AN: This is a series that I brainstormed with the other girls on the chat while we waited for the announcement of the Eddie & Bellie Awards. This is Stapledward bbs! I'll be updating this story as a serial on Twilighted's Smut Mondays once a month, so don't expect this to be updated any sooner. ENJOY!!!!


Every time I parked in the cracked, ugly parking lot and locked my car and walked into work under the big red sign, I wondered what I was doing still going through this preposterous exercise.

And every time I opened the front door and saw Edward Cullen, the manager of Staples #31554, I knew exactly why I stayed in this job long past when I should have quit.

Edward was beautiful. Not hot. Not sexy. Not scrumptious. He was beautiful.

His hands were elegant and beautiful as he ripped open huge boxes of ballpoint pens. As he argued with belligerent customers, he always smiled, his beautiful lips curling over his perfect white teeth.

I was pitiful and lame and every other adjective that you could possibly dredge up from the bowels of the English language to describe a girl who had spent four years of her early twenties in love with her unattainable, flawless boss.

I'd gotten the job at Staples the beginning of my freshman year in college, and it had been a great part-time job, until I'd learned what a horrible sexual predator misogynist the manager was. I'd been ready to give my two weeks notice, screw starving, when corporate had intervened before the asshole could rack up another sexual harassment lawsuit. The next day, with resignation letter in hand, I'd walked in to the job from hell and had discovered that overnight, it had miraculously been transformed into heaven.

That was the first time I'd ever seen Edward Cullen, and nothing had ever been the same since. I hadn't been able to bear quitting my job after that and as I ripped my two week notice into shreds in the breakroom trashcan, I vowed that I would not be my regular bumbling, shy, awkward self around him.

Four years later, with college graduation on the horizon, I still hadn't managed this particular task.

"Good morning Bella!" Edward said brightly as I walked through the automatic sliding doors. Every morning was exactly the same. Edward said good morning in the same cheerful, genuine voice—like he was honestly glad to see me—and I mumbled back a greeting of my own, eyes glued to the floor, humiliated at the blush spreading over my cheeks.

Needless to say, Edward's friendliness would have thrilled me to pieces and given me hope that maybe one day he could see me as something more than Bella Swan, the employee who knew the Sharpie line inside and out, but there was a problem. The issue was that Edward greeted everybody the same way, even cantankerous Mr. Newton who did his best to ruin everyone's day every time he set foot in the store.

Even if I hadn't been the Messiah of the permanent marker department, Edward would feel the same way towards me. And that was because he was beautiful, inside and out. He was kind and patient and very, very fair. All his employees loved him. Especially me.

I grumbled at myself all the way to the breakroom, not even glancing up from the ugly linoleum floor to greet my fellow employees. Every morning was the same. During the short drive from campus, I tried to work up the gumption to do more than simply mumble hello to his cheerful greeting and every time I failed I grew more and more frustrated with my inability to even do something as simple as flirt with him.

Angrily, I shoved my purse into the locker and whipped the timecard of its slot so I could punch it. I'd just done so, probably a lot harder than the machine needed me to, when I heard a voice right behind my left shoulder.

An angelic voice.


On cue, a hot blush stained my cheeks and I took a few deep breaths, hoping that my racing heart would calm before I had to turn around and face the object of my innocent (and not so innocent) affections.

I'd mentioned he was beautiful. Except it wasn't just his elegantly-shaped hands or his pale flawless skin or his sunny smile or his jewel-bright green eyes or the shock of mussy copper hair that looked like it had just left my hands.

He was tall and lean and perfectly muscled and smelled like vanilla and something indescribable that resulted in panting and panty-dropping.

I could smell him behind me and it was almost, almost, enough to just turn around and press my lips against his. And against other areas.

"Bella," he said again, and I knew that I had to play the good employee and turn around. Except that I didn't want to play the good employee—I wanted to play the bad employee and all the ruler spanking that entailed. . .

"Bella?" he asked again, probably wondering why simply saying my name had me shocked into silence. Except it wasn't just his name that had me fumbling around in the corners of my mind for something appropriate to say. It was the sexual fantasies that were threatening to envelope me.

"Are you okay?"

Oh no, not the concerned voice. The velvety smooth voice that made me think that he cared so much that he wanted to drag me over to one of the vibrating chairs and take me now.

That's it. I'd been working at Staples too long when I started to incorporate office supplies into my mental porn.

I whirled around, my long brown ponytail swishing through the air. "I'm fine," I said brazenly, looking right into those incandescent green eyes and knowing I was about to do something that I'd dreamt and longed and wanted for way too long.

Clearly, the evil, naughty office supply pornstar inside of me was sick of waiting for Edward to make a nonexistent first move because I leaned toward him, smelling vanilla and the starch of his short sleeved ecru button-up with the Staples logo embroidered above the right pocket, and I kissed him.

As my lips touched his, I could feel his entire body stiffen in shock and he held up one hand and began to pull away, but I was so god damned close to what I'd wanted that I couldn't—I wouldn't—take no for an answer. I grabbed him by those firm, muscled upper biceps and pulled him deeper into the kiss, refusing to take no for an answer.

I knew the exact moment when he began to relax and kiss me back and it was the sweetest victory I'd ever experienced.

Breathless, we broke apart, and I experimentally licked my slightly swollen bottom lip, wondering if I could still taste him.

I could and he tasted just like he smelled. Like ink and new paper and vanilla.

A speechless expression that I'd never seen before crossed over Edward's face and I was suddenly afraid that he'd be angry. Or that after all this time and all this mental lusting, he didn't feel the same way.

I took a deep breath and waited for the stomach-clenching moment of rejection that was about to come.

Except it didn't.

"Bella," he breathed unsteadily, "you are. . .incredible. And here I just wanted to tell you to meet me in the Sharpie aisle in five minutes."

Even though my heart was thudding out of control, I knew I couldn't let the moment run away from me. I had to have more.

"Oh, we're on," I told him. "Ten minutes in the sharpie aisle, boss." I turned and sashayed out of the room, leaving him shocked and speechless behind me.

Office supply pornstar could, I decided, come out to play anytime she wanted because that was fucking damn easy after all.