by stones

NOTE: This is a submission for a Mismatched contest. To vote or participate, visit CPU (in my favorite authors).

Theoretically speaking, this wasn't the perfect job for her.

In middle school she had the tendency to run away from anyone who offered to play jump rope with her and this followed, and somewhat worsened, when she walked into the high school building and fainted when someone had asked her if she knew where she was going. Overall, she was the kind of girl who stood in her niche, careful not to venture too far too quickly. Or else chaos was inevitable.

And for this reason, her family was relatively surprised when she told them she had gotten a job as a newscaster. Her father asked her if she meant she would type the words for the real newscaster to read, but Hyuuga Hinata just answered by shaking her head.

No. She was a newscaster. A real one.

And now, here she was. Shuffling her papers, that were in all honesty blank, the cameras lined up in front of her. It sort of reminded her of a shooting line, and they honestly looked like big, government workers dressed in black behind all the lights shining at her, ready to put an end to her misery. She grabbed a pen and started to scribble on the blank sheet of paper.

She was content with her mediocre time slot. The five o'clock news. That had a ring to it if you sang it in your head like she did. Sure, she couldn't beat the nine o'clock news with the Akatsuki Dream Team. That's what they liked to call themselves, though she was sure it didn't make sense. Dawn was a long way from nine o'clock at night.

A blonde haired one from the team, Deidara-baby as the makeup ladies knew him, told them something along the lines of, "It's because everyone falls asleep after your newscast so we bring them back to life and wake them up, like dawn!"

Ino then proceeded to snort, saying, "LAME."

Shikamaru pointed out that their news wasn't right after the five o'clock news so that didn't really prove a point. Then again, after he said that he disappeared for a week and came back extremely distraught. No one mentioned it ever again.


She looked to the little window on the left side of her that let her see into the control panel's room. They were all staring at their own little screens, mouths hanging open. Except for Sakura who was giving her a thumbs up.


She looked to the side at the empty seat beside her. Late. Again.


She started to tap her pencil against the desk and looked to the door. She began to open her mouth and spread it wide, doing the mouth exercises she had taught herself to loosen up. All those nights of talking to herself in the mirror really paid off, and she was finally able to hold her stutter. Well, long enough for the thirty minutes.


Just then, someone had pushed open the door and Hinata let out a sigh of relief as Uzumaki Naruto ran into the room, diving for his seat. She cleared her throat.


They both straightened in their seats as Hinata folded her hands over the desk. She could see Naruto in the corner of her eye doing the same. The light over the door flashed read and held. They were on.

"Welcome to Channel Seven News," Hinata stated calmly.

"I'm Naruto," the man next to her said, and she could already picture his wink. The wink that she used to watch. The wink that made her melt. The wink that had caused her to fall back on her bed and sigh for many days. Everyday, actually, at 5:01. Until she had gotten this job. Now she just melted when she got home.

"And I'm Hinata," she piped in nicely, "bringing you the five o'clock news."

They both turned from that camera to focus on a different one. The screen was on Naruto and he continued to blab away. Hinata semi-listened, but started to feel her palms sweat. Shaking her head, she straightened out and focused on his words and the news.

"Some intelligent puppies, weren't they, Hinata?" he asked when his first story was over and he turned to Hinata. She nodded her head and looked brightly to the camera.

"They sure were," she added with a smile. Now she could see her words coming up on the screen and she rubbed her lips together in anticipation. She read the words smoothly and flawlessly, the image of the police chase playing out vibrantly by her words. It was surprising actually. Even Sakura, who had pulled some strings to land Hinata this job, could only stare in amazement as Hinata's voice morphed from nervous mouse to confident news lady.

She had finished the story and turned to Naruto, ready to give in their .65 second worth of input.

"Wow," Naruto said, shaking his head grimly. "What a tragic story."

"Yes," she said with a nod. "I hope that cock is okay." And right when that came out, she knew something was wrong. Everyone in the control room looked up from their screens to stare, Naruto snorted beside her, and the world just all together stopped to point and laugh. She went back through her words and blushed. "I-I mean cop!" she tried to correct, though the damage was done.

"Cop," she repeated. She didn't know whether to smile, cry, or just die where she sat. "I-I'm sorry…" she started, fumbling nervously with the papers. "It's just that it's hard--" Naruto started to shake with laughter beside her. "--No! I mean, it's easy…easy to m-mix up words."

No one was helping her. She could see the people in the control room, either trying to suppress their laughter or not even caring to hide it. Naruto was holding a fist in front of his mouth, eyes closed, as he shook with laughter.

"A-And here's Kiba with sports," Hinata stuttered to the camera. Someone in the control room, thankfully, was trying to help her out and she saw the light on top of her camera dim out as the one in front of Kiba turned on.

"Well," he started, laughing lightly as he stood at his little platform, "now we know what Hinata is thinking about." Her blush got even deeper and Kiba cleared his throat, getting ready to speak. "On Sunday, the Konoha Leaves…" At this point, his words were muffled by laughs until he couldn't hide it any longer. "Can't even do it!" he said through light laughter. "Go…go to weather."

Even Ino in her skimpy raincoat, yelling "Rain! Rain! Rain!" while twirling an umbrella couldn't direct the attention from Hinata. But the camera was no where near her, so she took the chance to get the hell out of there.

"Excuse me," she quickly whispered as she jumped from her seat and ran out of the room.

Naruto twitched in his seat, his legs instinctively telling him to go cheer her up, but his mind was focused on what really was happening. The camera was back on him and he had to recover.

By the time the news was ending, and Tenten, her understudy, and Naruto quietly talked as the ending music played, Hinata had gotten home, opened up a carton of ice cream, and proceeded to distress.


It had been a week since the incident Hinata now recalled as, "That."

Time had done little to nothing to solve her embarrassment. Kiba, upon her return the next day, asked her why she had taken off so quickly. Her response of, "Something came up," only added fuel to this nasty fire, and for a day or two coworkers asked her if she had taken care of it.

Sakura, who had tried to comfort her, couldn't even control her laughter when she knocked loudly on the bathroom door and Hinata told her to give her some 'secs.' Right when Sakura started laughing, Hinata wanted to punch her, but instead settled for a frustrated groan, "As in s-seconds! Not sex!"

But now it was a new week, a new start, or so she had hoped. And as Mondays usually go, everyone was tired, groggy, and perhaps too lazy to torment her anymore.

The incident had caused her stuttering to return and the network warned her about it. Either learn to get her words straight, or she was out of here. Her goal was to gain her confidence once more. There was simply nothing else she could do. She sought some temporary peace in the faculty lounge an hour before the five o'clock news and lazily read over the stories for tonight while cupping her warm coffee in her hands.

Someone had walked in, someone she hadn't really seen around that much. He was a mysterious figure to say the least. She knew he worked with the Akatuski team, but wasn't at the front of the show. In fact, she wasn't sure what he did exactly, now that she thought about it. He poured himself his own cup of coffee in a Styrofoam cup before downing it quickly. She stared until someone new barged into the room.

Now this one she knew.

"Fuckin' Leader thinks he's all that," he growled, marching up to the other man, grabbing the brew of coffee Hinata had just made to pour himself a cup into a mug with his smiling face on it. "No one could give two shits if he's there, Kakuzu. No one. No one even knows he exists."

"Without him, no one would know you exist," the other answered back.

Hinata stared at the duo, thankful that their backs were to her. She recognized the second one who had come in as Hidan. Itachi and Hidan made a beautiful team of anchors on screen. Their looks, so different, one dark, one light, meshed together so well. Their demeanors, reserved and loud, complimented each other so greatly. Hidan, however, constantly got in trouble for his colorful language, the language that he hid for the camera, but couldn't help but let slip past every once in a while.

A notorious instance, and perhaps the worst, was when Itachi had delivered a story about a man who had died when he attempted to bungee jump off a bridge using an electrical cable. After the story was over, Itachi turned to look at Hidan, who just stared at him.

"What?" Hidan sneered as his blank face contorted into extreme disgust. "…What a fucking dumbass."

Itachi blinked.

Hidan lifted his hands from his papers to hold them up in front of him, as if presenting himself guilty. "Sorry, someone had to say it. Seriously."

"I was thinking the same thing," Itachi mumbled, turning to look at his papers as he began to shuffle them.

Hidan then laughed really loudly, though it was more mocking. He hit his palm against the table and leaned forward toward the camera. "Hear that, kids? That's why you stay the fuck in school, seriously."

He then went to his papers to transition to the next story, though he still shook his head and mumbled, "What a dumb shit."

He was too big of an asset for the network to let go, so he always got away with it. It helped that the public thought it was cute too. Hell, she was sure her sister had a t-shirt with his face on it.

She looked away quickly when Hidan turned around with an annoyed huff. She could feel his eyes on her and they weren't leaving. Why, oh why, had he chosen to notice her? What had she done worth noticing?

"Hey," she heard him hum. "It's Cock Girl."

Oh. That.

"That was quite a mess back there, girl," he laughed quietly, though she heard it so loudly. She wondered why break rooms were always so small. "Hello. I'm fucking talking to you. You're being rude, you know."

She looked up slowly, meeting both of their gazes. Hidan looked amused, but the one she knew now as Kakuzu glared at her. Was he…mad?

"I-It was embarrassing," she said slowly, and cursed her luck when Hidan came toward her table and pulled out a chair, Kakuzu standing angrily behind him. Yes, she cursed this luck. Good or bad, she really couldn't tell.

"Nah," Hidan said, waving his arm in the air. "It's fine, seriously. I do it all the fucking time. Though running away made you look like a pussy."

"You're that girl?" Kakuzu suddenly asked, moving around the table to sit in the seat closest to Hinata. Hidan didn't look at the other man but continued to smirk at Hinata as she tried to scoot away from Kakuzu. "Do you know how much money you lost us?"


"We had a lot to fix because of your mistake," he growled. "A lot of people to hire to fix those mistakes. A lot of paychecks to pay those people. A lot of apologies and recovering and PR. That doesn't come free, understand?" He scooted closer. "Understand?"

"I apologize," she whispered softly.

"Don't apologize to that fuck face," Hidan told her as he leaned both elbows on the table. "He doesn't understand that even though he manages the company's money and some gets lost, he still gets the same paycheck."

"Doesn't matter," Kakuzu interrupted. Hinata thought it was odd that even though they spoke to each other, they didn't take their eyes off of her. "It's money wasted." He paused and Hinata wearily eyed him. "I don't like to waste. Anything."

"Holy fuck, Kakuzu," Hidan laughed. Hinata couldn't turn away from Kakuzu's scary eyes to even glance at the man across the table. "You're going to give her a fucking heart attack. Seriously."

"Don't let it happen again, got it?" Kakuzu said to her deeply, turning in his chair to rest one hand on the table and clutch the back of her seat with his other hand. Thoughts of Shikamaru and disappearances ran through her head and she nodded gravely.

"Good," he said, leaning back, voice less tense.

"It might have actually upped your fucking rates," Hidan said slowly, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "I know you got a lot of hits on Youtube. Seriously."

She sulked. She was on Youtube? That was it. After Youtube, there was no going back.

"Don't worry though," he started, "Nine o'clock news is still on top, even though we're competing with your pathetic slot and that fucking show on channel 9: Avenger." He said those last words in a mysterious tone while rolling his eyes.

Kakuzu appeared bored as he crossed his arms. "The Uchiha's younger brother is in it?"

"Yeah," Hidan snorted. "What a fucking drama queen."

Hinata didn't tell them that she used to watch the show before she got the job. It was a good show! It was! The plot was a little overdone, she had to give them that. And okay the main character got annoying some of the time, but it was pretty good. Sure, the love interest in the story was kind of frustrating because everyone knew what was going to happen and it was just being dragged on. Like c'mon, just jump on each other and get it over with. It was good though. Oh, who the hell was she kidding? Uchiha Sasuke was good looking, and that was mostly the reason why anyone cared about it.

"Girl," Hidan said, snapping her attention to him. "How is that cop anyway?"

He had said that pretty shady like and she was sure he had said it to make fun of her, but she wasn't exactly sure if he had said 'cop' or 'cock'. Either way, she wasn't liking the mockery and she paused.

"I said cop," he said slowly, leaning forward. "Cop. You should really get your mind out of the fucking gutter. Seriously."

"I-I'm not sure," she replied.

"Not sure?" he asked. "You really didn't care about the fucking cop, you little liar. 'I hope that cop's okay.'" He said that in a lighter tone, most likely to mimic her. She could only watch with wide eyes. "Of course that's the edited version."

"You told me to leave her alone," Kakuzu started lazily, "and you're just as bad."

"S-Sorry, Hidan," she started, and the both of them hardened their looks on her, but their mouths were loose, almost open, in shock that she was speaking to them, "b-but you mess up a lot m-more than me…"

"Can you fucking believe this?" Hidan asked, making Hinata think she had actually made him mad. "She's calling me out, Kakuzu."

"Wasn't expecting that," Kakuzu agreed. "She's pretty quiet for someone on TV to begin with."

"S-Sorry," she started again, fidgeting in her seat. "It's just that, I'm d-done being made fun of because of one little s-slip up--"

"No, no," Hidan cut her off, quite rudely she noted. "It's fucking great. Really. I like girls that can stand up for themselves." He leaned back in his seat, making the chair stand up on its back legs. "It's pretty sexy when a girl can talk dirty to me." He grinned at her. "Isn't that right, Kakuzu?"

"Sure is," he mumbled, arms still crossed. "Though she's got a long way to go."

"Hey," Hidan said, giving her a wink. "She's already said cock. She's moving up the ladder."

Hinata paused. Was it just her, or had this conversation turned very awkward, very quickly. But the two men must have thought differently, because they sat relaxed like they were talking about the weather on a Sunday morning.

"I'll have her using that mouth of hers the right way soon," Hidan continued.

She gasped, hands coming up to her mouth without even thinking. This noise and the movement from the jump in her seat made them both give her a look.

"I told you," Hidan hummed, looking incredibly smug, "get your mind out the fucking gutter."

"You're right there with her, Hidan," Kakuzu mumbled.

"I meant that I would teach her how to fucking talk," Hidan corrected, shaking his head dramatically at Kakuzu before he turned back to Hinata.

"I can t-talk," she mumbled quietly, her hands finding their comfortable spot, folded nicely on her lap as she played with the edges of her skirt.

"You call that stuttering talking? Seriously?" he snorted at her. "Let's not lie to ourselves, Cock Girl. You need some hardcore whipping into shape."

She tried to smile because he was trying to be nice. Right?

"I usually don't like taking pity on poor girls like you," he said seriously, tilting his head towards her to look straight into her eyes. "So you better be fucking thankful. Seriously."

"You have t-time to help me?" she asked him, eyebrows tilting hopefully, or maybe fearfully.

Hidan paused for a second, looking confused. After a pause, he nodded at her. "You're right. I don't really," Hidan said, still nodding. "But you know, I have reasons for doing everything. Seriously, no joke."

"And what's the reason for taking this girl under your guidance?" Kakuzu asked, motioning with his head to Hinata. She had to admit it was incredibly difficult to hide her embarrassment away from them. The attention was new. Sure she was in front of thousands of people everyday, but that was in essence just being in front of a camera. But now, having two sets of eyes on her brought her back to her old self.

"I'll think about it later," Hidan said, throwing his hand up as if throwing away the problem.

"H-How can you h-help me?" she asked, partially wondering if he was really going to help her out and partially worrying about what this helped entailed.

He grinned at her.

"Just listen to teacher."


It had been another week.

And they had made great progress. They had started with normal conversation, and at first sitting across from Hidan made her stutter like a sprinkler. After days of talking about his religion (which she knew he had to have made up just to put her under pressure about talking about something so disturbing), the latest episode of Avenger, and Itachi's hygienic habits, she had stopped stuttering in intimate conversations.

Even Kakuzu had come out for the cause and tried to be a good sport as Hinata practiced hitting on him. He leaned against the water fountain leisurely, pretending to look her up and down as she walked towards him.

"Head up, ass out," Hidan told her, giving her a light slap on the back to make her straighten out.

After pulling herself back from her stumble, she asked him what this had to do with talking, and it took a moment for him and Kakuzu to look away from her legs to answer, "Confidence."

She explained, quite uncomfortably as Hidan pushed her towards Kakuzu, making her bump into his chest, that she could acquire confidence in other ways. Perhaps talking about something personal to them? Well, there was an answer for that too.

As Hidan liked to say, "What's the use of doing something if it doesn't lead to fucking?"

She hoped that wasn't his reason for helping her out.

Thoughts like this lead her to excuse herself quickly, afraid that she might faint on them. And who knew where the hell she would wake up with these two catching her. They practiced a few more times and Hinata could successfully drawl out, "What brings you around here?" while biting the eraser tip of a pencil without stuttering any sounds.

"I, uh," Kakuzu started, fumbling his words, as he lifted himself from the wall before Hidan walked up, big smile on his face.

"Good," he said, nodding his head while looking over his student. She just wiped the bright red lipstick off of her lips nervously as she glanced up at him.

"Final test is tomorrow," he told her.

"Final test?" she questioned, looking down to the long line of red smudged lipstick on the back of her hand. "What's that?"

"You'll find out soon," he said with a grin. The look quickly disappeared and she stepped back as his eyes glared at her. "I don't want a fucking failure, got that?"

"Yes," she said, her mouth almost on the verge of stuttering the 's' sound.

"Good," he said again, then looked to Kakuzu. "Then we fucking celebrate."

"Celebrate?" she questioned as she watched Kakuzu pass her. They both turned to leave.

"See you tomorrow, girlie," he said, lifting a hand as he walked as a way to say his farewells. Kakuzu just continued, hands in his pockets.

She turned around and tied her loose hair into a low ponytail. But she caught a light reflection of herself in a window. She paused and lifted a hand to her hair. Slowly she took it out of its bindings and flipped it around her shoulders. Digging into her pocket, she pulled out the tube of lipstick one of the network associates, Konan, had given her. She dabbed it on her lips and spread it with the tip of her finger before puckering her lips.

"Hinata?" she heard and turned her head sharply, causing her hair to get stuck in her newly applied lipstick. She spit her hair from her mouth and pulled it away before taking a look at the person who had called to her. Naruto stared at her, looking confused.

"Yes?" she asked, tilting her lips slightly.

He lifted a hand and pointed with his thumb to behind him. "Time for work," he said quietly. "Ready?"

She nodded. She took a step before Hidan rudely popped into her head. Head up, ass out. She imagined the book on her head and the slap to her shoulders. Giving Naruto a smile and a look, one that Hidan called 'eye fucking,' she proceeded to walk forward. "Ready," she whispered as she passed him and continued down the hallway.

He turned around, unblinking, and watched her walk down the hall. She turned the corner and he cleared his throat, looking away. "Right." He stood there a moment longer, looking around, before he quickly pushed himself forward and made his way after her.

In their seats before the camera, Naruto turned to Hinata as everyone started to get settled. She felt his eyes on her, so she turned her head and smiled at him.

"Hinata," he said and she nodded, signalizing him to continue. "Your lips look like you just had a cherry popsicle."

She titled her head. "Thank you."

"I like cherries," he said, nodding to her. He looked away, pretending to find something interesting in his papers. "And popsicles." She smiled to herself.

When the light told them they were on air, she had never felt so comfortable.

Whatever test was waiting for her tomorrow, she was ready for it.


Okay, she was so not ready for it.

She was frozen in place, hands straight by her side, head feeling light. Someone had once told her that when under pressure, it helped to imagine the audience naked. Whoever made that up was a straight up dumb ass. She looked around the room, at Itachi, Deidara, Hidan, a person who was introduced to her as 'Leader', Kakuzu, and a few others she was sure she had seen around. The Akatsuki.

She tried imagining them naked; she almost fainted. They were hot.

"Hinata," she heard her name and snapped her neck to the side to see Hidan with a glare. "Now."

"Right," she said, the r sounds rolling over her tongue. Her fingers twitched in the realization that she had no note cards to look at, no words prewritten for this moment. It was only five minutes ago that Hidan barged into the break room, walked up to her whilst ignoring her greeting, took her by the upper arm, and dragged her away, only saying, "It's time."

When they stopped outside of this room, he turned to her, very serious like and bent down to her level to get eye-to-eye. Well, it was more like lip-to-eye and she wondered how he got his lips to look so nice and kissable. Wait, kissable?

All in all, he told her she was presenting herself to his associates. She responded with a blank stare and he told her that that was all he was going to say, and before she knew it, the door had opened and she had been placed in this very spot, in front of the Akatsuki news team, about to present herself to them. What did that even mean?!

"M-M," she started stuttering. She caught Hidan's tightening fist on top of the table and hid her stutter with a cough, muttering a quiet apology. "My name is Hyuuga Hinata, and I am a newscaster on the channel 7 news at 5 o'clock."

They all just…stared.

She gulped and shifted her feet, mentally scolding her muscles to relax and stop twitching. A small spasm hit her and her foot stomped on the ground, causing Deidara to jump in his seat.

"I," she started, the word 'uhm' sounded very tempting to let go right at this moment, "come from a family of lawyers, but found myself in my current career." They were still when she looked around the room, though she thought she saw Itachi blink. "I didn't find interest in that, however, and I wouldn't trade being on a news team for anything." She slightly shrugged, a defeated smile on her face.

She looked to Hidan, who turned away from her to glance at the others in the room. She swore she could hear the ticking clock and wondered when a second had gotten so long. She heard Leader breath deeply right across the table.

"Give her something to read."

"What are you thinking?" Deidara asked, opening a folder dramatically. "I've got health, traffic, medical, dating…"

"Give her the dating," Leader mumbled.

And with that, Deidara plucked the sheet from the rest and smiled sadistically, presenting the paper like it was Aztec Gold, about to curse Hinata forever. She stepped towards him and thanked him silently as she brought the paper to herself. Taking her spot once more, she read the headline of the news story. Dating and Lifestyle. She breathed deeply. Like many times before, she would be hearing this story as she was reading it.

"Looking to impress your partner?" she asked to the wall past all of their heads, voice fluctuating rather cutely. "Looking for some new tips and secrets from men themselves? Log on to the Channel 7 news website to get some helpful advice on flirting, dating, and se---sex. Sex?"

"I'll show you what that is later," Hidan mumbled with a sleazy smile, shrugging his shoulders as Kakuzu snorted, his mouth against his palm making it sound more like an immature, fake fart.

Then it was silent…again. She wasn't sure what was worse: the fact that they weren't talking or the fact that she was still standing here. But her heart jumped when she saw Hidan in the corner of her eye. She hadn't stuttered! Hell, she hadn't fainted!

"It was," the one she knew as Konan started, the edge of her pen trailing over her thin lips and she shrugged her shoulders quaintly and sharply, "good."

"Well," Deidara drawled, "she sounded like a dying rooster at the end."

"That's enough," the man at the head of the table said, his strange eyes staring at her--or maybe right through her. "Please, Miss Hyuuga, wait outside."

"On the corner," Hidan said, trying to sound serious, though the whole room could already tell a joke was coming along by his tone. A smile already made its way onto his face and Kakuzu glanced up at Hinata to see her reaction. "Like you usually do, babe." She heard Deidara laugh.

"That's not very professional, Hidan," she mumbled, turning towards the door, the piece of paper in her hand already ripped to shreds by shaking hands.

"Yeah, yeah," Hidan groaned when she reached the door. He was leaning back, balancing on the back two legs of his chair as he watched her leave.

Once Hinata had gotten outside, she whimpered, face looking as if she was asking, "Why me?" She leaned against the wall and ran a hand through her hair. What was the point of all of this? Just to humiliate her? Were they going over how she had done? Were they part of her lessons? Did she pass?

Her head was full of questions, screams of agony, and ticking nerves. Her feet would not leave her alone, so when they started to shake beneath her, therefore causing her whole body to lurch back and forth, she began to pace. When she heard a twisting doorknob, she turned to the door, like a prisoner on death row.

"Sup?" Hidan's cheery face popped out, raising a brow at her as he closed the door quietly behind him.

She leaned forward and whispered, "Well?"

He leaned down closer to her, voice light because of speaking so quietly. "It went well. They liked you and I'd fucking say that you passed with flying colors, though they aren't sure if you just are immature talking about sex or have some kind of weird, twitchy tourettes thing going on. Either way, it can be an image."

"So that's it?" she questioned, looking straight at him. "I pass and I'm just a good speaker now?"

"Not exactly," he started lowly, but then paused and raised himself to his full height. "Wait, why the fuck are we whispering? Lord Jashin, you really grow on people."

"Hidan," she groaned impatiently.

"Alright, alright," he said, motioning her down with his hands. "Hold your fucking horses." He soon smiled widely, so widely she knew something had to be going on. "So I guess it's time I told you; I'm leaving the news team."

"What? Why?" she asked, well more demanded, eyebrows bent. She had to admit that made her a tiny bit mad. It was always Hidan and Itachi on screen together. Well, unless one of them weren't there. Obviously. But they were the faces of the Akatuski news team. What had driven Hidan to doing this?

"Okay," he said. "It's kind of on the fucking down low, so keep your pretty mouth shut." He leaned down once again, giving her a nice view of his lips and silky looking hair that she would just like to-- "The network's offering me my own radio show. Fucking satellite radio. Okay, at first I didn't know what that meant either, but fucking, I get to talk whichever way I want, get to talk about whatever I fucking feel like. And they're predicting ratings to be huge."

"Hidan, that's great," she remarked, eyebrows softening as she put a hand on his shoulder, voice light and flowy with encouragement. "Who's going to be working with Itachi then? Who's going to be on the news?"

"Well, let's see," he said, grinning slyly, "you just auditioned and they think your little innocent image can bring something to the team. So, you want it?"

"Do I want it?" she asked, smiling as she brought her other hand on his shoulder to hold him in place, or perhaps keep herself from fainting. "Do I want it?" Neither of them was quite sure what happened next. Most would have called it a seizure, others would only stop and stare at the image of Hinata actually locking lips with someone. But she launched herself forward and planted a large kiss on his lips before pulling away, seemingly unaffected as she smiled. "Of course I want your cock!" She shook her head widely, devastated. "No, I mean spot!"

After a moment of shock and embarrassment, she could only laugh as he stared at her, quite surprised at her sudden outgoingness and hyperactive giggle. But never the less, her laughter was contagious and he found himself cracking a smile. He threw an arm around her shoulder as he told her he'd show her her new office. She leaned against him, still smiling and could only huff a laugh when he spoke again as they turned the corner and disappeared from sight.

"I think I might want to grant you your first wish instead."



She looked up from the last box she had packed. Well, okay the only box. Her janitor sized office that she had been given for the five o'clock news didn't have much space for a lot of things, but after seeing the size of her new office, she knew she would have to stop at Office Depot for some cute little office trinkets.

She had just recovered from Sakura busting the door open and demanding to "give her the details." Which Hinata reacted to by bringing out her secret stash of brownies and setting them in between her and Sakura as they sat on the floor, whispering to each other and occasionally laughing. Just as she had shooed Sakura away, someone else had come a'knockin.

"Yes, Naruto?" she asked pleasantly.

He was leaning against the doorframe, his usual, silly smile completely absent.

"You're leaving?" were his only words. She bit her lip. Did he have to be so darn cute and make this so hard?

"You know I am," she answered with a sad smile, before turning back to her box.

"I can't believe it," he groaned behind her, shaking his head. "Can't believe it!"

"Naruto, I never meant to hurt you," she told him, giving him her attention once more.

He shook his head and waved his hand around, dismissing the idea. "I'm sorry, Hinata. I know I should be happy for you." He sighed as he walked further into the room and leaned against the desk, crossing his arms as he shook his head. "I'm just bad with losing people. You know how Sasuke was always running after his brother, trying to become as popular as him. So that bastard left the news team to go work with a washed up old man on some crappy TV show. And you know it makes me mad because that old man, Orochimaru, might have been a good actor back in the day, but he can't offer Sasuke what he's looking for! Sasuke didn't know what he had here. And now I'm losing you to the Akatsuki! You know others will see it was the worst betrayal--"

She turned to the side to place a warm hand on his shoulder, which he glanced at before looking at her, giving her a smile in the process.

"You're not losing me," she told him, then shrugged. "I'll still see you everyday. And the others may think what they may. I can't turn my back to this opportunity."

"And you shouldn't," he said, before the radio both caught their attention. They heard a smooth voice on the air, light and humorous though the conversation could have been considered dark and disturbing. "Is that him?"

Hinata sighed and nodded her head, slightly smiling. "It is."

They both stared at Hinata's small, square radio as they listened. Now a caller had phoned in to participate in "Get to Know Your New Fucking Radio God." And the first question was from a husky sounding woman, on the subject of status--as in, did he have a girlfriend?

"Well," Hidan started before making a confused noise. She could just see him pouting his lower lip in thought as he shrugged his shoulders. "I guess you can say--well, actually, yeah. I do have a fuckin' girl."

"What's she like?" the lady asked, voice growing deeper in disappointment.

There was a pause and Hinata listened closely. She waited impatiently for some sweet words, some cute description Hidan was about togive. It was only a few more moments before Hidan spoke.

"Well…she likes cocks."

Naruto laughed. Hinata did not.


A few months later, Hyuuga Hinata was fully accepted into the Akatsuki news team and critics approved. A new person had come soon after. Tobi, was what he called himself, but the others called him "Newbie." She was glad that that name had been passed onto him.

Hidan's show was the number one rated talk show on satellite radio. And yes, Hinata checked and her sister did have that t-shirt.

Avenger was cancelled. Heaven forbid.

Naruto and Sakura started to date after Naruto commented on her superb editing skills.

Shikamaru disappeared once more.

And, most importantly, Hinata had achieved her goal with the help of Hidan. Plus, as a bonus, she had managed to get his cock.

I mean spot.

The End.