Pleasing the Audience 1
Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to DC or Marvel. I own Farrah/Persiana.
Catman walked out on camera the set,
"Persiana13, I want a word with you."
Persiana13: This had better be good, Catman. I have a lot of work ahead of me, and I haven't had my coffee yet.
"I am sick and tired of your antics. You're treating all your Catastrophes like Tom and Jerry cartoons, and I'm Tom!"
That can't be helped. The readers love it and it makes them laugh.
Catman was stunned,
"You mean, people actually read your crap? "
It could be worse.
Catman shook his head,
"How can it be any worse than you already make it out to be?"
I could be Red Witch. I swear, she's nuttier than I am. (1)
Farrah walked out,
"Big surprise there. You thanked her for inspiring you. HER. I should ask if you've lost your mind, but I'm guessing you never had much of one to begin with."
Cool it, furball; or I end up writing another lesbian scene with you and Donna.
Wonder Girl walked out, excited,
"You mean that? Can I use my lasso?"
Probably. I'll even throw in a riding crop. Hey, I know. Donna can dress up like a cowgirl and ride Farrah all over the bedroom.
Farrah eyes widened in horror,
"You wouldn't dare! The kiss was bad enough!" (2)
Donna smirked evilly,
"Was the bribe big enough?"
It was…enough. Next time, I'm going to need something more substantive, like your sister's bra or something.
Farrah rolled her eyes,
"Do I even want to know what you want with those?"
E-bay, baby. Can you imagine if I put up Diana's bra on auction?
Catman stomped his feet angrily,
"HEY, THIS IS ABOUT ME!"
He turned back,
"I want you to pair me up with Persiana."
Let me think about that for a minute.
There is a short pause before,
Persiana rolled her eyes,
"He's at it again. I swear, he's gonna be like this for hours."
"Too bad you and I can't get together. I would so love to ride you."
"Donna, I like working with you, but you have GOT to get these feelings out of your system."
Yeah, it's starting to get creepy.
Donna was puzzled,
Well, it started with the letters a month ago…
Donna said innocently,
"I was just saying hello."
Then there were the phone calls…
Donna sheepishly said,
"I was trying to check our work schedule."
"At three thirty in the morning?"
Then there was the time that movie surfaced on-line with Persiana stretching in the nude…
Donna blushed hotly,
"I have no idea what you're talking about."
And, the grand finale, you did a great impersonation of a human sundae, complete with whip cream, nuts, strawberries, sprinkles-.
Donna shook her head,
"I get the idea. All right, so maybe I did come on a little too strongly."
Farrah was stunned,
"A little? You did that human sundae trick in MY bathtub!"
Donna suggestively said,
"Well, it wasn't like you were ever going to use it."
Farrah turned back to the author,
"Is it possible for me to get a restraining order on her?"
Sorry, our budget is stretched thin enough as it is. Stupid economy!
"C'mon, this is supposed to be about me and pleading my case to the author of this insanity to let me have kittens with Persiana."
I'll have to check with my lawyers on that one. We may be violating several health codes and religious orders if we let that happen. Think of the children.
"Yeah, Catman. Think of the children. You could be traumatizing them with your hormonal antics."
Donna waved it off,
"Oh, come on. You're just as bad as he is."
"You peaked on me in the shower!"
Donna said defensively,
"I said I dropped my wash cloth. It was a legitimate reason to be there."
Farrah folded her arms,
"Did you have to look between my legs?"
Farrah rolled her eyes,
"That's what they all say."
As fun as this exchange back and forth is amusing to me and the readers, I still have priorities. Now, if you two don't want to be the leads in 'Rent', I suggest you go back stage and rehearse.
Farrah was in agreement,
"You said it."
Farrah and Donna left. Catman rubbed his hands,
"Now, about that pairing…"
Never going to happen, Catman. Now, get lost. I have to work on Catastrophe 4.
Catman left, disappointed.
I swear, these morons don't cut me a break at all…
Diana, off-camera, screamed,
"WHO PUT MY UNDERWEAR ON E-BAY?"
Uh-oh. I better get outta here. I heard Switzerland is nice this time of year.
The insane author hurried into a waiting plane and left.
End of One Shot
(1) Red Witch, don't take this personally. I really appreciate what you do.
(2) Read Catastrophe 2