Mario and Luigi vs the Fast Koopa Burglar

A short story

By Stephen Paget

(That's right, folks I'm a male fan fiction writer, and only about 25% of people who write fanfiction are males)

Thank you for choosing to read this story, before I begin this is not a "I don't believe Mario's last name is Mario" series of jokes which you might have read in my previous stories. In this story Mario and Luigi will just be referred to as well.....Mario and Luigi which I believe are their offical names in the games, no last names at all. So if you want jokes where I make fun of the Mario surname go read those stories, but I'm done with those. Click on my username to go read them.

In the Mario brothers home. Mario and Luigi sat around the table wondering want to eat tonight.

"Why don't I make my chiile con carne?" Mario suggested.

" offensive but your chille con carne sucks. Even Yoshi can't eat it and he eats all sorts of things which aren't even food." Luigi replied.

"Tchhh....cheeky bastard...he told me it tasted like farts." Mario sulked.

"Well..he's right! My the way how's he doing since he got back from the doctor?" Luigi asked

"He's doing all right. He's still having a tough time trying to take a shit." Mario giggled.

"Well that's what you get for eating rocks." Luigi replied joining in Mario's laughter. "I imagine they don't digest too well."

Mario snapped out of his laughter. "Well it still doesn't answer what we're gonna eat tonight."

"Why don't we just go to that new place? Fast Koopa Burger?" Luigi replied.

"Oh no! I don't like that place. That turtle clown guy they use for the adverts scares me." Mario shuddered.

Luigi raised an eyebrow. "You have a fear for clowns?"

"Hey even Super Mario has to have fears!" Mario looked down at his coffee.

"Oh c'mon the Wicked Bros* have been and they say it's great! They've got a huge playground for kids!"

*(The Wicked Bros is the team name for Wario and Waluigi. Play the Mario Party games if you want proof of this. They're not known as the Wario brothers.)

"Wario and Waluigi? The guys who have little to no taste in anything fancy? Yeah I'm really convinced" Mario said sarcastically.

"Well I'm going. You just stay here and make your chille con carne." Luigi said getting up.

"Oh all right....all right. Guess it couldn't be worse than risking your ass 24-7 for a princess who gives the worse poon tang ever and gets the worst person ever to carry out a heroic duty.I just mend pipes!"

"WORSE POON TANG!? MARIO!! UGGHHHH!! LANGUAGE! Grab your jacket and let's go!"

"I'm coming.....I'm coming......"

When the Marios arrived at the Koopa Burger. They found the police at the scene along with a lot of upset customers.

"What's going on?" Luigi asked one of the police officers.

"A man with a gun in a striped uniform came in and stole all the hamburgers." One of the police officers replied. "They call him the fast koopa burglar."

"I thought he was just an idiotic cartoon character that hang out with a stupid clown." Mario frowned.

"It would seem somebody watched a tad too many of those cartoons, and wanted to be like him." Luigi replied. "Well I think this is a case for the Mario Brothers!"

"Wrong!" Mario frowned.

"What's the matter? You love this kind of stuff!" Luigi turned to him.

"I did....but after the next 25 million starts to get dull." Mario sulked.

"Oh come on....don't just do it for adventure. Do it for Peach...she's one of the people who went throgh this horriflying experience!" Luigi pointed to Peach.

"Peach?.....Try again buddy....I haven't seen her for 3 weeks."


"I WAS SICK OF RESCUING HER! Plus it turns out she won't marry me because I'm not a prince."

"Gee I'm sorry to hear that...." Luigi looked down.

"Oh don't be like that. Besides I think I'll hunt down Pauline again." Mario pulled out a phone book from no where and opened it.

"Well...I'm going on the case anyway. One burglar can't be that terriflying for Luigi the detective!"

"Don't let me stop you. Besides I've heard you bitch in your sleep that you wish we could be called the Luigi Brothers."

"Oh I don't know. I've given heroic duties a second thought. Ever since Luigi's mansion, being so terriflyed I don't think I could ever go on another adventure again!"

"Well I ain't doing anything."

"Fine I'll do it!"

"Fine! You want me, I'll be looking up Pauline."

Luigi walked over to the police officers and asked for the details. He heard all the details that he wanted and heard that the koopa burglar had escaped at the back of the restaurant only half an hour ago. So he looked at the back of the restaurant and saw a huge path that lead into the woods. So Luigi thought he'd look there.

When he looked in the woods. He suddenly heard a huge wheezing and panting, this puzzled Luigi, so he tried to follow the trial to see where he came from. When he suddenly saw the most disgusting scene he ever saw in his life.

Lying against the tree was the fattest man Luigi had ever seen in his life, and he was OBESE! Infact his huge belly stuck out of his clothes and was wider than two sumo wrestlers cellotaped together. His face was just about purple and lying next to him were a huge pile of hamburgers. Luigi then saw that the fat man was wearing white and black striped clothes and was wearing a red tie with hamburgers on it. He figured this was the Koopa Burglar.

Luigi then remembered the Koopa Burger Land commercials that were on T.V. About how the Koopa Burglar would carry huge plates of about 20 or so hamburgers. And how he would carry huge sacks of hamburgers trying to escape Donald McKoopa the turtle clown.

Luigi snapped his fingers "Of course! With all these hamburgers that this burglar is stealing and eating. He would turn out to be an enourmous fat bastard!" He spoke loudly to himself.

" me." the burglar spoke "I can hardly walk."

"Oh don't worry." Luigi grinned. "I'll help you."

And so Luigi got the police to come and arrest the burglar and Luigi got his picture taken for the paper. The next day he sat around the table in the Mario Brothers home...loving his story in the front page.

"Yay!" He grinned. "I'm a hero!"

"Luigi!" Mario yelled "Be quiet, I'm talking to Pauline!"