What the Honeysyn couples get up to when they party and drink too much

"Okay, I think I'm pissed enough to say this"

Oh you're pissed okay, Jay, and it suits you. Ever so much. Waving the bottle in your hand as you speak, you go on:

"I'm gonna be frank with you, Charles. I love you. I mean really really love, not the sort of crappy little crush you have in high school. I mean big, melodramatic, angsty love like the sort you read in tragedies and soppy love novels and you think never exists but when you're infected it fucks your brains out." He stops to breathe, one hand against the wall keeping him upright.

"But I just don't like you. Funny, isn't it? I can't stand you. Coz you're a fucking bastard. You're cynical, you are not funny, you piss me off...Oh come on Charles don't look at me like that, just react for Christ sake,this a bloody mindfucking confession, so either say something or punch me! Oh God I need a smoke.."

He searches his pockets, stumbles, falls to the ground "Shit, owowow, what? Stop looking at me, go on, finish me off"

"I love you too."

"Huh? God, I'm too drunk."

"Jay, listen, let me say my bit"

"Nonojnoooo, If I stop talking I'll be sick"

And he gets to his feet with difficulty, and heads back in a zigzag trail next door.

"Right so basically Shakespeare was a fag coz he played all the male parts in his plays, but all the female parts guys played too, and in some plays you have some pwetty explifilcit scenes, like I mean Romeo and Juliet , come on dude they make every two seconds, and I can tell you Juliet was a bloody transvestite. Which means..."

"That Shakespeare was a transvestite."

"Yeah, I never thought that, wow, that means he's like doubly gay or somin?"

"Hmmm...Hey, Maaaaaay."

"Yeaaaah?"

"You said pwetty"

"NO way"

"Yeah you said pwetty, come here pwetty, pwetty."

"Hey you gonna have your way with me , womaniser?"

"Wha ?"

"I mean, I'm Shakespeare's great-great-great-great"

"great-great-pwetty grandchild?"

"Yeah and that, and that means..."

"...you've been doubly gay, reverted to a woman, become a guuuuy, and then you're doublegay woman-wise."

"Uh, yea"

"So, what, does that make you less layable?"

"Well, no I mean.."

"Ya can't talk urself outa this one"

"Yeaaa I Can!"

"No man ya can't talk coz you're plastered."

"Oh well...."

"Sam, Sam, SAM"

"What?"

"It's my turn."

"Look, if you're not happy, just get your own bottle.."

"Why don't you ever ever sleep when you're pissed?"

"Dunno"

Erik snatches the bottle and pushes Sam onto the couch placing himself on top of him.

"You know what happens when we make out and then you fall asleep?"

Sam giggles as they kiss "What? I dunno I'm asleep." he answers, ruffling Erik's hair

"Well, now you're awake and well oiled I'll show you.."

He slides down, Sam smiles to himself "Oh you naughty boy" as he ruffles his boyfriend's hair again.

"You know when I join the circus, I'll be a windscreen wiper?"

"Yeah."

"I mean.. tightrope wiper...walker"

"The first option was more realistic sugar."

"Hey I can do it, it's easy."

"Of course honey."

"And then I'll have a French boyfriend."

"Good for you, cherry"

"You're not listening are you? When you use food in your sentences that means you are not listening."

"No it means I'm pissed, buttercup."

"Buttercup? Right, that's the limit.."

"Why aren't you drunk?"

"I am, I've done like a bottle and a half of tequila, and well, quarter pint of vodka.."

"Naah, the bottles don't add up, how do you explain all these bottles, pecan pie?"

"Pecan pie? You pregnant?"

"No, oh well maybe, last time did we use the adequate protection?"

"That's your responsibility.."

"I thought we took turns"

"Hang on wait, was there a last time? Was there a first time?"

"Okay, I'm relieved, you ARE drunk sugar.."