The Air That I Breathe
I own nothing except the love of my wonderful family!
It has been years since I've written anything, but I have been inspired by many of you on the board. So, after much thought, I've decided to post The Air I Breathe. I hope ya'll enjoy this. It will be slow building but I promise your patience will be rewarded. Jasper and Bella have a story they are begging me to tell so I will try to do them, and you the readers, justice.
Feel free to review. I love constructive criticism as well as most anything else you want to say.
It amazes me that no matter how powerful my mind is I can no longer seem to remember details. Maybe it is a subconscious choice I am unaware of – some way of dealing with everything that has happened in my life. There is no going back for me. Days turn to weeks, weeks to months, months to years. I know nothing of my former family, nothing of the world around me, nothing but my mission. This is what I was born to do, the only thing I'm apparently good at. It is the only way I can go on.
This is my existence…my retribution for the damage I've inflicted. Pain is the only thing I'm evidently good at, so it is the only thing I will continue to give, forever.
I do not live. I do not love. I do not breathe.
And it is killing me.
"Jasper," a voice calls from behind the ancient doors. "It is time to go. Grab the passport."
Taking a deep breath, I close my eyes mentally reviewing the battle plan one last time. I place my book on the table beside my bed. Reading is the one luxury I still afford myself, my one escape. But, my selections were limited, by no one but me of course. War. Battle. Strategy. These are the only things that matter; they are the only things I study.
I stand from the bed, changing my clothes at a human's speed. I do not anticipate the kill. I plan. I strategize. I succeed. I bring pain – swiftly and harshly. I do not make them suffer though, in spite of the fact they may deserve it.
Quietly I join the on the long driveway, steeping into the black car as we speed off, heading in the direction of the private airstrip. Flying commercial is not an option for us – too many humans, their blood a delicious buffet spread for us. Not that we would ever blatantly feast, control being so much a part of who we are. But, nevertheless, we remove ourselves from the temptation.
A folder was placed in my hand. "Here is your contact in Africa." I glanced at the picture quickly memorizing the man's face as my companion continued. "He has arranged for your transportation when you arrive. There are no overnight arrangements as there should be no need."
I nod my head in agreement. There would be no need. I knew that, having organized this mission myself. "Are they all there?"
"Yes. They are being followed per your orders. No one has left in days. They will need to hunt soon though."
"No, they won't." The firm tone in my voice ended any second questions regarding this. "By the time that becomes necessary we will have already arrived…and departed."
It was his turn to nod, acknowledging my hand in leading this time and preparing a once again flawless mission. "You'll get it done, Jasper. Of that, I have no doubt."
There was no pride in this for me, so special glory or rewards. It is what I do, the only thing I excel at, the only thing I'm worth.
"I need to make sure you understand that last piece of intelligence we just received last night," he continued, his eyes trained on mine.
"What's not to understand?"
He sighed, gauging my reaction. "They're not just a coven of nomads, Jasper. They are a family." He continued to look at me expectantly searching for a reaction we both knew would not come.
I stared back, feeling nothing and sending nothing. There was one key thing I had learned about denial and control: no matter what the object was, indulging occasionally made control that much easier. But now was not my time to indulge; I mastered the control of my gift by indulging in one emotion and one emotion alone. Now was not the appropriate time for that emotion.
"Jasper!" He yelled, exasperated with my lack of response.
"What?" I growled.
"Will this new information be a problem? I know your past history with families."
"Have I ever let you down?" I ask, baring my teeth in a menacing grin.
"Of course not."
"Have they ever been anything but superbly pleased with my work? My plans? My strategies? My leadership?"
"Again, of course not." He looked almost apologetic and if I could I might have felt sorry for him.
"Than tonight will be no exception. I don't care if they are the fucking royal family! It will be done by the end of the night."
Silence surrounded us as the car sped towards our destination. I knew they often wondered about me. I heard their whispers. They questioned my past, my loyalty. They questioned my emotions, or lack thereof, never understanding how an individual always appeared calm when he never exhibited any emotion at all. Truly it was a phenomenon I wasn't always quite sure of myself; but, it was how I survived. I was sure though of one thing. I was in control of me for the first time in my existence and I didn't plan on ever changing that.