Naruto of the Goro Goro no Mi
(A/N-Help me make my story better.)
I have just read Artful Lounger's review and have reread my story and I have to say that I agree with him on some of the points. As such I would like to try to explain so that you (The readers) have a better understanding of my story.
level of humor, it is WAY TOO HIGH
The reason why there are a lot of jokes in my story is because, IT IS A COMEDY. This explains the Kyuubi paperwork joke, and why the people tend to do stupid things. I will admit that I might have gone a bit over board, so I will TRY to tone down the amount of jokes per chapter.
Now I'm sure some of you might not like that however, I myself however love comedy and when I first started this story I was thinking of having it be a comedy adventure story.
This does not mean however, that it will not have action, don't worry it will have lots of it…later.
grammar is horrendous
I know, but believe me when I say it WAS a lot worse before I used the ABC check(x3) and my computer's thesaurus. If you were to have read it before I checked my story, your eyes would have melted out of there sockets.
Now there is a reason for this. I am in fact partially dyslexic. Now I bet your wondering, 'How can someone be PARTIALY dyslexic?'
Well let me explain—when it comes to READING, I can read just as good as the next guy. Sadly when it comes to writing… well my mind just puts the words together.
For example—the words "There" and "Their" mean the same thing to me. I KNOW they have different meanings however when I am writing (or typing) I just write one of them down, and my mind tells me it is ok.
I am sorry for this problem and if I could fix it I would, sadly this world is full of problems. I am just lucky to be able to say that this is my biggest problem at the moment.
Anyway, I need a beta-reader, is anyone willing? Yes? No? Maybe? Just send me a message if you can. (God, please don't let me have my email be flooded by people who love to beta-read.)
number of time-skips
I see your point; I did have two big time skips. My plan was to get to the main story (Battle at the bridge) as quickly and then slow my story down a bit. However since Artful Lounger believes that I should explain what happened more I will try to do so.
As such I have two ways of doing this. I can add some chapters in between the chapters that are currently up, or I can create a flashback arc, which is just a few chapters that are, you guessed it, flashbacks. The flashback arc would take place in between the Nami no Kuni arc and the Chuunin Exam arc.
I will let you readers choose. Do you want me to make some new chapters and just place them in between my current chapters or just make a flashback arc of two maybe three chapters?
Please note that if I make the new chapters my story will be confusing for a few weeks, until I put up all the new chapters.
Kyuubi and his kindness
There are many reasons for this one.
Masashi Kishimoto messed up big time in the real Naruto. Now you are probably thinking 'What is this guy talking about?'
Well let me enlighten you… In Naruto, Jiraiya states that the Yondaime only sealed the Yang (good) part of the Kyuubi into Naruto. As such shouldn't the Kyuubi inside Naruto be good and nice?
From what I understand of the Yin-Yang theory, all beings (That means gods, demons, humans and other creatures) have an equal amount of good and bad in them. Should this not mean that if only the Kyuubi's Yang energy is sealed inside Naruto, then shouldn't the Kyuubi sealed inside Naruto be the nicest person (Even if he is a demon lord) that Naruto will ever meet.
I think yes, the Kyuubi should be nice, because it is only has nice and good energy. It is because of this reason that in my story the Kyuubi will be nice to Naruto most of the time.
If you need an example of the Yin-Yang theory then watch the Jackie Chan adventures episode were they get the Tiger talisman.
Scrap the thing, and start over
I will not scrap my whole story; however I will take steps to improve it. At the same time however, I will try (When I have time) to make a different version of my story. If I make a new version of "Naruto of the Goro Goro no mi" then I will make it a more serious story with a lot less jokes in it.
In the new story will also be very different then my current one. Here are some of my ideas.
Naruto will stay as a Konoha ninja. Naruto= cannon age
Naruto goes back in time. (Either to the time of the 2nd ninja world war or the time of the Clan wars.) Naruto= age 17-19
Naruto is summoned into a different Naruto or One Piece Universe. Naruto= age 17-19 (This story will also be a comedy.)
If I get enough support for anyone of one of these ideas then I will start to work on that idea, if I have the time.
Please let me know what you think and thanks again to Artful Lounger, for helping me see some of my mistakes.