A/N: Sorry if this is boring, but this pairing is kinda hard to make funny seeing as how it's so darn SWEET..! *frumpy face* Anyway, I think I managed it pretty well. Enjoy.
The guy from the record company pounded angrily on his teen client's dressing room door. It had become impossible to drag that boy out of that room lately.
"Chip Skylark you open this door this instant!" the guy demanded, "You've got a photo shoot to do!"
"No." came the door-muffled reply.
"Come now, you've been drooling over that photo for hours! Again!"
"But Guy from the Record Company," Chip pleaded, "I'm in love..!"
The guy from the record company put his hands on his hips sighing, "Yes, yes, so you've only mentioned eighty bazillion times…"
"But my love is the sweetest, purest, coolest, cutest, most awesome person on the planet!" gushed Chip.
"So you've mentioned ninety bazillion times." groused the man from the record company.
"That's all?" dazed Chip. Inside his room he was cuddling a square framed picture, his face blocking the person it depicted.
In the hallway the guy from the record company sighed again, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Dumb teenagers and their dumb developing hormones…" he muttered to himself, and then more loudly proposed, "Alright, tell you what: you come out and do the photo shoot, and we'll go and visit your stupid love..!"
Chip gasped, "Really?!"
"Yes, just get out of there!" commanded the guy.
A piercing shriek of excitement exploded from the dressing room, and Chip burst from it, grabbing the guy from the record company under his arm as he flew down the hall.
"Hold on, stupid love of my life!" Chip beamed as he ran, "Chip Skylark is on his way!" He caught the glare the guy from the record company was giving him. "…right after he finishes looking fabulous!" finished Chip.
Back in his room, the camera faded slowly closer and closer to the picture now sitting on Chip's table. One final fade brought the field of vision close enough to see that the photo was of none other than…Timmy Turner. A dramatic music sting rang throughout the room.
Timmy Turner, meanwhile, was waking up to a bright sunny morning shining through his window. He sat up, revealing bed head that would make you scream, yawned and stretched.
"Ah, just another laaazy Sunday morning…" Timmy smiled. His fish poofed themselves out of their fishbowl and turned into Cosmo and Wanda, who returned the smile.
"And a glorious one too, I might add." said Wanda, glancing out the window.
"I might add," input Cosmo, punching away at a calculator, "Or I might subtract. But it doesn't really matter, 'cause I can't do either!"
Timmy laughed. Cosmo and Wanda magicked him out of bed and into his clothes. It took a few tries, but they also rid him of his bed head.
"So, sport, what would you like to do today?" questioned Wanda.
Just then Timmy's door slammed open, revealing several scary looking men in dark suits.
"Ahhh! Hide from scary suit guys!" Timmy answered Wanda, and he dove beneath his bed.
A grunting came from the midst of the men in the doorway, and a moment later Chip had pushed his way through them and landed front first on the floor. "Hey, Timmy..!" he greeted. Cosmo and Wanda instantly reverted to fish form.
Timmy peeked out from under the bed. "Chip Skylark?" he questioned, coming out of his hiding spot, "What are you doing in my bedroom?"
Chip flipped himself into an upright position and closed the door. "Sorry to barge in like this," he told Timmy, "But this just happens to be when the guy from the record company let me come. Y'see I've kinda been laxing on some of my teen idol stuff lately," Here he rubbed his neck guiltily, "I just couldn't concentrate! And today he couldn't take it anymore, so he let me come see you."
"Okaaaay," Timmy rolled, "But that still doesn't really answer the question…"
"Oh, I'm sorry," Chip apologized, "I'm just so excited. Anyway, I wanted to come see you so I could tell you that I love you..!"
Timmy's eyes widened. Behind him, his fish's eyes did the same.
"What?? Love?" Timmy exclaimed, "How can you possibly love me?!"
"How could I possibly not?" countered Chip, "You're the only person who doesn't like me for my looks or my money; you like me for the nice guy I am. And you actually took the time to listen to me and find out I was one in the first place. You're totally awesome..! Don't tell me you don't feel something too."
Timmy took a break from staring dumbly to say, "…Curse my niceness! Uh, I mean, ok, I admit that I really really like you. A lot. But love? Dude, you're like, twice my age! And a dude!"
"Ha ha, no Timmy, I'm only 8/5ths your age!" corrected Chip, "And being a dude has nothing to do with love."
Timmy's door burst open again, revealing Timmy's parents, who were decked out in their Chip Skylark-worshiping outfits. In the hallway, the men in the dark suits were strewn about, nursing lumps and other injuries.
"I knew there had to be a reason all these buff record company body guards were in our house!" announced Dad.
"Chip Skylark..!" swooned Mom.
"Hi Mr. and Mrs. Turner," greeted Chip. He held up Timmy. "I was just telling your son how totally in love with him I am. But I suppose I should have gotten your approval first. Sorry." He shrugged, flashing them a toothy grin. "Can I have your permission to date him?"
"Sure!" both of them responded instantly.
"What??" Timmy exclaimed for the second time, "Hello! He's twice my age!"
"Nonsense!" Mom replied to him, "He's 8/5ths your age. Ten years plus 3/5ths of that or six years equals sixteen."
"Yeah, and besides," added Dad, "If you two get married then Chip Skylark will be our son-in-law! That's almost as good as having him as a real son!"
"And this' as close as we'll get to that." beamed Mom.
"So you two enjoy whatever awkward discussion you were having in here," Dad said as they stepped out the door, "We're off to go tell everybody!" He popped back in for a second. "Especially Dinkleberg!" he exclaimed, and then they were gone.
Not an instant after they left, a swarm of media members and police officers surrounded the house. Timmy and Chip looked out at them from the window.
"Mr. Skylark!" a lady reporter inquired, "Is it true that you have just asked a ten year old boy to be your boyfriend?"
"And if you have, may I remind you that it is illegal for a legal teenager to date non-legal teenagers." chipped in a cop.
"Oh no!" exclaimed Chip, "I hadn't thought of that..!"
Timmy watched him bite his nails, and then looked over to his fish. He made a decision.
"I may not love Chip," Timmy told no one in particular, "But I don't want him to get in trouble either. And if I'm stuck being his boyfriend, then I don't want to do it from a jail cell. I wish I was sixteen!"
Cosmo and Wanda shared an unsure look, but raised their wands and granted the wish.
Timmy stretched, becoming slightly more proportional with his head. His body grew until he was roughly the same height as the teen fretting beside him. Stumbling slightly due to his new legs, he leaned out of his window.
"Behold!" he called to the gathered people below, "It is I, Timmy Turner! Chip Skylark's unofficial official boyfriend! Note how not ten years old I am!"
The crowd noted, and then slowly dispersed, muttering to itself about not getting a scandal and not getting to arrest anyone.
Chip watched as the crowd left, and then looked at Timmy shining heroically in the window.
"Wow, thanks Timmy!" Chip gushed, but then puzzled, "But how on Earth did you manage to grow like that?"
"Uhhh," Timmy cast around for an explanation, "Sudden, freak burst of hormones?"
"Cool." Chip accepted it, and flashed him a dazzling smile.
Timmy felt funny. He looked down at his gut, where wiggly lines indicated this. "What the…" he wondered. He looked back at Chip. The teenager was surrounded by a glowing backlight, and blinking in a heavy slow motion as he continued to smile at Timmy. Timmy felt himself getting weak-kneed. His lips shook, then began to bring themselves upward into a dreamy smile.
"Ahh!" Suddenly Timmy snapped out of it. He rushed to his fishbowl.
Stressed, he said to the fish inside, "Cosmo! Wanda! What's happening to me? Suddenly I'm finding Chip ridiculously attractive!"
"That'd be the hormones, sweetie," Wanda informed, "That's what they do. They make you grow hair in funny places and fall in love with people."
"And pimples! Don't forget pimples!" said Cosmo cheerfully, waving his wand and making several appear on his face.
"Are you telling me that I'm actually falling for Chip Skylark?!" Timmy demanded, completely ignoring Cosmo.
"That'd be the gist of it," Wanda confirmed, "Your newly awakened pituitary gland must be telling you that you liked him all along."
"All along?" repeated Timmy, "You mean you guys think I have hidden feelings for him too?"
"How could you not?" asked Cosmo, "That teen is de-licious! M-m-mm!"
Timmy was about to bite back with a retort, but just then Chip cut in by saying, "Hey Timmy, I don't mean to interrupt, but how would you like to stop talking to your fish and go do something?"
Timmy looked over at him. He then fought the hormonal urges to swoon. "Must…not…give in…to…charms…of…not…delicious…teen singing sensation…Chip Skylark…" he stammered to himself as he twitched with the efforts of the battle.
He lost. "Ok!" he perked, and adhered to Chip's arm in a flash. "Let's spend the whole day together doing romantic teenager stuff!"
"Now you're talking..!" hailed Chip, and the two exited the premises.
"Oh, I was worried this might happen," Wanda said when they were gone, "Come on. We'd better follow them and make sure Timmy doesn't overindulge. He is only ten under the magic after all."
"Just another laaazy Sunday morning…" sighed Cosmo happily, and they were off as well.
Cosmo and Wanda followed Timmy and Chip to every place they went. They watched as the couple went to a baseball game, and ended up making out in the stands. They watched as the couple sang karaoke, and ended up making out after some mushy song. They watched as the couple went skydiving, and somehow ended up making out in the air.
Basically everywhere they went, Timmy and Chip ended up making out. Each time it happened, Cosmo and Wanda tried to interfere with magic, but their wands would only 'pthhht'.
At the end of the day, Timmy and Chip decided to close with a classic drive-in movie; which, of course, they ended up making out during.
In a nearby tree, Cosmo and Wanda sat as birds, and Wanda was talking.
"Everything we do to try and get Timmy to stop loving Chip so much is useless!" she complained, "Oh, I was afraid of this too. By letting Timmy hit puberty and allowing his hormones to run wild, he's fallen in too in love with Chip to wish to be normal again."
Cosmo poofed Da Rules before them. "Darn rulebook!" he yelled at it, "Why do you have to exist?" He gave it a good kick, and it poofed away again.
"So wait, why's this bad again?" he then puzzled.
"Timmy's technically sixteen now," Wanda explained, "So not only is he wasting six years of his life and not getting a chance to grow up, but he won't believe in fairies much longer either. You don't want to have to leave him, do you?"
"Gah! No, I don't!" Cosmo realized, then noted, "Wow, that plotline really shows up a lot, y'know that?"
"I know, doesn't it?" agreed Wanda, "You'd think the writers would be able to think up something a little bit better. I mean it's kinda old news by now."
"Totally!" agreed Cosmo. They sat in silence for a moment before Cosmo asked, "So how do we break up Chip and Timmy?"
"Well, we might not be able to do anything about it, but I bet we know someone who can..!" Wanda said, "Who do fairies always go to for help with love?"
Cosmo gasped, "Our marriage counselor?"
"No!" Wanda huffed at him.
"Santa Claus?" Cosmo guessed.
Wanda smacked him. "No, you imbecile, Cupid!" she told him.
"O-hooo, riiiight…" remembered Cosmo, rubbing his head.
Cupid stepped back and proudly admired his work, removing his chef's hat and oven mitts as he did so.
"There," he said to himself, "A perfect heart-shaped cream puff pyramid. And now for the fun part…"
He leaned over, waggling his fingers eagerly over a puff.
Cosmo and Wanda appeared in Cupid's living room, causing the fairy to cry out in surprise and topple forward. He planted face first into his cream puff pyramid, sending cream and puff everywhere. The pyramid toppled with a mighty squelch. Cosmo and Wanda blinked at the mess they now floated over.
"Maaan, this place is a dump!" said Cosmo, "He really needs to clean more."
There was some minor squelching, and then Cupid's annoyed face made itself present above the sea of cream puff remains.
After glaring at the two for a second he pulled himself up and out of the mess and hovered, poofing a vacuum cleaner into existence and grousing, "Honestly, couldn't you even bother to knock? What if I'd been indecent? And just look at my poor living room..!" He sucked up the majority of the cream puff mess with the vacuum cleaner. "I'm never going to get this out of the drapes..!" He pointed to the frilly white drapes now coated with yellowy goop.
"Sorry, Cupid," said Wanda, "But it's a love emergency..!"
"Isn't it always?" sighed Cupid, "Alright then, you'd better fill me in, I suppose…" He drifted into the kitchen and returned with croissants and tea.
"…and so that's why we need to break them up," Wanda finished explaining as Cosmo guzzled tea beside her, "We were hoping maybe you could let us borrow something that could rulelessly help us do that."
Cupid dunked another croissant into his tea and took a bite. "You call that a love emergency?" he challenged, "Try finding a wife for King Henry the Eighth."
"I can imagine…" said Wanda, gripping her throat nervously, "So will you help us?"
Cupid set down his tea. "No way, Jose." he scoffed, "I refuse to break up true love for anything less than complete annihilation of the world."
"Your name is Jose?" Cosmo asked Wanda. He was spared a glance.
"But we'll lose Timmy forever..!" pleaded Wanda, "Again..!"
"Sorry, nothing doing," Cupid said adamantly, "Besides, maybe it's time that tired old plotline actually got somewhere. It is so overused…"
"Don't we know it!" chirped Cosmo.
"Alright Cupid, I didn't want to have to do this, but…" Wanda pointed to him and piped, "Cosmo, sick!"
Cosmo dropped his teacup and perched on the arms of his chair, growling and bristling like an attack dog.
"Ohh, my rug!" fretted Cupid at the dropped teacup. He looked to Cosmo. "Get off of the furniture..!" he ordered exasperatedly. Cosmo launched himself at Cupid, grabbing his arms in a pinning position. The two ended up on the floor, Cosmo pinning Cupid.
"Can't we pleeease have some rule free magic?" Cosmo asked sweetly, "Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please?"
"Ahhh!" Cupid cried out, cringed, and poofed into the kitchen. He looked out into the living room.
Cosmo burst out of a pot behind him, making Cupid cry out again. "Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please?" Cosmo repeated.
"No!" Cupid yelled, and poofed away again.
He hid in his bedroom. Cosmo sprouted from the dresser with another chorus of, "Please? Please? Please? Please?"
Cupid hid in the bathroom. Cosmo sprung from the toilet with even more, "Please? Please? Please? Please?"
Cupid rushed back into the living room. "Make your insane husband stop pestering me!" he ordered Wanda.
"Sorry, I'm afraid I can't do that." Wanda chuckled at her own reference and sipped her tea.
Cosmo appeared from directly behind Cupid. "Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please?" he questioned.
Cupid pulled at his hair. He knew this would only escalate from here. "Alright!" he exploded, "Here!" He pulled out a quiver of golden tipped arrows.
"I still refuse to break up true love, but these will let you change anything else you want, rule free!" he told them irritably, tossing them at Wanda.
"That's good enough..!" Wanda beamed as she caught the arrows. She and Cosmo waved their wands and poofed back to Earth.
"Finally!" Cupid said with relief, "Now, back to my cream puffs..!"
As he turned to float into the kitchen another fairy couple materialized before him.
"Oh, what, whaaaat!" Cupid whined, "Can't the only guy in charge of love affairs get a break around here?!" He blinked as he realized what he'd just said.
To the audience he noted aloud, "Wow, when you put it that way it's really obvious the answer's no."
Chip and Timmy were holding hands as they walked up the walkway to Timmy's house. Squirrel form Wanda and Cosmo watched them go in, then transformed into owls and flew through Timmy's window, turning back into fish before Timmy and Chip got to the room. Wanda got an arrow ready with a bow she poofed up.
"Gee Timmy," Chip said as they came in, "That was the most awesome day ever."
"It sure was," agreed Timmy, "Too bad there's only enough time left for one more make out session." He and Chip came over and sat on the bed before lightly beginning to kiss each other.
Wanda couldn't have had a better shot. She hoisted herself over the rim of the fishbowl, aimed, and let Timmy have it. The arrow lodged perfectly in Timmy's back. His eyes opening wide, Timmy shrank, and shrank, until he found himself back in his ten year old body. He looked at himself standing on the bed. He barely reached Chip's chin like this!
"What the-?" he pondered, "What happened? Why'd I suddenly get smaller?"
"I don't know. Maybe your hormones stopped bursting?" Chip suggested.
Timmy glanced to his fish, who grinned at him. Cosmo threw him a thumbs-up.
"Hmm. Maybe." Timmy said flatly, "Well, I can't remember why I liked you anymore, so I guess this is good night."
"Don't remember?" Chip chuckled, somewhat incredulous, "How can you not remember all the fun we've had together? Not just today, but the other stuff too; Like beating Vicky, making music videos, and starring in a musical..!"
"Hey, you're right," Timmy recalled, "When I think back on it all I guess it wasn't just a freak wish-er-burst of pubescence that made me attracted to you. Whoah, I guess I do love you. My hormones just aren't awake enough to know it yet."
"That's ok, little buddy. I like you this way too," Chip pulled him into a bone-crunching hug. "You're so huggably adorable!"
Timmy showed symptoms of suffocation. Gasping, he pushed himself slightly away from Chip. Once he got control of his breathing he said, "But I don't want to make out with you anymore. I'm more into cheek kissing and hand holding at ten."
"That's ok too," beamed Chip, "True love always wins out. And don't worry, your interests will probably change more when you're eleven. Heck, I can wait a year. And who knows? You might even have another freak burst of hormones before then."
"Uhh, yeah, right…" Timmy agreed, his eyes shifting.
"But until then, here's something to tide you over." Chip said, and he leaned over and pecked Timmy sweetly on the cheek. Timmy's lower eyelids moved up in happiness as he gripped the cheek and smiled. Hearts popped from his head as Chip headed for the exit.
"Later dude." Chip gave a two-finger salute, snapped a few poses and then was out the door.
Timmy sighed lightly, and then turned to address his goldfish. "Well," he said, "I've had a teen idol declare his love for me, had my parents doom me to marriage, went through puberty and made out through most of it. Guess it's time for bed, huh?"
"I'd say so," nodded Wanda. She and Cosmo poofed into fairy form and used their wands to tuck him in.
"Just another laaazy Sunday, huh?" Cosmo chided.
"For this show? Totally." laughed Timmy, then paused and wondered, "Say, whatever happened to my parents anyway?"
Wanda flew over to the window and opened it. Dad's voice floated through it gloatingly.
"That's right, Dinkleberg!" he could be heard boasting, "For the two hundred and eighty fifth time tonight, Chip Skylark's gonna be myyyy son-in-law! Bet you wish you had a kid now, huh? Don't you?"
"Oh." Timmy said flatly.