Just a quick recap of last chapter, because hell, if I couldn't remember then how could I expect any of you to? Anyway: Rose and Edward tended to Tanya after her attack, Emmett and Bella went cliff-diving, and Rose finally decided to press charges against her attacker.
My Secret Sin
Chapter Twenty-Seven: It's Weird
The weeks following that day in Edward's bedroom were a blur, for everyone. Tanya and Rose were both going through the process of healing, Tanya from her attack and Rose from having to press charges against her attacker. Sadly, Emmett was still in the doghouse with Rose, despite the fact she needed him now more than ever. No matter how many times we spoke to her about him, she'd shut us down.
"I'm not ready to talk to him yet," she would say, and that would be it; subject dropped.
Edward and I tried to be there for her as much as possible, but it was hard. Every time she would get upset, I practically had to drag Edward into the house so he didn't go off and try to kick Royce's ass. Emmett and him had googled the guy and knew exactly where he lived and where he worked. They wanted revenge. If it wasn't for some sexual promises and threats, Royce would have been in a body bag by now. As much as I wanted him to suffer, we had to do it the legal way.
Rose was a complete trooper, getting through countless questions and interrogations about what happened that night and why she hadn't pressed charges sooner. The Seattle office she did report her rape to had DNA, her testimony, Jasper's statement, along with clothing fibres, photos and medical reports detailing the full extent of her injuries. It looked likely that they would press charges and arrest Royce, sooner rather than later.
Once her case was reopened, and word spread around school, other girls started coming forward. They didn't go to the police, but to Rose. As much as she tried, she could only convince a few of them to go to the police, and even then, there was a lot of backtracking and changing of minds at the last minute. No one was really willing to stand up and face what had happened to them.
Tanya was invaluable to the girls, as well, and her and Rose were inseparable. Tanya had moved into Rose's house after what had happened, and she was practically one of the family. With their bond growing stronger as the weeks went on, Edward and I could finally take a step back.
Our relationship had pretty much been on hold since that night, through no fault of our own. We either were so knackered we went to bed early, or one of us was out comforting Rose and Tanya. A few chaste kisses here and there was all we had in regards to intimacy, and it was pitiful. Hell, we slept on the same floor, two walls between us, and yet there was nothing going on.
I wasn't concerned, but I did miss my boy, and I wanted us to go back to the constant touches and kisses. I was feeling cut off from him, and it just wasn't right. Whether he felt the same, I didn't know. Our time together was either spent talking about Rose's case or if anyone had heard anything from Jasper and Alice.
No one had.
With Alice's departure, our group was missing a member, but that didn't last long. Garret integrated quite nicely into her spot, and completed us off. After Alice's harsh break up with him, done by Edward, we weren't just going to pretend we didn't know him. Emmett and Rose insisted, separately, that he join us at lunch, or that he come over at the weekends; and gradually he just became one of us.
The only downside to Garrett hanging out with us, I felt like the new girl again. It wasn't intentional, but they all new so much about one another, and I hardly knew anything. They would have entire conversations about people I'd never heard of or places I'd never been, and it felt like I was, once again, the poor kid amongst the rich kids, not good enough to be there.
Edward would notice, of course he did, and the conversation would quickly change to something I could talk about. It was sweet of him to include me like that, but it shouldn't have been needed. With that came doubts; doubts about us, our relationship, and why he was with me. He always had to settle for less, make more of an effort for me, and it shouldn't have been like that. If it was to happen, it should only have been once, not continuous.
That's what had just happened, as we all sat round Rose's living room. Tanya and Garrett were cuddled up on one couch, Emmett had taken to the floor, Rose was snuggled up in one of the chairs, and Edward and I were sharing the loveseat. They had been talking about their old classmates, none that I knew of, and all the gossip tied to them.
While most of it had been funny to hear, it was another reminder that I had only just met these people. Yes, we were friends, but six months ago, we were complete strangers. I didn't know a huge deal about them, and many things were still a mystery. The same could be said for them in regards to me, but seeing as they weren't reminded of that fact daily, it didn't bother them.
Excusing myself to get a drink, I headed into the kitchen. I really just needed to get my head together. I was being stupid, completely and utterly stupid, but that stupidity was making sense. There was one, stupid, question that I couldn't shake, and it would resurface every time they took a trip down memory lane; did they only befriend me because I lived with Edward?
Walking over to the sink, I tried to clear my head. It wasn't helping anyone to ask questions like that, so I wasn't going to. No one had noticed my peculiar behaviour, so I refused to make a big deal of it. Filling up my glass with water, I took a sip and shut my eyes, enjoying the calm.
"You keep running away," Edward remarked, coming up behind me. He put his arms round my waist and nuzzled into my neck, kissing my skin softly. "What's wrong?"
I turned in his arms and shrugged. "I'm just being silly." He didn't buy it.
"No, come on. Talk to me. What's going on up there?" he asked, taping the side of my head. "You've been ridiculously quiet recently, and you always find a reason to leave them room when we're hanging out." So much for no one noticing. "Do you not like Garrett or something? I thought the two of you got on."
"No, I do. He's a great guy," I rushed to explain, not wanting him to think I hated one of our friends. "It's not him, I promise. I'm just thinking about a few things, and it's messing with my head," I replied, dropping my eyes to his chest.
"What are they?" he asked, moving his head so he could see my eyes. "You can tell me, I won't get mad," he joked, trying to ease the situation.
Before I could help myself, the question was out of my mouth, stunning him into silence. "Are you only with me because I live with you?"
"What?" Edward looked completely bewildered, while I chewed my lip anxiously.
"Are you dating me because I'm convenient? That's what I want to know."
"What the hell made you think that?" He deflected, which meant maybe there was something behind my worries.
"You're all amazing friends, and I'm practically a stranger. If I didn't live with you, then none of them would have been friends with me, and you certainly wouldn't have looked my way. So, I'll ask again, are you with me because I'm convenient?"
"No, Bella, I'm not with you because you're convenient. Every girl in the school is convenient. You're actually very inconvenient," he replied, shaking his head. I frowned and waited for him to explain. "At first, I wanted to rile with you and send the message that you'd never be part of the family. I tried to fuck you about, and, well, you say how good that turned out. After that, things changed. You're the last person I should even think about having a relationship with, but yet I find myself drawn to you. Are you convenient? Yeah, you live across the hall. Is our relationship convenient? Hell no." He took my face in his hands and kissed me softly, before wrapping me up in a hug.
"You silly girl," he muttered, shaking his head.
"Thank you," I mumbled, feeling rather embarrassed with myself.
"Don't mention it." He gave me one of his lazy smiles and nodded. "So are we good?"
"Sort of," I replied, biting my lip again. He rose his eyebrows in question and gave my hands a squeeze, egging me on. "What about them? Are they friends with me just because of you?"
Edward chuckled and shook his head. "You're being silly again. Do you honestly think that Rose would be friends with someone because of me? Really?" I smiled and shook my head. That was a definite no. "And as I recall, the others sought you out. I didn't force them to speak to you. They made their own minds up on you. Don't doubt this, Bella. We really do all like you."
I hugged him and nodded, feeling embarrassed for having brought it up. We had been a completely solid couple, and it felt like nothing could break us. Things would test us, yes, but not break us. We made it through Esme and Randall, Carlisle finding out about our relationship, Jasper and Alice's fuckery, so a simple reshuffle of our friends wasn't going to be the straw that broke the camel's back. No way.
"Sorry," I mumbled, kissing his cheek. Edward shrugged and tucked my hair behind my ear.
"We all have moments like that, so forget about it." Edward leant in and kissed me softly, his lips moving slowly against my own, and then we were interrupted.
"Are you two done fucking in there? I'd like to get something to eat but I don't want to see Edward's hairy ass!" Emmett yelled, laughing as he peeked round the door.
"If you're screwing on my kitchen counters, I'll cut your balls off, Edward Cullen!" Rose cried, her footsteps marching towards us.
Edward rolled his eyes and untangled himself from me, just in time for Rose to come through the door. She narrowed her eyes at the both of us and then took a good look around the room, trying to spot anything out of place.
"Rose, we didn't have sex, your worktops are safe," I said, giving her a small smile.
Emmett celebrated his wind-up as he grabbed food out the fridge, winking at me as he did so. The boy just liked to stir things up, and Rose and Edward always took the bait. It was actually comforting when they screamed abuse at one another. On the days they didn't, it was just scary.
"Good. I should have known you wouldn't, anyway. Edward still not able to?" she asked, looking all concerned. "It must be hard, or not hard as the case may be, with it being that small."
"Hey! I do not have any problems! And I'm not small! I thought we covered that already!" Edward protested, waving his hands around. "But if you need me to refresh your memory then I will!"
I rolled my eyes at his theatrics and glanced over to Rose. She was smirking, very pleased with herself.
"No thank you. If anything, you showing us would prove my point." Edward went to protest but I shushed him wish a shake of my head.
"You're rising to her bait." He closed his mouth and pursed his lips, not pleased with himself.
"She's questioning my manhood."
"Let her question. As long as I'm not complaining, you have nothing to worry about." He smirked and nuzzled into my shoulder, coming close to my ear.
"If I recall correctly, you do complain, but not about how small-"
"Oi! Enough of that!" Rose shouted, snapping her fingers. "I do not want to know about your twisted sex life." Now it was Edward's turn to grin in triumph.
"Hey, where's Tanya and Garrett?" I asked, glancing round the room. I had just assumed they would have joined us in the kitchen.
Edward and Rose shared common smirks, which definitely meant something was going on if those two were in cahoots about it. Emmett looked at me lost, clearly as confused as I was.
"They're next door, still talking," Rose answered, her smirk still in place.
"And you're so pleased about that because?" Em asked, frowning.
"We think they like each other, though neither of them will admit it," Edward confessed, grinning.
"You came to this conclusion, how? They've been friends for years, so what makes you think things have changed now?"
"Just the way they act around one another. It's like foreplay before the sex, though in this case the sex is a relationship."
"And you don't think it's too soon for them to be jumping into this?" I asked, chewing my lip. It really didn't sound like that great an idea, to rebound from a bad breakup and a serious trauma by getting with your close friend.
"Tanya wouldn't be so smitten with him if she wasn't willing to explore her feelings for him. Hell, I'm just pleased she's willing to see that all guys aren't scum. It took me three years to reach that conclusion," Rose admitted, shrugging. "This is her call, but if he doesn't ask her out soon, she'll ask him out."
"He'll ask her out soon, definitely," Edward added, nodding fervently.
"Care to wager on that?" Emmett asked, smiling at us him.
"What is with you all and making bets? Is the world not exciting enough already?" I asked, looking at them as they started discussing terms.
The lot of them were ridiculous. They had bet on when Carlisle and Renee would split up, which Emmett had won, they'd bet on what Jasper and Alice were fighting about, which Rose had won, and had made bets countless other times about silly little things.
"It's what us rich kids do," Edward joked, smirking at me as he pulled out his wallet.
"Now are you sure you can afford this, cause you've not won in a while," Rose said seriously, looking at Edward. His smirk fell off his face fast, and he was glowering.
"Of course I can! I may not have won recently, but I've just been biding my time. You just wait and see, I'll clean you all out." His cocky attitude was back in force, and I couldn't help but roll my eyes.
Even after all this time, I still didn't understand them completely. They were cruel to one another, but fiercely loyal, they would gamble on each other's lives but keep it private so they didn't hurt one another, and they would plot and scheme behind one another's backs, claiming it was for their own good.
They collected the money and gave it to Em to keep until Garrett or Tanya made their move. I was just relieved they hadn't given it to me to keep, like last time. The lot of them agreed that there wasn't allowed to be any pressuring conversations with Garrett or Tanya, they had to make their own minds up. After all, it wouldn't be fair to either of them if they were manipulated into a relationship they didn't want to be a part of.
Returning to the living room, we all eyed the pair up carefully. They were still sitting close, but not close enough to suggest things had moved from friends to more than friends while we had been in the kitchen, much to the other's displeasure.
Sitting back down, Emmett settled into his food while everyone else struck up conversation again. I snuggled into Edward and just listened to his heartbeat, thankful that we could be ourselves. After much deliberation from the room, we all settled on a movie to watch, and just continued to have another lazy day.
It was comforting, to be free of worries and calm. There wasn't going to be someone running through the door shouting abuse at us, and there wasn't going to be someone trying to pull some holier-than-thou bullshit in school. We could just take it easy, and although things were tense for Tanya and Rose given their current situation, at that point it seemed like we were all perfectly normal. We did all have our own share of baggage, but for once, it wasn't ruling our lives.
Only after the movie had finished, and several rounds of Kinect Sports, did we finally peel ourselves away from Rose's house and head home. It had been a good day, and some of my worries had been laid to rest. All I wanted to do was go home and spend some time with my boy. Yes, we had just spent the whole day together, but I wanted some alone time.
I hugged Tanya and Rose goodbye, before saying night to the guys. Garrett gave me a semi-awkward hug, it looked like I wasn't the only one who didn't quite know how to act around the other, and then Emmett pulled me in for a big bear hug.
"Drive safe, Eddie! I don't want anything happening to my girl!" Emmett called, grinning mischievously as he headed to his Jeep.
"Your girl?" My boyfriend shot me an amused look. "You not telling me something, darling?"
"Shut up and open the car," I pouted, freezing my ass off. Chuckling, Edward opened up and turned back to Em.
"I'll have words with you tomorrow!" he called, smiling at his best friend. Emmett nodded and gave him the thumbs up, before jumping in his Jeep and speeding off out of there.
Thankfully, Edward wasn't reading anything else into Emmett's words. There wasn't anything behind his comment, other than the fact we had become very close friends, but that was it. The whole cliff-diving thing brought us closer, and it felt good to have a friend I could really count on.
Sliding into Edward's car, I kicked off my shoes and sat with my feet on the seat. The first time I did this, he shot me a pointed look, but after much convincing on my part, he stopped caring. His precious leather seats were not going to be damaged, so he could just chill.
"Do you think we'll get the Spanish Inquisition when we get back?" he asked, driving away from Rose's.
"No, they're too caught up in their own little world to even notice us coming and going," I replied, watching the trees fly past outside the window.
"True point. I'm positive we could shag on the kitchen table over Sunday brunch and they'd still be oblivious." I chuckled and rolled my eyes.
"Somehow, I think they'd notice that, maybe just a little." Edward cracked a smile and nodded.
"We should at least find out, huh?" He raised his eyebrows and gave me his classic smirk.
"Save it, we're not having risky sex. We can't afford to." Edward bit his lip and nodded.
We both knew that we had to be more careful, even if we didn't want to. Our soon to be sibling was still a pawn in what was surely an elaborate chess game taking place between Carlisle and Renee. While they both acted madly in love with one another, there was an undercurrent of distrust.
Speaking of my mother, her baby bump was out in full force, and it was making me sick. Her abdomen had just exploded outward, getting bigger each day. It was a horrible reminder that she was in fact carrying Edward's and my half-sibling. Once that baby was born, reality was really going to sink in fast. Yes, we knew that we were doing something wrong, but it wasn't something we had to think about. He never had to play the brother role and I didn't have to play the sister role. With this baby, that was all going to change, and I was dreading it.
Carlisle was getting more and more excited each day, his eyes alight with joy. Just seeing him like that cemented the fact Edward and I couldn't let Renee find out about us. Not only would it put too much stress on her, but she would also drive a wedge between Carlisle and his unborn baby. I still didn't know if she would take the baby from him, and never let him see it, but I didn't want to risk that happening at all. Carlisle's happiness depended on Edward and I being stealthy about our relationship, and for a change, we took that seriously.
Doors were locked, sex was not had, and there were no more discreet touches under tables or behind backs. We sort of fell into the roles we would have if we hadn't got together. It was ridiculously weird, but then we would go to Emmett's or Rose's and it would all change. At home we had to keep our distance, at our friends we were touching at all times. Thankfully, they didn't mind. Rose would occasionally shoot us a dirty look, but that was it. Blissful times were had, I just wished we didn't have to be so secret about it.
As Renee's bump grew bigger, Carlisle and her started buying baby things, and redecorating one of the rooms. They had spoken of it before, and even gone to look at furniture, but it was weird seeing the crib actually come into the house.
When they found out the sex of the baby, a boy, things became so real, Edward and I were knocked into touch. We couldn't help but look at each other differently, and think twice before attempting to have sex. I say attempting because we just couldn't go through with it. This baby, our soon to be brother, was a complete mood killer.
Arriving home, we headed straight upstairs and ignored the cuddling couple on the couch. They just weren't worth our time and effort anymore. Edward led me into his room and sat me down on the bed, coming in for a kiss.
The door was locked, and we were basically alone. Carlisle and Renee weren't going to bother us. They never did. Sex on the kitchen table was out, but sex in our bedrooms, well, that was different. I was sex starved. Seriously.
We had tried and failed, but this time, I really wanted to reach the finishing line. So, grabbing hold of his neck, I pulled Edward to me and kissed him fiercely. His body fell onto of mine, and I grinding into him with complete abandon. He knew what I wanted, he had to, but yet he was slowing us down. His kisses would pepper my face and neck, and his hips would remain motionless. It was not what I had in mind at all.
"Please," I moaned, tugging at his hair while I scraped my teeth alone his neck. He groaned but shook his head, and I knew then that my plan was a complete loss. He was a stubborn bastard when he wanted to be, so no sex would be had tonight.
"We can't…I just can't."
Dropping back, I shoved him off me and crawled up to the pillows, to lie down properly. I was huffing, very mature, I know, but still. We were dating, I liked sex, what was so hard? Or not hard as the case may be.
"It's the baby," he admitted, sighing. "I just can't have sex knowing that we have a brother on the way. We shouldn't let it bother us, but it does bother me and I don't know what to do. I expected for it to be a little problematic, but not this much," he said, lying on the bed next to me. "
"I think we seriously underestimated how it would affect us," I replied, drawing circles into the palm of his hand with my fingers. "We can't exactly ignore his impending arrival, like we did before she was showing."
"But that shouldn't mean we stop having sex." Edward frowned and shook his head. "Do you feel differently about me now?"
I couldn't help but look at him in confusion. I really didn't like the sound of where the conversation was going.
"Differently?" I questioned, looking for clarification.
"Does our brother make this relationship seem dangerous and wrong?" he asked, looking straight at me.
"Our relationship has always been wrong, Edward." He rolled his eyes and squeezed my hand.
"Answer the question." I fidgeted under his gaze and bit my lip, shrugging.
"It's weird, I find it weird," I admitted, much to his displeasure. He dropped his head back onto the pillow and groaned, covering his eyes with his hands. "I'm just being honest, you asked!"
"I know, but I didn't think you'd actually say that!" he cried, rising to sit up.
"What, and you don't find it weird?"
"Of course I do, I just had hoped you didn't. We can't both find our relationship weird and then continue to have one."
"Whoa, what? I haven't said anything about ending this relationship. It's weird, but it's not the end. I love you, I'm not just going to throw that all away because we're going to have a brother soon. It'll just take some time for us to get back to normal."
"And you really think we're going to be able to do that?"
"And you don't?" I shot back, looking at him in complete disbelief. Where the hell had all this come from?
Edward couldn't take his eyes off the bedspread as he tried to get his thoughts together. He'd open his mouth to talk and shut it again, shaking his head. By the fourth time, it was grating on my nerves. He was the one who wanted to have this conversation, so why the fuck was he quiet all of a sudden?
"I…I can't wrap my head around the baby situation," he begun, running his hands through his hair. "I find it ridiculously creepy that we are both going to share the same brother. It's wrong. I knew that this was coming, but I didn't think it would bother me so much. Every time I think about us having sex all I can see is you pregnant, which is fucking scary. If you got knocked up, then our brother, would be an uncle or an aunt to his half-sister and half-brother's kid. That's fucked up. This whole situation is."
"What are you trying to say?" I asked, defeated.
"Of all the times to gain a conscience, this was not the best," he said, sighing.
"Edward, please." I was tired of him beating around the bush. Clearly, he had thought this through, now he just had to share his thoughts with me.
"I need time. I think we should take a break or something, just not be together for a while. Maybe this was convenient, for both of us. I mean, we live across the hall, it was easy. We didn't have to look far for comfort, and we had common enemies, our parents. It was bound to happen, but now we have to be real."
"Be real? You want to be fucking real? Could you not have realised this when your mother was here? Or you know, before your father found out? Fucking hell, Edward. Do I mean nothing to you?"
He looked at me like he'd been slapped, but Christ, I didn't care. He was practically throwing our relationship out of the window.
"Of course you do! I love you, very much-"
"Really? Because it doesn't fucking sound like it!"
"Yes! I do! But we aren't the only ones involved anymore! We're going to have a little brother, he needs to take precedence over us. Our relationship could ruin things for my dad, and I don't want him growing up without one of his parents. Hell, we bitched at them when they spoke about getting pregnant because we didn't want them to fuck up this kid, and with us together, how could that not fuck him up? It's wrong. We're being selfish. "
"So really, you don't want to take a break, you want this to end?"
"I think it would be best."
"I still want to be friends with you, Bella. I do love you, but he-"
"Yeah, I got it."
And I did get it, I just hated it. I knew one of us had to be mature, but really? The baby was months away from being born, and things were finally calming down. We had enjoyed weeks at peace, falling back into a routine, and then this happened. What Edward addicted to the controversy, fighting and drama? Did he need to have something to agonize over? Was I really just convenient?
Fighting back tears, I went straight back to my room, closing the door quietly. It would do no good to slam it shut, no matter how much I wanted to, when that would draw attention to the situation. The last thing I needed was Carlisle or Renee coming up to ask what was wrong. It's not like I could really be honest with the latter, and well, I don't think Carlisle would appreciate me calling his son a complete bastard for making sense.
At that moment, I was furious at my mother. She had dragged me around countless men, made me play the sweet doting step daughter, and didn't give a fuck what I wanted or how that had affected me. Now, I had found someone I was absolutely crazy about, and because of her fucking uterus and messed up mind, I couldn't have him. Why did she want to repeat history all over again? Was I not tortured enough, so now she felt compelled to have another kid and do the same?
Throwing clothes into a bag, I grabbed my keys, purse and phone, then got the fuck out of there. I couldn't stay. If I did, I'd lose it, and not because of Edward. He was doing the practical thing, and while it hurt so much, it made sense. However, my mother was enemy number one.
"You going somewhere?" I had just reached the top of the stairs when I heard his voice behind me. He sounded hurt and upset, just like I felt, but currently I was in rage mode.
"I need to get out of here before I kill someone," I confessed, turning to look at him. His hair was ruffled, no doubt due to the countless times he'd run his fingers through it, and he looked fragile. That's the only way I could describe it. I'd seen him hurt before, but he always had this resolve to him; it wasn't there anymore.
"Kill me?" I shook my head and shrugged.
"Renee." He nodded sombrely and licked his lips.
"I am sorry, you get that, right?" It was my turn to nod then, much to his relief. "You'll come back?"
Honestly, I hadn't thought about what I was going to do once I left the house. I knew I had to get out before I exploded, but I hadn't thought about where I'd go, how long I'd stay or anything else practical. It hadn't crossed my mind.
"Good." The silence between us was painful, and I wanted to just crawl back into his arms.
"I'm going to miss you," I confessed, biting my lip. I could afford one moment of honesty with him.
"I'm going to miss you, too," he replied, walking towards me. "I really am sorry." His voice held all the emotions I was trying to bottle, and it broke me. My tears couldn't be held back as I looked at him.
"I know, and I am, too." Edward dropped his head and took a deep breath, clenching his jaw. While I could cry openly, he was fighting it hard. "Will…Will you allow me one moment of weakness?" I asked, chewing my lip harder. His eyes drank me in, looking over everything.
"Yes," he whispered, moving closer. Our chests were touching, our eyes locked, and I didn't want to let the moment end. He was my boy, I didn't want to let him go, no matter what.
Glancing quickly to his lips, he knew what I was going to do. Thankfully, he didn't stop me when I pulled his head lower, allowing his lips to meet mine. An hour ago, we were kissing like it was nothing; now, we were kissing because it was everything. God, I loved him.
His hands travelled from my neck to my waist, trying to pull me closer, while I let my fingers loose in his hair. His lips were hard and demanding, meeting my own urgency. If this was our last kiss, I was going to make it count.
My tongue met his, calm and sensual, despite our desperate need. He moaned at the contact and moved me away from the stairs, my back meeting the wall. I couldn't help but grind against him as he nipped at my lips, drawing his teeth over them.
"We need to stop," he muttered, my lips capturing his once more. I didn't want the kiss to end, because once it did, there wouldn't be anymore. We would cease to be, and that would hurt beyond belief.
"I love you," he whispered, finally pulling away from me. "I'm sorry." His eyes conveyed his message better than his words ever could.
"I love you, too," I mumbled, wiping the tears from my cheeks.
Backing up, Edward rested against the opposite wall. His eyes continued to watch me as I grabbed the bag I'd dropped and went to make my escape down the stairs. Giving him one last fleeting look, I left. I was done.
Carlisle and Renee were nowhere to be seen when I arrived downstairs, so I wrote a note and left it in the kitchen. They'd see it at some point. Grabbing my coat, I hightailed it out to my truck, and then I drove.
It wasn't until I was out onto the main road that I realised I had nowhere to go. Rose would have been the obvious choice, but with everything she had going on lately, and with Tanya, I just couldn't go there. They were dealing with things much bigger than a break up.
Alice, no doubt, would have been my next option, but seeing as she'd turned out to be off her head and in Texas, that was a no go. The only other person was Emmett, and right about then, he was my best option. The guy was my rock, he wouldn't turn me away.
Finding Em's house in the dark was a little harder than I thought it would be, so I didn't get there until well past midnight. Rather than ring the doorbell and wake the whole house, I sent him a text from my truck, which I'd parked in his drive. Seconds later he replied, telling me he was on his way down to open the door. Like I said, he was my rock. I could always count on Emmett.
I got out my truck and walked quietly up to his front door. It wasn't long before the outside light went on and he'd opened the door to see me standing there.
"Hey! I didn't know you were coming over!" Emmett said, grinning brightly.
"Sorry, I didn't really know where else to go," I replied, chewing on my lip and giving him a sad smile. "Can I crash here for a few days?" He frowned and nodded vehemently, inviting me in.
"Of course you can! What's going on? Something happened?"
"Edward and I are just needing some space, and I had to get out of there. You sure it's okay?"
"Positive, one hundred per cent positive."
"Thanks, Em." His arms encased me in a hug, making me feel less guilty about stopping by.
"No problem." Leading me upstairs, Emmett took me to his room and made for me to sit down. I settled on his bed and watched as he began to clean up a little.
"You don't have to do that, Em. Really, I'm sorry, I'll go-"
"Nope, you won't, you're staying here," he said, commanding, but kind. "You came here for a reason, so I'm guessing things are up shit creek with Edward and that you can't go to Rose because of Tanya. I'm your man. We're friends, too, so you can definitely stay here."
"Your mom won't mind?"
"Hell no," he replied, waving his hand dismissively. "She'll be happy to see you again, actually."
I remember his mother from when Carlisle and Renee had everyone and their parents over for dinner. God that was an awful evening. Edward couldn't keep his hands to himself and made me come in front of them all. I could have killed him.
"So you want to talk about it?" Em asked, raising his eyebrows. He'd tidied up the rubbish on his desk and threw it all into the already overflowing bin in the corner, then taken a seat at his desk.
"Edward and I broke up," I said, nodding my head slowly. He looked at me in total disbelief and shook his head.
"Yeah, my thoughts exactly, but we did."
"Our brother." I couldn't help the bitterness from seeping out in my tone. Realisation dawned on Emmett's face and he gave me a sad smile in return.
"I'm sorry, Bella. The situation's messed up, so maybe it's better things stopped for a while. Maybe just until your mom's given birth or something? That way you can sort things out?"
"Yeah, I'm not too sure what'll happen. I'm so upset," I said, shaking away my tears. "But I know he was doing it for the right reasons. It would be selfish of us to have a relationship when it'll screw up his life."
Em grabbed the box of tissues off the desk and rolled over on his chair to hand them to me. I took one and wiped my eyes softly, trying to hold some sort of composure together. I wasn't ready to break down yet.
"While that's true, you guys have got to remember that you're entitled to a life, too. Your mom made her decision, and so did Carlisle when he found out about the two of you. If you guys want to be together, this baby shouldn't stop you. Yes, it'll be confusing and a big old mess, but if it's what makes you happy, then why not?"
Another moment of Emmett's true wisdom, and I was honoured that he had shared his honest opinion with me.
"Give it time, Bella. Edward will come around." Giving me another hug, I buried into his shoulder, and allowed myself another few tears.
"Thanks, Em, really." He smiled and waved me off.
"Don't sweat it. Now, can I get you something to eat or drink? You want to have a bath or a shower? Can I entice you to watch a movie? Or would you like just to go to bed?" His soft grin was infectious, and it kept my sadness at bay.
"I think I'll just head to bed, if that's alright."
"Absolutely! Come on, I'll show you to your room." Emmett slid his chair back across the room and took my hand in his, leading me out into the hallway.
We entered the third door on the left, at the top of the hall. Along the way, he showed me where the bathroom was in case I needed, and then opened the spare bedroom door. While Emmett's room was jam-packed with furniture and possessions, the spare room was sparse. However, for what it lacked in wardrobes and bookcases, it made up for in homely touches. The room was elegantly decorated, and there was such a relaxing atmosphere to it. The bed even looked heavenly soft, practically calling me to it.
"You're welcome to stay here as long as you like. Make yourself at home."
I placed my bag down next to my feet and then attacked Emmett with a hug, practically jumping on him. He grunted in surprise but chuckled at my actions. "You better not be trying to thank me," he warned, smirking.
"Wouldn't dream of it," I replied, giving his hand a squeeze.
"Well, you know where I am, and if you need anything, feel free to go get it. Seriously, if it's four in the morning and you want something to eat, go get it. If you need help with anything for whatever reason, just come wake me."
"Don't," he said, pressing a finger to my lips. "It's not needed. This is what friends do."
"I appreciate it anyway." Nodding, Em gave me a kiss on the cheek and bid me goodnight.
Turning back to the empty room, I closed the curtains and then starting throwing off my clothes. I just wanted to get some sleep, get some rest. There was too much going on in my head, and I needed the downtime.
Like I thought it would be, the bed was heavenly, and it provided the comfort I needed at that moment. My heart was heavy, and my head was sore; I needed sleep. Only a few tears escaped as I settled into the covers, and that was all I would allow.
If I cried, I was mourning the loss; so if I didn't cry, I hadn't lost him.
In my messed up brain, that made sense, and it was all I had as I settled into slumber.
I wasn't ready to lose him, I just wasn't. We were great together, and I didn't want to lose him. Though, thanks to my mother and her expanding uterus, I may already have.