What I Really Meant To Say
It was a typical Monday evening. I had just gotten off work and was in the supermarket getting my weekly grocery shopping done. It was a good thing too, because my fridge was completely empty. Someone once told me never to shop for groceries while you're hungry and my cart was totally proof of that. It was almost full to the top. I was almost ready to check out when I had a sudden urge to get ice cream, Chocolate peanut butter to be exact. It was a strange craving but I decided to give in to it. So, I turned around and headed toward the ice cream aisle. I searched through the different favors, spotted Chocolate Peanut Butter, leaned down, picked it up, and when I looked up I nearly had a heart attack. Standing only a few feet away from me, holding a box of ice cream sandwiches, was Chase Matthews. He was staring at me. I looked him up and down. He was wearing a dark blue t-shirt and tan khaki shorts. His hair was as bushy as ever and he gave me a small crooked smile.
"Hello Zoey," Chase said with a little nod.
"Hi," I said. I set the ice cream in the cart.
"It's been awhile," Chase said.
I nodded. Why did I need to get ice cream? My mind screamed. Why?
"How've you been?" He asked.
"I've been great. You?" My eyes wandered to the ring on his finger and suddenly I felt ill.
"I've been pretty good. I'm working and stuff."
"Me too, me too," I nodded awkwardly.
Just as my mind was screaming "RETREAT!" Lola turned the corner.
"Hey, Chase, I found the horseradish!" she said pushing a cart. Then she spotted me. "Oh, hey Zoey!"
"Hi," I waved.
She moved away from the cart and took Chase's hand and then I saw it- her stomach.
"So how far along are you?" I asked hesitantly.
"About 7 months," Lola said with a smile.
"She had a craving for ice cream and horseradish," Chase stated.
"Right," Lola said. "He said he would run out and get the things I was craving himself but I decided to go with him. It's a good thing I did, Zoey. It's good seeing you."
"Yeah, it's good seeing you too," I couldn't take my eyes off of her wedding ring- it was round cut, with small diamonds around the band. It was beautiful. "So, do you know if it's a girl or a boy?"
"It's going to be a girl," Chase grinned.
"That's great. I'm sure she'll be beautiful."
"We already have a name picked out for her, Isabella Ann Matthews. Maybe we can get together or something after she's born," Lola suggested, patting her stomach.
"Sure," I said, knowing that that would never happen. "Well, I'd better get going. My ice cream is melting."
"Yeah, and we still need to get some swiss cheese," Chase said.
"Well, bye. Zoey it was good seeing you," Lola smiled. She and Chase walked away, hand in hand. I watched them, uneasy, and unsure of how exactly I felt. He kissed her and it felt someone had kicked me in the stomach, with force. Finally, I turned around and walked to the check out. Tears dripped down my face but I quickly wiped them away, causing my cheeks to burn. I stared into space as the clerk scanned all my items. I stared into space as I made my way to my red SUV and put the groceries in the truck. And I sat in my car, unable to drive. I sat there and thought of what I wanted to say, what I should have said, when he asked me how I was.
I'm still stuck in the past with you, with us. I'm miserable ALL THE TIME. I miss you more each day than before. I'm not as strong and as cool about this as I act. I wish it was me t hat you married. I wish I said yes when you proposed. I wish things were different. I was wrong.
I love you.
But, I couldn't say any of that. He was married now, married to Lola, who was pregnant with a little girl. I had to swallow my jealousy and my pride, and wait for my feelings for him to go away.
Because it wasn't proper for someone to be in love with a married guy. Even if that married guy was your former fiance and former best friend.
I took a deep breath after a good ten minutes of thinking and crying and recovering. Then I put the car in drive and went home. It was over. Plus, if I sat there any longer the ice cream was going to melt.
A/N: This was a random one that I whipped up today. I got the idea from a song called "What I Really Meant To Say" by Cyndi Thompson. It's a good song you should look it up.
Yeah I think I might be accepting the idea of "Chola" but "Choey" will alway reign. (At least in my opinion.) However, this fiction is not a reflection of that statement....