Disclaimer: Don't own it never have.
Author's Note: Bemylullaby here! Sorry for the short delay..it's been crazy lately...and I'm tired.
"Cause we are broken
What must we do to restore our innocence
And all the promise we adored
Give us life again cause we just wanna be whole
Lock the doors cause I'd like to capture this voice
That came to me tonight
So everyone will have a choice
And under red lights
I'll show myself it wasn't forged
We're at war... We live like this"
-We Are Broken by Paramore
When I pulled up to my house, I saw the shadow of someone sitting on the front porch steps.
"Jake, is that you?" I called out, stepping out of the car.
"Yeah, it's me." Jacob got up, running towards me to help with packages in my hands. "I thought I'd surprise you and be here when you got home."
Jacob leaned down, pressing a kiss to my cheek.
"Why were you sitting outside? You know just as well as I do that Charlie would've let you wait inside. I would've been just as surprised."
"Charlie's down with Billy at the Ateara's. He offered to give me his key, but I told him it'd be alright."
When we got to the door, I quickly opened it letting Jacob walk in first.
"How was Christmas with the...Cullens?" Jacob asked as he set the packages in his hands down on the floor. It didn't pass me that Jacob had trouble talking about the Cullens and honestly I could tell by the look on his face that he was just trying to be supportive.
"Eh..." I sighed.
"What's wrong?" I felt Jacob's arms wrap around me.
You proposed, I said yes, Edward's angry, I disappointed everyone. What else could go wrong?
"Nothing, it was just eventful. And that's to say the least."
"Do you wanna talk about it? You know I'm here for you, if you need it."
"Yeah, I know. I'd rather just leave it be." I started walking towards the stairs. "You staying?"
"Yeah." Jacob followed me up the stairs and into the room.
Quietly I got ready for bed, Jacob kicking his shoes off and laid down on my bed. When I laid down next to him, immediately he wrapped his arms around my body, pulling him close to me. This was exactly what I needed. Tonight had been interesting to say the least and right now all I wanted was to know that at least someone cared.
The rest of the trip home went by in a dizzy whirl. I spent New Year's Eve, counting down with Jacob at Paul and Rachel's, with the "younger" crowd. I hadn't heard from anybody since I left the Cullen's house the day after Christmas. Frankly, I wasn't looking forward to going back to school. I knew things were going to get quite interesting, especially when it came to Edward.
When I walked into the kitchen of the dorm and dropped my bags on the floor, I noticed the living room was empty; the doors to the rooms were shut close. Was anyone even here?
"Hello? Anybody here?" My voice echoed through the walls.
After I got my things unpacked I decided it to curl up on the couch and read a little. It'd been awhile since I've actually been by myself, all by myself, that it was nice to just sit and relax. But it wasn't long until the front door was thrown open and the sounds of my roommates' laughter filled the room.
"Bella, you're home!" Alice exclaimed, leaving Jasper's side to pull me off the couch for a hug.
Alice gave me a polite smile, draping her arms around me. "How was your flight?"
"Just fine, thank you."
"I didn't know you were coming home today. I thought it was tomorrow."
"No, it was today," I said, glancing over at Edward who was the last one to walk in. I needed to talk to him, badly. When I left their house from the Christmas dinner I couldn't help but feel like things weren't on the greatest of terms between us. I mean it's not like I didn't understand, because I did. I could have potentially fucked things over between me and him.
Which really wasn't the plan in the first place. I needed Edward, like a bad habit.
"Hey, Edward," I called out as he passed me on the couch.
"Yeah, hey..." he mumbled, waving me off, heading straight for his room. He didn't give me a side glance or anything.
As he passed by I saw the hurt look on his face and a little bit of my heart broke off. Nothing could've prepared me for the look on his face. If only I had the chance to talk to him before I got to the house, maybe things would've worked themselves out a little better. It didn't help that Alice flat out called me out on the ring the moment she saw it. Maybe it was my fault. If I was a strong enough to just tell Jacob 'no' in the first place or tell Edward about it before hand, things might be different.
"Don't mind him, Iz. He's just a bit e-m-o at the moment. Let's see that rock of yours." Emmett walked over to me, grabbing my hand.
Emmett looked down at me. "Yeah?"
"How long as he been that grumpy?"
He laughed. "Since that Christmas dinner we had with you, Iz. Mom ripped him a new one right before we left. He spent the rest of his time moping around the house, it was depressing."
A month and a half had passed; things around the dorm weren't getting any better. Gradually as each week passed it was like the space between Edward and I was slowly getting bigger and bigger. The situation we put ourselves in soon became the giant elephant in the room and everyone saw it.
It was weird. If you wouldn't have known better, you might think that Edward and I didn't even know each other. We awkwardly danced around each other in the dorm, avoiding each other at all costs. I hadn't tried to talk to him, since the last time, and that didn't go so well....
"Edward, I need to talk to you," I said, pushing myself off the brick wall I was leaning on. I had been waiting for Edward to get out of his class, in hopes to catch him and talk to him, get things cleared up.
He turned around at the mention of his name, but quickly turned back when he saw me. "I need to get to my next class."
"Edward, please." I reached out to grab his wrist, but he just pulled away.
"Bella, I don't have time for your silly little games, I have to be responsible and go to class."
"Let me walk with you then. We can talk and walk, I need to talk to you. I want to explain it to you, Edward."
"Yeah, well news flash, Bella, it's too late. You had your chance to talk to me the morning before you came over. We talked for a good thirty minutes as you got dressed and did you mention Jacob and his stupid little token of his love once?" He gestured to the ring still sitting on my finger. "No, you didn't. So as far as I'm concerned, you don't care, so I don't either."
"I wanted to talk to you about it in person. This wasn't exactly one of those over the phone type of conversations, Edward. You and I both know that if I told you over the phone, it would've been the last time I talked to you and I wouldn't have gotten to explain myself."
Edward stopped dead in his tracks and turned around slowly. "A little warning would've been nice. A quick 'Hey, Edward, I need to talk to you about something' would've worked. You came over no warning whatsoever. Dammit, Bella when we talked on the phone you let me go off about the places I wanted to take you when we got back to school. You kept letting me get my hopes up only to crush them in seconds."
"Edward, please give me a chance to explain," I begged.
"No. I told you, as far as I'm concerned, you and me..." He gestured to the empty space between us. "…are over. You hurt me, Bella. I'm not gonna lie. I mean I knew it wasn't going to be easy for us, I was prepared for that. I wasn't prepared for this. Just stop trying to explain things to me or whatever. I don't care, I don't wanna know."
With that Edward turned back around and continued walking to class, leaving me standing alone in the middle of the walkway on the verge of tears.
Since then, Edward started bringing the girls around the dorm, playing mister emo and drawing away from the group, which only made me feel awkward, because Edward was my tie in to the group. Without him, I was just the outsider to their tight knit family, even if that wasn't the case.
The door to the boys' room opened and Edward stumbled out with a pretty little red head, with a perfect face, nice tits, round ass and a fake smile. They were laughing and joking around like they were best friends.
"Edward, thank you for lunch," she giggled as they walked towards the door. Edward didn't even so much notice that I was sitting in the living room. I watched as the red headed bimbo slipped her hand into the back pocket of Edward's jeans. I could've sworn she grabbed his ass. "I'm sorry I have to duck out so quickly. I've got to meet my Lucy and Lizzie for coffee before our sorority meeting."
"No problem, it was my pleasure. Thank you for dessert, Nettie." Edward leaned down pressing a kiss to her lips quickly.
This is how things were with Edward now. When he wasn't in class, doing homework or hanging out with Jasper and Emmett he was either one of two things...
One being "Emoward", as Emmett calls it, where he trudges around the dorm slamming doors, shuffling his feet. Pretty much it lets everyone know he's depressed, yet won't talk to anyone about it.
Second being "Whoreward", which was the work of Rosalie. This second being of Edward came about a week and a half after we got back from Washington, when Rosalie walked in on him and some girl in the living room rounding to third base. After that we made the rule of keeping all relations in the confines of the rooms.
Truth be told, Whoreward seemed to make more of an appearance nowadays.
I'm not gonna lie, I was jealous. Watching Edward parade with a different girl every couple days was making me want to strangle each and every one of them with the excuse of jealous rage, yet vomit in mouth thinking about all the things he was doing with them.
"Oh, hi," Alice said, walking in just as Nettie was walking out.
Nettie didn't even say anything and continued making out with Edward.
"Bella, can I talk to you in the room?" Alice said politely as she rolled her eyes.
"Yeah, sure." I set my book down and followed Alice into the room.
The moment the door shut, Alice started going off.
"What the hell is his problem?!"
"Alice, he's just being Whoreward, like he's been the past few weeks," I sighed, slumping down on the bed.
"Whoreward, Emoward, whatever. I'm fucking tired of these stupid games he's playing. I'm disgusted by the fact that my brother is picking up the local sorority pledges like it's some stupid game. I hate the fact that the two of you are skirting around each other like you don't even know one another. I'm over whatever stupid torrid love affair you two were having..."
I cut her off. There was no way that she needed to get her information confused. "Alice, Edward and I were having no such torrid love affair, as you call it."
"The hell you weren't! Tell me why is that my dear 'ol brother went into this deep emoward depression the moment he found out you were engaged? Why is that the moment you left the house in Forks, Edward locked himself in the music room only to bang away at that stupid piano of his? Why is it that when I tried talking to him about it he only mumbled under his breath. He mentioned you, him, Jacob and engaged, before brushing me off? Bella, what the hell is going on?!"
"Alice, think of it this way, Edward is just upset, plain and simple."
"Well, he needs to get un-upset and you two need to make up."
"I'm not apologizing for anything. He's the one that wouldn't let me explain myself."
"Well, have you tried?"
"Yeah, I did, first thing when I got back. All he did was yell at me, try to tell me I didn't care and walk away. Screw him, screw his stupid whoring ways, screw the fact that I thought I loved him..." My hand flew over my mouth the minute the words fell out of my mouth.
"Oh my god! That's what it is. Holy fucking shit, sorry for my language, Bella, but hell--why--what are you? Explain!"
"Alice, it's complicated. When Jacob asked me to marry him I couldn't exactly say no to him. He cornered me into a wall, asked with all of our family and friends around on Christmas for Christ's sake! I was gonna talk to him about it later, turn him down, but then Edward had to go get his panties in a bunch. Now, I'm actually glad I'm still engaged to Jake, he's amazing, he's my best friend and he, unlike other people, actually care about me."
"Bella, my brother cares."
"Not enough to give me five minutes to explain." I got up off the bed. "Listen, I don't wanna talk about this, about Edward, anymore. I'm going out for a walk or something. I need fresh air."
I opened the door, stumbling into the living room. There was one place where I knew I could go without being interrupted. Heading out the door, I journeyed up to the roof of the dorm.
When I got up there memories of the night Edward and I spent up here flooded my mind. The way I felt in his arms, the way it felt to be loved. Then everything from the past month and a half came tumbling down. The depressing glances I got from Edward, to the chipper phone calls from Jacob. Really, Jacob had been my saving grace, as he should be. If it wasn't for him, I might have gone insane down here.
I don't know how long I stayed up there, but it was long enough to watch the sun peak behind the building of the college, the sky turning a mixture of oranges and reds. When I got back to the dorm, the door to the boys' room was open and Edward was currently standing in the kitchen, in between the legs of another girl. Who did he think he was?
Walking over to the kitchen I got a good look at the girl who was contaminating my counter tops. I could've sworn I'd seen her before somewhere. She had deep brown hair, pulled up into a messy bun held together with chopsticks. She looked perfect, she looked...like Nettie.
Edward was currently feeding her strawberries in between her coy giggles. This girl was pathetic and I wondered if she knew her sister was just here not ten minutes ago.
"Excuse me." I pushed past Edward towards the fridge.
"You're excused," he spat back.
Opening the fridge door I grabbed a bottle of water and headed towards Edward and his brunette toy.
"Hi, I'm Bella, one of Edward's roommates." I extended my hand out towards her.
"Oh, hi!" she exclaimed, pushing Edward's strawberry filled hand away. "I'm Elizabeth, call me Lizzie."
"Great to meet you, Lizzie. You wouldn't happen to be related to Nettie would you? I swear she looks just like you."
"Oh that's my sister, how do you know her?" Lizzie questioned.
Edward groaned, snapping his head towards me.
"Bella," he mumbled under his breath.
What a fucking douche.
"Oh, I've had her in one of my classes. She's a great girl, right, Edward?" And with that I walked towards the door.
I could hear Lizzie question Edward about knowing her sister which he just replied with a simple, "How could I not know your sister?"
I had no idea what was wrong with me tonight. For some reason I couldn't go to sleep. All the thoughts that wound up in my head were going a mile a minute, flickers of the past few months flying by. It was like my brain was laughing at me taunting me with the memories of every touch, kiss, cuddle with Edward. Tossing over once more I decided that maybe I needed to get up and walk around, get something to drink maybe.
When I walked out the room, there was a faint moan coming from the couch.
"What the fuck?" I muttered under my breath. I couldn't believe the scene unfolding in front of me. The softly glow of the TV was just enough to shed light on the two figures doing god knows what on the couch.
At the sound of my voice a head cocked up from the couch.
"Edward!" a female voice exclaimed, frantic. "There's-"
"Doesn't matter, Lucy, go with it, pretend there's no one there," Edward grunted, cutting the blond underneath off with a deep kiss, as he kept thrusting into her.
The tightening feeling in my chest came back, I felt like there was a black out in the middle of my body sucking everything inside of it. It was getting harder and harder for me to breathe and I was struggling to keep the tears back.
Edward was with yet another girl, on our couch. I mean it was everyone's couch, but after all the time the two of us have spent on it, it's the center of...us. It was where we first connected.
At that moment in time I realized that no matter how Edward felt about me, we'd hit rock bottom. He can scream and slam doors all he wants, tell me he doesn't "care", fuck all the random girls he wants, but deep down I knew he cared. He was doing all those things to spite me. Well, I was going to take it anymore, I couldn't take it anymore.
I turned quickly back towards the room, rushing straight for my nightstand to grab my phone and ran into the bathroom. My eyes slid closed and my body collapsed against the door, as the tears began falling from my face.
It was over. I couldn't do it anymore.
Shakily my fingers dialed Jacob's number. I needed to talk to someone and he would have to be that someone.
"Hello?" His voice sounded groggy. "Bells?"
"Jake," I sobbed into the phone.
"Bella..." Jacob's voice perked up at the sound of my sobbing. "Bella, is everything okay? Are you okay?"
"Yeah, it's just, I..." The tears were falling down at an alarming rate.
"Bella, take deeps breaths, I can't understand you. You need to calm down, so I can help you. Are you okay? Are you hurt?"
I took a deep breath. "Yeah, I'm fine."
"Good, you had me worried there for a second. Now what seems to be the problem. Why are you calling me in the middle of night crying, babe?"
Why was I calling him? I couldn't very well tell him why I was really crying.
"I just missed you and, and...Jake?"
"Let's get married."
He laughed. "We are gonna get married, Bella. I asked you, you said yes. We're gonna wait until you're done with school-"
"No." I cut him off quickly. I needed to do this, now. If I didn't and things kept progressing the way they were I wasn't going to be able to deal with it. I was hoping that marrying Jacob as soon as possible would make things better. Or at least be the band-aid that made it feel better, the universal piece of duct tape that can fix anything. "Let's get married in the summer."
"Bella, what are you talking about? You said you wanted to wait, where is this all coming from?"
"Nowhere, I just can't stand to be away from you anymore. This summer, please, Jake?"
"Whatever you want, Bella, you can have. I don't want you to feel like I'm rushing you into anything."
"You're not. I mean why wait, we're gonna get married eventually. Why not do it now?"
"Okay, if that's what you want. Summertime it is..." Jacob's voice echoed in my head.
Please, God...make this work.
Go ahead don't resist the urge to kick Bella's ass...
Um, quick announcement...check out my profile (bemylullaby) for details regarding a new contest I'll be co-hosting.."Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy". I promise, it is going to be pretty damn amazing!
That's all I've got...ta!