Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Heart's Note: My Namine went into the hospital on the 2nd of Feb. Until that saturday, I had no information about if she was alright/alive/dead. And even when her mother managed to get word to me that she was fine, my heart still ached badly. I don't let people get close because I fear their loss, and the feeling of losing her left me nothing but a knot of raw nerves and emotions I can't even hope to untangle. Even now, more than a month after knowing she's alright and going back to normal talking with her every day, I can't shake the fear and panic off. My stomach still clenches, and my heart still aches.

A Kairi without her Namine is a lonely existence.

{For Jap}


"She's been out there all day..." From where he sat on the docks with Sora, Riku frowned. It was true, Kairi had been floating on her back in the surf all day, not once coming back to the beach. She just laid there, staring up at the sky as the sun made it's lazy trek across the blue. It was now sunset, and everyone was packing up to go home. But Kairi was still there in the water, belly up and staring at the now orange sky. Riku sighed, standing up and dusting himself off.

"I'll talk to her. You head on home." Sora opened his mouth to protest. Kairi was his friend too! But then he looked out across the glinting sea at her, and actually saw how vulnerable she looked. Sora could offer comfort in his own right, but Riku knew how to handle her if she broke down. Sora would fall all over himself if he tried, and he nodded as he stood as well.

"Okay..." He jumped into his boat, giving his two friends one last look before he headed for home. Riku waited until Sora was out of sight before taking off his shirt and shoes, diving back into the water and wading over to Kairi. Her eyes were blank, and for a second, he thought she'd been talking to Namine all day, before she looked at him. Her eyes were rimmed with red, and he could see the salt tracks of tears on her cheeks and nose.

"She's gone." It took Riku a moment to understand, and when it did, it hit him hard. She was talking about Namine.

"When?" Kairi looked back up at the sky, hands twitching and sending ripples under the water.

"Last monday...we were talking and she just...vanished. I've been trying to get her to respond all week, but..." She shook her head, eyes squeezed closed. Riku looked down and sighed. Kairi and Namine had been one person for a little more than a year now, and she told him they were like sisters. Her loss was no doubtedly hitting the redhead harder than most. He looked back up at her, raising a hand as he saw the tears falling down her cheeks.

"Kai..." She took his hand as an invitation, and she turned to wrap her arms around his neck. Her sobs echoed into his ears as he wrapped an arm around her back, the other supporting her legs as she cried her heart out for the girl that had left a hole in her soul.

"She's gone, she's gone, she's gone..." Riku closed his eyes, rubbing circles on her back. She continued to cry as the sun set, and Riku just stood there, offering whatever comfort he could. The loss of half of her was something he'd never understand, so he couldn't really relate. But he knew her pain, somehow. She started to shiver as her sobs subsided, and Riku carried her back to shore. He scooped up her towel as he came back onto the sand, and he draped it over her shoulders as he plunked himself down on the sand. The last vestige of the sunlight made the fresh tear trackes on her face glimmer, and Riku gently wiped them away as she leaned her head onto his shoulder, limp in his hold.

"Why did this have to happen?" Riku shook his head, gently kissing the crown of her head.

"I don't know Kai. I just don't know." She hiccuped, sniffling in the night air. She was emotionally and physically spent, grief and sadness having left her exhuasted. But Riku was more than willing to be her refuge now, when she needed it most. He stared at the horizon, gently running his fingers through her hair as the sun gave way to the night.

Things would never be the same again, and they both knew it.


Heart's Note: My Namine is safe and sound. My Riku wasn't there for me when I needed him to be. But no matter how hard I try, I can't shake the feeling I'm going to lose her....