I couldn't take it anymore every tick of the clock was killing me. Not only could I not see her I couldn't see my son! The two people I fought for the two people I killed for! They were gone taken away she left without nothing more to say. Yes I hurt her and no I never deserved her I never expected her to forgive me not one bit of me believed that she ever would.
I ran my fingers through my hair with frustration I was back at square one, drowning in the pain of loosing her. I took a deep breath trying to keep calm for fear I'd scream.
Nothing was the same; I thought she'd be back in my arms by now. I should have just told her the friken truth, taken her away for a while then come back to fight! She would have understood I knew she would have. I doubted her way to much! I doubted the strength that little human girl had! I should have said the truth never told her a lie.
I took a glance at the clock and knew what time it was, she was going to Mrs. Black the wife to another not mine she'd be in her perfect white dress looking like an angel straight out of heaven. A vision I only imagined a few times, I let my mind wonder the thoughts of her coming down the aisle to the music seeing her whole family an—I let out a moan, it hurt so badly. I couldn't live without her it was so hard I just threw it all away, I should have just told her the truth some way of telling her it and making sure she was out of harms way I shouldn't have lied to her I shouldn't have done what I had done.
I laid my hand on my chest on the exact spot she laid on only a few nights ago, the very spot she smacked her fragile little hands to me.
I couldn't handle it anymore! I ran through the balcony doors of my bedroom and jumped out almost hitting a tree. I ran, I ran as fast as I could. I would hunt let my instincts take over let me forget about it just focus on my prey and nothing more.
Forget the rest of the world.
I was so close only a few more minutes and I'd be in his arms just a few more seconds. I slowly pressed on the gas a little more speeding myself up. I ignored all the honks of cars passing me and glad when I finally made it out of town I could almost see the opening to the Cullen's house it was almost dark and the wind was picking up; rain was coming.
I speed into the gravel drive and jammed the brakes shutting the engine and running to the tall front door, I banged my fist as hard as I could I knew they could hear either way but I was to frantic. Esme answered the door. "Bella dear?" she asked surprised by my visit and clearly on what I was wearing.
"Where's…..Edward?" I asked out of breath while looking through the door to see if he was there. "Sweetie he's out hunting you can wait for—"I quickly turned away ignoring the rest she had to say. I ignored the bike and used my bare feet I ran straight into the forest barefoot. I couldn't wait I needed to see him.
"Bella no!" I heard Esme scream I ignored her and continued to run I felt the seem of my dress rip open and expose my thigh but I didn't bother to stop and look. I just ran my lungs burned but I couldn't stop. It got darker and colder as I ran more into the forest it quickly started to pour and drench me but I didn't let that stop me either I needed to get to him. I could only think of one place he'd be and that was my destination.
I ignored the sharp rocks and bark the cut my feet I just ran and the pain was soon forgotten I needed to get to him I had too! I couldn't lose him not again.
I was so close but yet so far I saw the little opening but it felt like I'd never make it so I started screaming "Edward" I shouted with all I had over and over again in hopes he'd hear me and come to me. I needed him to hear me to know I was coming that there was nothing to forgive that I wanted to be with no one but him.
That he was all I'd ever want that I wanted to spend all of forever with him and with him only.
"Edward" I screamed once again as I reached out little meadow I could hardly see through the rain but I could tell there was no one here. "Edward" I screamed again looking around my voice cracked as the burning from the running came up, I felt a bang of fear when I saw something run behind me and back into the forest.
"Edward?" I asked my breathing was heavy and I knew I was hard to understand, there was no answer "Edward" I whispered no answer. The dark figure ran past me once again. I suddenly remembered a conversation I had with him a long time ago it felt like a century ago.
"When we hunt we give ourselves to our instincts. It would be too dangerous to have you there" those words played in my head over and over like a broken record.
He had to stop if it came that close he would stop he knows it's me he would stop I know he would.
The dark figure ran past me once again, I jumped back I could tell it was Edward I just knew it. "Edwar—"I was cut off; the figure pounced onto me knocking me to the cold wet ground and clutching my neck.
I started breathing uncontrollably and a shiver went up my spine. "Edward it's me!" I whispered with the little air I was able to get, I looked into his dark black eyes that stared at me with thirst. "Edward please its Bella! You have to remember please remember!" I tried to scream.
He did something I was not expecting; he bent his head down as if to kiss me but I felt a sharp pain in my neck. "Ahh" I let out a scream, and then it started I felt myself get weaker and the burn started.
I couldn't breathe and I felt as if I had been lit on fire that I was dropped into a volcano I couldn't hear a thing beside I shriek and a growl. I clutched the forest floor trying to hold anything to keep myself from going into darkness. I felt my vision blur and then I was flying so fast I couldn't raise my head. The burn got worse as it increased.
I couldn't think clearly nothing seemed real nothing at all, I all but almost forgot why I even was in the forest why this happened. I tried to find a signal face in my lost thoughts something to hold onto but the burn covered it all and it got rid of everything in its tracks. I felt myself be laid on a hard surface and I couldn't feel the rain anymore I couldn't feel anything beside the flames of hell.
I guess this was a good way to go the last thing to touch me was Edward his lips to my neck.
I felt each of my veins have a rush of heat burn threw them; I wanted to hear voice to help me keep from falling into the fire.
I was so stupid why I couldn't see her why didn't I stop! I mentally thought as I ran through the forest charring Bella's limp body. Each time she screamed was like a knife to my chest. I couldn't handle this I had to stop this.
I laid Bella as gently as I could on the wooden table, Esme was in the corner sobbing and Rose was grasping Bella's hands. "Bella…Bella...its ok!" she comforted I looked at Carlisle in the eyes; my eyes were clearly drowned with agony.
"We have to suck it out…again! I have to!" I said to him and rushed back to Bella's struggling body, her eyes were rolled in the back of her head and she was shaking I couldn't handle this. I grabbed her shoulders prepared to suck out my venom.
"You have to hurry the change his almost complete!" Carlisle replied while coming to my side prepared to stop anything bad from happening.
I could feel my hand being grasped and the coolness of it didn't help the burn at the tips of my fingers I tried not to struggle as much as I was because I was afraid of hurting Edward, but I couldn't help it, this pain was horrible words could not explain. The burn was everywhere. In my legs to my toes and down my back.
It burned in my chest the most it was like someone poured gas down my throat then I swallowed a match. I would have taken childbirth over this I would have taken my leg being snapped by James fifty more times and smiled with happiness and thankfulness anything but this burn.
I felt someone grasp my shoulders still so I couldn't move and then in a faint distance I heard a voice that before this moment I had all but forgotten; Edwards. "We have to suck it out…..I'll stop the pain Bella!" I heard him in faint whisper barley noticeable.
I couldn't really think enough to relies what he was attempting till I felt his mouth against my scorching neck. No! He couldn't this was the only way we could be together forever. It had to happen sometime as tempting as it was at the fact he could take the burn away. I needed to feel the burn to feel the burn in order to be with him forever its what I wanted.
With the little strength I had I opened my lips and choked out a few words trying not to scream "Don't please…" I begged I couldn't hear myself so I knew it sounded more like a choke. I wondered if he could understand my words, I saw is face turn confused "Are you crazy!" he all but yelled. His expression made me close my eyes trying to keep calm.
I dug my nails into the hard stone table I was laid on trying to grasp onto anything.
"Please no…." I replied again trying to push him away but not sure if I even lifted my arms. I felt num like someone had tied my limbs to something I couldn't open my eyes I could open my mouth like I had been put to sleep but my mind still awake.
I instantly knew what had happened 'morphine' Carlisle had injected me with it in hopes the pain would be so bad, but I knew it wouldn't work I had had venom and morphine in my body once before, it wasn't a great combo.
"Edward she's right you too can't be without each other this is the only way!" Carlisle replied, "I can't let her do this" he sighed again placing his forehead to mine.
"Please…." I whispered, at least I thought I did, I wasn't sure if I even moved my lips.
Nothing felt real I felt as if I was dropped into a cage gagged and blindfolded my hands tied and all then the cage lit on fire. The only thing I felt was someone's hand in mine. I desperately tried to think of my son and Edward, I tried holding on to there faces in my memory but it was hard when all I wanted was to end the burn.
I fell into a subconscious state of pure burn and darkness, I couldn't move and I couldn't speak all I felt was the burning ace and I slowly counted each second trying not to scream. I counted each breath of the person sitting next to me. Each squeeze they gave my hand.
One million three thousand five hundred breaths later something started to happen the pain dulled from my toes to the tips of my fingers I started to twitch them one by one, the pain increased to the max in my chest I squeezed the hand of the person holding it, I arched my back not knowing if I was screaming.
"It's almost time!" I heard a sweet angel voice Alice no doubt, but I couldn't make it out for sure. "I hope she's not in to much pain…I can never forgive myself…." I instantly knew that voice, which was one voice I would always be able to be sure of.
The burn seemed to get hotter kinda like someone increased the temperature on the stove. I heard a faint beat that was going one hundred miles an hour it quickened then slowly started to slow down; my heart. I knew it was in the last beats I wasn't sure if I'd miss the sound of it.
It beat its last few time's then I stopped completely, I was changed.
I squeezed my fists and twitched my arms; I could hear everything sounds of footsteps, breaths, cars, birds, water bubbling and sounds of animals drinking from it. I heard it all.
I felt the movement right next to me and I quickly snapped my eyes open prepared to protect myself. I was surprised at how much I could see I saw every hint of dust, everything every twitch of light.
I slowly turned my head feeling like my ears opened like I had been under water for so long and I was getting rid of the water that was in it, it was a feeling of relief engulfed me.
I was in a fresh new room it was warm and the air was thick. I had a dry taste in my mouth almost like thirst but water wasn't what I wanted.
I lifted my head an noticed him sitting there looking at me with adoration like a man would look at the person he loved like he was looking at the most beautiful thing in the world, at first I wasn't sure he was even looking at me, Edward looked just as beautiful as he did in before, staring at me out at me with the warm eyes I'd missed for the past few days. It was almost uncanny that anyone could look so… so… beyond description. No thousand words could equal to this one person. I lifted myself first with my elbows then my hands my movements felt weird like it was all new. He stared at me like he was preparing for me to fall over or something like he wasn't sure what was going to happen next.
"Bella—"in a second before he could finish what he had to sat I threw myself into his arms I hadn't felt him in so long. I placed my face to his chest that wasn't so old anymore. We were finally the same like we should have always been. I felt at home in his two arms. He lifted my face from his chest and placed kisses on my lips my cheek, my neck and my forehead, I kissed back threw dry sobs and for the first time in quite a while I felt whole, safe, like that hole that filled up the pits of my stomach for so long weren't there, that he never left and we where how we should have always been as one and that was never to change not in a million years were ever he'd go I'd follow and so forth.
I was happy I didn't think I'd get to feel what I was feeling now I couldn't explain it but I wasn't complaining I couldn't explain happy wasn't the word. We were the same he couldn't get tired of me now, were he went I would follow for the rest of eternity.
I looked down at that face that was so remarkably beautiful words could not explain, of coarse they weren't the same brown eyes I'd always known but they were the new eyes of the women I'd spend forever with. Nothing could part us we'd be together for all eternity just us and our son. Forever and ever. This is how we should have always been I couldn't believe someone like her could love a monster like me.
Breaking the silence I finally spoke, she looked at me fully intending to listen not ready to use her knew voice.
"Bella Though the years the painful and the happy we both changed so much…..were still as stubborn and hard headed but we've changed Bella you became the of my son and I became a father, but one thing that has not changed that has never changed that will never change for as long as the sun continues to rise and much longer then that Bella, I love you! And I will always love you, and I promise to spend the rest of eternity making you happier then you've ever been. I love you Isabella Swan…my Bella!"
Alice was right she always had been, I was wrong Bella was strong enough to love me as much as I loved her I had to give her more credit, our enemies were gone and I had saved the two things that will always be the most important to me.
A long time ago Bella was just some stupid girl that was an outsider someone who came to destroy all I had worked for, the day she walked into that science lab I never in all the years I had lived would have thought I would marry this remarkable girl that she would give me a child. She was so much stronger then me even as a little human girl she was so much stronger.
I loved this girl more then words could describe.
Edward finished what he had to say and I knew if I was human I would be tearing up but I didn't know what to say it was all to perfect I didn't want my stupid self to ruin this. "Edward I don't think it's possible to make me anymore happier then I already am, I love you and when I say I love you I don't mean for today or for tomorrow or for a while mean forever I mean that Edward Cullen you can't get rid of me not anymore!" I finished with a smile he smiled back.
He slowly trying to be gentle pressed his lips to mine and he gave me the first kiss to all eternity.
Finally we were together like I had always wanted. My forever was starting now and it wouldn't end, as long as I had Edward and Nathan and the rest of the Cullen's my life was complete I'd never need anything else for as long as I walked this earth.
Every now and then Rose ark's why I forgave Edward for all he did, and I reply "how could I not?" he was everything I'd always want forever sometimes you have to for give for the pain someone give you. "Forgiving pain" I always say.
You know Edward thinks' his life ended when he
Was changed, but I think he's wrong because when
I was changed it was just the