I woke up, naked in the woods.

What had happened? I asked myself. I had clothes on before, and now I'm naked in the woods.

I made some undergarments out of leaves and vines and ran home. Carlisle was waiting for me

"You are naked," he said

"Yes, I am naked" I said

Carlisle was a nice man who adopted me. I love him very much.

"I think something weird happened to me yesterday Carlisle" I sad to Carlisle

Carlisle looked me up and down, he didn't look happy.

"I was afraid this might happen," he said.

Carlisle took me inside the house and explained that he had adopted me from the Quileute pack, who had adopted me from an orphanage. And while I lived with the Quileute pack I caught a Wolf Virus.

I, Edward Cullen, am a werewolf.

"Now you're going to have to get some cut of sweat pants and go live with the tribe," said Carlisle.

I cried. What a bastard.

I went to live with the wolves. One wolf, Jacob was very mean to me. I didn't know why. He had a hot girlfriend named Bella who I would like to have sex with but unfortunately I can't cos she's Jacob's girlfriend and when I tried to touch her boobs, the pack of wolves got really angry with me and told me it was 'bros before hoes' in La Push. Oh, by the way, the tribe lives in La Push.

Jacob was the boss of the wolf pack even though he's only 16. I'm 17 and a lot smarter but they won't listen to me because I'm not blood related. They keep telling me we have to guard La Push from the 'cold skins' but I think they're suffering some serious delusions.

I really wish I'd stop waking up naked in the woods. Last Tuesday, Bella saw my schlong, and although she seemed excited it was pretty embarrassing.

I hope I get to do something cool with my new wolf powers instead of running around aimlessly trying to defend the tribe from mythical creatures.

And I hope I get to touch Bella's boobs.