Author's Note: Alrighty ;) Well, thanks to all the reviews (which I am still getting, by the way), I have decided to turn "Meggie's Perfect Picnic" into "Good Riddance," which will hopefully turn into a collection of 101 one-shots in which Doria dies, is turned into pudding, pushed off planes or cliffs, or otherwise put into some awkward and uncomfortable situation. I will take requests for a "Good Riddance" plot idea, but seeing as I don't have internet at my own house, it will be a while before I can put anything up. I'll try my best though. Enjoy Good Riddance!
CHAPTER ONE: MEGGIE'S PERFECT PICNIC
Summary: Too bad Meggie loves Doria instead of Farid. Too bad Dustfinger loves Farid. Too bad Roxane loves Dustfinger. Too bad this picnic isn't so perfect after all. Too bad someone is pushed off a cliff. Or maybe it really ain't too bad.
The sun was shining bright and Meggie was finally ready for the picnic. She had spent all morning packing sandwiches and Little Debbie's and orange soda for a glorious picnic for Doria, Dustfinger, Roxane, Farid, Mo, Resa, Meggie's baby brother, Fenoglio, Elinor, and, last but not least, Darius. Too bad the picnic didn't turn out to be quite as glorious as they'd all been anticipating.
At three o'clock, everyone followed Meggie and Doria up to the top of the very highest cliff that Fenoglio had ever created. It was Meggie's idea of the perfect picnic spot. Too bad she was wrong.
But oh! what a beautiful day it was! Oh! how the birds were chirping and singing (but that was before a group of hunters decided blue jays might make a tasty dinner)! And oh! how very green the grass and how very blue the sky! Too bad it didn't last.
Once they reached the top, Meggie gave Doria the blanket. "My beautiful, precious, dear Doria, would you please spread this blanket over this wonderfully green grass?"
"Oh, my beautiful, wonderful, dear Meggie, anything for you."
"My Doria, thank you so very much."
Doria spread the blanket on the grass and Meggie emptied the basket. Doria smiled brightly, showing all his shining white teeth. Too bad Meggie thought they were actually real.
A great, warm breeze blew and carried the picnic basket right over the terribly high cliff. Too bad something else would fall (or be pushed) off the cliff later.
"Oh no!" cried Roxane. "The Hannah Montana napkins were in there!"
"Oh no!" everyone else echoed.
But they survived for awhile, even without the Hannah Montana napkins. They ate Nutty Bars and drank orange soda and sang and laughed for awhile. Too bad somebody had a scheme all planned out. Too bad that same somebody was ready for action. Too bad that same somebody was named Roxane. Too bad when Doria took a step backward as he ate Nutty Bars and drank orange soda and sang and laughed, Roxane sprang into action and pushed the jerk off the cliff.
and fell until finally, everyone watched and saw a large amount of dust erupt, and listened and heard a loud "Mommy!" followed by a large
CRAAAAAAAACK! and a BOOOOOOOOOM! and everything was quiet awhile.
Elinor looked at Fenoglio.
Fenoglio looked at Darius.
Darius looked at Roxane.
Roxane looked at Dustfinger.
Dustfinger looked at Farid.
Farid looked at Meggie.
Meggie looked at Mo.
Mo looked at Resa.
Resa looked at her son.
Her son fell asleep in the potato salad.
"Do you think he fell on the napkins?" Mo asked.
"Oh, I surely hope not," Resa replied. "I was hoping we could find them on the way home to use some other time."
"Nooooo!" Meggie cried. "My wonderful, adorable, shiny-toothed Doria! Dead! My precious Doria is dead!" Too bad nobody saw Roxane push him. Too bad no one would have cared anyway. Too bad Meggie forgot how much she loved him once she looked into Farid's beautiful shiny eyes, which were, in fact, completely real. Too bad for Doria that Meggie ran to Farid and hugged him and cried into his shoulder.
"I really don't care about Doria," Meggie cried, tears pouring down her face. "I'm only crying because I'd look like a heart-less jerkish snob if I didn't." Poor dead, snobbish, tooth-less Doria.
Poor, poor Doria.
In case you're wondering, Roxane had a very good reason for pushing Doria off a cliff.
Roxane loves Dustfinger.
Dustfinger loves Farid.
Farid loves Meggie.
But Meggie loves Doria.
Roxane couldn't stand seeing Dustfinger upset, and Dustfinger couldn't stand seeing Farid upset and Farid couldn't stand the sight of Doria. So they were all always upset. So she solved the problem herself.
Poor, poor Doria.
Too bad Meggie loves Farid again.
Too bad for Doria they are now married.
And always will be.
And neither of them are falling off of a cliff anytime soon, either.
So they all lived happily ever after (all except Doria).