Edward has been acting really strange since the night Jasper tried to eat me. Its like his mind is somewhere else but his body is with me. Let me tell you it annoys the heck out of me!
Edward was staring out my window laying on my bed in my room. I laid next to him not talking staring at the pale colored ceiling. Really bored.
"Edward, seriously what's wrong? You haven't been acting right for two weeks! Please tell me what's wrong!"
Finally Edward looked into my eyes and said, "I have to tell you something… but lets not do it here lets do it somewhere more private."
"Okay." I agreed.
He came to me with his vampire fast skills and before I knew what was happening to me I as in his iron hard arms.
"Let's go." He said already out the door of Charlie's house.
I squeezed my eyes shut. We were going WAY too fast for me and it made my brain bobble. I clenched my arms around him. Even though I knew he would NEVER hurt me, I was still a little afraid of falling off his arms.
"Where are we going?" I mumbled. I knew he could hear me.
"You'll know once we get there…" He sounded a little uneasy. I wondered what was wrong again.
In less than 20 seconds, it seemed, we were slowing down. I cracked my eyes open. I could see the fast world slowly coming to normal speed.
"We're here." He said.
We were at out meadow. Our beautiful meadow. The place where we put aside all the lies and we fell in love. The thought made me smile. He set me on my feet.
"Okay so what do you wanna' tell me?" I asked as we were walking to where the sunlight shined.
I sat down. And he followed. I watched his gorgeous skin sparkle to life. He held out his hand seeming to know that I wanted to touch it. I took it and traced the flickers of light.
"Bella, what I have to say is very important. I need you to just let me finish what I need to say before you make any comments. Okay?"
Hmm that was a little weird but, "Okay."
" I know you want to become a vampire. I know you want to be with me. And well I have a very big decision to make. And with your okay it will change both of our lives." He paused, "That night were Jasper… lost control, well it could have turned out much, much worse. Being around my family is just too dangerous for you. I don't want you to get hurt. And sooner or later you will. I couldn't live with myself if anything happened to you. So I have two options here. I could leave you or… I could change you. I don't want to leave you. And I don't think I even could. But I don't want to take your life either. That's way to selfish for me to do… I don't really know what to do, Bella."
Change me!? Yes! I never thought I would hear those words fall from his perfect lips.
"I want to stay with you forever, Edward. I love you. I know it may seem wrong taking my life, but this is my choice and I want you to change me. In fact lets change me now. I'm ready."
I looked into his eyes and I knew that we both could see inside each others soul. We loved each other. It was that simple. We were meant to be together, and that was that.
"Bella, You don't have to do it now. We could wait a few weeks."
"Yes, we have to do it now." I said. "I cant wait any longer. I want to be with you."
"But don't, you know, kind of want to say good-bye?" He said.
Then it hit me. My family. Renee' was fine. She had Phill. But Charlie… he had no one.
"Yes." Edward whispered. "You don't have to do it, Bella. We could-"
"No," I said suddenly determent, "I'm going to do it. Charlie will be fine."
My dad had lived alone for years. He did it once and he could do it again. If I left he wouldn't die over it, where if me and Edward ever parted I was sure I would.
The whole time I was still playing and holing his hand. It was so fascinating. When I would talk I would stare at his hands. It looked like I wasn't paying attention. But I was.
He lifted my chin up so I would look into his eyes. I figured it must have been important.
"Don't do this for me, Bella. Do what you want to do. This decision will change your whole life! Even end your life. What do you want?"
Silly Edward. This is what I wanted. It was okay to be afraid of what you want, as long as you're sure what you want is true. And what I wanted was true. I knew what I was doing and I was going to do it.
"Edward, can't you see? I'm doing this for me. You just get affected by it. Trust me this is what I want."
I smiled at him. He turned the corners of his lips up in return.
"Okay. As long as you're sure."
"I am. You know what?"
"What?" He asked.
"I know what we're going to do. You know, the plan for my disappearance."
"You do?" He said sarcastically.
"Yes. Once you change me I wont ever go back. Ill just leave a note saying that I'm sorry I had to leave. They'll search for me, but it will be as if I disappeared off the face of the earth. It will be better for everyone. It will be better for us."
"I guess that would work." He admitted. "But-"
"But nothing. It will work. Please trust me, Edward. This is what I want."
What we were doing may have seemed a little wrong… okay well a lot wrong. But this was how things were going to be. This was how things are.
I scooted closer too him. The sun was making me a little hot. Yes, even in Forks. It was nice having your own personal cooler next to you.
We both reclined to our backs on the grass. My eyes were closed and his arm was around me. Moments like this I wish would never end.
"Bella, these are you're last moments human. What do you want to do?" He asked softly.
I pondered that for a moment. How would I like to leave? I tried to think of things that I really wanted to do in life. All I wanted now was him. So shouldn't I finish my life (as a human anyway) with the thing I wanted the most? Him? I thought so…
I rolled over to my side and held my arms around him. He wondered what I was doing. I knew he did. I saw it in his face. But I continued anyway. My heart started screaming wildly. I knew he heard it and I knew he wondered what I was doing even more. But I still continued. I slowly placed my lips on his. And he kissed me back, but it was a kiss that was saying 'what are you doing? Well I'm still going to kiss you anyway.'
I broke the kiss and whispered, "I want you."
I put my lips on his again. He pulled away like I knew he would.
"Whoa, Bella. What are you doing?"
"I think you could guess what I'm doing." I said.
"Bella, Bella, Bella." He repeated my name. "I cannot do that. I'm already going to end your life out of selfish reasons and now you want me to do this to you? I can't do it! Not that I don't want to of course. But I might hurt you."
"Edward. We're breaking all the rules tonight. Why can't we break this one too? And who cares if you hurt me? I'm not going to have time to even feel the pain."
"It's just that… when I'm with you it's very hard to focus. I think that I might lose control."
"I trust you. I know you are strong. I know you can do this. Please, Edward? This is how I want to end things."
Suddenly we we're kissing. This wasn't like the kisses we had shared before. It was harder, stronger. It was better.