm sorry'. He only did once when he threw a fit and destroyed half of Szayel's lab, thankfully the half that had nothing important going on.

His smirk grew a little at Nnoitra's tight lips before the taller Arrancar sighed. "I'm sorry," he grumbled almost incoherently.

Szayel heard it, but he wanted to mess around a little more. "What did you say?" he asked. "I didn't quite hear it."

"Sorry," Nnoitra grumbled under his breath again.

"Still didn't hear you, love," he stated with a grin.

"I'm fucking sorry, alright?!" his mate finally yelled out. "Want me to go stand on top of Las Noches and yell it out for all of Hueco Mundo to hear?! I fucking will!"

"You'll scare everyone if you did that," Szayel commented, finally turning around in his chair. "Of course it would be quite amusing." Nnoitra glared at him, which only earned a few nearly quiet chuckles from the smaller Espada. "I actually wanted to tell you last night, but didn't get the chance."

"Was it why you asked that question?" the Quinta said, sitting in the chair next to Szayel. "That 'ever feel like there's something wrong with the world' question?"

"Sorta," Szayel replied, placing his cheek on top of his palm. "I just had a feeling that something was going on. But I was planning to tell you about the baby last night, but things got a little out of hand."

Nnoitra hummed before reaching over and pulling the pink-haired Espada from his chair and onto his lap. He placed his chin on the crown of Szayel's head with his arms wrapped around his mate's waist. Szayel nuzzled his chest gently, leading one of Nnoitra's hands to his stomach. "That it in there, huh?" he asked.

"Yes," Szayel replied. "Do you want a boy or girl?"

"Don't care," Nnoitra said with a shrug.

"Names then? I need help on that."

"Anya if a girl, and Diablo if a boy," Nnoitra said with a smirk, feeling Szayel shake his head slowly. "What?"

"I don't have a problem with the girl name, but Diablo?"

"It's badass! And will strike fear into whoever hears it!"

"We are not naming our son Diablo."

"Damn."

Szayel thought for a second. "How about Ramses?"

"After an Egyptian? How is it better than Diablo?"

"I think it's much better than Diablo."

"No, Diablo's better," Nnoitra scoffed.

"But I like Ramses."

Nnoitra looked down at his mate to see him pouting, but didn't falter. "Diablo."

"Ramses."

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Me: well that's one way to end the chapter. I think this was one of my more humorous chapters I ever wrote. Anyway, I got one more thing to ask of you readers. Do you like the names I picked out?

First off, should Ulquiorra have twin boys, twin girls, or one of each? I will need help with names, no matter the choice. I can't think of anything other than one name and it's for a girl. But if you all decided for him to have twin girls, I need help with another name. If you want him to have a boy (either one of two) I will need help with the naming as well. If one, if not both, is a girl, I wanna name her Masaki after Ichi's mother. Sound good?

Second, should Szayel have a boy or a girl? If he has a boy, should I name him Diablo or Ramses or something else? If something else, please tell me what you would like his name to be and I'll put it up to vote. If he has a girl, do you like the name Anya? Again, if not, please tell me what you would prefer and I will put it up to vote.

Review!