A/N: Hi everybody! I'm back again to step outside "my comfort zone." This is my take on what Jacob Black was feeling when Bella left him, in Eclipse. This is my first Twilight story, AND my first song-fic, so please don't be too harsh! Just trying a few new things here! Anyway, I've paired this little one-shot with John Mayer's song, "Dreaming with a broken heart." I think it's really appropriate. So try and image this as you read it, try and feel his pain: Jacob's lying in bed, his broken body still recovering from the newborn vampire that had shattered the bones one half of his body. Bella had come to visit, and has left him supposedly for good. He finally realizes that she's not going to choose him over Edward, and he's trying to deal with that fact. When he wakes up from a fitful sleep, here's what he feels. Enjoy.

ps I don't own anything Twilight other than the books themselves, and I don't own John Mayer, but I wouldn't mind "renting" him for a little while - HA!


"When you're dreaming with a broken heart
the waking up is the hardest part."

Why did I even bother waking up? His chest ached as the last image of her shone brightly in his mind's eye. He threw his good arm over his eyes, and wished he could blot out the image that gnawed at his heart. He inhaled sharply, feeling the pain on the side of his still healing body, and let out the breath slowly in a long anguished sigh. He though she didn't choose me. I fought for her, I did everything I could, and still, I didn't win. At the thought of "her" his heart again ached. He felt as if tears were coming. His throat hurt. He shook his head back and forth, his shaggy hair covering part of his eyes as he tried to dislodge the image of her leaving him, for good.

"You roll outta bed and down on your knees
and for the moment you can hardly breathe."

Can I still stop her? Can I still try to make her listen to me? God, I love her. He held his breath because each one he took reminded him that she wasn't there. She was gone. She'd chosen to be with "him," the bloodsucker who was all wrong for her. He'll kill her. I know he will. I've got to stop her from making the biggest mistake of her life. The image of her leaving pounded freshly into his mind again. Even though he'd experienced great physical pain in his young life, nothing compared to how he felt when he watched her leave.

"Wondering was she really here?
Is she standing in my room?
No she's not, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone...."

He pushed his head back into his pillow and thought maybe I dreamed it all. Maybe she didn't come to say goodbye. Maybe all the morphine Carlisle gave me made me hallucinate that she'd come to say she was leaving. Maybe…

"When you're dreaming with a broken heart,
the giving up is the hardest part."

He knew he hadn't dreamed it. He knew she'd come to say goodbye. He grasped at any idea he could to explain to his still shattering heart that she really hadn't left him. Unfortunately, no idea was firm enough to give him anything to hold on to. She really had left him for another. She's gone… he thought as a tear slipped silently from his left eye.

He was almost broken with emotion. He wondered what if she saw me right now, torn apart not only physically, but my feelings. MY feelings. She said I was her sun, I brightened her life. Would she feel bad, feel guilty enough to maybe stay with me if she saw how bad I was hurting now?

"She takes you in with your crying eyes.
Then all at once you have to say goodbye."

No. She wouldn't. He knew how strongly she felt for the bloodsucker. She felt for "him," the same incredibly strong way he felt about her. He knew there was nothing he could have done to make her stay with him aside from locking her in his arms and not letting her go. She'd made her decision long before he could have even attempted to change her mind, but it still didn't make him feel any less pain. He still couldn't convince his heart to stop constantly aching.

He closed his eyes and remembered how he'd pulled her into his bed with him before she had a chance to leave. How she felt against him as he held her close to his chest. How her hair smelled as she tucked her head under his chin. How her skin felt as he gently touched her face with his "good" hand. Her body, molded against his, enfolded by his, felt so perfectly. He remembered the blissful feeling and how he wished that every day; she'd be there with him just like that. Never leaving, lying next to him, him able to touch her, smell her, love her.

"Wondering could you stay my love?
Will you wake up by my side?
No she can't, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone...."

Was there anything he could do to win her back? I'd do anything. I'd sell my soul. I'd give her anything that was in my power to give. I'd tear my own heart out if she wanted it, anything to have her here with me. He stifled a small groan as he covered his eyes again. I guess I'll see you in my dreams Bella.

"Now do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?"

He wondered if he'd ever see her again. He had noticed that she was still wearing the wolf charm he'd made for her. She still wore his gift, so did that mean he still might have a chance? She wouldn't forget about him completely? Still, he felt that his carved gift paled in comparison to the "rock" that dangled from the bracelet – a gift from the bloodsucker. He always has to out do me, outshine me - literally. No matter what I do for her, it'll never be enough. It won't change her mind.

"Would you get them if I did?
No you won't, 'cause you're gone, gone, gone, gone, gone...."

He yawned widely, feeling the pain from his injuries that reminded him that they were still there. As soon as I can get out of this bed, I'll find her. I swear to God I'll find her. I'll do something. She can't be gone forever. I'll die. I'll die without her… his breathing deepened into a long steady pattern as he began to drift back into a painful sleep. I won't forget you Bella… was the last thought he had before sleep finally claimed him again.

"When you're dreaming with a broken heart,
the waking up is the hardest part."


A/N: So there you have it. Deliciously painful wasn't it? It's always good to put a little pain on paper once in a while isn't it? Right Sam? Right Sarah darling? Anyway, thanks for reading, and I'll be back with more. See you soon!