To Feel

A/N- While this isn't my first story, it is my first M rated one… please let me know what you think!

It wasn't easy to pretend.

To pretend that when he wrapped his arms around her that it was just a simple gesture, when he kissed her that it didn't set her soul on fire.

She was a horrible liar, something she had been told hundreds of times, but that didn't keep her from lying to herself.

She had pictured that first moment they had met, standing between the swing-set each pushing their child, more times than she was willing to admit. It had only been a few days but it had felt like longer, she felt like she was drowning. She imagined every detail as he had embraced her, the flush that flooded her cheeks, the warm musk smell that permeated her senses, the way his arms had wrapped around her and pulled her in just a little bit tighter.

It was in that moment that he had kissed her.

The kiss was anything but innocent, and filled with more passion than she knew she could possess. They pulled back and looked at each other for a moment, neither acknowledging what this truly meant, and then they went their separate ways.

When she made it back to her friends, she pointedly ignored the stares and whispers choosing instead to focus on her daughter, making sure her needs were met.


"Dinner was great tonight." Mike stated pulling her from her thoughts.

"Thank you." Bella replied smiling softly at her husband before turning her attention to her daughter once more.

"I have to go back into the office to finish up some work," he replied "so don't wait up for me."

She nodded her head in acknowledgement as she cleared off the table. After putting her daughter to bed, she poured herself a glass of wine and sat on the couch letting the memories take her.

It was easy to get swept up in thoughts of him, thoughts of Edward. She pictured the way he had looked at her so intensely, his emerald eyes boring through her. It was crazy to think that it had only been a few days since she had first met him, first kissed him.

The thoughts caused a tingle to flow down her spine and she shuttered as she closed her eyes. She had gone back to the spot hoping to see him again, but with no luck. At one desperate point, the night before, she had contemplated calling him but had no number. The thought was foolish, as even if she did have his number she really didn't know what she would say if his wife answered.

Running her hands through her tangled hair she wondered if he thought about her, obsessed over that moment as much as she had. Shaking the thoughts out of her head she chastised herself for thinking them.


It had been a week and a half since she had seen him and she had forced the images and thoughts out of her head, forced herself back into a normal routine.

She made her way quickly through the aisles grabbing the things they needed, ignoring the other customers, focused on getting in and out as speedily as possible.

The sound of her name broke her from her trance and she recognized the voice immediately. Her heart rate accelerated and she felt a flush fill her cheeks as she turned to look at the man who had recently filled her every thought.

"Edward, how are you?" Bella asked smiling softly as she reached over and ruffled his son Emmett's hair.

He looked at her for a long minute before smiling and answering. "I've been fine; we had to take a little trip to see Grandma and Grandpa so now were re-stocking the fridge. And how have you been, Bella?"

"I've been well, thanks." Bella replied smiling as Edward leaned down and acknowledged her daughter, Alice.

"I've been thinking about taking Emmett to the park later today, would you care to join us?"

"We would love to," Bella replied her smile growing as she spoke "it is a lovely day."

"Lovely indeed." Edward replied looking at her and causing her to blush.

"Shall we say two o'clock?" Bella asked softly.

"Sounds perfect," Edward replied chuckling softly as his son reached for the cookies on the shelf next to them.

"You're going to spoil lunch." Edward teased leaning down and ruffling his son's hair.

He stood up and looked at her once more and their eyes met for a moment. Bella felt a surge of electricity shoot through the air. Her heart rate sped up and she could feel her breathing increase a bit, she couldn't help but notice that his did as well.

"We're not going to do anything stupid are we?" he asked looking at her through his eyelashes.

"I don't know." She answered softly.


One o'clock came and went and Bella now found herself in the car driving to the park, silently trying to justify the play date. She pulled into the lot next to a silver Volvo and found Edward and Emmett easily. They stood together talking aimlessly as they pushed their children on the swings.

She found out that he was currently at home taking care of Emmett because his wife, Tanya, was a successful lawyer who didn't want to give up her job. To say she was more than a little shocked when she found out that Edward had been a doctor would be an understatement.

She told him about her marriage to her college sweetheart, about how he worked all the time, and about how she never saw him anymore. She talked about how she had gotten pregnant early in the marriage and had never gotten to finish her degree.

Bella was more than a little surprised at how honest they were being and she couldn't help but feel her heart flutter as she thought back to what he had said to her at the store.

"We aren't going to do anything stupid are we?"

'Define stupid.' She thought.

They parted each other that day with a lingering hug and a promise of meeting again the next day, same spot same time.

Neither anticipated the rain.


She stood in the shelter house drenched to the bone contemplating whether or not to risk running back to her car. She had been on the slide with Ali when the rain had slowly started to drip down on them. Instead of making her way towards the warm car, she veered to the left and huddled under the shelter with the other parents.

Her eyes lingered on Edward's chest longer than what was probably deemed appropriate, but what about their relationship was? She noticed that the rain had made his normally copper hair look darker and drops fell off of it and ran down his face.

Bella knew she probably looked like a mess, her hair a wild and wet disarray. She could feel the soaked material of her simple t-shirt clinging to her body, making her conscious of every flaw that she had. Her eyes scanned his body once again and she immediately felt inadequate, what did she have to offer him?

He seemed to notice her gazes as his smile slowly became cockier and she could feel his gaze on her as well. The atmosphere felt charged and the air so thick that it was difficult to breathe. The cold from the wind and the rain had chilled her to the bone and she noticed his gaze linger on her chest for a moment.

He licked his lips and she felt her knees weaken.

"I think we are going to head back to our house," Edward stated looking down at the two children. "They are both asleep and I don't want to wake them, why don't you ride with me and I will bring you back to your car when the rain stops."

Bella contemplated her options for a moment, contemplated the potential, and then threw all thoughts out of her head.

"Alright." She replied softly following him as he made his way to the silver Volvo parked next to her car.


The children were placed upstairs in Edward's bed. They immediately curled together on top of the sheets. Their arms stretched out and tangled together.

They made their way quietly down the stairs, making sure not to wake the kids in the process.

"So," Edward stated softly letting out a gentle sigh.

"So," Bella replied leaning her head back against the wall and turning to look at him.

He cleared his throat for a moment before continuing "You're dripping wet; let me get you a towel."

"Thank you," Bella replied making her way into what she assumed was the living room area.

Instead of handing her the towel he ran it over her arms and neck wiping off the moisture that had pooled on her skin. The brush of the towel, or possibly the person doing the brushing, brought out a wave of gooseflesh and she instantly felt his hands replace the towel with the rubbing.

"Your arms are so cold." Edward stated his lips close to her ear.

"Your hands are so warm." Bella replied turning around to look at him.

For a moment Bella contemplated what they were about to do, what it would mean for her marriage, for Edward's marriage, for their children. She watched as he licked his lips once again and felt her knees weaken, his arms wrapping around her.

All thoughts escaped her as their lips touched and she felt herself pushing him backwards, both falling onto the leather couch.

Her hands latched onto his tousled hair and they broke away for a moment their eyes meeting. Her breath caught in her throat and she couldn't help her eyes from roaming up and down his body, their clothes still wet.

She could feel him pushing her into the cushions his body molding against hers, causing a shiver of anticipation to roll through her body. Neither of them spoke as his hands tangled into her hair and their lips met once again.

His hands snaked under her shirt and she let out a loud moan, causing both of them to freeze and look up at the ceiling. They waited for a moment listening for movement and sensing none let out a sigh of relief. He smiled at her and she couldn't help but let out a gentle laugh as she wrapped her arms around his neck, playing with the tuft of hair that lie there.

He leaned down once more his tongue wrestling with hers for a moment before their mouths broke apart. He traced a line from her lips to her ear and began to nibble on it causing her to gasp. She tugged on his hair causing twin groans to float through the air.

"Are you sure?" she whispered in his ear.

He looked at her for a moment and silently nodded his head leaning down and nuzzling his face in her neck before kissing her there.

His hands snaked under her shirt once again, swiftly pulling the drenched material off and throwing it across the room. She found her hands completing a similar task as his shirt joined hers on the floor. She dragged her nails across the skin of his back and he trembled above her.

"How much time do you think we have?" he whispered.

"Thirty minutes give or take." She whispered back her eyes traveling once again to the ceiling for a moment.

Their clothes flew off of them left and right and landed scattered throughout the room. Bella could feel the damp skin of her back sticking to the leather, could feel the scrape of his five o'clock shadow across her skin, feel his tongue snake out and taste her stomach.

Clenching her eyes tight she could feel her heart pound through her chest. It had never felt like this for her before, ever. A whimper escaped her lips as he entered her, setting her body on fire. She could hear their labored breathing, the squelch of the leather as he thrust into her, the cries that escaped both of their lips.

She wrapped her legs around him trying to pull him closer, deeper. The movement caused a gentle moan to escape her lips and a grunt to leave his.

"Oh god," She cried as he picked up his pace causing him to moan.

She could feel him watching her and she opened her eyes meeting his fiery gaze.

"Edward." She whispered.

"Bella." He replied softly.

Her hands tangled around him pulling him closer their eyes never breaking contact. She leaned in and kissed him and felt his hand move from beside her to in between their bodies, gently rubbing right above where they were connected.

"OH" Bella whimpered, the feelings overtaking her body.

"Feel me, Bella." Edward moaned in response. "Oh god, I'm so close."

"Me too." She cried arching her back into him.

Her hand latched onto his back, trying to anchor herself to something, anything.

She could feel her body trembling, building up and she bit down on her lip to try and quiet her sounds. She looked up and found he was doing the same thing.

He reached down and lifted her hips up, changing the angle he was entering her and with just a few thrusts she lost all control and she tumbled over the edge. He let out a loud moan and followed after her, scrunching his face up and biting his lip as he continued to thrust prolonging it for the both of them.

He loosened his hold on her and she felt herself collapse back onto the couch, his body falling gently on top of her.


"Do you feel guilty?" he asked as he picked up her shirt and handed it to her.

"No," Bella replied softly her eyes meeting his.

He smiled at her then placing a gentle kiss on her lips before pulling his shirt over his head.

"Do you?" she whispered.

"A little," he replied softly.

She reached over and grabbed his hand squeezing it for a moment before slowly leading him down the hall to his bedroom, to their children.F