This is inspired by LitaE's Your Lips Aren't Lassiter's. I read it and thought: "Well, what if Shawn was just shocked, but not the bad shocked. Just wondering when Lassy picked up on his signs after giving none of his own." By the time Shawn pulled himself out of his mental musings, Lassy assumed he'd been rejected. Not so much the case. So, thank you Thank you THANK YOU to LitaE for posting your story and inspiring this what if.

Oh, I sooo don't own any of these characters. This is done for my amusement and hopefully yours.

A real psychic would have seen this coming two miles away. Since Shawn Spencer wasn't a real psychic, he rather thought he should be forgiven for not catching on faster. Or, you know, at all. The only good thing about the situation is that no one knew there was a situation. As far as everyone else was concerned Detective Lassiter was in a bad mood and avoiding Shawn. Even Buzz could put it together: Shawn did something stupid and pissed off the Head Detective and everything would be fine once Lassiter got over it. It was practically ritual by now, observed, documented and followed so strictly that any member of the SBPD could probably narrate it.

Shawn would piss off Lassiter, who would take it out on everybody. Shawn would show up, O'Hara would try to run interference and only succeed about half the time (less if Gus was there and the two flirted without trying to make it look like they were flirting) and Shawn would inevitably corner the Detective and offer him a pineapple smoothie as an apology. Lassiter would refuse it and Shawn would drink it. This went on for a few days before they were thrown together on a case and then all would be well again – Lassiter was always quite magnanimous once he had cuffed some bad guys.

Only Shawn knew that this time was different, that this time it was a situation. It had been a week and Shawn couldn't get Lassiter to talk to him at all. The Irishman seemed to go out of his way to ensure they were never left alone. Shawn personally thought locking the bathroom door was overkill because he would have to be desperate to talk to the Detective there. Shawn wasn't desperate. Really. Not the slightest bit. Which is why he was sneaking through the SBPD towards Lassiter's desk once Gus had given him the "All Clear" signal. Because he wasn't desperate. At all. He just really needed to talk to the Detective, to explain things to him and since Lassie wasn't talking to him this was the best he could do. Shawn's eyes darted around and he set the item in his hand down in the middle of Lassiter's desk, right on top of a case file. Gus was giving him frantic hand signals, so either Lassiter was returning or Gus just spotted a Hawaiian Leprechaun (which, unlike its Irish cousins, did not lead you to a pot of gold but to a pot of delicious pineapples). Either way, it was best if Shawn departed. The fake psychic met up with his best friend and the two turned to leave. "So...Where's the Hawaiian Leprechaun?"

"The what? Shawn, they don't exist."

"Dude, they so do! Remember that one we saw a while back? He was wearing that yellow shirt with flamingos and palm trees?"

"That was a midget Shawn!"

"Then why did he lead us to a pot of pineapples?"

"Because he worked in a fruit stand Shawn! It was not a pot of pineapples; it was a bushel which you made me pay for!"

"You remember things your way, I'll remember them mine, Cynic McSkeptic."

Their voices faded as they walked down the stairs and exited the building. Inside Head Detective Lassiter stood over his desk frowning. He looked around and upon seeing nothing and no one out of the ordinary, he returned his gaze to the object on his desk. "O'Hara, did you put this here?"

The blond Detective frowned slightly. "No, I was getting coffee while you were talking to the Chief." She looked at her partner's desk. "Besides, why would I give you a Dictionary?"

Detective Lassiter sat at his desk and picked up the book. It had a bunch of those little colored sticky tabs on it, each one numbered. A post it note was on the Dictionary cover. Read in Numerical Order it instructed him. Intrigued, the Irishman opened the book to the tab marked #1. An entry was highlighted.

v. shocked, shock·ing, shocks

To strike with great surprise and emotional disturbance.

To strike with disgust; offend.

To induce a state of physical shock in (a person).

To subject (an animal or person) to an electric shock.

The first definition was circled and a post it on the opposite page read What I was when you…(see #2)

Lassiter flipped to the second tab and read the highlighted entry.

v. kissed, kiss·ing, kiss·es


A caress or touch with the lips.

A slight or gentle touch.

A small piece of candy, especially of chocolate.

A drop cookie made of egg whites and sugar.

To dismiss or reject.

To be forced to give up or regard as lost

To leave or disappear from notice

Again, the first definition was circled and a post it read An act that usually requires…(do I really have to tell you to go to 3? Lassiter flipped to the third marker and read the bright yellow entry.


  /pɑrˌtɪsəˈpeɪʃən/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [pahr-tis-uh-pey-shuhn]



an act or instance of participating.


the fact of taking part, as in some action or attempt: participation in a celebration.


a sharing, as in benefits or profits: participation in a pension plan

Both the first and second definition were circled. The post it read Which you will have when we go on our first… Lassiter practically ripped the book in two to get to the fourth and last marked page and scanned eagerly for the highlighted entry.


/deɪt/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [deyt] Show IPA noun, verb, dat⋅ed, dat⋅ing.



a particular month, day, and year at which some event happened or will happen: July 4, 1776 was the date of the signing of the Declaration of Independence.


the day of the month: Is today's date the 7th or the 8th?


an inscription on a writing, coin, etc., that shows the time, or time and place, of writing, casting, delivery, etc.: a letter bearing the date January 16.


the time or period to which any event or thing belongs; period in general: at a late date.


the time during which anything lasts; duration: The pity is that childhood has so short a date.


an appointment for a particular time: They have a date with their accountant at ten o'clock.


a social appointment, engagement, or occasion arranged beforehand with another person: to go out on a date on Saturday night.


a person with whom one has such a social appointment or engagement: Can I bring a date to the party?


an engagement for an entertainer to perform.


dates, the birth and death dates, usually in years, of a person: Dante's dates are 1265 to 1321.

The seventh definition was circled and underneath it was another post it. Max and Irma's Friday night 8pm It wasn't signed, but Lassiter had only kissed one person lately. He leaned back in his chair. So…the whole non-response thing wasn't a rejection like he thought. The younger man was just extremely surprised. A smirk appeared on the Detective's face as he realized he had finally gotten on over on the so called psychic.

"So Carlton, we still good for video games with my nephews this weekend?" O'Hara's voice broke into his thoughts.

"Nope. Got plans."

"Oh yeah? What are you doing?" His partner looked at him questioningly, only to have her eyebrows shoot up at the predatory smile on Lassiter's face.

"Not much. Just a little…participation."