Title: Five Years
Rating: Eh, PG-13
A/N: S - Salacious from the alphabet meme, and as a late Christmas present for Nia. Post series, (obviously) and with no glaring spoilers. Cheers.
Five years and the idiot was still acting like they were newlyweds – or newly moved-in, at least. It was almost tiring how much time the idiot spent dragging him off to the bedroom for marathon sex. Umeda hardly could complain about multiple orgasms but sometimes he could swear that he just wanted to watch Letterman and fall asleep without cuddling. Yes, he liked American programs just as much as he liked his dramas. TV time is the one time Umeda can be assured of not being tackled and seduced because there was a death penalty against anyone who interrupted Umeda's dramas. If there was one commandment, it was Thou Shalt Not Interrupt My Dramas!
It was a good thing that the idiot loved dramas as much as Umeda did. He even made up special buttery-garlic popcorn. Umeda figured he could keep the idiot around just for that. And the sex. That certainly counted for plenty.
It was designated family time, which would have come maybe once a month if Umeda had his way. With Akiha now 'in the family' Seira worked a guilt-chain to make them come over for weekly visits. Sometimes, she even got Io in on it. (What was worse was that Io adored the idiot. They got along famously, so much so that Seira and Io and Akiha were going on a shopping trip next week.)
Seira smiled at the idiot, her 'second son' as she had taken to calling him. She probably would have even patted his head like some oversized Golden Retriever. He probably would've even wagged his tail, had he had one.
"But it's been so long, Hokuto-chan. Why do you still call him 'idiot'?" Seira said.
"It's a pet name," Akiha cut in.
"Yes, like moron," Umeda drawled.
Akiha beamed. "Exactly! Just like that!"
"Oh, Hokuto-chan always has strange ways of showing his affection!"
Umeda disappeared far from the horror of their combined chirpiness. He looked to his father for some sanity in the world, but he was staring at Seira with that same far-off look that a fifteen year old makes when mooning over a crush.
Obviously there was no sanity to be found here.
It defied description that five years had passed and still the idiot was in a haze of lust and the new car smell of love that always faded into something comfortable. It had a nagging feeling, a familiarity and sameness that reminded him that the idiot's actions weren't far off from his crazy parents.
With a sinking feeling, it all came in that his parents approved of this boyfriend because he belonged in that kind of crazy family and that Akiha was some odd combination of his father and mother and their relationship wasn't far off. (Except he hadn't seen his mother smack his father and call him idiot, but hey, there was a first for everything.)
The secret that Umeda won't quite let out is that he doesn't mind Akiha quite as much as it would seem. He can at times remember names and dates and might even enjoy this sort of thing that they are. Not that he'd ever let on, it'd just encourage the idiot. If he gave an inch, his whole family would be picking out his wedding dress— in a manner of speaking, that is.
"Welcome home, Senpai!"
Akiha's hair was swept back in a ponytail. He wore an oversized and completely unnecessary apron that said Kiss The Cook but Umeda ignored that suggestion. He could smell the mysterious popcorn brewing, the secrets of which Akiha closely guarded and kept under the utmost secrecy.
"You've still got five minutes before Hana Yori Dango comes on," Akiha said.
Umeda considered a shower but thought better of it. That would certainly draw the idiot in for some 'shower sharing' as he called it and they might run late. Besides, the popcorn might burn.
Umeda curled up on the couch. Smoky the cat jumped up and demanded attention. Obviously, it got it from its father's side of the family.
(Most people assumed that the name was gotten from the greyish coloring. It was not. The name was gotten from the kitten's first habit of tearing his cigarettes into shreds. He'd almost called it "Other Idiot" or "Idiot Number Two but Smoky was easier to say. Besides, they might mix up the names and that would be troublesome.)
And ok, sometimes Umeda knew he really didn't have much to complain about. For all his idiocy, Akiha was good looking and good in bed. He cooked, he cleaned, he was an attentive and affectionate (if not overly so) boyfriend. He was also good for such fun as telling unsuspecting people that he dated 'a gorgeous blond' the look on their faces when they realized that the leggy and full-bosomed movie star image they'd had was far off mark.
"Ooh, it's starting," Akiha said. He picked the closest place on the couch to sit and put the popcorn between them. With grey kitten in his lap and the idiot quietly munching on his Assorted Sugary Snacks, Umeda had to admit that he was pretty happy, even if he was dating an moron.